COME CLOSER AND I'LL WHUP YA WITH LEAD!

I'LL EMBLAZON MY FAMILY CREST ON YOUR CRAVEN ASS!

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

I STAND WITH TRANS WOMEN AND GIRLS AND LADIES FOREVER AND EVER.

COMMISSION MY FRIEND FOR EPIC ART !!!!!!!

The chance that you, the person reading this, found out about Borderlands from the movie, or came here from Reddit, is incredibly slim. But if you did, welcome to Mr. Nikolai Jakobslock's Wild Ride; here we make our own Borderlands with figurative blackjack and metaphorical hookers.

Hi I'm Nikolai/Brass/Bismarck/Ambrose, AKA the CEO of wainlock, AKA the number one gay old men enjoyer, AKA the wainlock supremacy believer, AKA the bald spot slapper, aka Mr. Old Man Yaoi, aka the no.1 borderlands meme remake provider (as named by @zer0zaneathenamain), aka the old man yaoi supplier (as named by @felicity-rampant), aka Jakobs Jr. or Mr. Faggotslock (as named by @magnuficent76), aka nikolai “I see no god up here, except for ME” jakobslock (as named by my insta friend), aka the idiot of famed Rimworld modder tutkler. i use ey/em and he/him pronouns! please read my carrd before you follow me

in light of tumblr's "ai" "partnership" all art i post on this blog (tag: #artstuff) will be watermarked and overlaid with a grainy filter.

i also write things (tag is #writestuff) and mod (tag is #modstuff)

block #hammercocked to not see my occasional say gexposting

you can also find me on:

ao3: hallowlock

tvtropes: mrgaykobs

warframe: hallowlock

nexusmods: hallowlock

github: hallowfiend

steam: hallowlock

my askbox is always open and i'm always glad to talk about:

my borderlands rewrite (Jakobs Family Values, aka JFV)

my other borderlands AUs

my OCs, borderlands or not

your own borderlands AUs or rewrites!

your own OCs, especially borderlands ones!

my art or writing!

YOUR art or writing?

Wainlock <3

anything else you want

my dms are also open forever pls i want to talk abt my things so bad pleas

you may tag me for wisdom in geriatric homosexual relations, akin to summoning a dark souls phantom (credit to @themanwhomadeamonster)

if you wish to talk rimworld, my rimblr is @gauranlentree . "But Nikolai there's no such thing as a rimblr!" there is now because I made one. as for minecraft, the blog is @redstoneflux (still cant believe i snagged that url)

i collect gay old men like pokemon so if you have any please tell me about them

my borderlands meta/media analysis tag is #jakobs manor metas. warning: contents of said tag might open your third eye with a crowbar

im physically and mentally disabled. if i see any ableds clowning on my posts it is an instant block

if we are mutuals please, oh please tag current events (AND NOT UNDER SOME KIND OF CONVOLUTED TAG). i have ocd and paranoia. please respect that. thank you kindly

current hyperfixation: i am being gregified

READ JAKOBS FAMILY VALUES HERE

Experience alivemanor here.

THIS BLOG CONTAINS BORDERLANDS 4 SPOILERS. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE #BL4 SPOILERS BLOCKED!!!!

[eclecticopposition]

what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why

[w-e-i-r-d-f-o-o-d]

There’s probably been some awful herbal alcohol thing but the worst I can remember is when I was in my car and had a new bottle of soda in one cup holder and without looking took a big drink from a bottle in a different cup holder, which had been in the hot car for a few days with some dregs that I had spit some gum into

[niuniente]

keriwi1 replied to your post: I love ice cream and it is the only thing I miss a…

why there’s ‘tar’ on the list? o.O

Wood tar is a flavor (and a scent) here and it’s important part of this country’s cultural and financial history. We still have a saying when someone is badly ill; “If it’s not cured by booze, tar and sauna, then it’s fatal”. 

Tar ice-cream with a tar flavored sauce.

I personally love tar flavor and scent! There’s tar soda, too, but I haven’t seen it in markets for a long while (on the other hand, I can’t drink sodas anymore so I haven’t really checked soda aisles)

[niuniente]

dannybagpipesarecalling replied:

For non-US reference, here, one meaning of tar is the sticky black stuff they use to pave the roads.  We have a saying “Tar and feather” which is really horrible, worse than it even sounds, and is a different kind of tar (I think). But basically here, my only association with ‘tar’ is negative. It’s interesting to learn it means something totally different for you. I wonder if it’s like molasses?

This is wood tar. The same stuff you use to coat wooden boats so that they won’t rot from the water contact.

It’s extracted from pine by burning it slowly so the black tar forms.

Here’s diagram of it but in Finnish:

Basically you dig a deep pit and fill it with pieces of pine wood. Then you cover it with dirt, moss and peat. The bottom of tervahauta - tar pit - is patted tightly sealed with peat and clay.

It takes about a week to burn a big tar pit. Tar starts to form and run into the tar barrel on 3rd day, but it will run faster the longer the tar pit is in fire, as the tar gets hotter and more fluid.

When there was the time of gigantic ships in the world - think about the huge armadas and European royal ships etc. - they were most often coated with Finnish tar. Tar has been always been super important export item in our history, together with wood itself.

Tar’s consistence is same as with molasses but it’s not the same thing. Tar is - naturally - very smokey and it can have the bitterness of pine wood in its taste too. Maybe liquid smoke flavor goes closest to tar’s flavor - sweet version of it, of course.

We have many things in tar scent and flavor; alcohol, salves, soaps, aromas for sauna, candles, candies, shampoo, conditioner, syrup…

I grew up in a household which was warmed with wood, so the smokey smell of tar is very homey to me. I always have tar soap at home. 

