paint it, black

look inside myself and see my heart is black. I see my red door and must have it painted black. maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts. It’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black YANG JUNGWON 양정원 J.W - 25

[vldjungwon]

vldhamin​:

It was part of the fun. Hamin was close to his thirties, he wanted to be stupid while he still could. Soon he would be a forgotten man that once was an idol, and he would look back and wondered if he really did the most of the time and opportunities he had. But he wouldn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to, since Hamin himself hadn’t planned to swim either. It had been more a spontaneous idea than anything else. “I do. I do now. I was in the basement for too long that I had forgotten how being an idol feels like, you know. I got to rest and learn to do some stuff, it was nice, but this is better.” Or perhaps he was in a better place in his life now that he got to enjoy what he did like he used to. Whatever it was, Hamin felt like things were on the right path again. And he could relate to everything he was feeling, it was the way it used to be for him back when Mon:star had better times. “I wish I could say that you get used to it, but being an idol is just your job. You should find some time for yourself, to do something fun, something you like. Or even spend time with the people you like, that helps. It does get better though.”

Which was a shame, because bands were awesome. It was amazing that they could sing and play their own instruments, and did it live on the stage. Hamin would never be that talented, no matter how much he tried. He thought 4AM would do great, they just needed to keep working. “If they have taste, then they will get into it. I know it’s not easy to relax when there are so many groups around, but just like our CEO believed in you, I do too.” He believed that as long they remain positive, things would work out in their favor. “It’s a fun song, I think people will like it.” He didn’t think it was for his age, but it was a good song anyway. “It’s actually quite fun, and you get much more creative freedom. I guess it’s a more adult concept, I’m not a boy anymore and I doubt the public will like me to do so, and I’m quite excited. I do hope you give me your honest opinion when it comes out. I wouldn’t say never though, maybe in a few years you feel differently.”

things were probably a lot easier for an idol who was well established within the industry and well respected and had been around for years and years. though, of course, hamin had his extra troubles of being mon:star’s leader on top of everything, but after being an idol for so long you had to get used to things. having a camera around was probably like second nature, though to jungwon it was still very new and a little unnerving to have a lens always pointed in your direction. “i spent nine years locked in the atlas basement and i have no intentions of going back to that if i can help it,” and it had been an incredibly hard and tough nine years as well. the constant dread that he was never going to get out, that those younger and more talented were going advance and he would be stuck as a trainee for the rest of his life, or more likely, until atlas grew bored of him and just let him go. “right now, though, i don’t really have the time to do anything for myself. it’s just constant debut schedules and recordings,” though he wasn’t complaining, he knew it was necessary, “and even this is just another schedule, really. because, if it were up to me, i would not be standing here looking at this waterfall.” he was already bored of it.

it was a small comfort to hear the more experienced idol say those things, jungwon giving him and small smile of thanks as he spoke. “it’s good just to hear you say that, really,” he offered with a small laugh, “the amount of time i get those little voices in my head telling me we’re never going to get anywhere and no one will care about the group or our music.” jungwon knew it was just irrational, but it was just the fact he had been dreaming for this for years and now it was finally happening just added to everything. “but i’m sure you’ll do amazing solo! the fans are sure to love it. but nah, don’t think i would ever want to do solo work. i’m a group guy, it would feel weird to not have anyone else around in the recording studio.”

[vldjungwon]

banditvld​:

There was always this weirdly rational side to Bandit, that knew how to shut up their anxieties and focus on what they could control, rather than getting lost in what they couldn’t. Right now, they could control what direction they walked in, the conversation between them and Jungwon, and if they decided to approach anyone for help along the way. As they had continued to walk, they had been lucky enough to see someone that they could potentially ask for directions. If they were by some sort of cart this late at night, the hope was that they weren’t equally as lost, too.

“I’m your senior, I don’t do things,” the rapper joked in response to their question, a small chuckle escaping their lips in the form of a hum as they noticed the person that their companion mentioned. Their shrug practically mirrored Jungwon’s own, not giving a verbal answer, but still walking in the direction of the person they could see in the distance. At this point, they didn’t really have a choice. Continuing to walk, the closer they got the more Bandit could see that this was just an old guy with a fruit cart, trying to sell his home grown produce to travelers that were passing by. “He seems harmless, go say hi.”

