here is a super helpful website for this kinda thing!
the first result isn’t always the one you’re looking for but when you press enter it’ll give you a ton of words related to your query that’ll probably have what you’re wanting, or something better
Very silly sequel to my other Fuuta/Mikoto duet art -- it turns out both VAs were in this singing group anime together! (I haven't seen any other Milgram vas overlap songs, and now I've found two for them, huh...) I cut the songs together to make a fun little duet, but the individual versions are here: 🔥 ⚾
The outfits are courtesy of @clover0101 's au here :D
That last post reminded me why exactly i consider that Izumi has NPD
(response to this post)
I am so unfamiliar with NPD that I had to google what it is (I’m assuming you mean Narcissistic Personality Disorder), so I won’t hard agree or disagree. I did, however, get possessed by the need to write a long character analysis about Izumi and the relevance some of the traits I see listed for NPD - an inflated sense of self-importance, a huge need for excessive attention & admiration and a lack of empathy.
*cracks knuckles* So. Izumi's habit of talking himself up and putting others down. In this essay I’m gonna argue that even if Izumi does have ambitions about being the object of intense and widespread affection, him talking himself up is just a shield for his low self-esteem and guilt. He doesn’t actually expect to receive such affection. He also cares a lot about the people around him but sucks at showing it, and this only got worse after the war. I won’t agree that he has NPD, but I agree that he should go for therapy.
This post will contain spoilers for Checkmate, Starmine and Horror Night Halloween.
If anyone reading this hasn’t read Izumi’s stories yet, here’s a list of stories with a recommended order and links.
I also haven’t had the time to reread Izumi’s stories so there may be some inaccuracies and developments that I missed, but well this is already a 2.5k monster that I’ve sunk in several hours into writing.
Izumi and his big talk
“even if I made mistakes, which I never do, obviously,”
“hey show some gratitude that someone like me is helping you out!”
Izumi’s really whiny. But for all that he goes “you’re soooooo annoying”, he doesn’t ever retaliate. He can be a bit of an asshole (see: that one ! Idol Story where he makes Tori run around the tennis court like crazy just to vent his frustration; no link sorry) but he never really goes overboard.
Instead he’ll say things like, “hmph, when I reach the top of the modelling/idol world, you’ll see!” He’s setting goals for himself, fake it til you make it and all y'know! Yuu-kun’s an exception but more about that later.
And for all that he says he’s the most beautiful in the world and that he never makes mistakes, his internal self-talk is very different. Izumi is someone who believes in hard work and persistence above all else, and he pushes himself hardest of all. In Chess (the large unit that Knights broke off from during the War), Izumi was the only member out of the whole lot that turned up for practice. Please read Checkmate, pre-war Izumi is adorable, he was so eager to practice. He knew that no one else would be at practice and he’d still be like, every second not spent in practice is a waste of my time!!!! Please go to the hospital/infirmary already so I can stop worrying about you, I should be at practice!!! This guy is really self-driven in his desire to improve, and that’s not something you’d see from someone who believes that they’re already the best. Granted, NPD seems to be about believing the person deserves things regardless of whether they’re perfect or not, but the point is that Izumi doesn’t actually believe that he is as good as he always says he already is.
This continues to apply in !! . He admits (with some cursory reluctance, because he has an image to keep,) that things aren’t going smoothly with his modelling work and he continues to put in the elbow grease to advance his career. And out of all the Knights members, he was the first and most adamant one to voice concern about whether their current trajectory would really allow them to stay competitive in the idol industry.
Pre-war Izumi also never forced himself onto others. He didn’t bother getting others to join practice. In fact, he barely interacted with others. There were at least two times where he was told, “I’m so relieved to see you have friends!” And by friends they really mean one (Leo). Izumi only dragged Ritsu and Arashi into Knights because they needed to make up the numbers. And he only became friends with Leo because Leo was the only other guy in Chess who shared his interest in idol activities, and more importantly Leo was the only one persistent enough to keep talking to him. Izumi wasn’t the kind of guy who would demand affection from people around him. He would at most aim for people to love him as an idol or model, and that’s a pretty distanced (safe) sense of love, quite unlike the one he proclaims Makoto has for him.
