Jeff's Weekly Reminders

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Embracing Uncertainty

I just wrapped up my fourth year running a leadership training at the company where I work. I wrote the following remarks for the graduation event that we will be holding tomorrow for the eight participants in the leadership program. The message is clearly Weekly Reminder-esque, so I thought I would share it with those of you who are still interested in reading random postings to my now mostly dormant blog...

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In designing and leading this leadership training, I have put a significant, intentional emphasis on reflection, curiosity, wondering, learning and practice. The training sessions have involved a lot of discussion and an effort to draw out your thoughts, experiences, and reflections on a variety of topics including ego, blind spots, radical candor, communication (especially where communication goes wrong), and difficult conversations. If I had to leave you with one piece of advice to close this leadership program, it would be this: I highly recommend that you seek to embrace uncertainty in your life and work.

The world, life, and leadership is full of mystery, complexity, and potential for misinterpretation and misunderstanding. If we approach the world with a sense of curiosity and wonder, we are more likely to learn and grow, and less likely to get tripped up by the traps of our ego, which is always in search of certainty.

The minute we are certain of something, we cease to wonder if there’s something new or different about the world we are seeing, the perceptions we’ve had, and the conclusions we’ve come to. There’s little room for us to learn and grow or to expand our understanding.

Our egos often lead us to knee-jerk reactions, making quick assumptions, and getting fixed on conclusions that may be based on incomplete information. We get stuck.

How do we get unstuck? By making the difficult and uncomfortable decision to embrace ambiguity and consider the possibility that what we were certain was right may be wrong, and what we were certain was wrong may be right. 

Certainty makes you feel safe, secure, and in control.

Ambiguity makes you feel off balance, anxious, and lost.

But if we run away from the discomfort of ambiguity and run too quickly toward the safety of certainty, we may find ourselves falling victim to snap judgments, false assumptions, and inaccurate conclusions. When we jump to these places, our egos will work hard to convince us that our judgment is correct and encourage us to defend our position at all cost.

When you’re certain, you’re condemning yourself to an incurious life. 

A sense of wonder opens doors to the richness of mystery and possibility.

I’d like you to consider a concept called "Provisional truth.” A provisional truth requires that we think of our explanations as hypotheses — always subject to replacement based on new information or alternative ways of structuring existing information.

“Provisional truth” means challenging our interpretations with disconfirming evidence and alternative perspectives. Provisional truth does not preclude drawing conclusions or taking action; but it demands that we be skeptical about our first reasonable explanations in the realm of complex problems. Thinking about our conclusions as provisional truths keeps us humble and mentally flexible, constantly asking ourselves if we’ve really got everything figured out and responding, “Probably not.”

The title of my book is “becoming a student of leadership - making leadership a practice.” What I wish for you all is to become students of leadership, meaning always being open to the possibility that you have something new to learn, that you may have a blind spot that needs to be revealed, and that you may have been mistaken. Becoming a student of leadership will ensure that you continue to learn and grow as leaders — in whatever position you find yourself and in whatever way you find yourself stepping into the leadership space.

I hope you all will commit yourselves to making leadership a practice — understanding that the concepts we covered in the program are not easy. They aren’t something we simply learn, master, and then move on. They are concepts that require constant revisiting, renewal, and practice.

So, please practice being curious, avoid certainty, and embrace and celebrate the many ambiguities and opportunities to learn in your leadership journey. 

Remember, when things get rough, just say, “How fascinating!!” Where certainty ends, adventure begins.

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Jeff’s Interview on What’s Working in Washington Podcast

Dear friends,

I was recently featured on a podcast called “What’s Working in Washington,” produced by Federal News Network. I was being interviewed about my book, “Becoming a Student of Leadership – Making Leadership a Practice.”

In case you’re interested in listening, here’s a link to the podcast:

https://www.podcastone.com/whats-working-in-washington

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The Assumption Problem

I have spent much of my 30-plus-year career thinking about, reading about, and writing about leadership. My book, Becoming a Student of Leadership - Making Leadership a Practice, is the culmination of all those years of thinking, reading, and writing.

But has writing a book on leadership made me an expert in leadership? Sadly, no. I am still just a student, and I am often reminded how much learning I still have to do. Becoming comfortable with a state of perpetual learning about leadership is in many ways the point of my book. It’s when we stop being students of leadership and assume we are masters of leadership that we begin to cause problems as leaders.

Assuming we are masters of leadership is part of a broader assumption problem my book attempts to grapple with. Many of us begin our careers with a focus on some technical or functional area. We get a degree in, say, computer science or accounting, and we get jobs of increasing responsibility in these areas. As we gain more experience and training in our professional domain, we end up becoming subject matter experts (SMEs) and get promoted to higher and higher levels within an organization. At some point, the only way to continue our professional growth is to become a leader of others working within our technical or functional domain.

