[vnillandcigrtts]

people who willingly use semicolons are so sexy

[vnillandcigrtts]

where are my niche group of people who love alone with you in the ether AND an apprenticeship or the book of pleasures???

hmu pls i have things to discuss

[vnillandcigrtts]

oddly specific lyrics from 'forever is a feeling' by lucy dacus

(bit of a backstory, this album came out at the most perfect time in my life: i had it on repeat in april 2025, during the last month of my study year abroad where i was living with my girlfriend - we had survived the harsh, brutal winter together and it was finally spring and i love spring and i love this album and i love my girlfriend and i love love.)

track two: big deal

'i'm surprised that you're the one who said it first' - my girlfriend said 'i love you' to me first in may 2024 and i was surprised, to say the least (i didn't say it back straight away but i very much felt it)

'if you had waited a few years, i would've burst' - i never would've said it first

'so what changes, if anything? / maybe everything can stay the same' - in the first week we became friends (knowing it would probably become more than that) we made a pact saying that no matter how this ends, we'll still be cool with each other, and things will stay the same

'do you remember? you say "how could i forget?"' - we both remember everything that has ever happened between us

track three: ankles

'then help me with the crossword in the morning / you are gonna make me tea / gonna ask me how did i sleep' - the simplicity of mundane life together, we would play connections (the nyt game) every morning and she would make me tea (i love living with my girlfriend)

'how lucky are we to have so much to lose?' - !!!

track five: modigliani

'why does it feel significant? / why do i have to tell you about it?' - me and my dying need to tell my girlfriend about every little thing that happens in my day and my dying need to know about every little thing in her day too

'you make me homesick for places i've never been before' - my girlfriend constantly talks about her hometown (which i first visited a month after this album came out) as well as the country she spends every summer in

'meeting your family was a trip' - i spent two weeks in my girlfriend's hometown that summer, staying in her childhood home with her family and i was high the entire time

'you've got all these mannerisms that you never do' - meeting my girlfriend's friends and noticing all the little phrases they all share

'i like watching you win over a new crowd' - i loved seeing my girlfriend meet my friends, seeing how her charm works on them too

'but i feel better when you call / just to tell me how you are' - long distance relationships will be the death of me

track seven: for keeps

'i don't believe in anything anymore / except you and me supremacy' - facts

'but i still miss you when i'm with you / cause i know we're not playing for keeps' - this was my thought process the entire time we were living together, because i knew it was gonna have to come to an end and i didn't know when the next time we would get this again

track eight: forever is a feeling

'i remember everywhere we've ever been and went' - i actually do, for a while i could remember specifically every calendar date during out first year of uni together and exactly what we did each day

'i remember thinking you were pretty when we met' - i remember my exact thoughts when i met my girlfriend for the first time, i remember how cool she looked and how i was so intrigued by her, i remember what she was wearing (that same sweater she wore that day she gifted to me for my 21st birthday), i remember the first words i spoke to her (she asked if anyone was sat at a chair and i said "no, you can sit"), i remember everything

track nine: come out

'even on opposite sides of the room / i am orbiting you' - funny story, a few weeks into our study abroad placement, my girlfriend was moved away from me in the classroom because we would talk too much; she was at the front, i was at the back and at any chance we'd sneak over to each other if the teacher wasn't looking

'i used to think that'd be the worst / to grow old and run out of words' - a friend once asked me if me and my girlfriend ever ran out of things to talk about since we were each other's main friend, and we said that we've covered almost every conversation topic

track ten: best guess

'you are my girl / you are my pack a day / you are my favourite place' - i somehow have not obtained a nicotine addiction during my relationship with my girlfriend who is the biggest smoker i know (yet we'd both share a pack a day when we lived together)

'you are my best guess at the future' - the countless nights we spent talking about the future and how if we break up, we'll end up crossing paths in the future and we'll end up together

track twelve: most wanted man

'now i feel your hand under the table at the fancy restaurant' - one of my fondest memories from near the end of my year abroad, my girlfriend took me out to the same fancy restaurant we had visited at the start of the year and it was beautiful and magical (it actually reminded me of the restaurant scene in tfios which is funny)

'living the dream before we fully pass our prime' - i think we really did live the dream, all before we were even 20

'i'll have time to write the book on you' - i actually do plan to write a book on her at some point

track thirteen: lost time (extended)

'it's almost spring and i can't wait and i can't think' - my precise thoughts when this album came out

