i read comics, and i’ll put up with anything. like i’ll start reading some garbage comic, and i don’t want to name names so i’ll just make one up, let’s call it Christopher Cantwell’s Iron Man run. so i’ll read Christopher Cantwell’s Iron Man run. and I’ll say “can i have good characterization please?” and he’ll go “NO. it’s time for tony to be told he’s selfish for wanting to die.” and i’ll go “okay!” and i’ll go reread Tales of Suspense to calm down. and i’ll come back and i’ll go “any updates?” and he’ll go “yeah. we cribbed some of the rejected dialogue from superior iron man, yknow, the comic that everyone hates. now take this scene of tony with small kids, go FETCH” and i’ll go “okay!” and i’ll go over to the next issue and i’ll go “can i have another scene with tony and small kids?” and he’ll go “NO!!!!!” and i’ll go “okay!” and he’ll go “you’re an idiot for thinking this run would be good, aren’t you?” and i’ll go “no~” and he’ll go “SAY IT” and i’ll go “i’m an idiot for thinking this run would be good.” and i’ll go over to the marvel comics creative team which is an oxymoron and i’ll go “can i PLEASE read an iron man comic. that’s GOOD.” and they’ll go “NO. in fact, we’re gonna exclusively hire writers who’ve never touched an iron man comic in their lives! and you’re gonna have to read their runs for thirty years!” and i’ll go “why are you doing this to me?” and they’ll go “because we’re marvel comics! and life is a fucking nightmare!”
fic title: I’m falling and the sun is blinding me to your faults
i wanted to do an au of this one, so presenting: tony and rhodey, but make it villainous. i think it’d be fun!
James Rhodes is two things, first and foremost being that he is a businessman.
People call him a villain. He doesn’t really think he’s that villainous.
After all, he only took over New York. He left all the other states alone, so that has to mean something. He was gracious!
He also wouldn’t consider himself a villain because everyone who works under him gets health insurance. They don’t complain that much, although he’s gotten some about the quality of the buffet on Fridays.
Catering companies. Hit-or-miss, you know?
There have been a couple of companies who try to stop him. Rivals that hate that his products are better and employees are happier, for one. Those are easy to dismiss.
SHIELD is one company who tries, and fails. Repeatedly. It would be embarrassing, but Rhodes has respect for Agents Romanov and Hill, who have been the closest to breaking into his personal office.
-
The player that isn’t registering on the field is Tony Stark. Perhaps because he isn’t so much of a player on the field as an existing person who just happens to be on a field. Or a building. However you would like to imagine it.
In other universes, he walks like he owns the world because he could buy up everything and still have money left over to get ice cream at the end of the day.
In this universe, his father kicked him out of his house for various things, the most prominent being that Tony is rather partial to kissing guys and ladies, and that just simply won’t do.
(Tony also stole enough money out of his bank account to buy a house and also start his own business without his knowledge, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s just a small drop in the ocean.)
Tony made his own tech start-up business. He’s invented a few new things that hit the market discreetly, and he’s building up more and more clientele. He’s about to open another shop, and in all honesty he’s not worried about getting noticed.
This is until Rhodes comes across an employee bragging about a new repair guy who makes computers run twice as fast, charges less than most repair shops, and looks mighty fine in a tank top.
The last reason is reason enough to visit.
But also, to see who’s been fixing up Rhodes tech and can make it faster. He doesn’t know why he wouldn’t have just applied for a job.
Tony is not expecting Rhodes to enter into his building. He has people who are walk-ins, but usually you would expect a villain to make an appointment. Or not, they are villains.
“I heard that you’ve been improving my phones,” James says. He leans into Tony’s space. He smells quite nice, has a well-tailored suit, and Tony is trying very hard not to find him attractive. That’s not the sort of thing you could be focusing on.
“You gonna sue me or something?”
“No, I want to hire you.”
Tony blinks.
“Oh. No thank you.”
Rhodes pulls back.
“Why ‘no’?”
“I like my shop just fine. And you have things well-handled.”
“Could I consult you?”
“You can’t afford me.”
Rhodes grins.
“Are you sure about that?”
“Of course I am. Can I get anything for you today, or did you just want to beg me to come work for you?”
“Most people would never be this bold.”
"What would they be? Terrified in your presence?”
“More or less, yes. It’s what I prefer.”
"I don’t cater to people’s preferences, it’s a character flaw and strength,” Tony quips.
Rhodes smiles.
It’s terrifyingly beautiful, really. Tony is at a loss for words.
“I think I’m liking you, Stark.”
“Tony. You don’t call me Stark. I don’t do the last name dynamic.”
