Sans titre

[vladaley]

This official hxh promo spelled it out for the Gon & Killugon haters

Longing for the light, the light being Gon if the picture isn't clear enough.

[buzzykrueger]

When Gon’s anger becomes a protective mechanism for Killua

IMPORTANT: The text is long, plus, I do not support Gon hate. He’s a human being and a kid, so don’t worry, none of my analysis will put him as a monster.

You know the theory that one of the reasons Gon shuts Killua out from Pitou’s fight, besides proving himself and erasing his guilt, is also to keep Killua safe? I didn’t understand at first, but I kinda agree with that now.

Remember the “YES I AM AN IDIOT” iconic scene, Greed Island arc?

Let’s talk about that and link it all.

Afficher davantage

[orchestrated-disaster]

I ship Gon and Killua as much as everyone else does but we cannot deny that their relationship started to become abusive or heavily one-sided. Gon really started to take Killua for granted and also was selfish and never thought about the consequences of his actions. Because Killua is so used to picking up the pieces and cleaning up after Gon, he starts to actually think it is okay without giving it a second thought because he cares so much about his friend. No, it is definitely not okay. Gon comes to realize he said awful things to Killua but just going “I’m really sorry.” isn’t enough. Now that they’re split up this is kind of good. Gon can become stronger to protect his friends like he said he would a long time ago, and also he will realize how dependent he was on Killua and really reflect on his actions. Also now Killua can spend time with his sister and start to become his own person again. When they reunite they’re going to be stronger people and become even stronger friends.

[byebyephospenumbra-deactivated2]

Actually, we can deny that!

What we cannot deny is that half the fandom has forgotten that despite Gon’s and Killua’s maturity, they are STILL CHILDREN. FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE OF WAR.

“Gon really started to take Killua for granted and also was selfish and never thought about the consequences of his actions.”

Gon does not take Killua for granted, much like Killua, in his scene with Ikalgo when he says that he doesn’t say Thank you to friends because he expects his friends to do that, Gon expects Killua to help him out in this situation. Because he trusts and knows Killua, and he would have done the exact same shit for him had the situation been reversed.

Gon has demonstrated over and over and over again that he would rather die HIMSELF than put his friends in danger. In the Yorknew City arc, he literally told Killua that it was ok for him to die, but not ok for Killua to die. Similar scenarios have occured throughout the series. 

Unlike Killua, Gon has never suffered a devastating consequence from his decisions. He has managed to get by for the most part with his optimism and he has not ONCE suffered any real failure (I mean he lives on a fucking island) except in the Chimera Ant arc. He has NEVER had to live with the consequences of his actions because he has never had any severe consequences for his actions. That’s not him being selfish. That’s him being an inexperienced kid.

“Because Killua is so used to picking up the pieces and cleaning up after Gon, he starts to actually think it is okay without giving it a second thought because he cares so much about his friend. No, it is definitely not okay.”

KILLUA HAS NOT ONCE BEEN FORCED TO DO ANY OF THIS. A lot of this ideology that Killua’s used to picking up Gon’s messes stems from the idea that Killua is a victim because of his family’s treatment. Killua is not a victim. Killua does not pity himself nor does he suffer because of the way he was treated. The only real person that causes him any discomfort is Illumi, but he overcomes that marvelously. Killua IS PROUD of the way his family has trained him, in fact every single time he fights he says something about it. Killua is BOTH MORE EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND STRONGER THAN GON. So now that we have erased this whole “poor baby Killua doesn’t know better“ idea, I can get on to my next point.

He doesn’t “think it’s okay to clean up Gon’s messes“. What mess has Killua ever had to clean after for Gon except for the chimera ant arc? Hunter exam arc? Nope. In fact, Gon has to go get Killua back from his mansion, which he does without an inch of fear despite the fact that he’s going against a family of assassins JUST TO GET HIS BEST FRIEND BACK.

Heavens Arena arc? No messes to clean up there. Same can be said for Yorknew City, and Greed Island. The only mess Killua had to clean up in CA is that Gon almost die and that’s what really hurt Killua.

Also we’re forgetting that any and ALL messes Gon has gotten himself into, Killua was right there, excited as hell and ready to go wreck some shit with him. Please stop portraying Killua as some helpless kid that has no idea what he’s doing and Gon uses that to his advantage.

“Gon comes to realize he said awful things to Killua but just going “I’m really sorry.” isn’t enough. Now that they’re split up this is kind of good.”

Now, I want to bring a very real and important argument that therealgonzoldyck has mentioned many, many times. Not once, and I mean NOT ONCE. Has Gon ever felt like he was #1. His father abandoned him, Mito is forced to take care of him, and although we are able to understand Killua’s feelings because they are clearly stated in HxH, these feelings are never ACTUALLY EXPRESSED TOWARDS GON. Gon tells Killua multiple times how important Killua is to him (all those scenes where Killua blushes) BUT KILLUA HAS NEVER OUTWARDLY EXPRESSED THESE FEELINGS TOWARDS GON.

Killua thinking about these feelings =/= Gon understanding them. Meaning Gon probably thinks he isn’t that important to Killua!! Gon has no sense of self-worth! Kite is a parental figure that cares about him and wants to do everything in his power to make Gon stronger, therefore Gon places his relationship with Kite very high on the priority list!

Now, onto my next point. This is the first time Gon has ever experienced failure. This is the first time Gon has ever experienced LOSS and the first time that his endless optimism, which had worked out for him until then, fails miserably. Gon is unable to accept Kite’s death. He is literally unable to accept the fact that despite Kite’s physical ‘movement’, Kite is dead. Pitou expressing humanity further devastates Gon because he is unable to comprehend that a murderous monster can be kind at the same time.

Gon is IN A WAR. Killua is prepared for war, whereas Gon’s not. Gon is fourteen! Gon’s biggest fear is that he will be unable to protect his friends and loved ones because of weakness! Weakness has been shown to be Gon’s biggest fear. Gon thinks that Kite’s death is his fault because he was weak and didn’t leave when he was supposed to. Gon is carryng around the guilt of him STRONGLY believing that he ESSENTIALLY KILLED someone he loved as a father figure!

Add to that the fact that Pitou was the only one he could blame, he had turned her into a murderous monster! So when she shows compassion, Gon can no longer blame her fully for murdering Kite, so where does that blame fall onto? Himself.