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

hey am i insane or does the borderlands series tries to elicit sympathy for jack more times than it does for banditkind

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

there was this reddit post some time ago that asked "what keeps bandits from being sympathetic" and the top comment was removed, but if the replies are anything to go by, the most upvoted response was "they kill and steal"

jack (a single person btw, as compared to an entire group of people numbered in the billions that can't possibly be homogeneous and/or collectively responsible) does infinitely worse up to and including genocide and is given multiple "sympathetic" moments.

so in theory, there shouldn't be anything stopping bandits from being sympathetic. And Yet,

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

[laughs in This Is Literally What I've Been Talking About For Years At This Point]

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

hey am i insane or does the borderlands series tries to elicit sympathy for jack more times than it does for banditkind

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

there was this reddit post some time ago that asked "what keeps bandits from being sympathetic" and the top comment was removed, but if the replies are anything to go by, the most upvoted response was "they kill and steal"

jack (a single person btw, as compared to an entire group of people numbered in the billions that can't possibly be homogeneous and/or collectively responsible) does infinitely worse up to and including genocide and is given multiple "sympathetic" moments.

so in theory, there shouldn't be anything stopping bandits from being sympathetic. And Yet,

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

hey am i insane or does the borderlands series tries to elicit sympathy for jack more times than it does for banditkind

[magnuficentwo]

Thought about my Planet again. #Myplanet. Does anyone ever consider the fact that Pandora has no infrastructure for anything and that explains the behaviours for at least Most of the cast who is canonically pandoran

[magnuficentwo]

There are no schools. People cannot get an education. The game touts bandits as being completely stupid and violent, portraying them completely gracelessly as it throws them on you as enemy fodder, while also not addressing that they have infrastructure. They have houses, they have ways to cook, they have graffiti, they have personal brandings for each collective. No one thinks about how hard it is to make like an entire ass structure to live in. And yet they do that.

Bandit camps are full of lived in spaces. You have chests and containers strewn about full of items, you have bottles of beer and a game of cards set up, you have bandits placed in specific stations to keep watch of everything. They are almost more lived in than the actual cities you are meant to sympathize with in-game. But they are not seen as anything more than set dressing.

There's no consistent way to get water or to farm either, scavenging is the most reliable way to keep yourself alive on most circumstances. And so I have to wonder. Are these not humans? Are they not alive? The planet is uninhabitable, but life persists in it. There are people living in it right now, abandoned so long ago by the institutions meant to protect them, and yet they persist. Why are these people not awarded humanity? Why is the murder of them justifiable? You wouldn't be doing great if you didn't have A) education B) normal, easily accessible food and drink and C) a roof over your head to protect you from constant 45 hour long heat from the sun. Where would you be under these circumstances, I ask?

I don't know. Thinking about it again.

[kaiserouo]

slot machine, huh?

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

Who's your favorite BL4 Vault Hunter?

harlowe because im sciencepilled and therefore extremely biased (her story of being in the coalition and having her work twisted for violence fucking HURTTTTTT like no bb i know you want to just advance human knowledge). also because her green tree build makes jakobs shottys pop OFF.

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

spare bordered land asks pls....

[pathidoszune]

lETSGOGAMBLING!!!

[magnuficent76]

Beautiful Large Bisexual Men in YOUR Area are Aurafarming in the Woods in a Mysterious Way. Find Out Why Now !

Happy pride month, here's a study inspired by Tom of Finland. I had a lot of fun with it. Drawing leather is the best

[luxiomahariel]

trans men..... handsome..... so cool........ waoww ⭐

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

...How do we think climate change affected the Mansus

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

It's a massive world-encompassing thing. Entire gods-from-flesh have been known to ascend for infinitely less. The Hours have argued over things far smaller than it.

Would the nature of the Sun-in-Rags change now that carbon dioxide traps his rays in the atmosphere, intensifying them, imbuing them with a Forge-Edge-Winter sort of destructive power?

...Does the Wolf-Divided approve of such wanton, careless destruction. Is it the patron Hour of Big Oil.

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

...How do we think climate change affected the Mansus

[leggypuppy]

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY BOY PARSIVAL

[sassysnowperson]

Book of Hours is an utterly hilarious videogame, when you think about what the mechanics actually mean in-universe.

You are a librarian! You have taken on management of a Mystical House full of secrets, which you must slowly reveal room by room. But! A catastrophe struck before your arrival, so you gotta clear the rooms out as you go.

Except you're just one person, you gotta go get your neighbors to help out.

Most of the people will charge me money to help out, but the towns blacksmith, my old war-buddy Denzel, he'll help for free.

"Denzeeel!" I pound on his doorway at the break of dawn. "Come up to the big spooky house, why don't you?"

He comes to the house. And I show him the best time. We drink a smoky tea, feast upon rare pears that only bloom in the fae seasons, I gift him some metal and encourage him to look at it's cool magic properties. Dawn to morning to afternoon, we have a wonderful time. And then, as the day grows dark and he's thinking about heading home, I stop him.

"before you go, can you do me a quick favor?" And then I walk them into the basement, through some caves, and point to a room with roughly one billion bats.

"you can clear out roughly a billion bats, right? I really need to get in there."

And then my sweet, long-suffering friend goes into the room filled with roughly a billion bats to clear it out for me. Good man, I think fondly, as he stumbles home to his smithy after.

And then, as night turns to morning, I contemplate the next room, deep in the library's secret prison, burning with an eternal flame of the monstrous prisoner that broke his chains.

"you know who can help me handle this?" I say cheerfully as my skin reddens and cracks as I reach my hand toward the door. "My good friend Denzel!"