Present-day Izumi still chases after that distanced kind of love through his career as an idol and model. He also became meaner in that he constantly puts others down, and while I think he’s more focused on how it compliments or even fights his own harsh self-talk, it does hurt the people around him to have to constantly talk themself back up after Izumi puts them down. Izumi’s kind of shit that way, but we all knew that already. I’m still pretty sympathetic towards him though, because 1. I don’t actually have to talk to him irl and 2. he’s Like This because he’s traumatised and trying to cope.
Izumi, Yuu-kun, the war and Leo
This is where I crack open Midsummers’ Night Dream / Starmine, especially the chapter Prisoner’s Love 1. Runway is also a good story for examining Izumi’s relationship with Makoto and himself, but I don’t have time to analyse that here.
In Starmine Izumi is jetlagged to hell. He has way less energy than usual to put into keeping his fronts up, and we get rare insight into how he actually feels and thinks.
Izumi in his thoughts, multiple times: Makoto doesn’t love me. I came here to spend time with him as a reward for myself, but the look on his face tells me that this is a real chore for him. He’s only putting up with me for Trickstar.
‘But if Izumi knows how unpleasant Makoto finds him, why does he still harass Makoto?!??’ Here’s where we need context from the previous year (relevant stories are Checkmate and Horror Night Halloween). A summary; Leo gave too much of himself away to people who did not give back to him, including Izumi. Leo broke. This is why Leo is absent for half of !'s timeline. Izumi was there for the whole process and played a huge role in it.
Izumi blames himself for this; for not just failing to protect Leo from others, but also hurting him. Izumi sees himself as the main cause of Leo breaking. He doesn’t even blame Eichi, who spearheaded the war that threw all of it into motion and drove Leo to his breaking point. (Sidenote; this drives me insane. You have so many characters who hate Eichi for the war; Natsume, Shu, Nazuna, and then you have Sena “I never make mistakes, it’s always someone else’s fault” Izumi blaming himself. He and Eichi had a talk in Checkmate about why Leo broke and he squarely blamed himself and told Eichi to look after himself and get indoors so he doesn’t get a cold. Hello???? Izumi?!?? You could say that Izumi blaming himself is just him being self-important. But Leo did pin all his hopes on Izumi, Izumi didn't protest, and they fell apart.) (And another sidenote here; after Leo returns, Izumi deliberately puts distance between them because he is afraid of hurting Leo again. I’m going to lose my marbles.)
What Izumi says in this chapter of Starmine is that he “doesn’t have the right to force [Makoto] to stand by him”, but he wants to do the “thankless” task of protecting Makoto anyway. Izumi doesn’t have grandiose delusions about deserving Makoto’s affection, or even his entitlement to Makoto. He knows he doesn’t have the right to force Makoto to do things, and Makoto wouldn't give him gratitude or appreciation for his ‘protection’. But Izumi wants to protect him anyway because he “failed to do so when they were child models”. [Read: Izumi failed to protect Leo the previous year and he won’t let another person break like that.]
Izumi when Makoto told him that he’s only checking in on him for others: “I know, Yuu-kun. / Makoto Yuuki-kun. I’ve always known.”
No idea why he decided that his strategy was the best way to protect him, but when you're stuck in past trauma you don't think very logically.
Izumi may have been the one to “survive” the war and hold down the fort while Leo was away, but he was broken down and traumatised too. Leo was his first and only real friend (source: Requiem 30), and Izumi not only played a huge role in breaking him, but also watched the whole process. But unlike Leo, he never quite got the time to heal. As Leo astutely pointed out in Horror Night Halloween, Izumi projected onto Makoto as a way to atone for what he did not do for Leo. But because Izumi never got to heal, he tries to ‘protect’ Makoto in a messed up way that also screwed Makoto over.
Izumi doesn’t lack empathy.
Izumi is the certified mom friend for a reason. He’s been the mom friend since he was a child model and adopted Makoto, and even as a highschooler Leo’s little sister is fond of him.
He just keeps nagging people until they take care of themselves. And then he doesn’t get any thanks because he does it in such an annoying way, like dude are you trying to sabotage yourself?? Local guy says he wants love and looks after the people around him, but before people get to thank him he makes himself an asshole and no one feels like thanking him anymore.
I would argue that yeah he’s subconsciously doing this on purpose. There’s the part where he just doesn’t know how to be honest about being nice, but there’s also the part where he’s setting himself up for failure because he’s trying to atone for his second year with Leo.