Gon is at his lowest point in this arc, Gon is desperate, hurt, fucking terrified, carrying around an amount of guilt no child should ever have to shoulder, feeling useless and not needed, feeling WEAK. And he has ONE moment of weakness, says something hurtful to Killua, and the whole fucking fandom turns him into an abusive monster?

GON IS A CHILD IN A VERY FUCKED UP MENTAL STATE.

That darkness that he exhibited as Gon-san? That didn’t just appear out of nowhere, it was building up during the whole of the Chimera Ant arc. Of course he doesn’t think it matters to Killua, he’s in a fucked up state and in his mind, he thinks that Killua tried to defend Pitou! Kite’s relationship with Killua isn’t as important as Gon’s relationship with Kite! Gon does not feel like Killua’s most important person!

THEREFORE: GON HONEST TO GOD BELIEVES THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER TO KILLUA.

THIS IS GON’S LOWEST POINT IN HIS LIFE, WHERE HE WAS LITERALLY READY TO DIE JUST FOR THE SAKE OF REDEEMING HIMSELF AS AN APOLOGY TO KITE AND HIS WEAKNESS. 

Gon was in a really fucked up state of mind! Gon was sad and he said ONE hurtful thing to Killua, for the first time, Gon’s feelings consumed his need to be an endlessly optimistic ball of happiness. Killua was with him through thick and thin, and him taking that because he recognized that Gon was NOT HIMSELF is something any friend would have done. Because this ONLY HAPPENED ONCE.

If Killua accepts Gon’s apology, then Gon apologizing is absolutely more than fucking enough. Gon almost died, cut the kid some slack. Gon genuinely felt sorry for what he said/did, and Killua asked him to separate for a while not because his feelings were hurt, but because he wants to spend some time with Alluka! In fact they’re perfectly fine after Gon’s all healed up.

Also, the fact that Gon recognized that what he did said was hurtful despite how much hurt and guilt he was going through himself, and apologized RIGHT AFTER HE WAS ON THE BRINK OF DEATH, AT THE AGE OF FUCKING 14, SPEAKS ABOUT GON’S REAL CHARACTER.

“Gon can become stronger to protect his friends like he said he would a long time ago, and also he will realize how dependent he was on Killua and really reflect on his action”

Gon has reflected on his actions. Gon is not dependent on Killua. Gon and Killua are FRIENDS and expecting stuff from each other is something that usually happens in a friendship, especially one as close as theirs.

In fact, I’m surprised they don’t fight more.

“Also now Killua can spend time with his sister and start to become his own person again.”

KILLUA HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS OWN PERSON. In fact, one could argue that he really begins to develop AFTER he’s free from his family interactions and starts to spend time with Gon. That’s who Killua really is. Back to my previous points: KILLUA IS NOT A HELPLESS, BROKEN KID. HE IS PROBABLY THE STRONGEST CHARACTER EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY SPEAKING IN THE WHOLE SHOW.

Now to finalize this:

Gon is a multi-faceted character, and just because he is actively portrayed as a having only two traits: one being his endless optimism and the other being that he’s not book smarts, does not mean that he is only these two traits.

Gon is more than these 2 things and literally just taking 2 seconds to think about what he’s going through is more than enough to realize that he’s not absuive, but just very fucking hurt.

Do not judge a character by what they say when they’re at their lowest point.

How anyone could turn his character around into an abusive asshole despite all that is going on is beyond me to be honest.

Killua is not a broken baby. Killua is strong as fuck and NOT A VICTIM. JUST BECAUSE WE GET A LOT OF INTERNAL MONOLOGUE FROM KILLUA DOES NOT MEAN THAT OTHER CHARACTERS ARE AWARE OF IT

PLEASE STOP USING CHARACTERS’ VERY HUMAN FLAWS AND TURNING THEM INTO TOXIC/ABUSIVE TRAITS.

THEY’RE NOT. THEY’RE JUST FLAWS. IN REAL LIFE PEOPLE FUCK UP IN SIMILAR WAYS. WHAT MAKES HXH SO ENJOYABLE IS THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE TANGIBLE BECAUSE OF THEIR FLAWS.

FLAWS =/= HUMAN GARBAGE.

Characters fucking up =/= abusive relationship.

Also, just to reiterate my point. Killua and Gon ARE FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.

The end.

[rosyandyeah-deactivated20170901]

Rebloging because “FLAWS=\= HUMAN GARBAGE” This whole rant is on point.

[therealgonzoldyck-deactivated20]

Yes, Gon is flawed. Yes, Gon fucked up; he made the wrong choices & poor decisions. 

Should he have apologized? Absolutely. Did he apologize? Absolutely. Remember that scene after he woke up when he was in the cab with Leorio–still in his hospital wear to boot? His first thoughts went straight to Killua. 

Episode 146: “Leorio, where is Killua? … I need to apologize to Killua. When I was fighting the enemy, I got confused, and I said terrible things to him.”

What was the one thing Killua wanted? An apology. And after Gon was thrown straight into the Election right after waking up, he knew that the first thing he needed to do was apologize to Killua.

Also, their agreement was that Killua would help Gon find Ging until Killua found something he wanted to do. Well, Gon found Ging & Killua found something he wanted to do. There was no hostility nor any hard feelings between them at the World Tree. Gon even apologized again, to which Alluka (heyyyooo - everyone loves the precious cinnamon roll who does nothing wrong) even scolded Killua for poking fun.

And when was the first time Killua outwardly expressed his true feelings of anguish to Gon? Episode 147: “Well, after you told me you would defeat Pitou alone and that it was none of my business, I was pretty depressed!”

Gon then slumped down to his knees, apologizing again. 

“Well, you apologized. And I think I can say I’m only here with Alluka now because of the time I spent with you.”

In the world of Hunter X Hunter, there are no free rides. Just as surely as in Fullmetal Alchemist, power always comes with a cost – but in HxH, the exchange isn’t always equivalent. There’s the matter of the existential cost, surely, the toll the cultivating and exercising of power takes on the soul. We’ve seen this theme play out over and over in the lives of people like Netero and Killua (and indeed, one of the things that makes Hisoka so terrifying is that he seems immune to this effect). But there’s also the material sacrifices that must be made – be it life energy, Nen, or even a part of the body itself. We’ve seen the sacrifice of the right arm over and over – Gon himself in Greed Island, Hisoka in his fight with Kastro, Meruem, Pitou, Netero, Kurapika, Kaitou – this is no coincidence, surely, but a conscious decision by Togashi to try and hammer the image into our minds (though just why is subject to debate).

