Retroactive Nightmares

Lou  // Level 26 // INFJ // Michigan // Occasionally I draw, not well...but...I also have a Ko-fi if you feel like tossing a couple dollars my way.  

[menlove-archive]

honest to god can't stop thinking about this song about jeff bezos by philip labes (link takes you to his spotify). it's such a good example of politically driven folk music.

[kaizykat]

Lyrics:

Jeff found a genie in a bottle Who said, "I can give you anything you ask" "You can have your wishes three And a million more for free It's unlimited, just set me to the task."

Well, Jeff thought a while, Said, "I want houses, "I want boats, I want fancy modern art, I want tickets to the Met, I want my own private jet, And a rocket into space just for a start."

Well, the genie waved her arms and made it happen His every wish bolted from the blue And folks all over town grew enamored, gathered 'round To admire the man whose wishes had come true

They said, "Let's hear it for the man who has everything! By good fortune he's been set so far apart." "Yeah, let's hear it for Jeff who has everything! 'Cause his wishes are only at the start."

Well, Jeff heard their shouts and he grew worried He said, "Everybody's getting in my way." The genie smiled as before, "You've got a million wishes more. You can even give a bunch of them away."

Well, Jeff got confused and sorta quiet 'Til he finally said, "I have just one wish more." "I am satisfied, so I wish that you would die So you cannot grant wishes anymore."

Well, the genie's eyes got big and sad and shiny 'Til she finally said, "Your wish is my command." And with an effervescent sigh, she disappeared before his eyes And no wishes were ever granted there again

So, let's hear it for the man who has everything! By good fortune he has set so far apart Yeah, let's hear it for Jeff, who's got everything! Every single fucking thing except a heart

[wordsmithic]

[astrariums]

Dragon's Dogma 2: Dark Arisen dev. Capcom

[kokoneakita]

💙

[ref]

[starofhisheart]

Happy pride to those 5 seconds where Charlie Swan thought Jacob was coming out to him in the most insane way possible

[omtai]

Normal groceries like milk or bread or whatever running out is whatever. Just anotha day. But when stuff like salt or cooking oil or rice runs out it feels like You’re supposed to be here for me and you’re leaving. You’re just like everyone else

[despazito]

Today the texas GOP convention paraded around a real elephant and it rightfully took a massive piss on the floor.

[despazito]

I tried to find out where the hell they sourced an entire elephant from. Her name is Paige, she is in her 40s or 50s and is privately owned by a circus family that rents out elephant rides for parties and festivals. They seem to operate under two names, the East Texas Elephant Experience models itself ambiguously as a sanctuary type facility that offers direct contact with guests and circus style trick shows, and as late as 2025 they tour their elephants cross country to give rides at ren fairs under the name Trunks and Humps Inc. Multiple videos of bullhook usage. I was gonna say it looks like they only use blunt batons on the "sanctuary" grounds and hooks on tour but no it looks like bog standard bullhooks in both operations.

it's very hard to catch because the staffs hands are GLUED to covering up that end of the stick when not in use, almost like they don't want people seeing it lol.

[vulcandroid]

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

[roachpatrol]

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

[lilian-cho]

@sineala

[star-lord]

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

[moonsofavalon]

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

[evilminji]

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

[lierdumoa]

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

[adreadfulidea-deactivated202402]

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

[kaijuerotica]

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

[tanukiham]

actual footage of first contact makeouts

[saucefactory-deactivated2019103]

The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.

That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.

I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.

No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”

[explorerrowan]

And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.

[zinglebert-bembledack]

Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.

[gallifreyanwriter]

#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)

[hazeldomain]

Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture

Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job 

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

"i love being outside at night, it's so peaceful"

me, outside at night, the moment our headphones die

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

did anyone hear that

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

i think there's something out here

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

i'm scared. is anyone there?

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

help

[evilfuckignskeleton]

[seldomletfromthishellishassault]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[servicebunny]

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

[doublism]

i don't really think it's like that at all

[kaelio]

Someone requested a doodle of “some of the Dominion’s anti-human propaganda” but tbh this is too real outside of star trek. this is probably plastered over the entire Citadel in Mass Effect

[bittylildragon]

I love that this cautionary pamphlet didn’t know how many nipples humans have and thus just added a bunch of ‘em

[trickstertime]

They’re mammals, right? So how many nipples do mammals have? Somewhere between 2 and 19?? What the hell are they doing that for???? Awful creatures.

[pilferedinstagram]

[inzergue]

why did they make this game so difficult

[inzergue]

unfortunately they've now had two

[zmpl]

it’s funny how we’re getting to the point in the AI lifespan where you can feel the desperation from tech companies to have you use their AI features. instagram has moved their AI effects to the top of the menu when you’re creating a post for your story, exactly where the draw/edit button used to be. gmail is creating one-click AI-generated replies right before you open up the text box. spotify put a beta AI playlist generator on the front page that looks just like a search bar so all of their users accidentally click on it when they go to search for a song.

tech companies are shaking in their boots trying to prove to shareholders that their investment in AI is worth it, to the point where they’re tricking their users into using the AI features even for a split second in order to fudge the numbers. like awww is your little environment-destroying toy not wielding the results you hoped for? so sad!

[zmpl]

can you imagine what it will be like the day it finally happens. no one will be posting about anything else. category 10 posting event. if it happens because of someone else their gofundme page will reach over $500,000 within a day. #hopecore

[eddiegayass]

I didn't have hunter biden being the funniest person on twitter in 2026 on my bingo card yet here we are

[eddiegayass]

He is the peoples princess

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[chilewithcarnage]

[ten-and-donna]

the utter ecstasy of “is that lavENDER?” is what sells it for me

[pulling-aggro]

a level of appreciation for charcuterie the likes of which has never been seen before

[cugzarui]

yall i was hiding from the rain and played this and when it was done the rain had stopped why did dionysus bless me 😭

[dumbtrannybitch]

this fills me with so much fucking joy

[animentality]