26. All the pronouns. This is just a blog for my hyperfixations. Right now I write stuff for Stranger Things because I think I can do a better job than the Duffer Brothers. (don't we all)
Because I am in an unfortunate situation and can't donate, I thought I'd come on here and make a post about this.
A bunch of content creators I watch are raising money for Gamer's Outreach, to bring go-karts to kids in hospitals.
We give you the tools to engage with your donors and raise more for your charity
It's a great cause for anyone who's able to donate.
The content creators are also streaming on Twitch, with the host stream by GoodtimeswithScar.
Additionally there are ImpulseSV, GeminiTay, TangoTek, Sizzleman, and Falsesymmetry who are streaming. With a bunch of others from the Hermitcraft community (and friends!) on stream.
sun - independent and courageous, enjoy leading others and bringing excitement into the lives of others, enthusiastic, very goal-oriented.
moon - incredibly persevering, brilliant sense of humor, modest about achievements (unless they also have aries sun), need to express yourself
rising - individualistic and impatient, quick-tempered, blush easily, outspoken with opinions, likes to get things done quickly
Taurus
sun - fight for what they want, easy going but stubborn, good work ethic, very loyal, strong love for home, practical, choosy about who they befriend
moon - inner wisdom, dislike unpredictability, value honesty, prefer familiarity, gentle and warm, serene quality that calms those around them, set in their ways
rising - great self-reliance, inclined to frequent stubbornness and jealousness, strongly persistent nature
Gemini
sun - very talkative, known for their sociability, go with the flow attitude, ability to think clearly, charming, wide range of interests, driven by curiosity
moon - clear and sharp mind, remarkable communication skills, confident speakers, tendency to over think
rising - quick witted, constantly alert, curious mind, strong desire to acquire knowledge, great need to communicate with others
Cancer
sun - enjoy security while also seeking adventure, unpredictable nature, love to nurture others, value a sense of security, homebodies, kind and warm
moon - need to see the difference they make in other people’s lives, not likely to show their emotional nature to others, very intuitive, supportive friend
rising - sympathetic, very talkative, fond of home, extremely sensitive to criticism, may like to collect things
Leo
sun - high self esteem, very devoted, kind and generous, hot tempered yet forgiving, most comfortable when in charge, independent, idealistic
moon - undeniable energy, charming and intelligent, like to take risks, optimistic outlook on life, amazing wit
rising - strong character, normally good natured and generous, demonstrative, energetic, need to be the center of attention, regal disposition, good humored
Virgo
sun - mind oriented, constantly analyzing and thinking, enjoy bettering themselves, down to earth and practical, selective with friendships
moon - often anxious, intuitive, very critical, high expectations of themselves, detail oriented and a dedicated planner
rising - worriers, tactful and somewhat high strung, strong desire for money, inclined to “tell it like it is”, modest due to self-criticism
Libra
sun - diplomatic nature, very expensive taste, get along well with everyone, quite ambitious, strive to maintain peace in their daily lives
moon - find beauty in simplicity, always seeking balance, they love a challenge and enjoy debates, like to have their way, unpredictable mood
rising - love parties, believe in justice for all, courteous and agreeable, tendency to meddle too much in other’s affairs
Scorpio
sun - very intense, like to question everything, treat others with kindness and loyalty, self reliant and in control, tendency to be a bit obsessive
moon - intense emotions, protective of themselves, loving heart, strong presence, need for control, very passionate, can be intimidating
rising - mysterious, intimidating, may come off as aloof or brooding, powerful, strong presence
Sagittarius
sun - optimistic, adventurous, sees life as a journey, loves to travel, needs variety in life, independent and honest, fast-thinkers, strong willed
moon - happy-go-lucky attitude, competitive, adaptable, likes to leave an impression on others, impulsive and enthusiastic
rising - loves to be active, very opinionated, bores easily with routine, cheerful presence, curious, appears confident, needs independence
Capricorn
sun - practical and persistent, self-confident, profound thinkers, their seriousness may make them seem unhappy, can concentrate very well
moon - needs to feel useful and productive, does not like dealing with emotions, very hard on themselves, hides sensitivity with sarcasm
rising - takes everything seriously, very conscious of the image they project, chooses to be around others who make them look good, calm demeanor
Aquarius
sun - free-spirited and eccentric, charming, keeps to themselves and doesn’t express their problems, detached view of life, social, independent and original
moon - very observant, have always felt “different”, emotionally detached, kind and compassionate, strong ego, outgoing introverts, friendly and optimistic
rising - unique, loves to express their individuality, quiet and irreverent sense of humor, curious, likable and friendly, appears aloof while also coming off as kind
Pisces
sun - emotional and instinctual, easily discouraged, generous with friends, homebodies, accepts people for who they are, may feel unappreciated
moon - silly sense of humor, sweet and soft hearted, genuinely cares about others, creative, easily amused, tries to avoid the dull parts of life
rising - charming and intriguing, very impressionable, dislikes confrontation, is seen as genuine and gentle, dislikes attention
The Fellowship gets on the topic of their ages one night and Boromir comes to the dawning realization that he has absolutely no idea how old any of his companions are supposed to be at all
Listen I will die on this hill. I don’t care what it says in the assorted apocrypha, if you go by the Actual Text of LOTR you can make a very good argument that Boromir is the youngest member of the group.