The arc that “Chimera Ant” harkens back to was “York Shin”, the one with which it shares the most thematically and stylistically. There are strong echoes of Kurapika’s arc in Gon’s, starting with the fact that we saw the spiritual toll the life of revenge was taking on Kurapika. But we also saw the nature of Nen and the imposition of conditions – how these can increase the Nenuser’s power dramatically. The stronger the condition – be it a limitation on when and how a power can be used or a punishment that will be accepted if a vow is broken – the more the power can increase. Kurapika was so desperate to wreak his vengeance on the Phantom Troupe that he imposed a series of conditions strictly for the purpose of doing so, and in the process gave himself the ability to come very close to achieving his goal. In Gon’s case, his vows and conditions were even more specific and his sacrifices even greater – and he’s certainly the more powerful Nen user to begin with. And the result was a terrible, awesome thing.

So in the end, I think we have a development that’s the culmination of all that’s come before it, and a thoroughly in-character decision by Gon. This is Togashi’s world, and in that world when the main character achieves the ultimate power-up it’s not a moment of triumph but of tragedy. It is not about what Gon had gained, but about what he’d lost. In Hunter X Hunter, there are – to repeat – no free rides. When a young child enters the ruthless and terrible world that Gon had entered, it breaks him. The Gon we saw at the end of “Greed Island” was at a personal apex – resolutely loyal to his friends, triumphant over a field of skilled and experienced adults, progressing on his personal journey. The Gon in the Chimera Ant Arc was at his nadir – his innocence shattered, his unique and alien worldview having led him to a point of personal desolation and ruin. He simply lacked the experience and perspective to survive that ordeal intact, and what we saw at the end was the result.

Gon fucked up – Killua should’ve spoken up, the ending was inevitable and all we can do now is pray for HxH to come off hiatus instead spreading character hate and refusing to see it as character development - be it negative or positive. 

[drops-of-coconut]

Thank you. I seriously hate the view that Gon is abusive towards Killua, because not only is it wrong, because God knows it’s wrong, but it also victimizes Killua, while ignoring his agency, while also ignoring the fact that the also made mistakes. Then at the same time demonizing Gon, and careful cherry picking while taking things out context, and ignoring the character’s mental state.

Killua is not angel being abused by everyone around him, he is quite aware of what he is doing. He also wasn’t some innocent victim during the CA arc either. Out of everyone in the series Killua was aware of everything that was going on, he was aware of the fact that Kite was dead, he knew that Gon was broken and delusional, and what did he do about it? Nothing. He never tried until it was too late. In fact Gon’s mental state wasn’t his biggest worry, his worries were actually quite selfish.

So yeah an innocent victim Killua is not. In fact, when Gon is in the hospital Killua even admits to himself that he’s just sulking, his thoughts weren’t matching up with reality and that was the point.

As for the state of Gon, the expectation that he should know Killua’s feelings despite the fact that Killua never expresses them to him is stupid. You’re essentially saying Gon’s the devil for not being psychic, and being unable to read Killua’s mind. Seriously the first and only time that Killua even tells Gon that he’s important to him, is when he calls Gon his number 2 (if you think I’m joking go read the the manga). So as far as Gon was concerned he was never Killua’s number 1.

I’m gonna end this by saying one thing, both Gon and Killua made mistakes, but only Gon apologized for his.

[lunafreysia]

Just another reminder that these boys are not toxic for each other. The fandom unfortunately needs reminders of this 

[tfwhxh-deactivated20190730]

you looked so peaceful

[ihategingfreecss-deactivated202]

The Chimera Ant Arc is meant to portray the toll of loss and trauma on two children that should have never been allowed to fight a war. The fanon interpretation of it is “Gon is abusive” because nobody on this site has any brain and they prefer to put the blame on a traumatized child instead of the various adults that pushed him into taking part of the fight against the Ants in the first place.

[shimmy-sham-with-the-fam]

[happyhxh]

Ohhh... look at them, they're so different.

[vladaley]

This über cute, maniac, animalistic, bundle of sunshine ???

[buzzykrueger]

When Gon’s anger becomes a protective mechanism for Killua

IMPORTANT: The text is long, plus, I do not support Gon hate. He’s a human being and a kid, so don’t worry, none of my analysis will put him as a monster.

You know the theory that one of the reasons Gon shuts Killua out from Pitou’s fight, besides proving himself and erasing his guilt, is also to keep Killua safe? I didn’t understand at first, but I kinda agree with that now.

Remember the “YES I AM AN IDIOT” iconic scene, Greed Island arc?

Let’s talk about that and link it all.

Afficher davantage

[i-heart-hxh]

Does killua know gon loves him?

Hi anon! This is such a simple question, but not a simple one to answer. I'll do my best, though!

So, I think the answer is both yes and no, in different ways.

Yes, in the sense that Gon has directly expressed his appreciation of and admiration towards Killua multiple times, said he enjoys being with him and wants to stay with him, and even called him his best friend at the end of Greed Island (really BEST friend, 最高の友達, saikou no tomodachi--I think the translation of "best friend in the whole world" gets the emphasis of this phrase across pretty well).

He said it "Has to be Killua," (キルアじゃなきゃダメなんだ, Killua ja nakya dame nanda) in the dodgeball match, which has implications both during the match and outside of it, that Killua is the only one he fully trusts and the only one who can be by his side for something this pivotal. This phrase has romantic implications, essentially the subtextual meaning is "Killua is the only one for me," hence why Killua reacts as strongly as he does to it. Notice how much he hides his face on this page.

So, I think it's silly to say Killua has no idea Gon cares about him deeply and values him. There are so many moments where Gon says things like this. It's partly why Killua loves Gon so much, because Gon isn't afraid to express that level of love and care and appreciation towards him, as uncomfortable as he acts about it. He's just unused to that receiving kind of praise and attention simply for being himself, rather than being praised for his abilities.

