Ok I want to talk about something but it's a bit hard because I feel ashamed.
So there's a young man who's like 20 I met while playing a roleplaying game online. Our characters ended up in a relationship. Knowing it's still a game but conscious of irl the age gap I talked a bit with him privately like, idk if something makes the other uncomfortable we should tell each other, that kind of thing.
I already mentionned this here.
For context, remind you I'm early 30.
So, we talk often to send memes or talk about life. I'm the kind of person to be very secretive and I'm still minding the age gap so I'm careful with what I say, even if it's just friendly.
But he's more open and tell me stuff about his daily life, or things happening to him, like when he got robbed, when he adopted cats etc.
But the thing is this dumbass likes to send memes, makes jokes about sexual stuff or even sending sexy videos and is TOO casual with sexual topic like bro??
A week ago it was late and he was joking around saying things like "I want to taste your milk"??? and talking about chastity cage?? I was like "Bro you're a babie what are you saying I'm sure you don't even have those" and he showed me pics of cages he owned???? and he also told me the measurement of his dick very casually like, I quote "it's ok, it's fun, it's friends joking around"??
It was kinda funny but very weird at the same time and I was like wtf is going on? I even asked him if he wanted me to tell him to put his cage and mess around or what?? And he was like "wtf no, you're crazy".
ANYWAYS what happened after is that I felt sad because I'm lonely and I'd like to be with someone and be intimate with. I even cried. So the day after I think? I explained to him I was sad and why and he was sorry.
But there's also something else.
Look I'm like the first person to be like "Ew those people dating 20yo babies is problematic wtf red flag, power imbalance ew ew".
But it's been almost like a year I'm talking/playing with him and, even if I don't want to date him, I think he's kinda cute and I want to help him, protect him, hug him and give him a kiss on the forehead? And I kinda would like to be able to talk/joke about sex and explore stuff together you know what I mean? BUT HE'S 20 WHAT THE FUCK
Forgot to mention he's a virgin, even if he had some girlfriends. And for me, I only had one boyfriend like 12 years ago and even if I did sexual stuff with him I consider myself as a virgin (and don't feel like I'm truly 30 because of how passive in life I am?)
So let's imagine for a sec : IF we started to get freaky would it be problematic? Even if we're both virgins and I feel like I'm still kinda 20-25 because of how my life is kinda "paused" since like 10 years ago because depression/anxiety/realisation I was born in a cult and I spend all day doing nothing?
Idk it still feel wrong and problematic for me. So I'd like opinions?
And I'm sorry for the way I wrote, it looks horrible lol
