Breaking down.
Been a while since I've posted something here in tumblr. And now I desperately need to post my feelings because those feelings keep gnawing at my heart and sanity. When I heard a song , or even smelt a smell, it brings back a certain memory. At times I just smiled at those memories but also sometimes I got all teared up. I even have sleepless nights now. Even if I DID sleep, I got dreams. And hell, they are those 'perfect' dreams. The perfect illusion that I need to cure my feelings, my cravings. But then I woke up. I always do. And fuck it hurts. So much. And this condition of mine obviously affects my progress in school. I was in the top 5 before the midterms. Now I highly doubt it. Couldn't even focus when I was doing the tests. I came out recently. It helped a lot, for a time. But now I'm back in a bad shape. I feel all alone. Call me a whiny bitch but yeah, I feel like everyone left me. My best friends on exchange, my best friends before the exchange (well they are all still my best friends) continued with their lives. I rarely even meet the ones in Bandung. And nobody understands me. Except for the exchange students, but TIME FUCKING ZONE FUCKS WITH IT. I really need someone right now, more than ever. Even my best friend/my ex/soulmate/brother decided that he needs space from me. He needs time to accept the fact that we can't be together. And he also thinks that I need one too. but fuck, i miss him so bad. His name is allover my head all day long that it's not even normal anymore. The random memories I get are also not helping. Why can't we talk and call like we used to do? I know, I'm being selfish. Running, gaming, exercising, singing are not even helping anymore. That's why I'm giving a shot in writing. If someone's reading this, please please talk to me. I need a hug.