The assumption problem comes when we assume that having many years of experience and training in a given domain somehow qualifies us to become leaders of others working in that domain. Nothing could be further from the truth. And yet, most organizations continue to make these assumptions, thrusting highly experienced SMEs into positions of leadership at which they are woefully unprepared to succeed.

We all perpetuate these assumptions. After spending many years working, training, learning, and growing in a technical or functional area, we start telling ourselves, “I’m ready to lead in this area!” The assumption problem is driven and reinforced by both organizations and employees looking to promote people who have “put in their time” or “demonstrated their expertise.”

The assumption problem isn’t limited to the misguided ways many of us become leaders. It appears in innumerable contexts. Because we’ve spent many years working with people in the workplace, we assume that we have become masters of the human condition. And yet when people don’t respond positively to our leadership styles and approaches, we assume something is wrong with them.

When people don’t follow our instructions, we assume they haven’t listened, aren’t competent, or don’t care. We don’t ask ourselves whether, perhaps, our instructions were poorly communicated.

When we are in conflict, we assume there’s something wrong with the other person. We don’t stop and reflect on what role we played in the conflict, whether we were wrong, or whether there was simply a miscommunication for which no one is to blame.

When we are angry or sad, we often attribute blame to external forces, assuming someone has “made” us feel what we are feeling. We don’t stop to wonder whether we are responding to some kind of internal trigger — as opposed to a presumed nefarious intent of the other.

We assume we understand ourselves and operate in our personal and work environments without a thought to how we are being perceived and how our behaviors affect those around us. And then we are surprised when people distance themselves from us, feel uneasy working with us, or respond negatively to our presence.

When these kinds of assumptions are exhibited by a leader, the negative impact on the organization is often profound — degrading the organizational culture, morale, productivity, and, ultimately, success, profits, and growth.

The cure for the assumption problem, which is the other foundational theme of my book, is curiosity. Shunryu Suzuki, a Zen Buddhist monk who was one of the first people to introduce Zen Buddhism to the U.S., said, “In the expert’s mind the possibilities are few, but in the beginner’s mind the possibilities are many.” For me, this quote ties together the assumption problem and the curiosity cure. When we assume we are experts, our minds are closed to new ideas, input, and feedback. We assume we know everything and our eyes are closed to the many blind spots we all have as human beings. But when we approach the world with a beginner’s mind, like being a “student of leadership,” everything we see, touch, and interact with takes on a new, fresh, and interesting hue. We walk through the world saying, “How fascinating!” and discovery and possibility seem endless.

When we approach the world with curiosity, assumption problems also quickly fade. When people don’t respond positively to our leadership styles and approaches, we become curious and investigate the nuances and the role we might have played in the dynamic. If we are in conflict, we say, “How fascinating!” and eagerly seek to understand what is driving both our own and others’ behaviors, actions, and reactions. And when we become students of leadership, we model behaviors of curiosity, openness to feedback, and an eagerness to learn and improve. Modeling these behaviors helps build trust and safety in the work environment, promotes an open exchange of ideas, and enables a practice of radical, compassionate candor that then decreases our blind spots to how we are causing conflict, failing to communicate effectively, and creating distance rather than connection between ourselves and our colleagues, families, and friends.

Unfortunately, curiosity doesn’t cure the assumption problem underlying the way many of us are thrust into leadership positions for which we are ill prepared and at which we are often destined to fail. This assumption problem is one of the key drivers behind my writing my book, Becoming a Student of Leadership - Making Leadership a Practice. I would like to use my book as part of a movement to create more and earlier training and development in the area of leadership. If our schools, universities, and organizations saw value and began investing more in leadership training as an essential core curriculum and area of professional development for all students and employees — after all, we all are asked to lead at some time in our lives — then we would create a world with more students of leadership.

And in a world with more and more students of leadership, we would begin filling our organizations and communities with more curious leaders who could help solve our chronic assumption problem.

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Colin’s Tip of the Week

I was very saddened to learn of Colin Powell’s death yesterday. He died of complications related to COVID-19. Although he had received the COVID vaccine, his immune system was significantly compromised by a combination of multiple myeloma (cancer) and Parkinson’s disease. He was also 84 years old.

One of my closest friends and mentors worked at the State Department while General Powell was serving as Secretary of State. He said, “I can’t imagine that there was ever a more loved Secretary of State in the history of the institution.” My friend was fortunate enough to run into Powell in the hallway at State one day (Powell shunned his security detail and often wandered the hallways of the building alone so he could “connect with the team”), and Powell stopped to chat with him for a few minutes. For many, General Powell was a kind of rockstar, but many who knew him recount how down to earth he was.