With Killua's views of himself, it's hard for him to fully accept Gon's affection and take it to heart, but luckily Gon is straightforward and doesn't hold back, and keeps repeatedly telling Killua how much he means to him. As the series goes, they form a strong mutual bond and relatively good understanding of each other.

The problem is that multiple things happen in Chimera Ant Arc to disrupt Killua's sense of where he belongs in Gon's life.

He "fails" by fleeing from Pitou with Gon and "leaving Kite to die." While Gon doesn't blame Killua for the decision he made and neither does Kite, Killua nonetheless certainly blames himself for this to a degree. (Remember the scene with Morel and Knov mocking him?) It doesn't help that Bisky tells him that because of his inability to face opponents he sees as stronger than him, he'll eventually leave Gon to die. Then he watches the awful ramifications of what Kite's death does to Gon, knowing he had a role in what happened.

Gon goes on the date with Palm, and Killua variously misinterprets this whole situation to mean that Gon has been on real dates with women previously (I do not think he had been on any dates in an actual romantic sense), Gon actually might have romantic feelings towards Palm, and that they're in some degree of a relationship even after Gon tells her they can't be together and Palm quietly dumps Gon in favor of Knov after the date. This sends Killua spiraling into his whole "Are we friends? Or are we teammates?" concerns, in conjunction with the next factor.

Gon's "I swear... I'll take on that bastard myself," about Pitou, and the later "This has nothing to do with you," line. Remember how much Gon relied on Killua in the dodgeball match, and how much that meant to Killua? Remember how Killua very nearly died and his last thoughts were apologizing that he wasn't more useful to Gon? Killua stakes his whole sense of self on being useful to Gon, so when Gon makes taking down Pitou a solo mission, Killua doesn't know what role he has at Gon's side any more.

I'm sure there are plenty more factors I'm leaving out, but these are the main issues that lead to the gulf that develops between them during the course of Chimera Ant Arc.

Ever after all of this, they're still friends, they're on reasonably good terms when they part even though it's complex and fraught, but there's just so much they're not saying to each other about how they really feel.

I think Killua still knows Gon cares about him with the way they leave off--they agree to stay in touch, say they'll meet again, Killua even teases Gon about the way he treated him a few times and sees that Gon feels awful when he brings it up. I'm sure Gon apologized to Killua when they first saw each other again after all of that, no matter how non-comprehensive that apology may have been.

But, I do think Killua sees his feelings towards Gon as deeper and of a different nature than how he assumes Gon feels towards him. He may even feel a degree of guilt about the extent and nature of his feelings, with an assumption that, as much as Gon cares about him, Gon doesn't reciprocate Killua's romantic feelings. It may be one of many puzzle pieces contributing to the separation.

I think Killua has strong beliefs about Gon not returning his feelings in a romantic sense, which is part of what leads to how much pain he goes through in Chimera Ant Arc and beyond. But these beliefs are less about what Gon does or doesn't do--because *I* believe Gon has romantic feelings for Killua, even though he likely doesn't recognize them as such yet, and obviously in CAA his relationship with Killua is not at the forefront of his mind--but more about how Killua sees himself and how he projects that self-perception on Gon.

The thing is, Killua hasn't directly expressed his feelings (even on a friendship level) towards Gon either. and even hides how much he does for Gon, so Gon also doesn't fully understand the weight and degree of Killua's feelings for him either. He sees what Killua does for him and I'm sure he knows that's a way Killua expresses friendship to him, but at the same time, the reasons or feelings or depth behind those actions remain unspoken, so how is Gon supposed to know fully where Killua is coming from?

As much as he may have some inklings of Killua's feelings from reading his body language and all the time they spent together, it's not something that has been confirmed or stated the way Gon has expressed his feelings. So, it makes sense that these two boys might assume the other doesn't love them back the same way they love each other, because their own self-esteem is so low and they don't see themselves as deserving of the kind of love they have for each other.

So, in response to your question, both yes and no, and "It's complicated," too.

[buzzykrueger]

Adding my two cents (sorry, OP, for the invasion, but I genuinely love the answer you wrote): Remember how Killua was given a purpose since birth? To be an assassin, to be the heir? Well, all of that originated from his own family, the very people who is responsible for providing our earliest perspective on love dynamics.

Since Killua was a baby, love was presented to him with a strong sense of duty in order to belong. Through abuse and torture, he came to believe that this was what 'love' meant.

Then he meets Gon, and Gon is... unlike his family. And he is everything. But, growing up amidst all that trauma has left indelible marks on his behavior, as we see when Bisky calls him out for fleeing the battlefield. It was only natural for Killua to adjust to his new life while inadvertently replicating a previous mindset: he found genuine affection, but does he know how to love without this sense of duty?

Not that I think it's an intentional feeling, but in Killua's case, lacking experience in displays of love beyond what he learned from his family (which is quite common in real life! Don't we all grow up replicating what we learn at home until we figure out how we want to love and be loved?), speaks volumes about his relationship with Gon. He's still, constantly and desperately, trying to tie that love to a role in Gon's life. Earning affection through sacrifice, through "work" - because he grew up working for the family, because 'work' meant 'bonding' at the same time it wasnt and he grew tired of not knowing what love without suffering feels like - doing a lot for Gon without him even knowing, trying to clean and fix everything by himself. The moment Gon cuts him off, it shatters Killua's sense of security about love. He "doesn't have a purpose" in that specific moment, he can't do anything for Gon (or so he believes), therefore, that can only scare Killua in regards to what Gon feels about him - shouldn't he be granted a purpose to serve?

That's why I believe Killua freezes when Palm says "you're the one Gon needs the most". That was not a joyful or confident reaction - he looks scared and broken. I don't think he knows what he can do or how he is needed if self-sacrifice and a specific role aren't valid options in the moment. What can he offer? How can he earn love if he can't fight alongside Gon against Pitou?

So yeah, basically, it's complicated. As we've seen, he ends up struggling with what he means to Gon, and he's on his own personal journey to figure out what it means to be needed and loved as he travels with Alluka. But someday she will "let him go" (as she promised before), and that will help him come full circle with this struggle. I could go on for another three paragraphs about Gon's own patterns, but that's more complex to put into words. Anyway! *hides in the darkness after an unwanted text wall misleadingly called 'two cents'*

[i-heart-hxh]

So, a few days ago I found this post on Reddit from 2 years ago (that sadly barely got any attention at the time) that sheds a ton of light on the separation scene between Gon and Killua, and my mind is blown! I've known for years that there was some sort of Togashi "coding" in the dialogue and it was always like I could get halfway to understanding, but this post gives the rest of the puzzle pieces that I was missing, and ties into other scenes that I was uncertain about the meaning of as well. It's heartbreaking, but also hopeful for their future! I had to share it with you all. Please read it!

