vero @vposledniyraz - Tumblr Blog

Vero . 21 . It/They/He

Autistic traumagenic did system with bpd. This is a blog for us to keep our stuff on. Maybe make friends idk. Mostly Vero probably.

Not going to censor anything we say (as this is going to act as a sort of "open communication line" as we don't have good internal communication), but will tag appropriately.

DNI: under 18s, gatekeepers, "disorder police", cringe haters

BYF: This blog will contain NSFW, trauma-sharing, fictional depictions of sensitive topics, self-harm discussions, favourite person discussions. Probably more, will try to add accordingly.

Frequent fronters:

Vero: host. Subhuman dogthing who has intense source ties (delusional.) and needs intense therapy. Copes with his source which is a fictional world we created.

93: autism holder. Likes webcore, viruscore, and old technology. Interact with care.

Coda: persecutor. Not good, lets put it that way. Usually only around if Vero is around.

#system #system intro #traumagenic system #did system #sysblr #personal blog #bpd #bpd blog #sys blog #system blog

I went crazy at him and he still didn't respond lol. Fucking asshole.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

Ok. Bad fucking timing. He just ignored everything I've said and sent me 🌽 on twt. What the actual FUCK. I wonder if I should confront him about how bad he's making me feel.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

I think I actually might do it tbh. It's too much. He's not talking to me no matter how hard i try. It's not worth the pain anymore. It's not worth living like this.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.#cw suicidal ideation

vposledniyraz

Preparing for 2 weeks of being blanked by FP cuz his "boyfriend" is coming over from America tomorrow . Just hoping that I can pile in overtime at work so I can just ignore all of the feelings when i don't have him around to talk to. He's the only person I have really. At least, the only person I have that I feel like i can talk to at any time without filter.

vposledniyraz

It’s already happening and it’s only day 1. I’m sending him messages and he’s ignoring me. Just sending me pictures of them together. Fuck off. Fuck right off.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

It’s in my fucking bed. Get out of my bed, that’s where I sleep when I’m with him, you’re not allowed it.

I’m crying I’m fucking crying. I’m not sleeping in that bed ever again, I refuse to, I’ll sleep on the floor before I even touch that bed again. It’s where I belong anyway, isn’t it.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

Game I was looking forward to released today and I can’t even feel happy playing it cuz his fucking “boyfriend” just HAD to arrive today.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

Going to keep this as my status for the next 2 weeks so that he feels the crushing pain that I feel.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

Please don't forget about me.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

The two weeks of heartache are going to start very soon. I wish I had someone to make me focus on them, to be overbearing and controlling over me, so that I don't have to deal with feeling unloved.

I think if I don't kayemess in the next two weeks, I think I can probably handle anything life throws at me cuz I'm about to go through the worst time of my life unless somebody decides that I'm entertaining enough to use me.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

I'm already sick of you.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

Preparing for 2 weeks of being blanked by FP cuz his "boyfriend" is coming over from America tomorrow . Just hoping that I can pile in overtime at work so I can just ignore all of the feelings when i don't have him around to talk to. He's the only person I have really. At least, the only person I have that I feel like i can talk to at any time without filter.

#vero.#bpd.#my fp.

vposledniyraz

I've been experiencing a major delusional and dissociative episode for the past 3 hours. Its never been this bad before, I can usually get out of it within the first hour but everything i usually do isn't working and its growing worse and worse and my only form of help is choosing not to help and I dont know what else to do because that's always my last option; asking to be talked down upon and dehumanised and mistreated. And now I dont have anyone to do that. So I have no options and im just spiralling further and further and nothing is distracting me either. I dont know what to do im so afraid

vposledniyraz

Not ok, but am better. All that had to happen was my worst trigger song to come on. I'm reset now, at least.

#vero.

I've been experiencing a major delusional and dissociative episode for the past 3 hours. Its never been this bad before, I can usually get out of it within the first hour but everything i usually do isn't working and its growing worse and worse and my only form of help is choosing not to help and I dont know what else to do because that's always my last option; asking to be talked down upon and dehumanised and mistreated. And now I dont have anyone to do that. So I have no options and im just spiralling further and further and nothing is distracting me either. I dont know what to do im so afraid

#vero.#cry for help.#cw abuse mention

What is wrong with people. One moment, a friend that we had scheduled to hang out with tonight is hitting me with "oh, why isnt V being let out?" And i tell them (and its a valid reason, I am for once trying to keep us both safe.), and they say "I like him" and "im sad" and ":(". And then HE messages me TWO SECONDS LATER, after I send him something that reminds me of him, AND HE BRINGS UP HIS "BOYFRIEND" "OH, DID YOU KNOW HE BOUGHT THIS THING FOR ME?" YES. I DID. IT'S ALL YOU SPOKE ABOUT YESTERDAY, AND I IGNORED YOU FOR A REASON.

I swear to hell. People are REALLY testing me tonight. I just want to finish my drink, not have a dog at my feet, AND EXIST FREELY.

#coda.#bpd.#my fp.#friends.

Poor thing needed help being dehumanised today, and I was the only one who could help him. Aw. At least he'll learn to accept that I am one of the very few that can deal with and attend to his needs. Sweet, dumb thing.

#coda.#bpd.#my fp.

On a more positive note, V arranged to meet up with someone who's very kinky and loves petplay in a week's time. He has so graciously agreed to treat V how it wants to be treated (minus the physical harm, but that's easy to rectify on our own.) and I am soooo going to love putting him in that headspace before we even get there. ^^

#coda.#meeting R.#sx.

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