Weird as Fuck Dreams

Sometimes I have vividly awkward dreams. These are their stories.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Twofer: Sky Apartment and Cuckoo Brother

I lived in a strange hotel mall building that had 586 floors and had a 2 story apartment in it with big huge windows.

Tried taking a trip to the mall section downstairs which you had to travel to very strangely via lots of various elevators escalators and winding hallways. Needed to buy some kind of toiletry. They weren't on the greatest sale but I didn't want to come all the way back (586 winding floors is a lot of travel) so I bought it anyways.

Christian and I had separated earlier I guess and he had dropped off my backpack for safekeeping in some underbelly of a storage place and I couldn't find it so I just went home after searching for what seemed like hours for the place. I called him and asked him to pick it back up for me.

The apartment itself was really interesting because it seemed like it was on a lower floor because this place was like its own city and had layers of different large balcony pedestrian areas. But I think it was much higher and the street I could see out the window wasn't really a street.

I decided to go to the roof and took my bowl up with me. I got a bit lost and ended up on the top floor bar which I didn't want to be at so I left immediately. The ride up was instant but the elevator down must have been older because it was very shaky. Randomly David Weigand was there and we chatted about something I can't remember. Then I must have gone back to my apartment?

Cut to 512 Pellston Drive. Possibly a different world altogether, not entirely sure. It is raining. Matthew had borrowed my car and he has been missing for a few days. He has finally returned and somehow many cars of the home have been damaged.

My car's windshield is completely busted. The top half was hanging on but the bottom half was shattered out. One of my parent's vans was only half a van but just the left half.

Meanwhile Matthew is also fucked up with a chipped front tooth and I'm sure a few minor injuries. We tried getting the vehicles into the garage to prevent further damage while he tried explaining what happened.

He and a boy or man or someone were being persecuted in some way, real or perceived I can't remember. Matthew was behaving very erratic and I told him his tooth was chipped and he hadnt known about that yet so he freaked out.

Then I woke up.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Guest Dream: Little Sister

My little sister told me about her dream the other night. I wrote it down while she told me, so it may be a bit choppy. 

In her words(ish):

Me and Matthew killed you

I don't know! Me and Matthew killed you

We worked at this retail store and we both decided that you were evil, and we got this giant hammer thing, what's it called? It was like a cartoon hammer. You were in the bathroom stall and we threw it over at you and it hit your head and your face was smashed in, and you didn't die; you were still breathing. I was all upset, feeling guilty, talking to Matthew about how we'd just killed our sister, so I said I had to call 911 and I hung up. There was a lot of stuff blocking the door at the house in Fort Wayne and I was like "How are the EMT guys going to come get her? She still has a heartbeat"

So I was trying to unblock the door and was like "Matthew this is all our fault", and he snapped his fingers like a gay magical wizard and then the EMTs rushed in to get you.

And then the dream was over.

Well, thanks for....trying to save me after you tried to kill me? I forgive you I guess? Haha.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Abduction?

My family and I were going on a vacation to Florida. We were driving there and we were taking this huge RV and I was driving. At one of the stops, we somehow got split up and I was driving by myself on a separate route than my family. I was behind by 9 hours, and was getting really tired. That's when apparently I got abducted by some kind of organization or secret operation run by a foreign entity or something.

Other people were taken as well, and the place was set up kind of like a dorm. You had a roommate and you were allowed to keep some of your own clothes, but you couldn't speak out against the organization and you had to do exactly as told, right away, or without hesitation they would just shoot you in the face. I knew they were serious when they shot a younger girl because she didn't come out of her room when we were lining up to move to a different area. It was extremely frightening.

There was only one way to be released. You had to get six "dots", which I can't remember now exactly what they were or how they got them. For some odd reason because I have three holes in my ears those counted as three "dots"? I have no clue. It had something to do with behavior and obedience and shit. And there was something about wearing 4mg of a certain type of clothing material? Another thing was that you had to pay them $5000, but you could only write out a ransom note to one person and not make any phone calls. Really weird stipulations I know, but I got released somehow.

I thought I was safe, and I was driving through a busy city trying to get back on route, and when I stopped at a hotel, one of the people in charge was in my room waiting to take me back, because they thought that I'd cheated on some of my "dots". They took me again, and they were so mad at me that I didn't realize I'd cheated, and they knew it, but they gave me the worst living conditions and made me room with some creepy guy. They'd forgotten to take my cell phone and I hid it in my underwear when the leader was questioning me. Fortunately they didn't do a strip search. 

Then I woke up.