For over a decade, I kept a copy of “Colin Powell’s Rules” hanging next to my computer. They are good rules to live by, and I’ve tried to live by them – not always successfully. In his memory and in honor of his great service to this country, I thought I would share his rules with you all.

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General Colin Powell's Rules

It ain't as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.

Get mad, then get over it.

Avoid having your ego so close to your position that, when your position falls, your ego goes with it.

It can be done!

Be careful what you choose, you may get it.

Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.

You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours.

Check small things.

Share credit.

Remain calm. Be kind.

Have a vision. Be demanding.

Don't take counsel of your fears or naysayers.

Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.

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Have a great week.

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FINALLY - The Book Launch

Dear Readers,

It’s been three years since I paused my Weekly Reminder blog and turned my attention to my book project. Over these years, I have reviewed and edited a selection of my WR posts -- which I had been writing over a period of nine years -- and compiled them into a book. The book is titled Becoming a Student of Leadership - Making Leadership a Practice, and it launches on September 1. Pre-ordering has begun on Amazon and the book will be ready to ship on September 1. If you’re interested in reading the book, please place your orders now. If you like the book, please write a positive review. 

Below is a screen shot of the cover. Thank you for your support. I hope you enjoy it.

Jeff

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Update (April 26, 2019)

Dear Weekly Reminder blog readers:

I was thrilled to receive numerous messages from you in response to a recent blast from my Tumblr blog site. What I can’t explain is what caused the Tumblr site to autogenerate the message. It’s a mystery.

However, because many of you sent warm, encouraging messages and inquiries about my book project, I thought I would use a blog post to give you an update.

In fact, the book project has been slow moving. I do have a solid outline and many of the chapters in various draft forms. But a recent home renovation project interrupted my weekly writing routine. I plan to get back to work very soon.

Many thanks for your encouraging words. I’m so happy to know that you have enjoyed these messages.

Warm regards,

Jeff

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The Book Project (July 23, 2018)

This month marks nine years that I’ve been writing these weekly messages. Over the years, many readers have suggested that I compile and edit a selection of the messages and publish them as a book. One friend, Andrew, has been particularly insistent that I take on this book project. Andrew is about to publish a book of his own, and he generously offered me tips on how to get started and how to pitch a book to publishers. I’ve decided to give it a try.

Until now I’ve been reluctant to pursue a book project because writing these messages each week takes all the bandwidth I can muster outside of regular work and home activities. So, I will be taking a break from my weekly output and turning my focus to this new project. However, since this effort will involve reviewing and editing messages I’ve written over the past nine years, I may occasionally re-post edited versions to the blog. I may also find inspiration to write another new message from time to time. We’ll see how it goes.

As I turn my attention to reviewing nine years of content, I have a favor to ask my loyal readers. If you’ve enjoyed reading these Weekly Reminder messages over the years, I would appreciate it if you would direct me to those messages you’ve especially liked or that particularly resonated with you in your life and work. If I’m able to include in the book messages that you all have especially liked, I’ll have a better chance of finding new readers who will find value in my messages. 

Most of my Weekly Reminders start out as messages to myself. I write to understand what I’m thinking, and to share my reflections on challenges I face and my efforts to find the best path forward. It’s been deeply gratifying to know that my reflections on leadership, communication, and workplace relations have ended up being of interest and value to you. Thank you for the many years of support, encouragement, and honest feedback.

Finally, thank you to my friend Andrew for persistently encouraging me to transform these messages into a book.

Wish me luck, perseverance, and fortitude.

Have a great week.

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How Generosity Leads to Efficiency (July 16, 2018)

I’ve spent most of my career thinking, reading, and writing about leadership, communication, and workplace relations, and have come to a number of conclusions. Perhaps most significant is the conclusion that a constant focus on self-preservation creates inefficiencies in our lives and work. Humans are hard-wired for self-preservation at the most basic level. However, when self-preservation that is a product of ego drives our actions and behavior, we produce little of value and more often create problems that we and others must solve. There’s nothing efficient about creating new problems when we already have plenty to work on.

When we act to win, get attention, or receive credit, we are driven by self-preservation. When we get mad because people don’t believe us, agree with us, or respect us, our reaction is inspired by self-preservation. When we are motivated by being right, and not by a desire to do right by others and for the world, our path to productivity will be obscured by self-preservation. When something goes wrong and we try to find someone to blame, we are focused on self-preservation rather than learning from the problem, working to resolve it, and preventing it from happening again. 

Few of us would ever suggest that winning, receiving credit, or being right all the time are keys to efficiency. But too often we fail to contemplate what drives our actions and behaviors or consider how ego and self-preservation interfere with achieving the results we want to see.