The original Reddit post has been deleted, but here is a link to the author's Reddit profile. (I received permission from the original author to post this here.)

In-Depth analysis on the Hidden Reasons behind Gon & Killua's separation scene (ep 147) Why Gon is 'Number 2'

The translations across the separation scene in both manga (chp 338) and the anime (ep 147, 2011) have some shortfalls. These dialogues are vital for understanding even the first layer of reasons behind this separation.

REASONS FOR KILLUA'S DELICATELY PLANNED SEPARATION 

1. WHEN -

There are very important reasons why Killua picked a specific timing to tell Gon about Alluka. It was Killua's plan all along, to only tell Gon at a moment's notice, to make sure Gon won’t get time to ask any DETAILS. He is deliberately downplaying the seriousness of everything he’s been through to heal Gon, so it will have less impact on Gon, and at the same time, avoid Gon asking details. Prior to healing Gon, Killua specifically asked Morel and Leorio to promise not to tell Gon that he saved him. After Gon was healed, there was a scene in the anime (ep 148) which showed the three spent a night together before reaching the World Tree. During that time, Killua still haven't said anything. It wasn't until the moment when they were literally saying the last goodbye, Killua casually brought up:

“Oh, by the way, this guy healed you."

I want to emphasis the word Killua used to address Alluka was “こいつ”. This is a very light and overly casual word used to address someone you know, and usually a playful guy friend (e.g. “This guy used to be my neighbour.” type of feeling). The manga and anime translation, “She’s the one that healed you,” did not clearly depict the intentional casualness.

2. WHAT was SAID -

If Killua just doesn’t want to burden Gon with guilt and responsibility, then why not just keep his mouth shut and say nothing? That’s because Killua found a better option than not telling Gon anything. Killua shifted the “priority of reasons” a bit, so the VERSION OF EVENTS he told Gon, was PRIORITIZED on Alluka’s rescue rather than healing Gon. This way, they will also get to THANK Gon, and put an emphasis on thanking Gon because Killua make it SEEMED like it was more important to rescue Alluka, that the INITIAL REASON for Killua to go home, was to rescue Alluka. Only AFTER Alluka was freed, they came to the hospital to heal Gon, out of convenience, since only Alluka has the ability to do so, and since she’s now outside. The MAIN motive for these past events has been delicately swapped around by Killua, so the focus switched to the rescue of Alluka, rather than healing Gon. Hence Alluka is “No. 1”, Gon is “No. 2”. Downplaying it so healing Gon was just a bonus convenience (ep 147, 19:12 to 19:51).

Killua then goes on another level to make this version of events seem even more realistic, by saying “….You owe me a lot now,” in a teasing and playful tone of voice. This is to again, downplay the seriousness of everything he’s been through, to comfort Gon that "Yes you owe me one now, but don’t you worry! I will make sure you pay it back okay?! Hehe!”

3. WHY -

The fight with Pitou allowed Killua to witness Gon's ultimately immature mind set when it comes to “repaying someone, and redeeming himself.” Kite lost an arm and his life to protect him. So Gon gave his life and was even more happy when Pitou took his arm too. Gon will always want to “match” what was sacrificed by another, by throwing away AT LEAST the same. Not “sacrificing”, but THROWING AWAY. It’s so immature, so dangerous, no one will be able to keep up with him. Killua was very confident with how much he could take, but even Killua himself is at limit. This ultimate baka!! (ep 136, 17:50 - 20:17)

If this is how far Gon will go for Kite, he can only imagine what Gon would go recklessly into if he knew the DETAILS. This is when Killua decided on a way to part with Gon the way they did, and to PROVIDE him a particular REASON.

“I’m prepared to spent the rest of my life protecting her.” 

This is the reason Killua wants Gon to know, but NOT what he actually wants to do with his life. Although it’s true he feels responsible and genuinely wish to protect Alluka and Nanika, but it’s not what he ultimately WANTS to do. He NEEDS to protect Alluka, but he WANTS to spent his entire life by the side of a certain baka…

After the previous events, Killua was traumatized, especially when he saw Gon's twisted decaying arm. That was a breaking point for him, after that, the only thing that matters THE MOST for him is for Gon to be safe. He also realized that in order to protect this baka... it’s better if he keeps a distance for now, until he finds a solution to keep Alluka safe from Illumi and his family.

4. THE PARTING -

By planning this parting with Gon, Killua hopes Gon will become detached from him. And that time and distance will slowly render him less important to Gon. So if he was to die... (because Illumi is hunting them down) he did for Alluka, he did it for the vow to protect Alluka, not Gon. We knew Killua always plans ahead, and here, he plants this reason for Gon in the future so he won’t need to feel responsible if he was to die protecting Alluka (or die with Alluka while Illumi is hunting them). This is what’s going through Killua’s head:

“If I die, you’re not responsible for anything. You don’t owe me anything, so NEVER throw your life away again. My only one wish, is for you to be safe. So here I am. I’m parting ways with you... Because I SAID you are only ... No. 2 ... I SAID you are not the most important to me.. So don’t think of me as the most important to you too….”

This, is Killua’s eternal Devotion. 

5. THE RESULT -

As a result of this deliberate planning by Killua,

Gon was made to believe:

While I was recovering in hospital Killua had to go home and rescue his sister 

Alluka is such a cute sister and she can grant Killua any wish?!!! Wow…that’s one cool sister…

Well… no wonder Killua thinks his cool sister is more important than me, it’s only natural. 

Looks like Killua finally found what he wants to do. He will enjoy traveling the world with such a cool sister, it will be so much fun. I should be happy for him, I can’t hold him here... I have to let him go…

VS

The DETAILS omitted:

Gon was not recovering at all in the hospital. Killua RESORTED to USE Alluka in order to heal Gon. 

Alluka’s blood stained dark past and the risks and uncertainty that still involves.

Baka Gon is always No. 1 !