The hobbits are the only ones given official ages in the text, and are between fifty or fifty-one and twenty-nine. Elves and dwarves notoriously age slowly, and Gimli is the offspring of one of Bilbo’s pals, so okay, we’ve established that he’s old enough to call the hobbits young, and Bilbo confirms for them that Aragorn is Pretty Old For A Bigjobs. Gandalf is, of course, eternal.
But we are never given any context for Boromir and Faramir’s ages, except that a) they are humans and, though Sons of Gondor, not much longer lived than most Bigjobs, and b) Faramir is A QuiteYoung Man. I was absolutely convinced, when I read the books as a youngun, that Boromir, being in ‘the flower of manhood’ iirc, was probably between 25 and 30.
And it would be Freaking Hilarious, okay, for Boromir to finally get around to actually asking how old this baby-faced hobbit carrying The Ring is, and get told ‘oh, he’s only fifty, but he’s very steady for his age.’
Boromir: ?!?!?!
And then Pippin and Merry start asking everyone how old they are because this is fascinating are we all official adults here except for Pippin or what.
Boromir: …. Pippin isn’t an adult HOW OLD IS PIPPIN.
Pippin is just 29, which is why everyone calls him Pippin, it’s gonna be at least another 20 years before he can make Peregrine work. Why, how old is Boromir?
Boromir, who would rather DIE than admit to being 28 right at this moment: …. 43.
All the others, weighing up his apparent age compared to theirs: Sure, sounds legit.
Gandalf, who knows for certain, does not say anything because he is absolutely certain that telling Pippin that he’s older than Boromir will be an unmitigated disaster.
fuck it, i never ever do those “reblog for X, this one really works!” posts, but this one doesn’t have any of that BS, this is just straight up wishing us good things; and then the comment doesn’t even say any of that either. Zero claims on this post, all positive vibes
May you end this week feeling ever more certain of a future you’ll love
Faintly, Dustin can hear Steve’s voice get calmer, but no less insistent.
“Eddie, what’s…? Okay, okay, I’m—”
The bathroom door clicks shut. Dustin strains to listen, but their voices are low and muffled; he can’t make out any words.
He sits up shakily, moves his leg with both hands so it’s stretched out in front of him. Remains on the last step, rests his head on one of his knees and just…
Breathes.
Footsteps, quick and light.
Steve.
Dustin doesn’t know when exactly he learned to tell who’s coming without looking, but he does remember thinking in The Upside Down that if everything was suddenly plunged into darkness, he’d still be able to know where Steve and Eddie were, just by listening to their footsteps.
Steve comes to a stop halfway down the stairs. Dustin hears him sigh, like he’s relieved and sad at the same time. Then he keeps walking, slower now, until Dustin can feel him sit down beside him, on the last step.
Dustin sniffs against his jeans. “Is Eddie okay?”
“He’ll be fine,” Steve replies, and he says it reassuringly, but Dustin can’t help noticing that it’s not exactly a ‘yes.’ “He wanted me to come check on you.”
And that’s said like it’s what Steve would’ve done anyway. Like it’s an absolute certainty.
A hand in Dustin’s hair, gently ruffling through it.
“C’mon, lemme help you up.”
Dustin takes Steve’s hand reluctantly although it turns out he needs the support, his bad foot still unsteady beneath him. He doesn’t get it; he’s walked on it by himself in far worse circumstances, had done so in The Upside Down while Steve… took care of Eddie. Sure, he thought he was going to throw up from the pain, but he still managed it.