.

at least if there was something which could come from getting lost and aimless wandering it was the stories he could tell to other people. something to bring up at random events when there was nothing else to talk about. ‘hey did i tell you about the time and and bandit got lost in the back end of jeju after getting off at the wrong bus stop?’ was bound to be a sentence which got a couple of people’s attentions. though he did have a feeling their respective managers would not find the story so amusing and were probably going to start wondering where on earth the two of them had wandered off to at this point. jungwon almost found himself checking his phone to see if there were hundreds of missed calls or not. 

“ah, i get it. you just let everyone else do all the work,” he responded in an equally joking tone, laughing slightly as he shook his head, “must be nice being a famous idol everyone respects.” and he did have to hope one of these days he might be considered the same, but it was going to be hard. especially as a band and it was a pretty niche category and not everyone was into it. idol groups were always going to be far more popular and loved than bands were. “hey, why do i have to be the one to say hi?” he was quick to point out, suspiciously eyeing the man and his fruit cart, “you go and say hi if you think he’s so harmless.”  

[vldjungwon]

vldseungyong​:

not liking swimming was a bit of an understatement. it was a miracle he’d even learnt; he’d been dragged to the pool by his friends as a teenager, and while he’d come to internalize the movements, he wasn’t a strong swimmer by any means. he’d meant to brush up on it, but now that he was looking at the pool again, it seemed to turn into the sort of monster he wasn’t sure he’d ever conquer. sometimes, he had to remind himself that that was fine; nobody was without fear. that didn’t make it less difficult, though.

“sure, that’s true. not like you need it much in regular life.” it might be helpful the same way being able to perform a pull-up was helpful – in life-threatening situations most people would never face. jungwon was obviously eager to jump in, and had somehow end up roped into conversation. seungyong would feel bad about that, if the other wasn’t trying to move the subject along to safer territory.

“i think of it as work, honestly. we generate income through it, so…” he stretched his back, squinted up at the sky and shrugged. “it’s nice, though. the scenery is beautiful, and it’s easy to catch up with people. i’m not huge on camping, but the activities are fine, and they’re doing a good job on provisions. what about you?”

jungwon did think he was lucky that he learned how to swim when he was little. he had fond memories of his parents taking him and his older sister to the pool quite a lot over the weekends and during the holidays. and even in high school he was on the school swim team, though he decided to quite shortly after being signed to atlas just because it was too much work and he couldn’t keep up with the practices as well as his training and all the schoolwork as well. and it was still something he regretted a little, but he wasn’t too broken up about it. 

“yeah, some people can go their whole lives without ever needing to know how to swim,” especially if they lived miles and mile away from the closest beach. “sort of feel sorry for them, though,” he did have to add with a small smile and a shrug, “i’ve always loved swimming and just relaxing on a big pool float with a drink while sunbathing is pretty nice as well.” while that didn’t really involve swimming, it was not really something you could do if you couldn’t swim. 

he tilted his head slightly, “i mean, yeah, technically it is work. but it’s being treated more as a vacation than actual work.” they didn’t have a schedule to stick to, just some mandatory events they had to show up to. “but yeah, i’m enjoying it. lazing around camp is probably the best bit, though. i’m not really much of a tourist so going to waterfall or a museum does not really sound that interesting.” 

[vldjungwon]

vldhamin​:

That was boring though. They could go to for a swim in a pool anytime, even back in Seoul. But coming here would take a lot of preparation that Hamin wasn’t really willing to do in any other occasion, so he was more than happy to enjoy this trip as much as he could. “But you have underwear on, right? Unless you have decided to go commando today, which I respect really.” That was the good side of it, they could use boxers as trunks and no one would even notice or say anything. “Isn’t it the greatest time? We were so busy back then.” Now they were lucky to have a comeback coming, if Hamin was honest. If it weren’t for his solo coming up, he wouldn’t really have much to do anyway. “It’s still a break if you ignore the cameras. It’s not as bad.”