Killua and Alluka are desperately trying to find a way to out of Illumi’s grasp. Illumi is hunting them down and trying to make Killua his puppet again. And this time it's not going to be just a needle in the head... Killua can feel it. And if things doesn’t work out, he will just kill Alluka.

These Reasons are the core of the separation. We have a song named “Reason”… aren’t the lyrics shedding a new layer of light now?

6. IMPORTANT WORDS ALLUKA USED TO FACILITATE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP AFTER REUNION -

Killua promised to “always be together” with Alluka.

But to this promise, Alluka’s response was always silent (episode 145, 3:32 to 4:19). She looked at Killua with deep thought. Because even in such a short amount of time, she realized Killua is doing all this to ALSO or MORE SO protect Gon. It was never just for her, it will never be just for her, and there will never be anyone more important than Gon for Killua. She’s moved by Killua’s devotion and resolve, and she can also feel his sadness…   

If, the situation was different, if Gon was never there to begin with, and Killua just happened to solely come to Alluka’s rescue, and then make a promise to stay together with her forever, Alluka’s natural reaction will be melting with happiness, she’d be crying tears of joy, and hugging Killua. But in this instance, she was composed, she sensed her brother’s deep seriousness and sadness. That’s why later on, she reassured the two at parting, that they will see each other again, without disclosing Killua’s true REASONS. 

The Exacted words Alluka used (Manga chpt 338, 2011 anime epi 147)

a. Manga translation: “I’m going to HUG my brother for a while and then I will LET HIM GO.”  

b. Better translation: “I’m going to have my brother all to myself for a while and then I will let him free.”                            

c. The exacted phrase: “I’m going to Monopolise my brother Exclusively for a period of time, then I will Release him.”

独り占 (Monopolise Exclusively) 

Very strong characters with Explicit meaning. Have it all to oneself. Same characters and meaning used in Chinese as well. （独占）

解放 (Release) 

This is much more formal and serious than “let go”. It implies the subject was initially bound/locked/restricted. Also the same characters and meaning used in Chinese.

Alluka employed these words to imply a forceful lead in this “deal” of owning Killua exclusively. These words have an underlying tone of enslavement. 

Why? Because Alluka knows, the harder she IMPOSES herself on Killua during their time together, the more effective it would be on the easing of Killua’s own guilt. 

Killua felt immensely guilty.

No one will enjoy a relationship bound by guilt. 

Alluka knows clearly that part of her brother’s promise, was formed with guilt, from using her and Nanika, that he was having fun with Gon while Alluka was literally forgotten. Although it's true that this was largely due to Illumi's manipulation, but the fact that he did just left her in the basement all this time was both unacceptable and unforgivable to Killua himself (episode 138, 13:28).

Therefore apart from protecting Gon, this was the other important reason for this separation. Almost as if Killua has accepted this as a befitting price to pay in order to redeem himself as a brother.

Alluka and Nanika have no condition nor demand in return for Killua’s requests. But Killua imposed a price on himself for having Gon healed. Out of guilt. Alluka knows, Nanika knows. That’s why Alluka used the word 解放 (release), because it will make Killua feel better, that he has complied with her ‘enslavement’, so when the time comes, Killua will be able to release HIMSELF from guilt, and go back to Gon, properly. Alluka loves her brother, and she’s prepared to help him towards a better relationship with Gon in the future, by helping him to eliminating this chain of guilt.

lol Alluka totally ships Gon and Killua ! XD

Thank you for reading.

[vladaley]

I find this telling how much we relied as readers on Kiru’s inner thoughts to understand him since we were showed nothing of his true feelings when he separated from Gon and everyone had their own interpretation in consequence. The question is is lack of insight we had about Gons feelings is similar to some degree to Gons understanding of Kirua, since Gon seemed to understand Kirua so well like he immediately got it after Kirua changed post needle but Kirua refused to tell him what happened to him, and so there’s no wonder a blind spot was building in pretty sure Gon would never guess Kirua felt he was light either. And since Togashi hid Kiruas true feelings from us as they parted Gons thoughts must really hold a lot of meaning for the story.

[cuppajoyaps]

so fucking crazy how so many hunter x hunter fans think gon freecss is some evil monster. he’s the series protagonist, were you watching the entire show going “i hate this child, i want him dead” for over a hundred episodes?? i know this (mis)interpretation is based around the CAA, but it’s fucking wild that after seeing dozens of episodes of gon being kind, helpful, thoughtful, and protective, they look at this suicidal child in extreme emotional and physical distress due to being in the middle of a WAR that killed his father figure and call him a monster?

[vladaley]

This!!!!! Idk why everyone ignores the fact he saw his father figure used as a fighting puppet beaten up after being brutally murdered like hes supposed to be normal and rational after this ? Would you lol ??

[telehxhtrash]

I never fucking noticed until a few days ago, but Gon unknowingly confirmed Killua’s doubts about his place next to him.

During chimera ant arc, Killua kept on doubting if he was worthy to stay by Gon’s side. We saw him struggle countless times with the idea that he had to “earn” his place next to Gon because he’s not worthy of staying by him.

And at one moment, when they’re about to confront Pitou, Killua almost lets his emotions overflow. He barely stops himself from asking Gon what Killua means to him. He can barely contain his need to ask if Gon only sees him as a teammate, as a person he’s on a mission with, and not as his friend anymore.

Killua’s self-doubt made him believe that Gon putting distance between them meant he didn’t see him as a friend anymore. Killua was scared that Gon only saw him as a teammate. 

And when they part, Gon unknowingly confirmed those doubts.

It’s better explained in this post, but the word Gon uses to refer to Killua is  仲間, “nakama”, which means someone you’re associated with through your mutual connections, whether it be people or work. It represents someone with whom you share a mutual goal. You can still be friends with your nakama, but you can also be a nakama to someone you’re not friends with. I’m quoting this article here : “Unlike tomodachi, nakama don’t necessarily like each other or want to hang out with each other. For nakama, the friendship that binds them comes from having common goals and values rather than enjoying each other’s company.”

Gon and Killua always referred to each other as friends since the beginning of the manga. The first goal Killua ever mentions having is to be Gon’s friend, Gon’s “tomodachi”. 

