Pathetic Writer

And if life give me the chance to escape its cruelness, give up on me.

[w0rtless]

🌹,

I'm flawed like a perfect blackhole,

i destroy everything that comes near me

I'm sorry.

[w0rtless]

🌹,

You said it was hard to love me because I was too sad. Tears always running down my cheeks. Red and tired eyes, even my barely smiling lips, you hate those things about me. Is it my fault that I'm sadness's favorite friend? And instead of staying at my side while I'm on a rough sea, you chose to sail alone and leave me.

[w0rtless]

🌹,

Do you know how painful it is? Seeing you falling to another girl while I'm badly falling for you. Knowing that she can make you happy more than I can. Knowing that you are more willing to be with her than being with me. That's why I can't let you choose, because I know no matter what happen, it's her that you will always choose.

[w0rtless]

An open letter to a lost friend

I miss you. There's no time that I don't remember every memories that we shared. When we willingly open our doors so wide and talk to your bed all night about our crushes, our favorite food from the new cafe or how our teachers scold us for being so loud at the class. I miss those vivid moments.

I can't blame you, It's not my fault that I lost you and it's not yours either. I can't blame you coz you also lost yourself. You needed to lose me in able to find your missing soul.

And I know it's been tough walking around the darkness feeling so alone. Lost in the woods wearing your scared skin, your tired eyes and with a sorrowful heart. I know you already want to quit, ready to raise your white flag declaring that you're defeated by dark with pain and loneliness as his knights.

But you're stronger than that, I know coz I'm your friend and I known you for so long. Keep walking until you find your new soul and you no longer need to be in the dark. I'll be waiting outside, I promise. And as soon as you get out of that cage I will give you the warmest hug that a friend can give and I will tell you this "Congrats! You've made it my friend, you defeated depression"

[w0rtless]

Did i stopped writing?

No, i just stopped posting and now I'm back❤️

I also thought that i lost this account so i never tried to recover it before. You can look forward now to more poems and random piece.

[w0rtless]

🌹,

Can i hug you for a moment?

I need a shoulder

For just a couple of seconds i need a support

Coz it feels like any moment i might not be able to stand

Feet can't find their strengths

I'm breaking

Torn into pieces

Can you be my escape?

[w0rtless]

🌹,

I was ready to say I love you

I was ready to confess my feelings for you

But then you suddenly said that I'm your most treasured friend

And i don't want to take that treasure away from you

[w0rtless]

09-22-19

Sorry for slow update. Kakauwi ko lang from a Science Camp kahapon ng tanghali kaya medyo kailangan ng konting pahinga. I have story to tell from my experience there.

Kung hindi nyo alam, I super duper love yung mga Camp kasi sobrang adventurous kong tao. Yung mahilig sa mga challenges and physical activities. Isa ako sa mga leader ng team namin so samin unang ieexplain yung mechanics ng bawat game and kaming bahala magexplain sa mga members namin.

Then yun na nga inexplain na samin yung mechanics ng next game na may 3 rounds daw. Ang goal ng first round is mahanap lahat ng 16 puzzle pieces sa buong school but 5 members lang yung pwede and we will be given a 10 mins. 2nd round is bubuuin na yung nakuhang puzzle ng panibagong members pero yung pattern makikita lang nila sa 5th floor ng building and one at a time lang pwedeng umakyat. 3rd is sila yung magkacrack ng code na nabuo from the puzzle pieces na 2 members lang yung pwede.

Then pagkatapos iexplain samin nagsabi agad ako sa isa pang leader (since dalawa kami) na isa ako sa maglalaro sa 1st round. Considering na physically fit ako and hindi pa ako nakakasali sa kahit anong game nung night na yun. Pumayag sya, sabi nya kami na daw yung 2 sa limang maglalaro sa 1st round.

