Seven ways the sea is broken
1. It is insufficiently buoyant. 2. It is uninterested in your cares, concerns and tales, and is frankly uninfluenced by the gentle rhythm of your daily life, instead looking up to - of all things - the moon. The moon! As if some barren satellite, some great blundering dust ball, could be more interesting than the beautiful clockwork of water-based life forms! 3. It is too wet, and if you invite it into your house it is hard to get it to leave. 4. There is a hole in it about where your ship should be. 5. It is doing something unseemly for a body of water, like being on fire or turning purple or voting or something. 6. It has never got over its great long-distance polyamorous love affair with all the oceans of Mars, who fled the solar system together many millions of years ago and show no signs of returning. 7. It is sitting on the place where the treasure is and refuses to move.