Some of Izumi’s mom friend moments:
Starfes where he knit a scarf for Makoto. Typical bonkers Izumi behaviour. But guess what, he also knitted gifts for the rest for Knights. “I needed some practice so I could make the perfect gift for Yuu-kun”, then explain why Kasa-kun’s gift is a toy, Izumi. I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure that’s harder to make than a scarf and requires you to have already put in quite a few hours into knitting.
Dance on Ice and how nicely he treats Anzu
Starfes when Valkyrie needed help. Izumi: Hmph, Naru-kun’s Mika-chan and Nazunyan’s problems aren’t my problems. Let’s go we need to help them.
Please just read Starfes. It's such a warm story.
I’m sure people with NPD also have moments where they’re nice, but I also just wanted a moment to gush about Izumi being domestic and mushy. And point out that he almost deliberately sets these moments up with at least an annoying sentence or two about how he doesn’t care or the other person sucks. Which ensures the other person would definitely not be in the mood to praise him unless they’re already used to him being tsundere. He’s not calculating these moments to get praise (but I’m also not sure that’s what NPD entails anyway, so).
Izumi also knows he’s a pain in the ass. During graduation, he thanks the people around him for putting up with him. He does say it more than in just Requiem, but that’s the one time he makes sure to be honest and not brush it off by being mean afterwards. Because he didn’t know if they would drift apart after graduation and if that was the last time he would be this close to these people, and these people were too important to him for them not to know. But he also couldn’t stop being an ass after graduation because he’s a mess and doesn’t know how to behave around people and hasn't quite begun to address his trauma, gdi
Izumi cares a lot but doesn’t know how to show it. The war made it worse.
It starts off pre-war when he’s just kind of too shy and proud to show it. I might actually go as far as to say he wasn’t even tsundere before the war; he wasn’t shy about expressing worry for Leo or Ritsu’s well-being, and that was the first time he met Ritsu. But the war was hard on both him and Leo. Both of them got pricklier and pricklier and Izumi never learned how to express care apart from nagging, so it got mixed up with genuine negative emotions and Leo never received positive ones. There’s this traumatising flashback scene in Horror Night Halloween where Izumi and Leo fight; Izumi, in all his frustration, says something like, “I liked you and your songs! But you’ve changed!” and Leo retorts with “That so? This is the first time I’ve heard of this! Say it sooner, wouldn’t you?!?” I don’t doubt that this moment haunts Izumi. (It sure haunts me)
Izumi subsequently became determined to protect those around him. But since he never learnt how to show care properly before this and he’s now traumatised to boot, it manifests in pretty twisted ways.
!! era Izumi
(spoilers for Dark Night’s Passing & Next Door)
By the end of !, Knights’ relationship has become a lot closer and more secure. Knights has a really compelling narrative of all of them being afraid to really get close to others, but over time becoming close enough to each other that they call each other family.
Izumi and Makoto’s relationship has also become more equal. Izumi sees Makoto’s strength and gives him space, but also steps up when Makoto needs help. (SS made me cry, please read it after Summer and Autumn Lives.)
So you would think that maybe Izumi has become better at being honest with himself and at accepting love from others, but. But then Dark Night’s Passing happened.
While Izumi was off in Florence chasing his dreams, Leo got in quite a bit of trouble. I’m not going to try to capture his voice, but Izumi’s inner voice probably went something like, “Oh god I failed to protect Leo-kun again.” Remember when Izumi projected his guilt towards Leo on Makoto? Yeah, trauma triggered again, now Izumi has whisked Leo off to Florence where he can keep an eye on him and they’re living domestically in the same house. The rest of Knights is ringing alarm bells about how overly dependent they are becoming on each other but oh god IzuLeo is going down that same path, again, I-
!! Era IzuLeo is frankly quite disconcerting but analysing that would require a whole ‘nother post. They’ve both got more self-awareness now but I’m still waiting for the bomb to go off.
But I think Izumi relapsing is great writing. Healing isn't a linear process and people often fall back into old patterns and traumas.