There wasn’t much he could say about that, considering he had been there once, and he knew there wasn’t much anyone could do about it. A recently debuted group certainly had a crazy schedule, making their best to be known, to build a strong fan base that would hopefully follow them the rest of their career. It was a great time but also a very stressful one. “It gets better. Not less busy, but less stressful. You have a good group, I’m sure you’ll do great.” It was a different sound from what everyone was used to, and it was a good thing. The public liked what was new and different, and it was about time. “We’ve been working on a comeback, hopefully, it’ll be out this month or next. I don’t know for sure, but it’s been fun.” Not really, Hamin was too old to pretend to have superpowers for a music video. “And I’m working on my own thing, you know, it’s been great. Different, you know, because it’s only me, but I’m quite enjoying it.”

of course he had underwear on, but that didn’t mean he wanted to just strip down and show it off right now. “yeah, but i don’t really want to walk around with wet underwear.” that did not sound in the least bit comfortable and he could imagine how it would make a wet patch in his trousers that made him look as though he had wet himself or something. “so, i guess you enjoy being busy,” he did have to offer with a small smile, moving a hand to push some of his hair out of his face, “i mean, i don’t mind it and it’s good to be doing something for once. but man, i sometimes feel as though i’m being pulled in so many different directions one of these days i’m just going to snap.” so many different schedules and things to be worrying about there was just no time to relax anymore. “but i can’t just ignore them,” he added with a slight shrug, “it’s that feeling you get like someone’s staring at the back of your neck all of the time.”

jungwon understood being busy, that he needed to be if 4am had any hopes of getting off the ground and not being one of those groups forgotten about for eternity. so many groups ended up debuting and then never getting anywhere and disbanding after a couple of years. and he was desperate for that not to happen, he couldn’t go back to being a trainee and having to start all over. he just couldn’t. “well, bands are sort of niche not everyone is into,” and that was a downside to being in a bad compared to a regular idol group, “but that’s great to hear! i’m looking forward to what you guys release next. and good luck with the solo thing. man, i don’t think i could ever do something solo, it’s just too much stress by yourself.” 

[vldjungwon]

mysticdancer i don’t think he actually knows how to pose for pictures xD someone get him a teacher psksks

4ever4am handsome~ 😍❤️

jjh1204 doesn’t everyone wear this sort of attire to the beach?

shutupandgroove ah yes, here we see the master of facial expressions showing all us plebs how to taking charming instagram pictures. thank you so much for you wisdom and guidance. 

[vldjungwon]

banditvld​:

As far as Bandit was concerned, there were two options. The first ( which was the most boring, in their opinion ) was to walk back the way they came, wait for the next bus, and hop back on. The second, was to keep going and see what happened, which could potentially be dangerous, especially if they weren’t in Jeju. Although it’s not like they were alone, having each other for support and comfort to keep one another safe. This way, it’s unlikely any sasaengs could jump out of the bushes and kidnap one of them. Or at the very least, take any weird photos.

It was unclear whether or not the fans knew idols were going to be on the island for the long weekend, but it would be a shitty way to find out.

Trying to keep the mood somewhat light, Bandit chuckled at Jungwon’s comment before bumping their shoulder against the other idol’s. “You say that like this has happened to you before. Tell me again why I trusted you?” They questioned with a soft smile, looking over at him as they continued their way down the road that may or may not be taking them in the right direction. “Huh, can you see that?” Bandit spoke after a few moments, pushing their over-sized sunglasses down the bridge of their nose so they could see better. “It looks like a cart, or a trailer.”

he did have to wonder how long they could wander for before reaching the edge of the island and having to walk back. or how long they would go before actually seeing another person. it had been some time before they'd come across any sense of civilisation and he was starting to worry they had gotten off the bus in the ‘bad part of town.’ though he supposed the fact they were together was helping, it would have been worse if either of them had ended up coming along and then getting lost. but, if that was the case, j.w would have probably already pulled out his phone and phoned his manager to come and save him. or at least had the sense to turn around and try and find the bus stop again. 

a small laugh came from his mouth as he felt bandit bump his shoulder, “don’t know. why did you trust me with the directions?” anyone who knew him well enough should probably know that was a bad idea. jungwon often got lost in the atlas building, somewhere he had been for nine years of his life. but then something up ahead seemed to have caught the older idol’s attention and jungwon moved his head, squinting a little further down the road to see what it was. “well, at least it’s a person,” was all he offered with a shrug, turning his head back to bandit, “want to check it out then?”