“There you go,” Steve says, and he guides Dustin over to one of the couches in the living room. His voice lowers, as if talking to himself: “Okay, ice, elevation…”
He props Dustin’s foot up with a couple of cushions before heading off to the kitchen. When he returns, he’s holding an ice pack, all official looking, kind of like the ones the school nurse has on hand.
“Okay, twenty minutes with this on it,” he says, carefully pressing the ice to Dustin’s ankle, “then we’ll rinse, repeat in a few hours.”
Dustin nods.
Steve tilts his head a little, forehead creased—like he doesn’t know what to do in the face of Dustin’s uncharacteristic silence.
“Can I take a look at your neck? Wanna make sure it’s clean.”
Dustin nods again.
Steve’s motions when he cleans Dustin’s neck with antiseptic wipes are practised, steady—the air of someone who’s done this countless times before. He probably has, Dustin reasons.
“Yeah, speaking from experience,” Steve says, and his voice sounds like he’s trying very hard to keep things light, “you don’t wanna just slap make-up straight on there.” He moves closer, hisses through his teeth when all the foundation is removed. “Shit, Henderson.”
“It’s not that bad,” Dustin says. “It didn’t even bleed, really.”
Steve blows out a breath. “Dustin—”
“You’ve had worse.”
Much worse.
Steve stares at him. “That… that doesn’t make it all right.”
Dustin shrugs. Looks away. He thinks of saying, Figured I should finally pull my weight when it comes to taking hits, something along those lines, but he knows Steve would never hear him out.
He’s thought about it, though. Had an awful lot of time to reckon with it, while waiting for Eddie to wake up in hospital: the thought that Eddie had leapt into danger to keep him safe. That Steve, too, could’ve easily been in a hospital bed multiple times over the years—escaping that possibility by the skin of his teeth.
Starcourt. Steve yelling at him to go.
Your fault.
Steve sighs. “Hey, look at me?” When Dustin does, he says, both gentle and serious, “Did you ever think that maybe, like, the one silver lining to getting the shit knocked outta me was so that you wouldn’t have to?”
And his voice has got this tone, a patience beyond his years, like he’s explaining that’s just the way the world works.
It rankles Dustin. He remembers Mike admitting once that before Will disappeared, the angriest he’d probably ever felt was when Nancy came home from school crying—that it suddenly didn’t matter if she was older or not: just that she was his sister, and he wanted to fix the world for her.
He thinks he feels something close to that anger, now.
“That’s not fair,” he says. “You… you were a kid, too.”
You still are, he adds inside his head.
Because yes, he’s obviously always known that Steve’s older, but he equally knows that there’s not such a huge chasm between them. That Steve might try and carry himself like someone much older, like Hopper, but he shouldn’t be there yet, not even close—as if The Upside Down and everything else has forcibly pressed fast forward on his life.
Steve nods like he’s conceding the point. Then he says, “Yeah, but I got to be, what, twelve, thirteen, fourteen…” He trails off, counting the remaining years on his fingers. “All that without any alternate dimension shit.”
Dustin doesn’t think that’s all that good of a rebuttal. The thought must show on this face, because Steve chuckles and says, “How about we just agree that we’re both stubborn as fuck?”
Dustin tries to smile. “Yeah, okay.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m… I’m sorry, I… didn’t mean for Eddie to—” He glances down. “Didn’t mean to upset him.”
“You didn’t,” Steve says immediately and doesn’t back down even when Dustin shoots him a look of disbelief. “He’s… he was just scared for you, Dustin.”
His eyes linger on Dustin’s neck, the silent, ‘And so am I,’ made clear.
“Listen,” Steve continues after a pause, “remember when we went looking for your weird little slug? Dash or whatever.”
Dustin smiles and rolls his eyes. “Dart.”
“Sure, him. I think about that all the time, man.”
Dustin frowns in confusion. “You do?”
“Oh, yeah.” Steve’s eyes go a little distant for a moment, like he’s walking the railroad tracks all over again. “Just damn grateful I bumped into you, like, you can’t even… And I’m so, so glad you told me stuff.” He gives Dustin an earnest look, eyes imploring. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“I just…” Dustin swallows. “I just wanted it to be over,” he admits in a whisper.
And Steve smiles sadly, like he can already tell Dustin isn’t talking about Gates and Monsters.
“I know,” he says softly. “It’s not your fault other people are dicks, okay? It’s not your fault.”
And Dustin can hear the unspoken Please tell me as loud as anything.
He digs deep. Opens his mouth.
Talks.
He does his best not to falter, tries to recount it like he would if he was on the walkie, just bringing everyone up to speed.