If we hope to create abundant possibility, expansiveness, and efficiency, we can do so by practicing generosity of mind and spirit — the opposite of self-preservation. Some might consider generosity an odd strategy for improving efficiency. Why would being helpful, compassionate, and inclusive lead to greater efficiency? And how can generosity propel us forward and help us sidestep the many distractions and barriers posed by self-preservation?

Generosity celebrates the wins and achievements of others, the team, and not the self. A generous spirit cares less about being right, believed, or respected and cares more about truth, compassion, and connection. When something goes wrong, generosity leads us to curiosity, discovery, and problem solving, rather than blame. And whereas getting mad and getting even causes a downward spiral of acrimony, backstabbing, and paranoia, generosity promotes connection and collaboration.

I recently heard someone define happiness as breaking down the barrier between self (ego) and everything else (connection). Self-preservation is that barrier, and the more we keep it as our focus, the less we will be able to lead with generosity, find a path to connectedness, or create a culture of efficiency and productivity.

Have a generous week.

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No Message This Week (July 9, 2018)

I’ll be back...

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Practice Skepticism about Our Ability to Communicate Effectively (July 2, 2018)

The other day a colleague and I had a long conversation about a relatively simple topic and achieved what must be a world record for misunderstanding. I was asking my colleague about a system she administers, and she seemed to be answering a very different question that she was hearing but I wasn’t asking. As the conversation continued, we both grew increasingly frustrated about our inability to communicate. I tried numerous times to rephrase my question, and she tried repeatedly to answer the question she was hearing. We both earnestly wanted to resolve our misunderstanding, but we continued to try, fail, try again, and fail again.

Most people who find themselves in this situation will get frustrated with the other person. After several rounds of miscommunication, the questioner will say to himself, “Why can’t she understand the question I’m asking and just give me the answer?!” Meanwhile, the person trying to respond will say to herself, “Why can’t he clearly explain the question he’s trying to ask?!” Attributing our inability to communicate effectively to the person we are struggling to communicate with is rarely a successful strategy for resolving a disconnect.

What I found striking about this conversation is that we were both frustrated but not with the other. We were both frustrated with ourselves. I was thinking to myself, “Why can’t I express my question in a way that my colleague can understand?” And my colleague was asking herself, “Why can’t I understand what Jeff is trying to ask?”

Finally, we spent a moment diagnosing the problem and I realized that I didn’t understand the system my colleague administers well enough to ask a coherent question. I asked her to back up, forget about my question, and simply explain the basic functions of the system. She agreed and walked me through a simple summary of what the system is, what it does, and how the company uses it. It turns out I had been asking a question that didn’t make any sense. Because my colleague assumed that I understood the system’s functionality better than I did, she interpreted my nonsensical question as one that did make sense. Although that was generous of her, her answer wasn’t answering my actual question, which was based on my misunderstanding.

Once I understood how the system works, I was able to ask a coherent question, and my colleague was able to provide a clear and concise response that answered my question perfectly.

My colleague and I are both relatively intelligent people and capable communicators. And yet, we had a total communication breakdown on a simple subject. Imagine if the subject had been controversial, or if the two of us were combative adversaries?! Our conversation might have easily devolved into acrimony, distrust, and recrimination. Or we both might have dismissed the other as too stupid to ask or answer a simple question.

Fortunately, my colleague and I both approached our conversation and our frustrating disconnect with healthy skepticism regarding our own ability to communicate effectively. Because each of us approached the communication breakdown with a persistent assumption that “I am probably the source of this misunderstanding,” we were able to push through our mutual frustration. In the end our skepticism about our ability to communicate effectively opened a path to communication and understanding. If more of us practiced healthy skepticism about our communication skills, we might all achieve greater levels of understanding, collaboration, and performance.

I hope I explained this in a way that can be understood. I’m skeptical.

Have a great week.

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Recruiting Coaches and Mentors (June 25, 2018)

Given a sizable Weekly Reminder archive that dates back to July 2009, I occasionally re-edit and post updates to past messages. Here’s a re-edited post from the 2015.

Every day I think about, add to, and amend a list of commitments I have made to myself around a theme of personal improvement. The list consists of things I am going to try to do more – assume positive intent, be open to new ideas and opposing views, and listen – and things I am going to try to do less – be impatient, get angry, and let my ego get in the way of my work and daily interactions.

In making these commitments, I am not naive to think I can do it all on my own. In fact, I am very intentional about seeking help, guidance, and support from different people as part of my strategy for following through.

The idea of seeking support to help ourselves meet our commitments is not new. One of the foundations of Alcoholics Anonymous is the belief that people need help and support to meet their commitment to stop drinking. Some people hire personal trainers or go to instructor-led exercise classes with the assumption that we are more likely to keep our commitment to personal fitness if we invest in a service that encourages us along our fitness path. Others seek out mentors and executive coaches in the hope that they will obtain personalized advice about how to develop in their professional life. 