“Sweetheart, then. Not your last name.”
“Pet names, seriously?”
“Oh you got it, honey.”
“Then go on, platypus,” Tony throws back.
“Platypus? Really?”
"Pet names are on the menu, honey bunch. Just try me.”
Rhodes smiles, turning to exit.
“I’ll be in touch, darling.”
Tony leans against his desk, legs shaking underneath.
There are two problems that he’s not sure how to solve. Here they are:
1.) Rhodes now has Tony on his radar, which is probably bad because Tony will absolutely be used for world domination or whatever.
2.) Tony doesn’t really mind as long as he gets to see Rhodes because goddamn. That man could get so many things, and he probably has. And Tony wouldn’t mind being one of those things if he played his cards right.
But for now, Tony just wants to fix computers and maybe just buy a new brand of tea, but he’s honestly not sure.
-
Rhodes makes an appointment to meet.
Of Fucking Course.
Tony is not impressed, and is also not impressed that he comes in with a very expensive custom-made designer suit, whereas Tony is not sure the last time his pair of jeans got washed, and an old t-shirt that’s advertising an ice cream shop that is closed now.
“You love to make an entrance all the time?” Tony asks. “What can I legally do for you?”
“You’re assuming I’m making you do illegal things, babe?”
“Yes, Rhodey.”
“It’s Rhodes.”
“Hm, maybe. But not to me. Rhodey. I wanna ruin your business impression.”
Pepper snorts besides Rhodes, who is suitably impressed that Tony doesn’t give one flying fuck about the fact that he could destroy him at any point.
“I’m ordering that on your next business card deal.”
“I’ll fire you.”
“You can’t find someone as competent as me, don’t even joke.”
“I came here for an opportunity for you. You’ve managed to get some people’s computers to speed up so much. And I want you to do it with all of my employee’s computers.”
“What, you couldn’t reverse-engineer it? See what I did for yourself?”
Rhodey grins.
“I never question a handsome man’s work, darling.”
Tony turns red.
“You’re really bad with professionalism, honeysop.”
“What the hell is that?”
“What, never heard about romance in the fifteenth century? Boring.”
“Will you do the job or not?”
“What are the terms, the conditions, and how much are you paying?”
Pepper steps forward, a sizable stack of paperwork in her hands.
The work would pay off the building. It would pay off his mortgage on his house. Hell, it would help a lot. He’d have extra to mess around and maybe go on a vacation.
The downside is that he’s helping a villain get faster speed and better battery life with laptops. This could also mean he’d die, but honestly he was kind of expecting an early death.
Rhodey assures him that he won’t die.
“If anyone touches you, then they feel my wrath,” he says. His teeth glint underneath the lights. “And honey, no one ever likes feeling that.”
“What, it isn’t all feather-light tickles?”
“Touches a bit more than that.”
There’s an unspoken story there. Rhodey’s grin goes from tight and eyes empty to refocusing on Tony and turning soft, genuine.
“We can discuss the official plans over dinner.”
“Dinner won’t work for me, I got plans tonight.”
“A hot date?”
"A special movie screening,” Tony says. “Can’t miss it. Maybe next time, or the next three times.”
Rhodey smiles.
“Maybe sometime.”
“Maybe.”
-
Holy fuck.
Rhodes International has a local coffee shop on the lobby. A barista is a cheerful girl who has neon yellow hair greets him and asks if he wants a complimentary drink.
“You...know who I am?”
“Not in the slightest!” she says cheerily. “I have a memory thing where I remember everyone I ever meet and who I don’t meet. What kind of coffee guy are you?”
“Um...you guys have mint syrup?”
“Yup!”
“Then I guess a peppermint latte?”
“Coming right up!”
So here is this girl humming what sounds suspiciously like the Winnie the Pooh song as she makes a drink, and that drink is amazing.
Also, people are wearing, it seems, whatever outfit they want. There are some people talking, and two look to be dressed in professional business clothing, but the third guy they’re talking to is wearing ripped jeans and a tank top has the phrase of “I’m Just Existing on a Manifestation of Reality” emblazoned.
It’s odd.
“So glad you could make it, Tones,” Rhodey says.
“Tones?”
“What, too much?”
“Tones sounds like you know me.”
“And I don’t?”
“What’s my favorite jam?”
“Why jam?”
“If you know someone well, you know their favorite type of jam.”
“Orange marmalade?”
“What the fuck do I look like, Paddington?”
“You’re right, Paddington’s not near as sexy.”
“This counts as harassment, right? This counts as harassment.”