But it’s hard. It’s so hard.
When he gets to exactly what had been said that led him to throw a punch, Steve goes very still. He doesn’t say anything, like he’s holding in his anger for Dustin’s sake.
Dustin almost wants to tell him not to bother, that his own fury has kept burning ever since he heard it. That they can be angry together.
But then he reaches getting pushed up against the bathroom wall, and he finds that breathing is becoming more and more difficult.
He feels another sharp twist of guilt—that the point is surely what had been said about Eddie—but he suddenly can’t help thinking about what might’ve… He can almost feel the knife against his throat.
Nothing happened, really.
But he… he could have—
“Hey, hey,” Steve says softly. “You’re okay, Dustin. You’re okay.” He cups the back of Dustin’s head, breathes in and out slowly, a guide for Dustin to catch his breath.
Dustin tips forward slightly, heaves out juddering breaths as Steve holds him up. Eventually, little by little, his breathing comes easier.
“That’s it,” Steve says. “That’s it, just… yeah, there you go.” He squeezes Dustin’s shoulders. “Just gonna take the ice off for now, okay?”
He says it with a quiet reassurance, like he’s also saying You don’t have to talk anymore, not if you don’t want to. I’m so damn proud of you.
Dustin finally manages a good, deep breath as Steve removes the ice pack. Steve must notice, because as he stands up, he gives Dustin a relieved kind of smile.
“I’ll be five minutes max, all right? Just sit tight.”
Dustin listens to Steve go up the stairs. He again tries to pick up on any conversation coming from above, but he can’t hear anything—and in the silence, soon finds himself in a losing battle with sleep.
The next thing he knows, he feels a gentle hand on his head. It’s Eddie: he can feel the bottom of his rings, the care taken to ensure that they never once catch in Dustin’s hair, no matter how boisterous his hugs are.
Dustin’s getting slowly lowered down until his cheek rests on a pillow. He must make an involuntary, sleepy noise at the movement, because he hears Eddie whisper, “Shh, s’only me.”
The almost silent sound of a blanket being unfolded, then placed over him. Warmth.
He just hears fragments of speech, like the sensation of nodding off in a car—knowing that it’s him rather than the radio fading in and out.
“… he asleep?”
“Yeah, I… thought he… must be exhausted…”
And then he loses track of all words, of everything.
-
A faucet running. Scrape of a pan being brought out of the cupboard. Clatter of bowls on the counter.
“… just feel like… never gonna…”
“I know. Look, I can… talked to… gonna go up to the school.”
“Since when have… ever fucking cared?”
“I know, but… trying my best here.”
“… I know you… shit, Steve, I’m sorry.”
Dustin keeps his eyes closed. He drifts back into consciousness, becomes aware of the entire conversation around him when he hears Eddie mutter, like he’s despairing at himself, “Just what the fuck did I think I was doing?”
The click of a burner on the stove being switched on.
Steve’s reply is slow and careful. “What do you mean?”
“Fuck, I don’t know. Hellfire. School. The whole fucking thing.”
“Eddie. Come on, you couldn’t have known that—”
“No, just let me—god, I might as well have painted the damn target on his back myself.”
Another click: the burner getting turned off.
“Eddie—”
“Don’t—I chose to—but he—” Eddie’s voice is growing increasingly strained. He inhales shakily. “Sometimes I wish I’d never—he’s just a kid, man, he shouldn’t have to—”
His voice breaks.
Dustin, ever so slowly, raises his head. Peeks over the top of the couch.
Eddie’s back is to him. He’s standing by the counter, shoulders shaking.
Steve is stepping away from the stove. He reaches Eddie, murmurs, “C’mere,” and just…
Holds onto him. Presses a kiss into his hair.
-
Dustin feigns sleep for another ten minutes or so, then begins to gradually ‘stir.’ Steve spots that he’s awake first, retrieves another ice pack for his ankle.
Eddie sits down on the other end of the couch, seems to make himself as small as possible in the corner—hunched up, staring as Wheel of Fortune plays on the T.V, as if suddenly fascinated by it.
Dustin repeatedly checks his watch, like that will make his allotted twenty minutes go any faster. When the time’s up, he immediately flings his ice pack off—“Oh sure, just get that all over the floor!” Steve calls from the kitchen, but he doesn’t sound all that concerned about it—and crawls gingerly over to Eddie.
It takes a few moments for Eddie to notice that Dustin’s moved; when he does, his eyebrows go up in surprise.
“Careful with your foot,” he says, too quiet.