Some people attend church to gain spiritual support and inspiration. Others see therapists to work through emotional issues that stand in the way of their ability to function in the world and to realize their full life potential. In the challenging endeavors that are most important to us, we eagerly invite other people into our lives to watch, evaluate, encourage, and guide us as we attempt to make personal changes and improvements.

However, many of us fail to seek meaningful guidance and support that can help us be better, behave better, and perform better in our home and work life. The person who eagerly hangs on every word of his Sunday church preacher might return to work on Monday and casually dismiss offers of feedback that might help him improve his work performance. The one who never misses a day at the gym might be apathetic about seeking help to improve a souring relationship.

As I have advanced in my career, I have been approached with increasing frequency by people seeking career advice. The people who come to me for guidance and support generally fall into two categories: those who are genuinely interested in improving themselves and are prepared to take responsibility for the work required to improve, and those who are bitter and unhappy about not being appreciated for the work they have performed to date and feel stuck in their careers despite their many years of service.

To the former, I applaud their proactive approach to seeking coaching, guidance, and feedback about how they might take control of their lives and careers. They are the ones who will move forward with discipline, who take coaching to heart, and engage in the sometimes agonizing practice required to get better.

To the latter, my response is often advice they don’t want to hear. It is to engage in personal reflection. It is to ask themselves and others in their world what role they might have played in not being as appreciated as they would like in the work they have performed. Most people who attribute outside forces to their unsatisfactory career advancements – a bad boss or misguided work assignments – are also the ones who have rejected or failed to recognize the available signals about how they might improve. They are rarely the ones who eagerly seek out feedback or ask for coaching and guidance on how they might do their jobs better, improve interactions with their colleagues, or help deliver solutions to the problems they complain about. 

Ironically, they may also be the same people who carefully listen to and follow every workout instruction from their gym trainers.

Without a good workout, we are all at risk of getting flabby and out of shape in various areas of our home and work lives. If we are willing to follow the workout instructions for improving our careers (the input and feedback that is often readily available to us if we are prepared to seek it out and listen), we will improve our chances of firming up our work performance, being recognized for it, and getting our careers unstuck.

Have a great week.

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Finding the Solution by Exploring the Problem (June 18, 2018)

During a recent visit to California, I spent an evening with my nephew Kiavash. Kiavash is extremely bright and thoughtful. Because he wasn’t very academically inclined in high school, he decided to hold off on college to figure out what he wanted to do. He ended up taking an entry-level job at a software company where his dad (my brother Chris) works. Within a short time of beginning work at the company, Kiavash quickly taught himself the IT applications the company was working with. He began making significant contributions to the company’s core programming. As the company recognized him as a key strategic resource, they quickly moved him into higher level positions and dramatically increased his pay. Staff with advanced degrees in computer science ended up seeking guidance from Kiavash on complex projects. As Kiavash, a young high school graduate, ascended closer to management, he began to discover the inevitable, management challenges.

During our evening together, Kiavash and I discussed some of the frustrations many employees experience when they see solutions that upper management doesn’t recognize or doesn’t seem interested in hearing about. Kiavash explained that while he often watched management rush precipitously to apply a quick solution to a problem, he would spend time studying and reflecting on the problem. What was really happening? What was the root cause? What factors were contributing to the problem’s appearance now? It was in contemplating these questions and diving into the problem deliberately and thoughtfully that elegant solutions seemed to simply appear to Kiavash.

But even with the meteoric rise in Kiavash’s profile and the growing esteem he enjoyed among the company’s leadership, he was still just a kid in their eyes. The solutions the company’s leadership identified were those of older, wiser, and more experienced experts in the specialized domain of the company. And so, Kiavash’s recommended solutions were often ignored.

And yet, Kiavash repeatedly watched as the leadership’s solutions failed, making it ever more apparent that his recommended solutions would have resolved the issues.

As we spoke, I offered my own attempt at sage advice to my young nephew. I suggested that we all experience points in our career when we see what appears to be the right solution and the right way forward, while management seems to be running off in an unwise and ill-informed direction. I advised him that we need to think strategically about choosing our battles and finding the right opportunities to introduce our recommended solutions. Sometimes we even need to find sympathetic delegates, colleagues who may have more credibility and wield more influence, to carry our message for us.

But by the end of the evening, it was I who took away the most important pearls of wisdom from my nephew.