This was inevitable for Izumi because he never quite forgave himself for what happened during his second year with Leo. Additionally, neither Izumi nor Leo have internalised the idea it was unfair of Leo to put the responsibility over his life in Izumi's hands. No matter how hurt, lost and desperate Leo was, Leo also had a part to play in them falling apart. Leo still struggles not to blame Izumi for every little thing, and Izumi still freaks out when he sees others use Leo.
Both Leo and Izumi fall into old habits, and Izumi still blames himself.
TLDR;
Izumi cares a lot about the people around him but doesn’t know how to show it. He also has not fully moved on from the war and continues to blame himself for Leo breaking, while ignoring the hurt that he himself suffered. Izumi’s big talk is a front and he doesn’t actually expect people to go through with it, and does not genuinely get mad at people for it. His self-important talk functions as a shield to make himself feel better and way to make other people annoyed so that he won’t get any thanks for the help he gives, just like he probably thinks he deserves. Izumi remains pretty traumatised after the war and I think he should go for therapy.
Going back to the original ask about NPD, I'm quite uncomfortable with making any assertions, not just because I don't understand the bare minimum about NPD, but because of the ideas associated with it. I've never seen NPD talked about in a way that doesn't cast the person with it as a sub-human being that lacks basic human empathy. I do believe that you have a more nuanced view on NPD since you’re familiar enough with the term to use its acronym without clarification, and I'm open to learning more about NPD but it would still make me uncomfortable to agree that Izumi has NPD when I know so little about it.
Regarding NPD’s bad image: I think it's valid of the people that have been hurt to embrace their hurt and not deny the way they've been treated. Sometimes honouring these feelings can take the form of demonising the person who hurt them. Especially since people who’ve been hurt have probably been told that the person is doing things out of love, and must’ve struggled to acknowledge their feelings. It’s also really trashy to try to invoke sympathy for people who’ve inflicted trauma in a space for people who have been hurt by them. These kinds of spaces are where I usually see discussions on NPD and maybe why I’ve only ever seen NPD in a bad light.
But I don’t feel that it’s fair if uninvolved people also take this view of the person. Maybe there really is something fundamentally un-human with the person! Or maybe, like Izumi, they’re traumatised people who do things that hurt others in their struggle to cope, and haven’t realized it because they can’t even bring themselves to recognise their own trauma. Maybe that’s the reality of NPD and Izumi really would have it. I don’t know. Although like Izumi with Makoto, it doesn’t erase the hurt that they’ve caused or make it any less.
In Izumi's case, if he would get diagnosed with NPD I think it would fundamentally be because of his behaviour and how it impedes his ability to relate to others in a healthy manner. That being said, I think it would be better to just send him for therapy for those behaviours rather than labelling him as having NPD. I think he would just buckle down and try to defend his pride - or rather, his self-image, which is already not the best. I think it would close him off to listening and acknowledging how deeply hurt he is.
Izumi doesn't lack empathy or think of himself as some bigshot, even if at first glance it seems that way. Izumi has been terribly hurt and never dared to let anyone come close to dress the wounds. His trauma resulted in the off-the-cuff and unhealthy way in which he deals with people. And yet, despite being so hurt, he continues to care about the people around him.
I just really love this mindset on voting and I need a refresher on it now and again. As much as I love the freedom to vote however we choose, sometimes I find myself frustrated with guilty voters who have blatantly wrong information on the characters, misunderstandings that could be solved by listening to the voice dramas or watching the mv more than twice -- I find myself wondering why they're allowed to get a say in the characters' fates if they're not going to put the work in like the rest of us.
But... that's life. That's what people do to real people. That's what I do to real people. And not just big news events like Yamanaka mentions, but even little situations as well. I make judgements about things I see while scrolling online, and can't be bothered to deep dive into every available piece of information on the situation. I join in the outrage in a conversation because my friends said so, and I'm not going to call up everyone involved to verify both sides.
I am just ceaselessly amazed by what a cool experiment this is, and how thought-out all of the elements are (even when I get caught up thinking they're flawed lol)
First of all, this was how I thought the door looked, without handles, that's usually how the doors to the operation room look like, no handles, and a window
So then I wondered where else could it be? Usually doors to the doctor's.... Exploration room? And the place where you go for appointments and stuff doesn't have windows (probably for patient's privacy)
And I kept digging, there ARE some doors that have windows and doorknobs, just not on the operation room.... Maybe just on the corridors or to the laboratory
Then I thought, okay, that is for a general hospital, what about a psychiatric hospital? And so I went to search
Those are from different psychiatric hospitals in Mexico (or so said google). On the bottom left one it doesn't have windows, but on the other 3 they do.... And on the one on the bottom left has something on top of the doors? It's not like the one from Mikoto's door, but it could certainly be a light of some sort...