“Don’t have him sue us already, he’ll win,” Pepper says, breezing to their sides. God, she’s gorgeous. Casually dressed in a pencil skirt and a blouse and acting like she doesn’t look like a goddess. Must be exhausting. “Tony, great to have you. Let me show you who you’re working with.”
He has his own fancy office, a team that knows what they’re doing, and catered lunch.
Catered lunch. It’s not even a Friday.
“Friday’s are questionable,” Rhodey says. “Weird selection.”
“You don’t wanna know,” says Intern Joe.
That’s literally on his ID card.
-
Tony starts work. It’s not bad, not at all. He works in the mornings on the weekends and Mondays as well as Thursdays, and then sometimes does work from his own office.
Rhodey is...nice.
This is a bit unsettling, because Rhodey literally just threatened the president over an environmental bill not being accepted and currently all employees are only slightly scared.
“This is just like three months ago,” says Janice The Badass. (Also on her ID card.) “Don’t worry, the government can’t do anything. They rely on us too heavily.”
“For what?”
“For safety.”
“Not asking.”
“Good, I’m not going to answer.”
“Okay?”
-
It’s also weird that Rhodey checks in on him. He brings him coffee how he likes it, and he makes him sit down and try new foods with him.
He’s not bad at conversational topics either. Tony’s used to talking, and he’s used to bad-talking on dates. This doesn’t come close.
No, they talk about the differences of Star Trek and how much Tony hates specific brands of pens, and how Rhodey is a disaster when it comes to coordination of ties.
“I don’t like ties,” he scowls.
“Then why wear one?”
“Pepper says they look nice.”
“Why do you need to look nice?”
“Most things are all about presentation.”
“Ah, need to be taken seriously.”
“Only at times when I’m facing government officials or weird corporate bosses.”
“Aren’t you a corporate boss?”
“I’m a corporate boss who is also an enemy of fellow corporate bosses. Weird thing.”
“That’s...intriguing.”
“How so?”
“Well, how does that work?” Tony asks, popping a couple blueberries into his mouth. “How are you both the same and an enemy?”
“Watch and learn, sugar. Watch and learn.”
Tony is allowed on the next business meeting. Which, coincidentally, his old Uncle Obadiah is part of.
This leads to rather undesired complications.
-
“You’re working for a supervillain?” Obie practically yells.
“Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that,” Tony says. “I just work with computers.”
“Besides if he wanted to work for a real supervillain, wouldn’t he be working for you?” Rhodey asks.
He’s sitting in one of those rolling-chairs, and despite that, he made it his throne. He’s relaxed in it, perfectly at peace with the situation. All eyes are on him.
“I’m not the one that the government is after.”
“And yet I’m the one who’s successfully paid taxes. Where have yours gone, hm? Strip club in Vegas? Weapon sales in Afghanistan?”
Obie freezes.
Tony knows that when you freeze, it is your worst tell.
“Does dad know?”
This time, Rhodey turns towards him. He’s surprised.
“We’ll discuss that later. But does Howard know, Obadiah?”
“Howard is none of your concern.”
“Oh my god, he is,” Rhodey says grinning. “You haven’t told him about your little back-door escapades. I wonder what would happen if I told him.”
“You don’t want me as an enemy,” Obadiah says, shaking. He looks at Tony. “And you, boy, you just earned yourself a death sentence.”
“Funny, Howard said the same thing when he kicked me out of the house,” Tony says as he’s checking his nails. Rhodey thinks he is in love.
“Go ahead and try to get me as an enemy, see how well it works for you,” Rhodey says, pearly whites on display. “I took over the entire state of New York, leaving everyone in power allied with me. Plus, Tony hasn’t pushed his legacy from what I’ve seen, but what would happen if I just...let him talk? At the next press conference, perhaps.”
Tony grins, and it’s dangerous.
“Yeah Obie, what if I talked? I’m sure Howard’s disastrous attempt at fatherhood would be a real uptick in stock points.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Just watch. Just fucking watch,” Tony says. “I still know how to smile for the press, and I still remember all of my lessons for how to make sure anything is believable.”
He shakes.
Rhodey gets security.
Tony visibly relaxes as Stane is led out of the building, and Rhodey smiles over at him.
“What?”
“You wanna grab dinner with me?”
“Like as a casual dinner, or a date-dinner?”
“How about both?”
“Thank god, I can’t remember where my nice shoes are.”
-
Tony supposes it is odd to be out to dinner with one of the most-feared men in all of New York.
But it was hard to fear him when he was currently trying to lick ice cream off the tip of his nose with no such luck.
Or when Rhodey kisses him senseless on his doorstep and makes fun of the little gnome that he’s put outside, and Tony giggles and watches him leave in his fancy car, still leaning on his door.
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