Everyday is like hell to me. The moment I realize what's going on. Though now that I've seen, it's easier to know that I was going through the wrong way. But walking out is not as easy as it seems.
I've made quite a stay there, along with the demons and the devils. The fair-weather friends. The party was lit there and how the blinding lights gets me high. I probably would've stayed longer but my body couldn't lie. It was crying so desperately, I was just too deaf to hear.
"What have you been doing?"
"How's your business?"
"What's the plan?"
"How are you saving up?"
Normal questions that I was dodging normally. I thought. Don't even ask when it started creep up to me- those whispers feeding me with lies.
My body was so desperate for her heart to be known. I lightly brush it off by finding things to entertain me.
"It's OK, me! There's always good things happening everyday! Let's just be grateful!"
Until I couldn't. And I wouldn't even notice how bad it was, if it wasn't for the sudden ugly crying, the immense feeling of rejection and Glo who I called up that night. She listened, although she didn't understand most of the sh*t I talked about, but she listened. Only when she listens that I get to understand what was really going on.
Unemployment is a scary thing.
It's a lonely road. I've been avoiding the fact that it is a problem. For me. Not that I'm not searching or not doing anything to make it better. But I didn't realize how it became this, tiny leak on my head that I barely notice. It became a weakness, it became uncounterable.
Except it wasn't. I have been "going out" so much, I didn't take time to think about how to upgrade my weapons, let alone train myself for the battle.
...and here I am now.
Eyes are swollen, body unhungry, thirsty but not complaining.
At least now I know where I should be walking. Though if I can ask for one thing, God:
Please don't let me be alone in this.