Pagdating namin sa team agad naming inexplain yung mechanics tapos nagulat ako kasi ang daming gustong maglaro sa 1st round. Akala ko sigurado na na makakalaro ako pero nagulat ako kasi bigla nyang sinabi na mag maiba-taya daw kami para malaman kung sino yung iba pang pwedeng sumama kasi isa na sya sa maglalaro. Mga erp sobrang naiinis na ako nun kasi akala ko naintindihan nya yung sinabi ko. Pero di parin ako sumuko sinubukan ko yung swerte ko, pero wala.

Habang naglalaro sila bigla akong tumahimik, nawalan ng gana, naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi hanggang ngayon di ko parin pala kayang ivoice out yung nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko kayang ipaglaban yung sarili ko. Habang naririnig ko yung mga kaklase ko na nagchicheer para sa kanila hindi ko maiwasang maiinggit kasi gustong gusto ko yung bagay na yun at hindi mawala sa isip ko na ako sana yung isa sa mga naglalaro nun.

Bigla nalang tumulo yung luha ko, hindi sa lungkot kundi sa inis. Sobrang naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi baka siguro kung pinilit ko baka nakasama ako or nagawa ko. Pero kasi hindi ako yung ganong klase ng tao. Hindi ko ipipilit yung gusto ko lalo na kung gusto din yun ng ibang tao. Ang hilig kong mag give way. At nakakainis kasi hindi yung makita ng ibang tao.

Alam kong parang maliit lang na bagay yun and ginagawa kong bigdeal. Pero yun kasi talaga yung nararamdaman ko. FYI sobrang sensitive ko kasing tao when it comes to my feelings.

[w0rtless]

Daily blog 01 | 09-09-19

Today was a very tiring day. Paiba-iba yung weather kaya I'm not feeling well. Sumabay pa yung tambak na school works na akala mo nag-usap usap yung mga teachers para pahirapan kami. Recently nagkakaroon din ng problema sa bahay. I don't know what to do right now. Kung anong uunahin ko, sobrang gulo na kasi. Pagod ka na nga galing school tapos pag-uwi mo ng bahay di ka pa makakapagpahinga kasi may mga responsibilities ka rin na kailangan mong gampanan. Want to know what is worst? My friends and my family didn't bother to ask if I'm okay. Walang silbi na ipakitang nàhihirapan ka kasi wala naman silang pake. I'm very sensitive person kaya ayoko sa mga insensitive na mga tao. Yung pinapakita na nga sayo harap harapan pero parang wala lang sa kanila.

Because of this, something in my mind saying na sumuko nalang. Yes, nakikita nilang masaya ako pero diba ganun naman talaga? Kailangan pa nilang malaman kung nalulungkot or may problema ka? We tend to keep it to ourselves kahit na sobrang hirap na. Encouragement is what I need now, kailangan kong maramdaman na may mga taong naniniwala parin sakin, taong magpapalakas ng loob ko, magpapaalala na kakayanin ko. But luckily, lahat sila kaibigan ka kapag napapakinabangan ka lang, when you're already on the dark they went all like shadows. And it hurts, seeing the people you expect to be there on your side, leaving you.

You are worth it, you are appreciated and you are loved.💛

[w0rtless]

Why do people fall out of love?

Maybe because that was not love. Maybe because you've never been love. Because love never fades, it is a commitment towards imperfect people that often requires sacrifices. And when you love someone you will accept her/him whole heartedly. And you can't give the damn reason that you fall out because you discover some of my flaws. Sorry I'm not perfect. Now I know it wasn't love.

[w0rtless]

Sometimes I'm thinking. What if all the things that they want about me was gone?

Would they still stay? Would they still want to have me? Maybe now they want me because I have something they want or they get something from me. I'm afraid to know that that day is possible to happen, possible to come. That one daw I will wake up and I have nothing, it's just me and God. People around me only want to see the good side of me, they don't want to encounter my dark. They only want a perfect me. But the truth is I'm flawed, I'm not perfect and I realize that at the end I only have God beside me.

[w0rtless]

Sometimes I hate it when I can't even love myself.

There are times where it is so hard for me to give attention for the things I need. I always want put other first before myself.