[vldjungwon]

vldhamin​:

Hamin was more than happy to ignore the obvious sour mood of his label mate and grinned again, leading both of them to the edge so they could take a better look at the waterfall. “It isn’t something we can see in Seoul, and it’s pretty. It isn’t as hot this morning, but we should go for a swim.” That was the real reason why he was here. The pictures were great, something he would have to remember this moment, but it would be a waste of time if he only did that. “Come on, it’s not that bad. I know you guys have just debuted, but in a few years and you’re tired and with a full schedule, you’ll wish we all get to do something like this.” With how busy he had been lately, Hamin couldn’t help but miss the basement life every now and then.

Patting his shoulder affectionately, Hamin stopped and let go of Jungwon, resting his arms on the wooden railing. “How have you been? I imagine it’s been crazy. Enjoying the life as a debuted idol? I remember Mon:star’s first year, it was great.” A sigh escaped his lips, memories of better times rushing to his head, and Hamin couldn’t help but missing how different, easier, and better everything seemed then. He had been stupid to believe it would last forever. “I listened to your album, it’s great. I really liked it.”

j.w wasn’t really planning on sticking around here for much longer. he was sort of hoping that for most of these things he could just sign in to say he had been there and then leave again. he was simply planning on spending most of his time on this trip just lounging around camp or going to the beach. “if you want to go to a swim, the pool back at camp is probably a lot cleaner,” he did have to offer with a small laugh, “besides, didn’t bring my trunks.” he had just brought himself and his phone. “i have a full schedule right now as we only debited a month ago,” and time had honestly flown since then, so much to do just shoved into a small space, “and don’t get me wrong, i’m happy for the break. but it’s technically not even that as they expect us to film stuff for more content.”

once hamin’s arm was gone from his shoulders, jungwon rolled his neck, following suit to rest his arms on the barrier, shifting his feet to lean slightly so it was more comfortable. “i mean, i’ve been as good as i can be running on about three hours of sleep every night,” if that sometimes. but he had been expecting it, but that certainly didn’t mean it was easier to prepare for how tired and drained you would feel after only a couple of days. “but thanks, dude,” he smiled at the compliment. it was always nice to hear people appreciated and enjoyed the music, even if he was starting to get a little sick of their debut song himself. “but what about you these days? any comeback plans on the way?”

[vldjungwon]

vldseungyong​:

the required locations actually sounded fun; seungyong liked to sightsee, and he also enjoyed nature on his own terms, so none of that had been much of an issue. it was just that their accommodations weren’t exactly private – even less so than their lodging at the cherry blossom festival just a few months prior – and the pool was right there, taunting him, as if someone was purposefully trying to mock him. besides, his managers were acting like this was some sort of vacation, when it was really anything but; he was still watching out for the rest of his group, was still being filmed, and none of it felt truly relaxing.

he grimaced at the question, lifting a shoulder in a shrug. it was sweet of the other to lower his voice, but it wasn’t like it was a secret that seungyong wasn’t a fan of swimming; it was well-documented on particle’s variety anyway. “i don’t like deep water.” the pool wasn’t exactly deep, but it still counted. “and i’m waiting right now, but it’s nice to see people have fun in there.”

jungwon didn’t really think he could fully understand how someone couldn’t like swimming and being in water. but just because he didn’t understand something didn’t mean he was going to be an ass about it and could still for the people who did have a problem with it. everyone had their own different issues, but that didn’t mean you should laugh and judge them for it just because they might be different from your own problems. and besides, most of his trainee life he had been happy just to sit there and listen to other people’s problems, try to comfort the people around him and make them feel better, boost their confidence. so now just sitting there and listening to seungyong almost came out of habit. 

“i get it,” he responded softly with a small nod of his head. though he still didn’t really get it, it was more an understood kind of ‘get it’. “i mean, not everyone likes swimming,” he continued, sitting back on his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him, “some adults don’t even know how to swim.” he guessed their parents had just never taught them how to do it when they were kids, so they never learned as adults. 

but, deciding he needed to move the conversation away from the pool and swimming, jungwon was quick to come up with another topic to talk about. “so, how you enjoying yourself then? i guess it’s kinda nice to get a break. though i wish the cameras wouldn’t keep popping up. i’m kind tired of being filmed right about now.” 