To be always reassured that they’re friends, and even BEST FRIENDS, only to sort of “downgrade” to a mere “nakama”, completely removing the emotional layer that Killua so desperately needs after the events of CAA hurt him deeply. Gon went from calling him his best friend in the entire world in Greed Island (”ore no saiko no tomodachi datte”) to saying they’re nakama before they part. 

With Killua’s constant self-doubt and insecurities about how Gon sees him, it’s clear that when Gon decided to call him his “nakama”, he only saw the negative interpretation of the word : they’re just teammates. People who work together, who share a goal, without that deeper emotional bond.

I emphasized the fact that Gon unknowingly fueled Killua’s insecurities, because the way Gon sees it, Killua is leaving him because he found his goal. Killua said he’d stay with Gon “until he found something he wants to do”, and now he did, so it makes sense he’s leaving, even though it breaks Gon’s heart. It’s what they always agreed on, that Killua would stay until he found a goal. 

The way Gon sees it, with Killua initiating separation and emphasizing that he’s ready to spend his entire life protecting Alluka, it’s Killua cutting ties with him. It’s Killua moving on. And Gon is glad he finally found a goal, but he can’t help but be extremely sad at the prospect of Killua leaving his side.

On top of that, Gon feels extreme guilt towards what happened during the Palace Invasion. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he blames his actions for Killua leaving him, and if he thought that Killua didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

To me, Gon using the word 仲間 “nakama” instead of 友達 “tomodachi” is him not wanting to be overbearing towards Killua. It’s him wanting to give Killua that freedom to leave, not wanting to force ties between them if he doesn’t want any, but still letting him know that he’ll be there if he needs him. It’s him giving Killua some space because he thinks he hurt him. They don’t have to be friends anymore if Killua doesn’t want to, but Gon will always be here for him. Even if Killua doesn’t want to stay friends, they’re teammates. They’re nakama.

But that was the absolute WORST choice of words Gon could’ve chosen. Killua feared Gon only saw him as a teammate, and when they part, Gon basically tells him “we’ll always be teammates”, completely breaking Killua because there it was. Those words. Those words he feared. That affirmation that Gon only saw him as a teammate. 

And to me, that’s one of the main reasons Killua looks so sad here.

Gon just confirmed those doubts and insecurities that were burning him from the inside out for a while. He confirmed what he feared : that he doesn’t see him as a friend, but as a teammate. 

special angsty bonus : there’s also the possibility that Togashi purposefully cut off Gon’s sentence when they part as to keep it relatively ambiguous to make Killua misinterpret his words and comfort him even more in his belief that he doesn’t consider as a friend anymore :

the second and last panel can definitely be considered as ambiguous - and i know a lot of people in the fandom are confused about what Gon was gonna say, i wrote a post explaining it here, but i think it’s purposefully ambiguous for one reason : so we can see both Gon and Killua’s point of view. 

Gon is sad to leave Killua, he doesn’t want him to go, so he wants to tell him that if he stays any longer, he won’t be able to let Killua go. 

But the sentence is cut, which is something Gon NEVER does, he ALWAYS says what’s on his mind, which is why I believe Togashi cut it on purpose to keep it ambiguous. Because, in the original japanese, it says “Kore ijou itara…” which translates to “If i stay here longer…”

It basically means that if Gon or Killua stay here any longer, something will happen. Gon means that if he stays any longer, he won’t be able to let Killua leave. 

What Killua hears is probably different. Ging is waiting on top of the World Tree, he’s right there, waiting for Gon. Gon is probably eager to meet him. Killua is no one compared to Ging. Gon probably cares more about Ging than Killua.

So I wouldn’t be surprised if, because of his pent-up insecurities, what Killua interpreted from this cut-sentence was “If we stay here any longer, Ging might get impatient.”

In short : Killua got hurt extremely badly during the separation scene, because to him, not only did Gon confirm his suspicions that he’s only a teammate to him, but he also implied that he’d rather hurry up so he could meet Ging.

Neither of them wanted to leave the other and had insecurities about how the other saw them, and yet, they managed to wound each other deeply. Killua hurt Gon by leaving him because he found a new goal more important than him and by making him believe he didn’t want to be associated with him anymore, while Gon hurt Killua by making him think he only sees him as a teammate and that he’d rather be with Ging than with him.

Gon’s worst fear was abandonment, Killua’s was not being considered a friend. And they both unknowingly fueled those fears.

The separation scene was a complete trainwreck of mutual heartbreak.

Communication is key, kids.

[vladaley]

But didn't he clearly say Kite also told me this we will always be nakanama (no matter we are) I mean he paraphrased Kite so if Kite didn't use the word tomodachi Gon wouldn't.

Obviously he could have told Kirua they were still bestfriends no matter what and he didn't but I thought he used this word precisely because it meant they will find each other again because the word means being part of something belonging together working towards the same goal, tomodachi you can be this even if you never see each other again even if you're closer and emotionally tied together, when Kirua freaked out about being a tomodachi it was because he doubted Gon's feelings, but there nakanama I think at least was used to stress they will choose to share their path again it's goodbye but not farewell. Also I thought it was obvious for Kirua that if the goodbye lasted too long it'd be too hard for Gon...

[hunterxhell]

HXH translation meta: “Since it means nothing to you” 「関係ないからっ」

Howdy folks, I’d like to talk about this scene a little bit as I’ve recently seen some meta and analyzation going around that I think was based too heavily on Crunchyroll’s translation — which is a little misleading, in my opinion.

It’s not wrong per se, and I actually like this translation in how it really packs an emotional punch. But the problem with it is that Gon isn’t really criticizing Killua here. He is ostracizing him.

What Gon is more closely saying here is, “Since it’s none of your business” (関係ないから / kankei nai kara). Specifically, Gon is telling Killua that there is no connection between him and Kite, making Killua an outsider to Gon’s conflict and quest for vengeance. (Why this affects Killua so profoundly warrants an entire post on its own so I won’t go into too much here, but essentially Gon just drew a metaphorical line in the sand between them with this comment.)

Additionally, Killua references this line a couple times after but you wouldn’t know it because the translation was inconsistent:

(In the hospital with Gon, inner-monologuing) “I get it, Kite saved your life, and he has no connection to me.”

(Before parting with Gon at the World Tree) “Well, after you told me you would defeat Pitou alone and that it was none of my business, I was pretty depressed!”

