He doesn't expect the truth to sound like comfort from her lips. His gaze shifts slowly to look beside him at the woman, as she tells him what they'd be doing is not what Maric had done to him. What his father had done was in fact, cowardice. And what he'd be doing—is saving the lives of more than just himself but of a dear friend. And giving Morrigan what she needs.
Or at least, what she seems to believe she does.
He doesn't deign to understand much of anything, really. She herself has remarked on his willingness to follow even if it was to their certain deaths had their friend not be as forthcoming and good-hearted. Yet, the implications of this coupling have far more complicated futures than they both have been willing to say out loud. But Alistair is beginning to think that regardless, what she speaks will have to be enough. And he does not have the luxury of time to make a thought out decision.
It is tonight—or the Maker may take him come tomorrow.
When she drives home the point of his lack of involvement, one that she will not deviate, he can't help the twinge of loss that he feels all the same. He is young, the thought of marriage and family not a concern for him—or a real possibility given his station in this life. Grey Wardens don't often have the luxury of finding love, and starting families was impossible.
She is offering him what could be his only chance of being a father—and telling him he can't have it. It's a fact that he must bear, a loss he must accept. For he can see no other way, that does not end with him or their friend dead.
The ache remains but he slowly looks up at the ceiling, swallowing the thick lump in his throat as his eyes grow glassy. Acceptance seems to weave into his features, aging him a bit as he sits with it. And then—
" I will do this. " He finally accepts as amber eyes, wet with tears he will not shed, he does not need to give her ammunition against his sentimentality, even if for some reason, he thinks this one time she may yet have mercy in her heart.
His chest caves in with the shallow inhale of air, eyes taking in the view of her before he can speak again. Up close he can see the gold of her eyes, the beauty marks just to the side of her mouth and upon the height of her cheek—and the deep curve of the cupid's bow of her lips. He is not blind, even in her cruel mockery and his bitter defensive strategy, he can see how beautiful she is. But that has never been what mattered to him, he'd always wanted to share himself with someone he loved, someone who would understand why he'd waited until now. It doesn't matter.
" All I ask of you is to not treat this like a joke, because what I'm about to do is something I've— " He looks away, nearly embarrassed as he needs to get the hold of himself. His head shakes, his hands rub together nervously between parted knees as he slowly finds the courage to look back at her. What looks upon her now isn't the oafish grey warden she's come to enjoy prodding and dragging through the mud when it is convenient. But a young man who had convictions that he now must sacrifice. " I've never lain with a woman before. And I don't take this lightly—I am giving a part of myself to you that I care for. Please do not mock it. "