[vldjungwon]

. lost along the way

banditvld​:

To be fair, Bandit hadn’t really been paying attention when they got off the bus, following Jungwon’s lead and exiting at the moment he did. If they had been noticing anything at all, and not completely zoning out, maybe they would have realized it was the wrong stop. They weren’t even close to where the store was in town, their original intention being to purchase supplies so they were able to cook in the grills that had been provided to them. 

Now they were wandering along a road, not quite sure if they were headed in the right direction or not. Still, Bandit was seemingly unbothered, sauntering beside their friend with their hands in the pockets. If things became really dire either one of them could simply call their mangers, so they weren’t too worried. “I think we should have googled how to get to the store before leaving,” their voice was deadpanned, but the comment was followed by a chuckle. The situation was kind of funny if you didn’t think too hard about it. “Where’s the fun in that? Whatever happened to walking and hoping for the best? It’s an adventure.”

jungwon did sort of regret the situation they now found themselves in. going to the shop in town like normal adults should be that hard, and yet, the two of them had managed to go and fuck that up anyway. he should have noticed that it was not the correct stop and should have instantly hopped back on the bus again. instead, he hadn’t noticed until about five minutes after when he was sure the route they were taking did not match up to the one he had in his head from a quick glace at google maps before leaving. 

“i did have a quick glance before we got on the bus,” he deadpanned somewhat, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked. but, apparently, his memory was not as good as he thought it was and now they were completely lost. and to make matters worse, his phone didn’t have any 4g so he couldn’t even check where they were. “walking and just hoping for the best has never ended up working out very well for me,” he did have to point out, rummaging to check at his phone again, though it was just showing the same thing it had two minutes ago a little further back up the road. “admit it, we’re screwed. we’re lost. we’re never going to see civilisation again. this is the end.”

[vldjungwon]

vldhamin​:

When: 07.05.20 | 10:24 AM What: Jeju Island summer camping trip Where: Cheonjeyeon Waterfall Who: @vldjungwon

It certainly wasn’t the first time Hamin had ever visits Jeju, but he had never really cared about seeing any of this. Basement life hadn’t been so bad, he should have probably do more than just staying home, and perhaps traveling could have been a better option. Now that he was starting to get busy, it was when he wondered about all the things he could have done with all his free time, but he hadn’t been in the right headspace to do so. Maybe later, if Mon:star got another break between comebacks and his solo debut went well, maybe he would travel to a nice place. For now, he was more than happy to enjoy it here.

He grinned at the camera, holding the selfie stick so he could snap as many pictures as he could. He had tried to find Areum, but her sister had been nowhere to find and he didn’t really have the patience to lose a day of exploration just waiting. Being there alone wasn’t so fun either, but it was better than staying at the camp where there was nothing much to do than sleeping or swimming. When he was considering going somewhere else, a familiar face walked right by him and Hamin rushed to catch up with him. Grinning, he wrapped an arm around the other’s shoulders. “Don’t you think this is beautiful? I think one day I’ll just leave everything behind a move here.” It was silly, he couldn’t stay away from his family that long, but it was a nice thought.

well this was probably going to be a complete and utter bore. jungwon had never been a tourist. when he visited a new place he was never interested in seeing any of the landmarks or visiting famous places and taking lots of pictures. instead, he just found that all to be incredibly boring and was far more interested in lounging around by the beach or the pool, or even just staying inside wherever they happened to be staying. not that he really went on a lot of trips when he was younger, but from what he could remember he had always been more interested in the fun stuff compared to the ‘boring’ normal tourist sort of things. 

so now visiting some waterfall happened to be mandatory for this trip, jungwon was not happy about it. 

he had been there for a total of five minutes and was already completely bored out of his brain. staring at some water going over the edge of a cliff was not in the least bit interesting, in fact, he was pretty sure just staring at it was starting to put him to sleep. but a sudden arm around his shoulders and a cheery voice did rather wake him up again, blinking as he turned his head towards his label-mate. “it’s just some water,” he responded in a rather boring tone, “i don’t see how it’s that interesting, honestly.” 