So. Fucking. Weird.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Flat Top Bakery

My second dream last night. I was hanging out at Flat Top, talking to all the girls I used to work with. However, the Flat Top in my dream was a weird little bakery. One item was a cake that was made with corn but was really sweet and delicious. Another item was a piñata cupcake. You had to be careful when you ate it because it was stuffed with candy in the center. The candy wasn't baked in though, it was just like a piñata, and some of the candy even still had the packaging. Anyways so this girl there offered me a job as a manager and I accepted. I left the bakery, but it was located inside this huge stadium arena place that had a huge field and some events were taking place. It was very busy and hard to get out of. When I was going back the next day to start working, I got lost. The thing about the arena was that it was like a maze. You would have to go through restaurants and other shops and businesses to make your way around, and the bakery was all the way at the end of this maze. In attempts to get around a particularly cluttered part of the maze I took what I thought was another way to get through, but instead it took me to the housing section that was around the arena. There was this guy who tried to help me who owned a house up there that had a pool and a lake, but I only got more lost. Then I woke up abruptly so who knows if I ever would have made it.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Gay Brother?

My first dream last night, my family and I lived in this house on the beach. In it my brother Josh started having a relationship with a guy I will call Schnick Schmarvares. In the dream I was very lonely but Scnick kept trying to help me find someone. Then there was this long montage of them having a happy relationship and kissing until it got to a point where Schnick proposed to Josh in a really cute way. The dream ended with me sitting on the beach with my legs in the water surrounded by my family who were also hanging out on the beach.

*Disclaimer: I do have a gay brother, but my brother Josh isn’t even the gay one.*

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Attack on Shapeshifters in a Magical Land

My family and I were living in this magical kingdom. We all had shape shifting abilities for the most part. Many of us transformed into wolves but some did lions and other animals. My family didn't actually belong in this kingdom but somehow we were trapped in it. We'd been trying to find a way to leave but the kingdom was in danger of being overrun by this evil angel of death. There was a magical fireplace that only the wolf shifters had access to that foretold death coming.

I had a vision of this place where the mice worked. The mice were our servants and ran this really important factory thing that had magical beans. In my vision an evil doctor rat and all his clones intruded the factory to take over the production and make evil beans instead. At this point although I didn't realize this whole thing was a dream, I thought the vision was a dream because one of the rat clones said that Shrek 3D was Disneys best movie, which didn't make any sense to me in the dream.

So then later that evening we were all dining on this rooftop when suddenly tar fireballs started raining down onto us. We tried to block them with these huge wooden tables but it was horrible. People were running everywhere and I was losing track of my family members, which for some reason included my grandma, my Uncle Craig, my Aunt Chris, my Uncle Jim, my dad, mom, brother Matthew, and sister Anna. There were way more people than this on the roof. So we did our best to defend ourselves but it was very dark and the roof lost some railing and people were falling off of it. I suppose the roof was more like a tall tower on stilts above this pond than a roof, though. So people are screaming and falling and running around and I tried covering as many people as I could with the wooden table I grabbed, which didn't exactly work too well because: fire. The attack finally ended and we were assessing the damage.

I found my parents who were fine, and Matthew was fine other than a burn on his arm. Then we saw my Uncle Jim face down in the pond and my dad dived into the pond after him. I was frantically searching for Anna and finally found her under some table wreckage. I screamed but she got up and I was so relieved until I saw her face. She had this gaping hole in her cheek from the hot tar/fire. It wasn't really big but big enough that there was some rotted flesh and basically went through into her mouth. She was in shock because she couldn't feel it, and said she that something was on her face and I tried to stop her but she stuck her finger into the hole and moved around some of the nasty rotted flesh. I got her to stop and made her feel better saying once we got out of there a nice plastic surgeon could fix her all up. Apparently our magical kingdom had plastic surgery...

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Fake Boyfriend Hotel

Brian was my boyfriend and we moved in together in this giant hotel. He was always super busy and had every single minute of his day planned out to a T so he could fit everything in that he wanted to do. So mostly I kept to myself but apparently randomly got to hang out with his tiny half Asian cute little relatives. Once I took the elevator up by hanging on with one arm outside of the elevator, just dangling, but it wasn't a normal elevator it kind of flew the way the one in Willie Wonka does. And it was really frightening. I feel like Brian and I went on other adventures but I can't remember anything else from the dream.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Fragments

Cars turned into boats An Aeropostale tank top A shark

[weirdasfuckdreams]

It rhymes with schmishschmortion.

I dreamt that I was at my moms house waiting for a package to arrive, and she had like an enormous crate arrive that was filled with Mary Kay. Apparently "Schmishmustins"* mom had ordered Mary Kay but it was a scam thing and it asked her for other people's addresses and contact info at the end so it sent 5x her order to those people, who she had taken off my friends list. So there was this huge feud because people I knew we're being charged 700+ dollars for this shit they didn't order. Then I went to go see "Schmishmustin" who I hadn't seen in awhile since we broke up, to discuss the matter, and found out he had stopped going to work and was altogether doing terribly. He grew his hair out funny and was just drinking all the time. Then I was at my grandmas house and everyone was upset, possibly because of the Mary Kay thing. My brother Sean was there and he was being an asshole to everyone, and no one would stand up to him because they were scared of him, so I had to stand up to him. *name of my ex is changed for privacy purposes

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Bel Air Babysitting

I was on my way to babysit a couple kids for this lady (coincidentally I am actually doing this tomorrow). I get there and the parents talk to me and they live in this huge house (the house really is big, but in the dream it was like castle mansion sized). I played with the kids awhile and then I realized that the mom never left. She told me it was fine, she just wanted to take a nap and that I'd still get paid. So I had to drive around inside the mansion because it was so big. And then I was told to take the kids upstairs, but when I tried to ascend the staircase, the entire thing collapsed. When I looked around, I saw that at the top of the "staircase' there was a broken bridge that led to the hallway up there.

