years
I haven’t been on this thing in so many years but i have no-where else to turn to in my time of sadness to let it out, and this used to be that a very long time ago so here i am i guess. It’s pretty nice no longer having anyone on here that i know or having anyone i know use this anymore. I came on here to see our old messages and they’re gone and i think that just confirms that it’s probably done with but i can’t wrap my mind around it still. My heart hasn’t committed to that. How do you erase years and years of a being that was a part of you. I feel like i’ve lost my soul or heart. Maybe parts of both. I don’t know what to do with my grief but i can’t get through just a single day without crying. Today i couldn’t stop the tears while I ate. There is a huge part of me that is in disbelief still, and lots of feelings I am unable to reconcile with. I opened your name on my app and i saw you online at the same moment i was and i wondered if you had mine open and were just doing the same thing I am. I think i’m an idiot to feel that way after everything that’s happened. I pretend to be okay every-day lately and I desperately wish I had never left Japan so i could have been far from it all.
It’s been over a month, and there are still many more to come without you. I haven’t figured out a single way to get by knowing that.
