TLDR: Had best birthday. Thanks fam.
I wasnt sure where to post this long thing So Tumblr is getting it. This was a deeply personal event but I’m defaulting to scene names for this writing. Please don’t read this if open sexuality, BDSM, or blood are uncomfortable for you to hear about.
I have complicated feelings about my birthday. My childhood birthday parties often overlapped with blizzards and icy roads preventing friendsfrom coming over or me from going anywhere. The Superb Owl causes most non sports bars to close so if my birthday was a Sunday, I couldn’t go to dinner. I was homeschooled and had a lot of different friends who didn’t know each other and I did not understand that inviting them all would be awkward af. This has all resulted in a lot of birthday anxiety. Most years I’d crave something special but not know how to go about it or feel secure enough to try. Then the day would come along and be a pretty average day and I’d feel sad about it.
Slowly over the last few birthdays, my partner Chiffon helped and encouraged me to do things, with guidance on how to make the party I wanted happen. Last year I threw a slightly bigger party myself that went well enough to embolden me to do something much bigger this year.
My 30th birthday landed directly on a Saturday and I took full advantage. I reserved the Conduit space with Lex far in advance for the night and planned the shit out of it. A fully equipped dungeon ready for play. I expanded my invites to those I knew could handle and would enjoy such a party and knew at least a few other people there. I did my best to build hype, encouraging guests to make play plans in advance. Carefully wording the invite so everyone would dress in their best blue. As it turns out, three separate brand new blue suits were bought because of this. And every one looked damn good.
I could not have done any of this without my people. My chosen family is big and loyal and skilled and they get shit done. They were ready to jump on whatever weird thing I asked for and do the things.
My partner Esme mom’d me so hard. She got blue everything you can imagine. Plates, serving trays, cutlery, balloons, a blue signature cocktail, a memory book for guests to sign, and handmade pretty blue glittery signs everywhere. She got me up early on our day together and took me to the gym at 9:30am followed by all kinds of errands to get everything we needed. She thought of so much that I never would have, did it swiftly, and did it so well. She bullied me into productivity in the sweetest way anyone has ever forced me to wake up before 9am in my entire life and I appreciate her so much for that.
I held a funeral for my youth. A black glitter stage prop coffin was borrowed from Nastya and transported to the venue by Berserker. I warned people who might want to prepare a eulogy to do so. I pictured the recent Good Place funerals the characters held for each other. Part heartfelt but with jokes that bordered on a roast. I planned it all out and yet once I was laying down looking up at my loved ones speaking, it finally occurred to me: OH THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. This wasn’t a sketch in a show. It was real people I know and love saying things that are really about me. People I’ve known for 2, 6, 10+, and Jocelyn for a whopping 26 years. It was all recorded and I’m so glad because I felt so many feels at their words that the details had become a blur.
A meme went around awhile back that you can substitute blood for eggs in baking, due to the similar proteins. I knew I wanted a cake made with human blood right away. Some debate was made about who’s blood, and who to draw and bake the cake. Ultimately, despite my tiny horrible veins and genuine needle phobia, it seemed most fitting to use mine. The last drops of my 20’s as an offering. Violet offered to bake the cake despite her fear of blood, with enthusiasm for the science of it all. I planned, I hydrated, I got tested. The conversions were done and the math triple checked. Berserker ended up drawing my blood, having to whip out some advanced skills to get it all and hurt me as little as possible. This was my ordeal scene and it took about an hour. I cried just a tiny bit and had a sippy cup of water and insisted on watching the Jeremy Bearimy episode of The Good Place while Chiffon held my hand. We got everything we needed and Violet worked her magic. 4/5 of us in the kitchen tasted the batter when it was all mixed and it tasted just like a normal chocolate cake. All casually standing around, eating my raw blood together mixed with coco, sugar, flour, etc. The cakes turned out so seemingly normal and delicious. Violet made it look magnificent and no one would have been the wiser if we hadn’t had a sign Esme made to label it with the listed ingredients and my testing history. I taste delicious and if you ate my blood cake, I am inside you from now on.
I’m writing all of this from the airplane, next to Becca, on our way to Orlando to go to Star Wars and Harry Potter World. Becca carefully planned the whole trip and saved me all the stress of it and I’m so grateful. I’m 30 years old and I’m finally going to fucking hogwarts.
This birthday was a LOT and it was honestly the best birthday I’ve ever had. Thank you to each and every one of you who reached out. Who texted and messaged me. Who were there. Who wanted to be there from afar. Who helped in prep weeks, days, and hours before the party. Who cleaned up and gave me aftercare cuddles and flooded me with love. I have never felt so loved by so many people at once. Thank you.
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