I'm Just a Weeta Devil

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09-01-2022: Visited Vera and her fiance

Woke up for breakfast with Maman per our usual Sunday tradition, where I had a very filling “Meat and Potato Skillet” at Sunrise Skillet. We always get into these animated debates about heavier topics, such as dementia or memes that Maman does not quite get. Today’s topic was about how over 100 Hollywood directors, actors, and big-wigs signed the 2009 petition to release Roman Polanksi and clear him of the child rape charges. While I do believe people can change, I don’t believe a person that drugs and violates a child deserves any respect, no matter how much they reform themselves. Maman had this different take where people can change, and after all, wasn’t he really old (76) when they arrested him. She had an insecurity that if she were to involuntarily hurt someone that she would never have my love. I explained to her that if an accident had happened where a child got hurt or died then it would be hard to accept for everyone, but I would still love her. Because she would never do what Polanski did, she has nothing to fear about me leaving her. Another topic was about Emri’s possible anorexia, which Maman denies is an actual ED, but rather just a heavy consumption of junk food. I still feel like I am not helping her enough though, but we seem to be on the same wavelength that Dad is mainly to blame. Maman hints that how he treated us, especially Emri, affected us, almost like it was abusive. I seen cases of emotional abuse, like 8 Passengers, and I don’t think it fits my experience at least. Emri gets the brunt of his abuse, which is why he never sees her. He deserves it. Like most of our conversations, Maman and I had a good discussion about things and finished up breakfast. I left my usual note and received one in return: “Sun-Eyed, Thank you for always nice notes when you come in! It brightens my day every time :) Have a great day as well <3.” I also thought Maman was relieved that I didn’t sign her name as “Dodie” on the note. (I actually did, but crossed it out properly). After quick stops at Target and Office Max, we went home, where I got to work. Every dirt inch of my plants got the shit powdered out of them with diamacetous, even the drain pans. If I’m giving some to Fati, they need to be gnat-free. It’s only the proper thing. I did have to hover it up later, the diamacetous earth I mean, which was a pain in the rump. While listening to Cold Raven’s Nest and Dead Wing Dork, I finished filling out the holidays in my planner. Just need to finish the days of independence for various nations. I already had India, Malaysia, and South Korea’s, but needed to look up the dates for DRC/Zaire and Việt Nam. I forgot I also previously had South Africa’s Heritage Day recorded. Went to Vera and Bradley’s. They live in the Quarry, or at least his parents do, and besides Crunchy, they got a little black void named Ganky. Cute! Bradley also had a sweet dog named Midnight. Vera and I mainly shot the shit and then began watching Brad Mondo hair videos. God, that guy is annoying! Eventually, this led to bringing up the fact that the Ruth Price call was solved, which got both of them hooked on Barely Sociable’s channel. We were about a quarter of the way through his Silk Road video when Bradley’s dad started screaming for him. Vera and I watched by ourselves for a while until stuff got so bad, she had to send me home. Least I got back in time to help make stroganoff. Yummy! Also, Tilly got hooked in my purse and just sat in the handle. Funny cat <3

A few hours later, I have eaten dinner and dessert and watched an episode of The Morning Show with Maman as we ate. I then talked with my friend Devi on the telephone after I asked her for any advice on getting a job. Since she recently got into the university’s MBA program, she applied for a GA position. Devi got it! I’m glad because now she does not have to remain at the toxic environment of the cafe we both worked at, nor does she have to go back to her birth country to avoid getting deported. I am happy for her, and she said I could use her as a reference. Right now, listening to BS’s Silk Road video (again) and typing this up after writing down the rest of this journal in my notebook. Gonna get a good night sleep and get some shit done tomorrow!

-Moon-Eyed

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LCPC 18-09-2021

I volunteered with the kitties for the umpteenth time yesterday.  One (Georgia) had returned, and there were three new kittens (Arlen, Maizy, and Wheatley) and Ventura was still there from last weekend.  Maizy and Wheatley were tiny, Breezy-sized kittens who were very rambunctious and loved hiding in the cupboards.  Georgia and her new flatmate Arlen were both explorers, and Arlen loved to tackle the shy Ventura as they were playing around.  I was so proud of Georgia, because when I gave her her after-play treat, she didn’t run from me.  In fact, when I picked her up to put her back in her flat, she began to purr and sat quietly in arms as she was lifted up into the cage.  I love Arlen, Georgia, Maizy, Ventura, and Wheatley, and I hope not to see them next weekend (in the best way possible).

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I think I missed it

I work on a university campus with several people, including the guy I like.  It only just hit me on Friday how much I like him; my heart was beating fast like a panic attack and I felt all flushed up just thinking about it.  I told Maman about it and she replied that I should tell him, not knowing that he is taken.  The only problem is is that he has a girlfriend back home and they seem happy together.  As much as I like him, it would hurt me (not to mention him and his girlfriend) if I were to do something that would cause them to break up.

I’ve never felt like this about anyone.  All of my other relationships happened either because I thought I should date them because they liked me and everyone around us was pushing us to get together, or because I thought the person would be a perfect rebound and they just so happened to like me.  I dated those guys for all the wrong reasons and I feel dirty just thinking about them.  