[vldjungwon]

vldseungyong​:

@vldjungwon

the pool wasn’t that deep. sure, he wouldn’t be able to stand in it, but that hardly mattered; people had drowned in puddles, so a few more centimetres didn’t make a difference at all. and yet, seungyong couldn’t help but glance over every few moments, because it seemed a little too close and a little too threatening, with its gently moving surface and the tiles gleaming like they were calling to him.

it was ridiculous. he knew it was; he’d been planning on swimming in the mornings, only weeks ago, but now he’d spoken to his mother and suddenly everything around him seemed hostile again, and if she had flipped some sort of switch in his brain just because he’d acknowledged her.

he’d get up soon. it was just that this had been decided as the meeting spot, and seungyong had been the first to arrive by a large margin, as per usual. so now he was switching between apps because nothing could keep his attention the way it should, opening and closing instagram even though he never used the platform when he could avoid it.

he was so wound up that he’d hardly realised there was someone else at his side, but he saw his chance and took it, jerking his head towards the pool. “you planning to go in there?” perhaps not the best topic of conversation, considering, but really all he could think of.

the pool ready for use was probably about the only thing on this trip that jungwon was actually looking forward to. maybe the beach as well and being able to do some cool water sports. all the other activities on the list just sounded incredibly dull, so of course he was not happy that it was mandatory for him to have to go and do some of them. honestly, the guitarist didn’t see the point in it very much. sure it was for more content, but he was starting to get sick of the constant camera pointed at him. after a month of debut plans and being constantly filmed, the uy thought he was entitled to a break. 

he was quite as he sat next to seungyong, it seemed he hadn’t noticed that he had even arrived. and no need to startle the guy. it was only when the particle member actually acknowledged that he was sitting there did jungwon actually say anything, and that was only in response to the question. 

“course i am,” it was an easy response and not even one he needed to put any thought into. “you not?” he questioned next, turning the question back on the other idol. but then he paused, scanning the guy up and down for just a moment before adding a little quieter, “not a fan?” he knew some people didn’t like swimming, it was certainly not everyone’s cup of tea. 

[vldjungwon]

atlasrecordsfangirl 😍😍

minnxy official 4am’s cutest member

chanmander96 please rest you’ve been working hard!! ❤️

queenkali did you take this picture on a potato?  ㅋㅋㅋ

[vldjungwon]

. lost along the way

@banditvld​

the plan had been to take the bus into town to shop for some meat for the barbecue for that evening. and it had started well, he and bandit had managed to get the right bus, the problem then came when the two of them ended up getting off at the wrong stop. not a problem for two grown adults with years of experience in the adult world, you would think. then you would be wrong and neither of them really knew where they were going anymore, meaning the two of them were simply just aimless wandering down streets they didn’t recognize. 

“maybe we should have asked for directions fifteen minutes ago,” jungwon did eventually have to offer with a sideways glance at his companion for this trip. because now they had probably walked miles in the wrong direction. then again, it was not like there was really anyone around to ask at the moment. then he grinned, turning to bandit with a rather joking tone of voice, “bet if you posted on your social asking for directions, you’d get hundreds of responses in seconds. probably hundreds of fans showing up in person as well.” that was a joke, obviously. the last thing they needed right then were fanatic particle fans. 

[vldjungwon]

vldyujin​:

      The feeling of officially debuting as an idol was a thrilling experience; especially if you trained for a long period, it was a rewarding feeling. Yujin was obsessed with her group’s debut single! NoNoNo had a catchy hook with a point dance that went well with the tempo of the song. She loved performing it all the time, and hearing the lines ‘Don’t be sad no no no, you’re not alone no no no’ come out of someone else’s mouth satisfied her. Even if she still adored her debut after all these years, she could see how some idols would get tired of theirs. Performing the same thing over and over again could be exhausting, especially if you’re not fond of it.

      “I guess I’m not original, huh?” Letting a chuckle out, Yujin added “Well it’s not my fault you guys had to have a single that came with a good pun in it.”

      Yujin shakes her head as she waves her hand in front of her, “It’s no big deal! Toilet paper is a highly valuable item in a dorm, you know.” Her brows furrowed as her eyes widened, before she cackled at her own serious tone.

      Leaning forward towards the table, Yujin asks “How does it feel to be an idol now? Have any weird fan stories to share?” Releasing a broken giggle. One of the difficult parts of being a public figure was having a following; though it is admirable, there are so called fans who cross their idol’s boundaries.  

he supposed, the good thing about his debut song was that it was a good song and wasn’t incredibly annoying. jungwon couldn’t imagine how much worse things would be if he had to perform a song he didn’t even like that much and hated singing. at least he didn’t have to worry about that, but it could still be a little tiring to do the same thing over and over again for weeks at a time. maybe he would feel a little different about things in the future when they had moved onto another song and he could look back on his debut with fondness. that was if 4am managed to last for years and they didn’t end up disbanding. but that was really something he didn’t even want to consider happening, he was desperate for the band to be successful and get far. 