'i love you and every day / that i knew and didn't say / is lost time' - i often feel like there's a constant countdown with our relationship and i'm constantly worrying about all the time we're never gonna get back

'i wish that we could have a place that we could share' - our little blue and green flat will always hold such a special place in my heart (it's insane to think there's this random flat in this random country that has pieces of us all over it)

'not only stolen moments in abandoned halls / quiet touch in elevators and bathroom stalls' - whilst walking up the stairs to our classroom every day she would give me a little kiss before entering the hallway, and the elevator that would take us to the ground floor in our flat has our dna everywhere

'nothing lasts forever so let's see how far we get / so when it comes my turn to lose you / i'll have made the most of it' - fuck lucy dacus gets it SO bad

'your face is a language / i'm fluent by now / you can tell me the whole story without saying it out loud' - we often have full conversations just with eye contact

'i notice everything about you, i can't help it / it's not a choice, it's been this way since we met' - i had been plotting on her since day one, it really has been this way since we met

in conclusion: my beautiful girl, noor 3ini, i love you forever (but nothing lasts forever so let's see how far we get) and my dear lucy daytime kiss kiss, thank you for this album

[vnillandcigrtts]

who am i if not your lover!! when this is over, who will i be!!! who am i to you? who am i to MYSELF??

[vnillandcigrtts]

people who willingly use semicolons are so sexy

[vnillandcigrtts]

5 year anniversary of my claim to fame, the beginning of my era as a niche internet micro celebrity

[vnillandcigrtts]

jeremiah fisher has competition for cheapest engagement ring, watch out chris evans

[vnillandcigrtts]

i have began my descent on the tumblr to substack pipeline

the ex writer in me has never been happier

[vnillandcigrtts]

pls send me asks !!!

i’m bored i need entertainment

[sikenpilled]

quotes from crush that keep me up at night

i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything.

you see, i take the parts that i remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what i say or love me back.

you are a fever i am learning to live with, and everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel.

here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.

i don’t really blame you for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.

the radio aches a little tune that tells the story of what the night is thinking. it’s thinking of love. it’s thinking of stabbing us to death and leaving our bodies in a dumpster.

and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be, and you don’t trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy.

there’s only one thing i want, don’t make me say it, just get me bandages, i’m bleeding, i’m not just making conversation.

i think i’d rather keep the bullet. it’s mine, see, i’m not giving it up.

if you love me, henry, you don’t love me in a way i understand.

actually, you said love for you is larger than the usual romantic love. it’s like a religion. it’s terrifying. no one will ever want to sleep with you.

you, the moon. you, the road. you, the little flowers by the side of the road. you keep singing along to that song i hate. stop singing.

there’s a part in the movie where you can see right through the acting, where you can tell that i’m about to burst into tears, right before i burst into tears.

i said my arms are very long and your head’s on fire. i said kiss me here and here and here and you did.

you’re going to die in your best friend’s arms. and you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down, you’ve memorized it. it’s all you know.

in the dream i don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap.

you had a bottle of pills but i wouldn’t let you swallow them. you said will you love me even more when i’m dead? and i said no, and i threw the pills on the sand. look at them, you said. they look like emeralds.

the face in the mirror is a pale and naked hostage and no one can tell which room he’s being held in.

you were burned, you were about to burn, you’re still on fire.

sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine.

we have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven, which brings us back to the hero’s shoulders and the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it. 

there are many names in history but none of them are ours.

i wanted to hurt you, but the victory is that i could not stomach it.

we know how it works. the world is no longer mysterious. 

[vnillandcigrtts]

might just pay someone to write my frankenstein essay for me

[petaltexturedskies]

Virginia Woolf, from a letter to Vanessa Bell written c. August 1908

[vnillandcigrtts]

me @ all my past lovers

[vnillandcigrtts]

when phoebe bridgers said "the billboard said 'the end is near'" and when harry styles said "they told me that the end is near" and when taylor swift said "i know they said the end is near"

[vnillandcigrtts]

and in that moment, you realised this was what being a teenager was about, and you wondered how you could have lived for anything else

[vnillandcigrtts]

last ever day of school in a week today!! (i feel like violently throwing up)

[vnillandcigrtts]

mary lambert was so real when she said "i only know how to exist when i'm wanted" like (!!!!) me fr

[vnillandcigrtts]

seventeen was my great perhaps.

[vnillandcigrtts]

it truly is something when you tell your ex to read 'mad girl's love song' by sylvia plath and they reply saying 'in what way did you make me up inside your head' and then block you