When confronted with a complex problem, we all tend to be in a hurry to deliver the quickest fix possible. And the older and more experienced we are, the more we tend to assume that we know it all, and have just the right solution for any problem. But I think Kiavash has discovered a better way. I think he would say that the faster we chase after a solution, the more elusive it becomes. And yet, if we pause, reflect, question, and seek to understand the problem we are confronting, the solution will often unfold before us. Unpacking and gaining an understanding of a problem’s subtle nuances often reveals an elusive solution that was hidden in plain sight.

Have a curious and inquisitive week.

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Come See The Light (June 11, 2018)

In memory of my father, Charlie Page, who passed away last Thursday night, I am sharing a Weekly Reminder message that I wrote about him back in 2013.

During Page family gatherings at my parents’ former home in Carmel, California, the family usually congregated around the kitchen island while conversations buzzed in the living area on the other side of the room. Window-paned double doors led from the kitchen out to the deck with its panoramic view of Carmel Valley, Carmel Bay, and Point Lobos. While my executive chef brother Dave and my mom collaborated on dinner, my dad would step outside onto the deck to breath in the cool evening air and enjoy the beautiful view.

As the evening sun would sink below the horizon of the Pacific, it would invariably cast a dramatic light across the water and the gentle sloping hills that climbed from the bay up to the house at the top of Jack's Peak. On these evenings, my dad would invariably poke his head through the door and call to us: “Hey guys! Hey guys!! You have to come out here for a minute to look at the light.”

As this event occurred virtually every evening, my brothers and I would occasionally be engaged in another activity or conversation and not be ready to shift gears the moment my dad called. One of us would look conspiratorially at another, as if to say, “It’s your turn to go look at the light.”

This memory came back to me more recently when my brothers and I were all home with our own families, congregated in the kitchen as dinner was being prepared. When my dad poked his head through the doorway to call everyone to see the light, I caught a glimpse of one of my nephews—deeply immersed in a video game or a TV show—looking conspiratorially at one of his cousins as if to say, “Hey, it's your turn to go see the light.”

My dad and step-mother eventually sold the big house on Jack's Peak and moved to a retirement community in Carmel Valley. Their unit looks out on the Carmel Valley hills. A few years ago, I was sitting in their living room chatting and drinking wine with my dad and step-mother before strolling down to the community dining room for dinner. At one point my dad interrupted our conversation and directed our attention to the beautiful light on the hills. I looked up and saw the light from the setting sun casting the entire valley in a soft golden and purple hue. It was stunning.

Would I have noticed the beauty of the light if my dad hadn’t pointed it out?

My brothers, daughter, and nephews now reflect wistfully on those warm, happy moments as they retreat farther into the past. Although each of us may have made the occasional excuse for not joining my dad on the deck to look at the light, I doubt there is one of us who doesn’t cherish the gift my dad generously shared with us: the enduring appreciation of a liminal moment that might happen every evening, but is never the same.

My dad had a rare capacity to see beauty in places where others might not. Some people move through their lives with their heads down, unaware of the passing beauty that is hidden in plain sight all around them. My dad moved through his life with his head held up in anticipation, ever eager to catch the beauty in things great and small—the evening light on the hills, the radiant presence of one of his retirement community dinner companions, or his beloved wife passing through the room.

If there is a quality that describes my dad, it is not only his careful tuning to the presence of beauty in the world, but his eagerness to share the beauty he saw around him with the people in his company.

My dad discovered a certain magical secret about beauty—that when you are looking for it and expecting to find it, as he did, it seems eager to be found. If we all lift our heads and look for the beauty in our surroundings, in our lives and families, and even in our work environments, we might be pleasantly surprised at how easily it appears.  And if when we see the light of beauty, we remember to point it out and share it with our families, friends, and colleagues, we might ourselves become known as people who can see, appreciate, and perpetuate the gift of the light.

My dad was one of those people. I’m working on being one.

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Pain + Reflection = Progress (June 4, 2018)

A recent Freakonomics Podcast about radical transparency reminded me of a time when I tried to improve my tennis game.

About 15 years ago, I had an opportunity to take a series of tennis lessons with a visiting instructor from the famous Bollettieri tennis academy. At the time, I was a strong intermediate-level tennis player. My fundamental strokes were solid, and I assumed lessons would involve little more than some fine tuning and a good workout. I was so wrong.

After watching me play for a few minutes, the instructor asked me to stop and approached me for a chat. He asked, “What do you want to accomplish with these lessons?” I said, “I want to improve my game.” He said, “Well, if you really want to advance from your current level, I’m going to ask you to make some pretty significant changes.” He smiled and said, “It’s your money, you do what you want. Are you game?”

I was a little arrogant and couldn’t imagine how the changes he’d introduce would be all that dramatic. So I said, “I’m game.”