“i suppose we were sort of asking for the puns, huh?” he mused with a small laugh. and no doubt this was going to be the last time he heard the chorus sung at him. it was just going to keep happening. 

he raised a brow, “is it for girls? we’re all men, we don’t use that much.” at least, in his experience men generally didn’t end up using that much toilet paper. at least, not for what it was supposed to be used for, but when you happened to have no clean cloths or kitchen roll, toilet paper was the next best thing. 

“fan stories?” he snorted just a little before shaking his head, “we’ve only just debuted, most people don’t even know who i am yet. but give it a couple of months and i’m sure that will change.” though he did hope 4am could have some chill fans who weren’t all weird and creepy about things. 

[vldjungwon]

. danger danger

taevld​:

It was really nice that Jungwon had reached out to him, especially since Taewoo could only imagine  ( literally, because his own debut wasn’t for another month ) what it felt like to be so busy all of a sudden. To go from having a set schedule for years to being thrown in the deep end along with, for lack of a better term, your idols. You went from staring through a closed window longingly, to being one of them, your heroes now being your peers. Although the Danger leader hadn’t learned who a lot of people were until he was scouted, he was still in awe of a lot of their talents. To be considered like one of them? Incredible.

When he asked if Tae was okay, maybe a million responses flashed through his mind, causing him to think long and hard about what he wanted to say. Mind blank, he reached out for the iced coffee being offered to him, almost missing the straw as he brought it up to his lips for a long sip. “Yeah, I’m excited,” he offered, the look on his face quickly changing to a trademark Taewoo grin. He didn’t like people thinking he was trying to bring them down. “I am okay, yes! Really excited,” he tried to correct, the blonde nodding his time as he made eye contact with is sunbae. It would take some getting used to, thinking of his friend as a senior. Although he couldn’t say he didn’t know this day would come. “There’s a lot to think about, I’m positive that you know. But, we’ll get there, and see who wins a music show first out of our groups.” Just a suggestion of some friendly competition from the younger. “Is it as good as they said it would be?”

as a recently debuted idol himself, he felt as though he was probably the best person to give taewoo some advice about everything. though he couldn’t really give tips on being a good leader (he couldn’t imagine the extra stress that brought with it), but he thought he could at least help with easing some of the stress as debut came closer and closer. about this time a month ago he was a complete mess of nerves and worries he almost felt like hiding under his bed and not coming out for days at a time. of course, he hadn’t done that, his group needed him and most of his time was instead spent going over and over their debut plans on practising day in and day out. 

taking a small sip from his own drink, jungwon was quite for a moment as he listened to the soon-to-be idol, studying his facial expressions for just a moment to work out if he was hiding what he was really feeling or not. j.w could understand not wanting to talk about his freaked out about things you were feeling. but he also understood it was better to talk about those feelings instead of keeping them all locked up inside your head to fester away. “excited is good,” he instead offered with a smile and a small laugh. even more so when taewoo started talking about music show wins. “that won’t be a competition, it’ll be you guys. bands aren’t exactly known to be fan favourites with massive fan bases like idol groups.” and he supposed he was alright with that, just so long as they had even one fan he would be alright. “it’s certainly a lot more work,” he was laughing again, softly shaking his head, “but getting to stand on that stage yeah... it feels pretty good.” 

[vldjungwon]

hyunsikvld​:

In an unusual turn of events, mon:star had actually been rather busy this and the last month. It seemed the company had waited until June to put all their eggs in a basket, because not only was mon:star finishing promotions, but multiple other groups had promotions and comebacks, and after what felt like forever, 4AM had finally debuted. Their debut song was great, the dancer actually enjoyed it a lot even though it wasn’t typically his kind of music. The only thing was it had taken him weeks to finally have time to catch up with any of the members to let them know how he felt and be supportive. He had been a bad sunbae, and he wanted to make up for it.