Then my dream changed and I was Emma Stone, and the dream was in California in the 70s or 80s. I was still at the house from before, and Michael J. Fox was there and was dressed like he'd just walked off the set of Back to the Future,  and he was hanging signs and talking about how we were in Bel Air.

A few other crazy things went down, but as I'm not writing this fresh from waking up I can't recall the rest.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Wednesday, December 19, 2012: You've got to be kidding me.

So I worked at this hospital.

  My first patient had to undergo weird tests. The first one was like a spa water massage, and then she had to be submerged in this weird tank that heated up the water and cooled it down, until it got so hot that she had to hit the emergency button and it released her, except for instead of releasing her into the room where the tank was it released her high in the sky and she had to have a parachute to make it back. But now that I think about it she really wasn't a patient and she was actually a coworker (the girl who plays April on Grey's) who was so sick of us not using the new weird equipment that she decided to make me test it on her.

  My second patient was a sweet man who needed blood transfusions almost every day. He was so nice and I was taking good care of him and he wanted to go outside to get fresh air so we went and then his crazy evil ex was chasing us for some reason and wanted to kill him so we ran and ran, and just as he was getting too weak to run anymore we came across my best friends, who were cops, in their cop car. They just happened to be Patrick Dempsey, and Max Greenfield who plays Schmidt on New Girl.

  We all drove back to the hospital, and I was telling Max all about how I had tried lettuce flavored candy*.

*I do not know if lettuce flavored candy even exists, but in my dream it sure as hell did.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I just had a dream where I had two babies* and I was visiting my cousin Allison and we went to go see her mom and John David (her brother) was there too and their mom lived in this really weird farm thing except for it wasn't a farm because there were zoo animals instead of farm animals. There were elephants and monkeys running around. And I'd been trying to go back to our grandma's house and Allison's mom wouldn't tell me directions. Then someone let out the elephants and this tiny elephant kept smelling up the back of my skirt. Then I was somewhere else and my babies became dolls. The boy became an American Girl Bitty Baby and the girl became a barbie. Then my dad was there except for it wasn't my real dad; it was Reverand Camden from 7th Heaven.

*I do not actually have any children. I've never even been pregnant.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Sometimes I wonder if I'm on crack. Here it is:

  First I was in a place where horrific things happened to you. It was like a theme park that was designed to look and feel mostly normal, but the theme was that strange things occured and they were scary because you didn't know that was the theme. Like there was a spiral staircase that went down to an ampitheater, but it kept going on for ages. Things like that. Just really strange stuff.

  Then my dream was at a different theme park type thing that was run by Apple. It was mostly like a tour, but you could visit any time during the day if you had a special VIP pass which me and my friends in the dream did. I forget everything that happened but I remember Allison was there and there was like a resort type thing that we were staying at.

  Then my dream changed, and I was friends with Christina and Izzie from Grey's Anatomy. They were the same age as me, and we were apparently lucky enough to have an extended visit with the president. We got to hang out with the president for quite a long time and we spent the day doing fun stuff together. Then the president's kids were coming home from somewhere and they were supposed to entertain us. In my dream though the president's kids were a boy and a girl. The girl was a few years younger than me and the boy was my age. And he was just as attractive as the president. Then us four kept running around getting into silly shenanigans and I kept giving awesome advice to the presidents daughter. I think then the president's son kept hitting on me so we snuck off every chance we got to make out.

  Then I woke up.

[weirdasfuckdreams]

February 26, 2011: Nap Dreams

I just had the weirdest nap dreams ever. The most random people were in it. My brother Josh, Erika, 2 gay guys kept using me to pretend they weren't gay but I didn't care because they were handsome and fun people, I gave Kim Tran a ride to the library, and the guy who plays Evan from Greek was in it too, but he was just my friend (not an actor or character) and he put my tires back on because they fell off when I slightly drove into a huge snow mountain that was in the middle of Coldwater Road. Also at some bar Josh and Erika got in a fistfight and I screamed in both of their faces. Something else about the bar...some kind of sci-fi phenomenon was going on but I can't remember what it was. And the whole time I was driving around I was trying to get to the person I was in love with.

  I suppose some of it makes sense.