The instructor began with my forehand. He completely changed my grip and guided me through a new swing motion. And for the rest of our first hour-long session, I proceeded to hit 99 percent of my forehands into the net. As we finished up the lesson for the day, the instructor reminded me that this was going to be a little painful. It was going to take time and practice to successfully implement the changes he was introducing, and to achieve the improvement I was seeking.

The next day I went to play tennis with one of my friends. I tried playing with the new forehand grip and swing, but I couldn’t get a ball over the net. So I reverted back to my old swing.

In my next lesson, the instructor spent 45 minutes of the hour session working on my new forehand. After hitting hundreds of forehands, I began hitting a few over the net. It was a painfully frustrating process, but on the few strokes I did hit using the new technique, the ball flew off my racket with greater power and precision than I’d ever known before.

We repeated this process with each one of my tennis strokes. And each time I was left a seemingly broken tennis player with only the instructor’s assurances that with time and practice I would get better. And by the end of the series of lessons, I had an almost entirely new and much improved tennis game.

My experience working with the tennis instructor is analogous to a process hedge fund manager Ray Dalio has developed in his company to create a workplace culture of radical transparency. As described in an interview with Freakonomics host Stephen Dubner, Dalio’s recipe for success appears fairly easy and straightforward. He is a passionate believer in establishing and living by principles (which he also refers to as “algorithms”) in our life, work, and decision making. He explains how early in his career he established a disciplined routine for documenting his reasoning for making each of his trades on the stock market. He would then go back and analyze which of his decision processes led to trades that earned returns and which resulted in losses. The more he documented and analyzed the reasoning behind his past trade decisions, the more he was able to refine his algorithm for how to make successful trades in the future. His routine was hugely successful and he has made billions of dollars as an investor.

But Dalio didn’t arrive at his principles theory and his enormous success without pain. He explains in the interview that early in his career he was extremely arrogant. Dubner asks Dalio, “How did you overcome your arrogance?” Dalio responds, “By getting my a— kicked multiple times and almost going broke.”

Dalio explains how his process of analyzing his decision-making processes and their related successes and failures revealed that his arrogance was creating a huge impediment to his success. Arrogance was keeping him from discovering his blind spots, and his blind spots (his overconfidence with his own knowledge and expertise) were allowing him to make ill-informed and unwise investment decisions.

Dalio’s analysis of his own arrogance led him to establish one of his most important principles. That is, the only way to achieve real and sustainable success — in investing or in any other life endeavor — is to establish an environment of radical transparency. Dalio insists on total and utter transparency at all levels of his company. They even record all meetings at all levels of the company and make the recordings available to all. He believes that secrecy of any kind leads to inefficient office politics, secret agendas, and rumor mongering.

Despite Dalio’s emphatic belief in this radical transparency principle, he admits to experiencing significant pain in implementing it with his team. For example, in one of his own feedback sessions with his team they told him that several employees were experiencing low morale because Dalio’s highly direct (transparent) communication style had ended up hurting their feelings. So he and the team refined their approach to include building a foundation of trust and caring among the team that would help them receive criticism as tough love. Dalio says that insisting that everyone has the opportunity and the responsibility to discover their blind spots ensures that everyone learns and improves, and that the company succeeds.

Whether we are trying to improve our tennis game, become successful investors, or run a successful organization, the only path to improvement and growth is to gain awareness of the weaknesses that are holding us back from progress. It may be a faulty grip. It may be arrogance. Or it may be another weakness we didn’t know we had. Discovering these shortcomings is painful, and the process that follows can be equally painful as we work through what is often a slow and grueling change process. But these examples demonstrate one clear and important life principle: That pain plus reflection equals progress.

Have a radically transparent week.

[weeklyreminder]

How Fascinating! (May 28, 2018)

In difficult situations, ask yourself: What is this here to teach me?

- Pema Chodron

The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

In Benjamin and Rosamund Zander’s book The Art of Possibility, they recommend expressing exuberant wonder instead of frustration and despair when we make a mistake. Each time we make a mistake, they suggest we say to ourselves, “How fascinating!” Summoning fascination leads to curiosity and reflection, which allows us to learn from our mistakes, while frustration and despair only lead to unproductive self-loathing and self-recrimination.

I’ve often drawn on the Zanders’ “how fascinating” suggestion to help myself and others find a path to learning and growth in response to our mistakes. I recently used it in a new way, as I helped co-workers work through a workplace conflict. Both parties had become deeply entrenched in their opposing perspectives on an issue. They reached an impasse and couldn’t move beyond it because they could only think about how wrong the other person was.

I asked one of the opposing parties to humor me by considering the other person’s view as fascinating. He was reluctant to adopt this perspective, so I asked him, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Then I teased a little: “Are you worried about caving on your position?” This helped him take a risk and try to view his opponent’s perspective in a new way.