With them too now being so busy, the only member he’d managed to coax out for a free meal was Jungwon. Which was okay, because he liked him a lot. The air about him was friendly, and he seemed like a nice person. Besides, he always seemed to appreciate Hyunsik’s praise and what little help he could provide on occasion. Unbeknownst to him, the experienced dancer wasn’t really as confident as he could sometimes pretend.

“I can’t believe so many people turned down a free meal,” he commented, using the metal tongs to turn over some of the sizzling meats on the barbecue. “Maybe that’s just me, if there’s food offered I usually find any excuse to show up.” There was a light chuckle that followed his words, and a smile that showed he was only teasing. “You must all be so busy. How has your debut been so far?” @vldjungwon​

if the months leading up to debut had been busy, then actually debuting was a whole other level of ‘busy’ and he was somewhat struggling to keep up with it all. but at least he had friends and his band-mates to help with everything and he wasn’t having to go through the absolutely whirlwind which was promotions and recordings all by himself. the guitarist really didn’t know how soloists ever managed to put up with all the stress by themselves. it really did paint them in a new light and he found himself with even more respect for those who managed to go through everything without a group around them. 

“we just don’t have the time to do anything,” he offered with a laugh, smiling across the table and the sunbae artist. when it came to mon:star, it was hard to push down the jealousy he sometimes felt towards the group. it was hard to see them being so successful for years and years while he had been struggling to even get a chance. but no, he had to put that behind him, or at least try to. especially when hyunsik was going out of his way to buy him food as a sort of way to congratulate him. 

watching the meat sizzling between the two of them did cause him to smile slightly, gaze drifting up as he was asked about debut. it was a question he had been hearing quite a lot these days. “it’s been good, yeah,” he responded with a small nod of his head, “hard, for sure. but you know how it is. but what are your group up to these days? i’ve been so focused on 4am stuff that i don’t really know what everyone else is doing. you got a comeback planned or anything?” 

[vldjungwon]

kinamvld​:

It certainly wasn’t every day that someone debuted, and even less often was it a group he’d help train (considering how many artists other companies pumped out), and even less frequently was it a boy band. Although the members didn’t have many lessons with the trainer, it was safe to say that he had at least taught them how to not have two left feet, and that had certainly been a feet in and of itself.

It had been his pride to see the boys debut, knowing they had years and years of trainee life now behind them. He’d been in their shoes before, although not for nearly as long as many of them. Although his career as an idol had been short, he’d enjoyed every moment of it, even when his time had ended what some called a scandal and others a simple and brutal unwillingness to understand the man’s condition. Other companies had dealt just fine with such conditions, but the small company that had signed him happened to not be one of the more understanding kinds.

But this wasn’t about him, no. This evening was about celebrating the accomplishments of 4AM, the accomplishments of Jungwon.

The dance trainer smiled at the younger as their food arrived, thanking their waiter while also requesting some Hite and soju for the pair. As the waiter went to prepare the requested drinks, Kinam smiled over at the trainee — no… idol.

“How does it feel?” he asked simply, smile barely under wraps. “Unreal?”

the thing about finally getting his chance to debut as part of a group was that everyone was suddenly congratulating him and wanting to take him out for food. not that jungwon was complaining, food was food and he was hardly going to turn that down, but it was awfully hard to try and fit everyone into his alright tight schedule. even now his phone was still blowing up with messages, even old school friends he hadn’t spoken to in years reaching out and asking if ‘he was that guitarist guy in that new boy band they had seen on tv’. and he certainly didn’t mind the attention, it did have to be said. 

“easy on the alcohol, i’m supposed to be recording tomorrow,” he offered with a laugh. though he was a heavyweight when it came to drinking, so he didn’t suppose a couple of drinks was really going to do much harm. and you couldn’t eat proper korean bbq without soju. that was just a sinful thing to even think about.

his stomach was already rumbling just at the idea of eating, so he was trying to hide the fact his mouth was already watering as he considered the question the dance trainer had just asked. “it’s mad,” he reasoned after a moment with a small laugh, “feels like i’m being pulled in twenty different directions at once.” but he was sure he would get used to it eventually so he wasn’t really complaining. besides, this was his chance to finally prove himself, prove that he was worth of being in 4am and those years and years of long training hadn’t gone to complete waste. 

speaking of training, he did have to grin at kinam just a little. “bet you can’t wait until our first variety appearance where we’re asked to dance to something. see if that training really did pay off.”