I have a feeling that Crunchyroll interpreted Gon’s line as “since this doesn’t concern you” and then from there warped it into “since it means nothing to you”. They probably realized they couldn’t use “since this means nothing to you” in these other situations and just adjusted the translation accordingly, but I digress. The main reason I wanted to bring attention to this translation was for three main reasons:

This scene was NOT about Gon accusing Killua of not caring enough. It was a scene about Gon creating a distance, both emotionally and physically, between himself and Killua.

What Gon is saying (or at least, how Killua interprets it) is that they are not close enough to warrant Killua involving himself in Gon’s affairs, and that is what causes Killua’s breakdown in front of Palm.

This line is referenced by Killua later with additional context surrounding his feelings on the matter, and that was somewhat lost in translation.

Anyway, I’d love to write straight-up meta analyzing the Killugon aspect of this, as well as a round-up of Japanese fan opinions on this scene, but I think I’ll save those for another day. (If I write them, I’ll link to them in this post, FYI.)

Thanks for reading, and feel free to reach out — I love discussing these things with people!

EDIT: Killugon follow-up meta

[vladaley]

I think Kirua interprets it like this, definitely, but contrarily to most I also think Gon wasn't wrong in his interpretation of Kirua's feelings - not right in his delivery or "honesty".

In Japanese it can both mean, it's not your business as in, you're not part of my inner world or that it has nothing to do with you you're not emotionally/concretely, involved it's really context dependent. And yes Gon was fully in because Kite meant so much for him, but for Kirua event hough he cared for Kite and felt guilty, no one can say he cared about him the way he cared for Gon for example.

Kirua was protecting the person he was tethered to, and Gon was avenging the one he was (even though he loves Kirua the most), and I think he got frustrated because he knew he was alone in this, in this anger, Kirua could not possibly feel this to his level, hence the distance because it was his fight. Kirua understood it was Gon's battle at the beginning but when the stakes got so high he could see it wasn't worth Gon ending his life over this. But Gon didn't think like this, to him it was worth it at that time - that he was wrong is to me beside the point because had Kirua lost Gon the way Kite was murdered and used as a puppet, he'd have completely broken down, he'd have murdered everyone in search for revenge.

So It's kind of true though that it wasn't Kirua's "business" he wasn't focused on Kite the was Gon was, he was focused on Gon, Gon saying this also created the necessary distance from Kirua to seek revenge freely, I think he felt that Kirua wouldn't give his all to get revenge but would give his all to save Gon's life while Gon was ready to die for revenge.

[vladaley]

But would Kirua risk putting Gon in danger after he scorched earth to save him! No matter what happened between them, Gon is now defenseless as far as nen users are concerned, he's back to the level 200 of the tower, I don't think Kirua had any choice but to leave him if his assassin family is after him, he probably doesn't even know Hisoka wouldn't let Gon die since Hisoka's live of thought is pretty twisted as it is - letting him grow to kill him at the right moment. If he stayed with Gon trouble would follow him and then what would he do if Gon died after he went through to save him. But I find it interesting how he stressed Gon came 2nd, obv he needs and should make Gon feel if only on a surface level the way all he did reverberated on Kirua and the meaning of his actions (because I think Gon cares way more than Kirua thinks and him apologizing does show that he understood what he said was wrong, so not only does he not think this way, but he is aware their bond warranted both of them feeling enmeshed in each other's fate) but Gon had a "family" basically to think of when he went mad with vengeance, and I really wonder how Kirua feels now, because if we take his word at face value and having a family means Gon now comes 2nd (or should) then Gon's behaviour shouldn't feel so unfair to him, yet it does, and also to me it cheapens their bond if Kirua was ready to go that far solely because he only had Gon, it doesn't seem to be accurate at least, but now that he has someone entirely devoted to him to whom he is everything, he can deal with his heartbreak of not having felt enough despite giving all he had to the person he cared about.

His face at least when they separate seemed to be of indication he really was pained parting with Gon, looking down and truly glumly. Maybe it was because of the "comrade" comment that cemented his doubts, but I doubt this was it. He looked like he was a soldier leaving after defeat, like he not only had to leave and also that he had nothing left to come back to. I actually reaaally hope this misunderstanding is intentional because then I can dream of an arc where Gon finds back some kind of power that substitutes his Nen or simply his Nen back and has to find Kirua and Alluka to help them out, thereby showing him again what he truly means to him (like when he risked his life and dreams to save him from his family) this will truly reunite them stronger than before because they'd both know how far they're willing to go for each other. I mean Kirua also must be realising this now that he's alone, that he moved heaven and hell for Gon and how much he values him, if he doesn't it'd almost be like he was just using him as a vacuum for his loneliness and intense emotions that he can now just transfer onto Alluka and he strikes me as someone who choose people not that latches onto them out of sheer desperation. If no redemption/reunion arc comes and they just meet again I really wonder how this will go, I don't know if Kirua will be able to understand Gon's feelings with an apology no matter how heartfelt and I mean this would make him stay for sure, but he will keep on doubting him and his own place in Gon's life. And not to be the devil's advocate but Gon told him so many times how he felt and Kirua didn't, he showed him with actions, Gon understands Kirua but I'm sure there are limits; pretty sure he didn't suspect his dying would shatter Kirua's life, and if the roles were reversed Gon would tell Kirua straightfowardly that he can't let him die because Kirua's life isn't his own it matters to Gon also etc. Kirua really needed communication from Gon at the moment since he can't voice it out himself but Gon was way too far gone in his misery and himself felt misunderstood he didn't want anyone shaking his resolve even if he had to die, and I wonder if he didn't decide to fight on his own because he knew he was willing to give his all and not Kirua who wanted to save him. In any case Kirua didn't even tell Gon all he did for him, what matters to him is that he was rejected from his point of view, that Gon wasn't focused on him not what he sacrificed and how much he was hurt. So I don't know how we'll get out of this without a proper arc, I really dread a simple reunion where they cross path again because wouldn't they as easily separate ? hoping to all gods that Togashi won't have to resolve to his ready-made shounen full circle ending that he said he doesn't even like!!

[rosierlily]

john galliano spring/summer 18

[vladaley]

L'Épiphanie

[vladaley]

GASTON CASIMIR SAINT-PIERRE | DIANA AND ACTAEON