Lucis Amator

fear nothing ✦ don't stop until you're proud ✦ Ave Lucifer

[warmedbylight]

✧ welcome ✧

vent and suggestive warning dni: F/CKING SATANIC FETISHISTS, homophobes, transphobes, racists, russophobes(and -phobes of any other nations, languages, etc), ableists, sexists

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✧ I'm Christoph or Nereich (he/it/they), 20 years old, female but genderless, bisexual. I have BPD. Also a medical student.

Also I’m russian, so даже если все посты на английском, не стесняйтесь взаимодействовать на русском.

✧ I'm not a witch, just a theistic luciferian satanist. Lord Lucifer is my only dear patron

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✧ My main art blog @kossstolom

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✧ This blog is not for offerings since I have a closed one for that, but more about sharing experiences or you know content? memes, drawings, problems

✧ English is not my native language and to be honest I don't know it well, so I use a translator. I'm sorry if there are any overly complex or inaccurate formulations here ( ；∀；)

[rainy-moonl1ght]

am i the only one who despises the concept of divine feminine/divine masculine

like as a non binary person it drives me nuts bc,, are you forgetting about dionysus androgynos and hapi

wicca transphobia at its finest i guess lol

[warmedbylight]

still working on this thinggggg. it genuinely upsets and bugs me that there are toooons of seemingly cool and interesting images of Lucifer, but they're all AI-generated or AI-enhanced. it's awful. for me it's just unacceptable to put something like that on the altar of a deity of art and knowledge especially as an artist. so uh, I'm trying to bring the idea to life with my own hands. funny thing is this art was supposed to be something quick like "at least it exists and made by me," but now here I am spending hooooours meticulously drawing the face to get it right and crying over the hair

[warmedbylight]

Даже если я, вероятно, сильно реагирую, я никогда не буду стыдиться своего сопротивления. Даже если оно мысленное. Даже если оно словесное. Я имею право бояться за себя и свою семью. Я хочу лучшей жизни. Я её заслуживаю. Я заслуживаю, чтобы меня не объективизировали, жить без террора, иметь реальные и полные права человека в обозначении себя и своих взглядов, я имею полное право оставаться тем, кем мне не нравится и не испытывать за это стыд, и неважно, чем он вызван - внутренними факторами или внешними. Я хочу, чтобы у каждой группы, к которой я принадлежу и не принадлежу была лучшая жизнь.

[warmedbylight]

Господи дай мне сил оставаться сильным оставаться собой и пережить все это

Если будущее светлое, то это адский огонь, которым полыхать будут все те, кто виноват

[ainu-blog]

Only where darkness rules, you need light as a guide

[warmedbylight]

made sexual offering feel foggy in a good way & filled all next day

funny feeling, like me got calmer and more excited at the same time. and like I'm more in touch with my own body, or something

[warmedbylight]

how I feel being fan of many Lucifers from media and 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁:

[warmedbylight]

oh and speaking of apples. I remembered there's a park with a pond and ducks near my house, so I figured, why not wash all the cinnamon off them real good and cut them up? it was a rainy, cold day, and I went out later than I'd planned, so just imagine me, trying to focus, tossing apple slices into the pond while dog walkers pass by behind me with their pets, all tense and uncomfortable in me. the ducks btw did not appreciate apples. didn't even taste them. but right after that, for the first!!! and last time!!! that whole day, the sun came out, and I just sat down on a bench, closed my eyes, and let my face soak up its rays. it was… really magical, honestly. I often think signs are just coincidences, and then something so obvious happens that there's just no explaining it away, haha

[warmedbylight]

damn I'm really saying (writing about) all the same things :(

[warmedbylight]

also I'm often scared of dying alone. my own head hates me so much that it starts poisoning even my spiritual life. a lot of the time I feel ashamed of myself in front of Lucifer, and I'm scared that I'm disappointing him and becoming unworthy of him. but when things get easier, I think that loneliness isn't so scary after all, and I could grow old knowing that there's a deity with me who loves me and whom I love, one who makes his presence known even when I don't have the energy to reach out. he's actually so gentle and attentive. with him, I feel like I have the world at my feet, and loneliness is like solitude.

[warmedbylight]

sometimes I think about the price you have to pay for individuality and freedom. it can be all sorts of things, up to and including threats to social or physical life, but in the end you always end up standing apart and fighting your loneliness. and dealing with constant pressure and discomfort. maybe even with your own head, because you live in society and it's definitely left some stuff in you, like shame or fear about certain things — from identity to illness. probably, I could be everything I want to be and have a lot of recognition, like-minded people, and some kind of easier path, but I just don't know how to make it all fit together yet. I guess the only thing that keeps me from getting lost in the darkness and wavering, from being afraid of the unknown, is Lucifer. I'm still scared, but at least I know I'm not fooling myself

[warmedbylight]

I randomly got a craving for apples (and I don't even like them, I ate so many as a kid once that I'm set for life) and I bought a few. there im standing in the kitchen slicing them when my cat, who’s been acting like some kind of Lucifer’s will-channeler lately comes running in and starts reaching for the apples and chirping??? so I guess Lord wants some??? Or maybe girl just wants anything I’m preparing, even if she has no clue what it is ahaha

[warmedbylight]

update i cut the sweetest apple I had in half and sprinkled half with cinnamon and put it on the altar, and ate the other one :3 maybe Lucifer doesn't need offerings so much, but this small action helped me get back to interaction for a bit. You know I avoided him out of my guilt and shame caused by my procrastination and apathy for life and education and even art

[warmedbylight]

fear nothing *my life is being destroyed by fear*

[warmedbylight]

also im not dead just. experiencing a terrible spiritual and personal and psychological decline. feel a little stupid that I'm coming to write a post about ordinary things instead of something really important but eeehhh. the good thing is if I come in here i guess I come back to life a little yay

[warmedbylight]

I randomly got a craving for apples (and I don't even like them, I ate so many as a kid once that I'm set for life) and I bought a few. there im standing in the kitchen slicing them when my cat, who’s been acting like some kind of Lucifer’s will-channeler lately comes running in and starts reaching for the apples and chirping??? so I guess Lord wants some??? Or maybe girl just wants anything I’m preparing, even if she has no clue what it is ahaha

[warmedbylight]

Every evening I see Venus through only window in my apartment. I love my Lord so so so much

(while I was writing this post spotify randomly chose to play forty five say six six six haha Ferre hi)