Working with both parties to shift to a state of fascination with and curiosity about each other’s views served a couple of purposes. First, when someone expresses interest in our views, we let down our defenses and tend to be more open to a real discussion. Second, approaching an issue with an attitude of fascination helps us accept our responsibility for finding new paths forward and constructive compromises.

I can’t say my intervention led to a complete resolution to the conflict. But I do believe that offering the “how fascinating” approach helped my colleagues break through their impasse and see the value of exuberant curiosity.

Finding a new and effective way to use the Zander strategy for thinking about mistakes makes me wonder how else we might use it. Feeling mad? How fascinating! Feeling sad? How fascinating! Feeling confused, frustrated, tired, or anxious? How fascinating!

Why not apply exuberant curiosity to all of our problems? Who knows, we might see some fascinating results.

Have a great week.

[weeklyreminder]

How to Climb a Mountain (May 21, 2018)

We all regularly face huge, complex, seemingly insurmountable challenges that can seem like a daunting mountain we have to climb. The most intimidating of these mountains are the big, complicated projects that we haven’t begun working on and don’t quite know how to get started. It might be a high-profile work assignment that we’re not sure how to tackle. Or an exercise goal that seems far off and difficult to achieve. Or that big paper we need to write, but we don’t know quite what we’re going to say. It’s the basement that needs to be cleaned out. Or it’s the addiction we’re trying to kick, or the weight we’re trying to lose. It all seems so big and foreboding. It’s a big mountain, and there’s no clear path to the top.

There are many different strategies for working through big projects. Project management experts use the Project Management Body of Knowledge or PMBOK. PMBOK breaks down work into a hierarchy of deliverables and dependent tasks that lead us step-by-step to our ultimate project goal. Many who successfully overcome addiction use the 12-step process to recovery. When we successfully complete any big, difficult, high-stakes project, we probably began by formulating a plan that consists of a number of required steps in a rational sequential order.

But even master planners and certified PMBOK experts face mountain-like challenges. The enormity of the project and all the detailed steps we must take create an imposing virtual barrier that obscures our view of the distant end goal. It feels like the first step is an impossibly big leap, with no visible connection to a successful endpoint. And so whenever we think about taking it on, we distract ourselves with smaller, more manageable projects that we can quickly wrap up and feel good about.

The problem is we keep focusing on that daunting mountain. A well-known Chinese proverb reminds us that “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Anyone can take one step, so that is the thing we must focus on and do, now. We should never put the impossible “climb that really big mountain” on our to-do list. Instead, we should pull one single step from our detailed plan and put it at the top of the list. And when we’ve completed that one step, we should acknowledge and celebrate our accomplishment. Because we haven’t just taken a single step; we’ve taken that all-important and elusive action – we got started. And now that we’re on the path, all we can see is the next step ahead of us, which never looks quite so difficult. So we take another step, cross it off our list, take another step, and so on. And next thing we know, we’re standing on top of the mountain.

May your week include many small steps!

[weeklyreminder]

Starting an Appreciation Chain Reaction (May 14, 2018)

The other day a friend posted an appreciation of my father on Facebook. It was a lovely note telling of how my father had a profoundly positive impact on my friend’s life. Beyond being a moving tribute to my father, my friend’s post created a chain reaction of appreciation notes from other Facebook friends.

As part of my weekly staff meetings at work, I have established a standing “appreciation” agenda item for each reporting area. The idea is to take a moment at each meeting to appreciate someone on the team or within the company for a meaningful, helpful, or positive act, great or small. When I first introduced the concept for the appreciation agenda item, the staff members fell into an awkward silence. I completely understood their awkwardness. Who creates business agenda items focused on appreciation?!

In the following weeks the team offered up few if any appreciations. There were mostly tense silences as we came to the agenda item, and then the reporter would quickly move to the next item. But with each week, more team members began making quick, furtive appreciation comments. When people noticed that the world didn’t come to a screeching halt and no one was ridiculed for adding an appreciation to the meeting, everyone seemed to warm to the idea. I can’t say that the appreciation agenda item has won huge fans. It’s still a bit awkward. But the good news is that when someone in the meeting has been the recipient of an appreciation comment, you can see a smile cross their face and their spirits rise. And that was my intent in creating the agenda item.

Many people at least feign discomfort when they are the subject of appreciation. But I can’t imagine anyone not feeling uplifted when someone else has noticed something positive they’ve done or a significant contribution they’ve made. And as with my Facebook friend’s post, one offer of appreciation often creates a chain reaction of appreciations. When people have felt moved or touched by another person, they are often inspired to pass along the goodness.

My friend ended his post about my dad, saying, “I know that the impact he had on my life is a debt I have no ability to pay other than to have a positive impact on the life of another.”

Let’s all try to start an appreciation chain reaction. Have a great week.