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[weirdlyopinionatedwaffle]

#parentsbelike

Mom: you got an 89 on your bio quiz, I’m gonna need u to study more ok

Me: ok

10 minutes later

Mom: ok so we’re all going to the beach

Me: I actually need to take a shower and do my weekend homework

Mom: . . .

Me: so I’m gonna have to stay home-

Mom, w/ the flames of hell in her eyes: oh hERE WE GO ANOTHER EXCUSE TO SKIP OUT ON THE FAMILY

Me: but you just said-

Mom: THERES NO WAY YOU ACTUALLY HAVE WORK TO DO, WHAT ARE U EVEN STUDYING FOR

Me: the thing you toLD ME-

Mom: STOP TALKING BACK I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT

[weirdlyopinionatedwaffle]

First Kiss

ok so i was at my crushes house

she’s like ‘so if centipedes do get as big as your hand, by the way I'm a lesbian, why are you even moving there’

my dumbass just says ‘well then i guess i can’t ask you out now, that kinda sucks’

after like five minutes of awkward silence

she goes, ‘Hannah, you’re a girl’

and yeah that's the story of my first kiss (and the time i legit forgot my own gender)