Another thing that sucks is last semester when I was working, two of my coworkers joked about how he liked me when he first arrived on campus, which caused me to blush like a motherfucker.  He had already started dating his current girlfriend, so I feel like I missed out if my two coworkers were being serious.

I was drawn to him at first because I had coincidentally been practicing his native language for fun, and realizing he was from a place that spoke this language, I got all excited to have a fluent speaker to practice with.

As much as it causes a pang in my heart, I think I should just remain friends with him.  There is something about being around him as a friend and this feeling that just seems to pure to ruin with a relationship.  I tend to make a bad girlfriend and I think it for the best if I just let this one go.

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A Funny (and Panic-Inducing) Story about Killdeers

On July 4th (American Independence Day) 2021, my maman, sister, and her boyfriend all went out to see the fireworks around 2100.  Our house is very close to where the fireworks are set off, so we were able to get good seats without having to go far.

Anyway, right across the road from where we were sitting was a construction site for a new church in which many people were parking on the churned ground and sitting around the piles of dirt.  There were also axillary fireworks going off all around, so it was loud and hectic already.

The street we were by is the biggest street in the small bedroom community I live in, with lots of traffic whipping by for the holiday.  At first, I heard the calls of killdeers right across the street from us and see an adult bird flying right past us.  On the other side of the street were four other killdeers, calling out to the adult who had just flown away.

It took me a couple seconds to realize these were chicks who couldn’t fly yet, and all the cars and explosives had caused them to abandon their home in the construction site and attempt to cross the street.

I cried out to Maman, “Aw, they are just babies,” to which she replied, “Well, go help them!”

So there I was running across the street toward the babies who now had another reason to panic as a human charged toward them.  The four shot across the street and I tried to herd them all across in one swoop, only for two to turn back and try to return to their starting point.

I rushed to hurry them back across to our side of the street, as there was a truck, but I had to leave the road to avoid the truck.  The two that keep on their original course made it across safe and sound, though traumatized.  Of the second two, after I left the road to avoid the truck, they ran back toward our side of the road.  The one in front made it the berm without issue, but the one lagging behind ran in front of the truck.

I thought I was going to see the little guy die, but he wasn’t squashed like I thought.  Instead, I watched as he was sucked up into the wheel well of the truck and violently spun around, getting spit out onto the berm.  They ran away before I could even see if the little feller was okay, but they all took off into the development, calling for their parent to find them.

Honestly, this was kind of panic-inducing, with trying to get the chicks across the street in time, and raised my anxiety up as I thought they were all going to be killed.  I had trouble sitting still after this as we waited for the fireworks and was shaking because of the adrenaline rush.

My maman thinks it is funny whenever I mention and says she was also worried about me getting hit by the truck more than anything.  When I told my dad this, he got legit mad at me, saying “Sometimes you gotta just let them figure it out on their own!”  When I tried to refute him, he got all huffy and cut me off.

I mean, it’s not the first time I have messed up and made more trouble by trying to help.  When we were on vacation and stopped to pick up groceries at the supermarket, I saw a jumping spider on the register and decided I should move her to a location that was safer.

When she fell on the floor in transit, I went to pick up the now terrified spider, and crushed her (most likely).  She had her legs all folded, and I don’t think she was playing dead, like some spiders do.  I do hope so though.

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Does anyone else want to be a frog?

Sometimes, I wish I was a frog.  Not only are they really awesome and cute, but they don’t have to worry about confrontation or building boundaries with other frogs.  I have been working a crazy amount this week and my manager wants me to work concessions at an American football game tomorrow.  As a frog, I say no to that.

Also, this student at the café I work at is constantly a diva and annoys me to no end.  Today, she came up to the the counter, looking and grabbing at someone else’s drink, and talking about, “is this drink mine?  I wanted it iced.”  I read off what the drink was to her and she said it wasn’t hers and went to sit down.  Later, after she had gotten the drink that actually was hers, she returned to ask for a refund because she said, “It is too sweet and I’ve already had one bad coffee experience today.”  Bitch, my whole life is a bad coffee experience (joke).

Typing this out is cathartic in a way.  My shift is over in two hours and 48 minutes, so I have that to look forward to.  Speaking of frogs, I really miss mine.  I’ve been away at work and class so much this week that I have barely seen them or my kitties.  I think most of all, I’m tired.  I closed the shop last night and drink a matcha tea at 2125.  Of course, caffeine that late just makes you stay up even later, so it was midnight by the time I laid down after I finished browsing Instagram.

God, I fucking hate Instagram, but I re-downloaded it because all my friends connect through it.  It was either that, or Snapchat, which I also hate.  I just hate the feeling of constantly keeping up this image that isn’t really me.  That sounds stupid, but all throughout high school I was an awful c*nt, especially to myself.  I disallowed myself from doing what I actually wanted, which was to make friends based off who I liked and not who was popular; take classes I actually enjoyed unlike the physics I took because I thought I would be an engineer; and just act how I act now: gooberish and mainly happy.  Instead I was cold to everyone unless they were popular, in which I then threw myself at them to become popular myself, when neither party cared about each other.  Let’s face it, I was just trying to use them for popularity and I think they could sniff it out.  Also, I feel like Snapchat is just boring, which is why I stopped using, but then I feel left out when all my friends are talking about.  Eh, as much as I love them, I also love my alone time, which is something I desperately need right now.