astriferous @watermelonwars - Tumblr Blog

I resurface to let the ink spill

I feel the need for these words to escape my mind. Circling words... One, I am miserable at work. This certain task - it doesn't sit well with me. they got nobody else to assign it to and since I'm the one who was left and "the senior", it was dumped on me. I HATE IT. I only inherited this because all my previous teammates left me. Improperly if I may say. Now I can't keep up and it's biting me. BAD. Like once I return to the office, it's gonna be hectic. UGH. I can leave work just for this. Like yes, I can actually throw away my years in this company just because of this specific project. One thing I've thought was to teach somebody else, so that I don't have my hands on this anymore. BUT NO. IF I START teaching, they BE SNIFFING. BECAUSE "I AM THE EXPERT" ugh. Now while I can be suspended for not doing something about this issue, I just want to leave. First. Second, Job hunting makes me nauseous. There are not good jobs out there. And prolly mighty stiff competition. And suddenly I have to upskill under the timer. So that I can keep up with competition. While I let go of some JOs, those just won't do for me. Am I wrong for wanting the asking price that I think is my rate? I HOPE I FIND THE RIGHT NEW JOB FOR ME SOON. Third, people my age are either getting married or buying off their new car or travelling somewhere pretty. I feel left out... Like... can I get a decent job first so I can feel better mentally? or start to feel better? Fourth, I found out recently on a snake from my employer 10 years ago - who manipulated the truth to talk shit about my work. Since this person is from family, I wonder if this affected the view of relatives of me. But damn, late revelations! On the good side. I have a solid rock with me - my SO and parents (I guess). I want to achieve mental peace this 2025. Please.

#this day