Wandering Words

What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing... I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore.

[wanderingwordss]

allergic to the full spectrum of human emotion.

The Proposal (2009)

[wanderingwordss]

Hope you’ll be safe in the arms of another,

‘Cause I can’t take the weight of your love.

- Lewis Capaldi, Lost on You

[wanderingwordss]

This is not goodbye,

This is just until we meet again.

- Ed Sheeran, Visiting Hours

[wanderingwordss]

My anxiety is finding new ways to fuck me up.

A sharp pain in my chest, a throbbing headache and an elevated pulse rate.

I hope it takes me away with itself.

[wanderingwordss]

You turned out to be as filthy as dirt,

Yet I end up hating myself…

How does that make any sense

[wanderingwordss]

I love you.

But I can never forgive you for how much you hurt me.

I can never forgive you for how small you made me feel.

I can never forgive you for how you made me doubt myself.

I love you, but I wish I never did.

[wanderingwordss]

I will not have you without the darkness and demons within you,

But you won’t have me with the darkness and demons within me.

[wanderingwordss]

I feel like fool,

being with you,

not being able to let you go.

[wanderingwordss]

Why did you have to come into my life and ruin me like this

[wanderingwordss]

Trust.

A funny word, isn't it...

[stuckinapril]

obsessed with whatever distracts me from the horrors of being alive

[wanderingwordss]

"not actively suicidal"

[wanderingwordss]

I want to go back to being numb again,

I can't cry myself to sleep every night.

[fairydrowning]

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."

-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

[wanderingwordss]

you'll never find your way home

[feral-ballad]

Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak; “Concerns from a hot-boxed jeep”

[Text ID: “How do I stop / carrying everything / that had ever / happened to me?”]

[sleepytimegal777]

1. Just - Radiohead / 2. A Primer for the Small Weird Loves - Richard Siken / 3. The Hangover - Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec / 4. A House in Nebraska - Ethel Cain / 5. After the Misdeed - Jean Beraud / 6. Abject Permanence - Larissa Pham / 7. You Know I’m No Good - Amy Winehouse

[carfuckerlynch]

[transcript: 1. “god is fucking with my oblivion. if he wants forgiveness, he shouldn’t have given us memory.”

2. “your god comes and he is ordinary and terrible. he confers with the doctors at your kitchen table and tells you to eat….”

3. “our father who art in heaven. our father who art buried in the yard.”

4. “at the trial of god, we will ask: ‘why did you allow all this?’ and the answer will be an echo: ‘why did you allow all this?’”

5. “i don’t believe in god as much as i believe in the interrogation room. i believe in someone placing a loaded gun on a metal table between me and a door. who gets to be god then? will god be the bullet or the table or the door.”

6. “every spy knows this. some say god is where we put our sorrow. god says, which one of you fuckers can get to me first?”/end transcript.]

vi khi nao— fish in exile/leila chatti— portrait of the illness as nightmare/richard siken— snow and dirty rain/ilya kaminsky— a city like a guillotine shivers on its way to the neck/hanif abdurraqib— all the tv shows are about cops/richard siken— war of the foxes