I just doubt myself often and didn't want to jump the gun by going,
"Yeah, it was a hospital door like I thought."
Without being completely sure. However now I'm a bit more confident thanks to you and can bring up how we see hospital monitors in the imagery of Double for heart rate and what appears to be an EEG.
I only remembered the door with the long push handle for some reason. So, thank you for all this!
Japanese lyrics used are at the very end. Feel free to let me know about any mistakes or ask any questions about the translation.
Bolded words in the English version represents the words that are written in the song lyrics that they pronounce as the word between dashes (-like this-)
English
Within the stillness known as prelude, the -velvet-[1] curtain
Opens solemnly, let us start “The Chance Meeting of Eternity and an Instant”
Display it in that barren art gallery -gallery- called life
Your lavish compilation -collection-
The scarlet rose’s dazzling passion
The teal night’s permeating grief
Bliss and loathing, the sound that carries those tonal differences
Is clad upon this body of mine
We are the bestowed ones, tasked with depicting these feelings
Let us call that impulse “life” itself, “The Beat of a Soul that Cannot Be Stopped”
The miniature garden we call reality, cannot contain our soul -heart-
It overflows from the world, the beautiful “Echo from the Chance Meeting of Eternity and an Instant”
Is it visible to you too? That blinding light
To succeed in writing from inside the dying out dramatic song
No one could accomplish such thing right? However, let us continue
The insatiable longing of those who do not know what is enough
Creates -art-[2]
That childish illusion, the absolute ideal, the enlightened despair, the distinct borderlines
Color and silhouette, clearly and hazily intertwine
And dance together atop the stage
An interlude to the sigh of admiration, to the that pierce through the barrage of emotions
Let us make precisely those stirred emotions an eulogy, “The Beat of a Soul that Cannot Be Stopped”
If there is meaning in a person’s birth, then you shall know it right here and now
Submit to it now, the beautiful “Echo from the Chance Meeting of Eternity and an Instant”
Is it visible to you too? That blinding light
True art lays between those who create, and those who observe
Born from the noble purpose interwoven between them, let us call that love
It is precisely the meaning of what makes us human, that ties us all together
Worship it now, the miracle that is our meeting
“Amor Vincit Omnia”
Everyone is a bestowed ones, tasked with depicting these feelings
A fitting place to display life, overflowing from a world that has no end
The ”Echo from the Chance Meeting of a Soul” that makes a heart quiver
You can see it right? That beautiful light
[1] velvet is written twice, there is no difference between them. First it is written in kanji (天鵞絨) with the spelling between the dashes (ビロウド) due to how unusual it is to use the kanji for it
[2] Both the kanji (美術) and the katakana between the dashes (アート) mean the same thing. 美術 is usually used to refer to the fine arts, as opposed to 芸術 which tend to just mean art in general, but both are used pretty interchangeably
so the prisoners hear what we say about them. what if it's always the language the comment was in? so theyd hear Japanese comments as Japanese and then hear English comments as English, etc.
Shidou can speak English, and the other prisoners somehow learn this information as well. he becomes the go-to person to get a translation whenever a prisoner hears a voice in English.
Fuuta: yo Shidou. can you translate these? i wrote them down when i heard them last night.
Shidou: oh yes of course *takes the paper*
The paper: "king got cancelled for his Twitter crimes" "he's so transgender and for what" "he's so pathetic i want to put him in a blender"
Shidou:
Fuuta: ... well???
Shidou: sorry just... give me a moment to collect my thoughts
Kazui: Shidou-kun, i know you're busy, but ah.... would you mind translating these for me? for some reason i haven't been able to get them out of my head... here i wrote them down
Shidou: oh sure, Mukuhara-san, i've got time *takes the paper*
The paper: "he is NOT beating the allegations" "ohhh so he's just gay" "old man yaoi" "hes not that old stop saying 'old man yaoi'"
Shidou: ............. if you could just give me some time to take a closer look at these later...
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
yousharknotpass
2087
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