“I’m fine.”
Silence. Eddie opens and closes his mouth a couple times, deliberating.
“Hey, um. Henderson, I’ve—been thinking, and it’s… it’s fine if you don’t want to, uh… I’ll understand if—”
“Shut up,” Dustin says, as firm and gentle as he can make it.
Because there’s no way he can listen to Eddie finish that thought, no way he can listen to Eddie even suggest the idea that anyone should regret knowing him—as if that’s even possible. As if Dustin ever could.
“Starting high school would’ve sucked without you.” Dustin says it with as much feeling as he can, tries to make it impossible for Eddie to argue. “Dude, you know the Party rules: friends for life. No take backs.”
Eddie exhales with a slight shudder, like he’s been winded. Then, voice a little hoarse, he says, “O-okay. Can I… make another rule, then?”
Dustin pauses. Nods.
“If you’re…” Eddie swallows. “If anything like this ever happens again, you’ve gotta tell someone. Me or Steve or your mom or… just. Someone. A-and you… you’ve gotta give the full picture, I don’t care how ugly it is. Just. Christ, all that matters is your safety, okay?”
“That’s not all that matters,” Dustin says impulsively, thinking of dirty looks towards Eddie, of poisonous words.
“Yeah, it is,” Eddie says, a finality to his tone, like he’s somehow heard Dustin’s thoughts. “Look, Dustin…” He sighs. “It’s not your job to—to defend me, got it? Trust me, it… it means so much that you’d… means more than you’ll ever know.” He gives a knowing, bittersweet smile. “But you can’t fix the whole world.”
“I can try.”
Eddie laughs, choked with emotion. “And that’s a goddamn admirable sentiment. But nothing’s worth you getting hurt.” He hesitates, then opens his arms, and Dustin shuffles forward into a hug. “I can’t fucking bear the thought of you—of you—”
“Okay,” Dustin says. Hears Eddie’s breathing hitch, and holds on tight. “I’m okay.”
-
Steve makes spaghetti and meatballs, balances his own bowl on his knees while he sits directly on the floor—occasionally looks over at Dustin and Eddie sitting sprawled across each other with a fond smile.
For all the past heaviness, the rest of the night is light. Dustin takes advantage of Eddie’s distraction when he’s shouting out answers to quiz shows and steals a couple of his meatballs—though he suspects Eddie knows and just lets him get away with it.
And then, as it gets late, he begins to doze off, leaning against Eddie’s side. Feels a pair of arms around him.
Sleeps.
-
When he wakes, he’s back to being laid out on his usual spot on the couch, tucked in with the blanket.
He turns his head to see that Steve and Eddie are sleeping on the floor, atop a mattress they must have somehow brought downstairs without waking him up.
While Eddie has his back to the couch, Steve is facing it. And Dustin can tell from how they’re mirroring each other, arms outstretched, that they must’ve fallen asleep holding hands.
He smiles. Keeps smiling when Steve wakes up and catches him looking. He watches as some sort of understanding lights up Steve’s eyes; he winks at Dustin, as if in gratitude.
“Too early still,” Steve says kindly. “Go back to sleep.”
Dustin almost does so without thinking, but…
“I’ll be late for school?”
Steve shakes his head. “Called in for you. Said you’re sick.”
And at hearing that, Dustin feels a sudden flood of relief. He sighs. “Thanks.”
Steve shakes his head as if to say it was nothing. He continues, voice low so as not to disturb Eddie, “Got a meeting with the principal on Monday. Told Mike and Lucas to be careful, but that dickhead’s getting suspended already.”
“You didn’t have to—”
“Shut up,” Steve says softly. “And… hey, we can talk it through later, but I think you should tell your mom. Thought we could go the meeting together.” He makes a face. “I know it’s not exactly gonna be, like, plain sailing, but… it’ll make things better, in the end. Trust me.”
Dustin pushes back the knee jerk discomfort around the thought of confiding in his mom, pushes back the instinct to not tell her anything. That belongs to the days of The Upside Down.
This is…
This is different.
And despite his initial misgivings, the idea of Steve and his mom being a united front makes him smile. They’ll be unstoppable, he thinks.
“Mm-hmm, trust you,” Dustin mumbles.
He knows there’ll still be a steep hill to climb; they can’t fix everything just like that. And yeah, the meeting might suck. But it kind of feels better already, that Steve and Eddie know. That he’s got a few days here, away from everything.
He listens to Steve yawning, to Eddie’s deep breathing, and lets them both lull him back to sleep.
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