I Am A Platypus

There is no theme. It's anarchy I tell you! Anaaaaarccchhhhyyyy! Most of it's reblogged (It's all pretty much reblogged, I am painfully unoriginal) About Me 21 (I'm old but I can drink now) Male Kinda Stupid (really stupid) All around average/boring Scorpio...

[assdevourer]

[kierawaffles]

thanks popuko

[zetrystan]

Phoebe, girl, you live like this?

[wellthatwasodd]

Dang, my Phoebe isn’t this rad. She was one of my two starting villagers but she has a cool primary color house right now.

[dreamsolvent]

[notlikingbestgirl]

Taste closed

[bravebirdfolly]

Inspector, if you can’t find the murderer I suggest wrapping this up (yea)

[atamajakki]

i would watch an entire show of this

[forfuckssakejim]

“You can’t read Miranda rights to a corpse”

[powerfulwizard]

im not gonna self deprecatingly call myself stupid anymore, if you cant tell im stupid right there from talking to me then you dont deserve to know

[powerfulwizard]

if i’ve tricked you into thinking i’m a genius i’m just gonna let you believe that, you can wash off that clown makeup on your own when you figure it out

[dajo42]

a few weeks ago i was playing smash ultimate and my brother was like “you play with final smash on?” and i was like, yeah, my dude, i play the ridiculous cartoon character fighting game where byleth and captain olimar can brawl to the death in green hill zone and funnily enough i dont turn off the magic floating ball that lets them do the biggest silly bullshit. im playing this game in the kitchen

[dajo42]

“you play with ITEMS???” like YES its literally the silliest game possible by design, if i wasnt supposed to play as isabelle and spend the entire time assembling a giant gun to blast bowser off the side of palutena’s temple it wouldn’t be a fucking option

[fuckrealityihaveablog]

I want a story about an Italian vampire.

No romance, no action.

Just 200 pages of “What do you mean, I can’t have garlic? Do you know where I’m from?”

[absinthenoir-deactivated2019090]

TBH I think the main issue would be the mirror thing

have you ever met an Italian man

the amount of time they spend looking in the mirror jfc

[wunderlass]

#the more you think about it the more all vampire rules are just anti-italian rules#can’t go out in sunlight?? IN ITALY???#Can’t go near crucifixes? IN ITALY???

[princezane-deactivated20151205]

a bunch of pissed off vampires stuck in Venice because they can’t go over moving water

[theresoneofyou]

Not to victim blame, but you’d have to be a pretty bad Italian to even get turned into a vampire in the first place.

[hey-there-nutlet-deactivated201]

the only two places practically immune to vampires are texas and italy

[darkestelemental616]

Let me tell you of A Thing.

Lithuania has no vampires, I guarantee it.

[stephendann]

Lithuania has one vampire, and let me tell you, she’s gonna be FURY UNLEASHED once someone gets her out of the centre of that crossterfuck of a burial point.

[princesshamlet-deactivated20210]

#never seen texas and italy in the same sentence before

(via @tchallabread)

[copperbadge]

Reblogging purely for Crossterfuck. 

[yahenni]

Ripley's By God, I've Become So Desensitized to The Infinite Parade of New And Ridiculous Ignominies That Comprise Modern Life That You Could Tell Me Anything And I'd Just Be Like "Sure, Fuck It"

[yahenni]

Ripley's Jesus, Fuck, Really? Fuck.

[petalpetal]

[musashi]

Meowth: Hey, what’s this?

Jessie: It’s a fence, genius.

Meowth: I mean what’s it doin’ here?

Jessie: What do you think its doing here?! [quietly turns to James] What’s it doing here?

James: I’d say someone doesn’t want us on their property!

Jessie: [turns back to Meowth] Obviously someone doesn’t want us on their property!

Meowth: But how come?

Jessie: Of all the dumb–! Hold on. [turns to James] How come?

[musashi]

this is one of my favourite pointless chains of dialogue in the whole fucking anime. there is no reason for them to be this way

[zazie-beetzz-deactivated2022071]

Harley Quinn after breaking up with J*ker: *blows up a chemical plant, gets a hyena, kills several people, crushes more bones than a pro wrestler, breaks into GCPD, steals a car, adopts a kid, finally gets her egg sandwich*

Batman, sipping tea somewhere in the batcave:

[squareallworthy]

No such thing as a tomato sauce boat. No such thing as a salad dressing boat. But I guess if you’re gravy you get ~SpEcIaL nAuTiCaL pRiViLeGeS~

[squareallworthy]

I mean, marinara, it’s right there in the name. Who is more deserving, I ask you?

[orbisonblue]

…you know you can put any sauce you want in your own gravy boat, OP? You know that, right?

[squareallworthy]

Well yeah. You can put lemonade in it if you want to. Or use it as a spittoon. Or a paperweight. Whatever.

But when you’re not using it? When you have cleaned it and put it back in the cupboard? What is it then? That’s right. It reverts to being a gravy boat. Because that’s what it’s, as they say, “for.”

And when you take it out again and fill it with, idk, salsa verde, what will people say? They’ll say, “Oh, that’s a good use for a gravy boat.” No one ever says “how clever of you to use a salsa boat to serve gravy.” Because the boat defaults to gravy. That is the problem.

If I go to the store and ask for a raita boat, I get funny looks. If I ask for a gravy boat, they know exactly what I’m talking about. Fair? No. Fact? Yes.

Can you see that this is about what is a marked use and what is an unmarked use? Can you see that, friend orbisonblue? That this is not just about what I, personally, can do with my tableware, but what our society considers to be “normal’ sauce-serving practice, and what is “abnormal”? Can you?

[tlatollotl]

Archaeologists determining if mundane objects are also ritual objects 

[awesomelyanon]

A little late but Happy Ace Awareness Week! All your faves are ace now sorry I don’t make the rules. 

[cannotunsee]

[tiefighters]

R2-D2 in Italian

[hammerfelll-deactivated20220522]

this is such a fucking power move

[scretladyspider]

Please please please let this pass please please please fucking PLEASE

[notvoid]

[blindbee]

[avodaco]

me when i get my student loan

[g8dtier]

this is the money cat. reblog in 30 seconds and you will find yourself with more wealth

[strikercorbie]

#this is the only money cat i will reblog because it’s actually doing the manekineko pose151,646 notes (via lolwhutninja)

OMG YOU’RE RIGHT

[nonespark-blog]

and it has its right paw up! the correct paw for this. and from the markings on its ears, it looks like it might be a calico cat. which is the luckiest kind!

[carrionbeast]

extremely lucky cat

[ladynorbert]

I don’t even care if it actually works, I’m mostly reblogging because it’s freaking adorable.

[sweet-cherry-fairy-deactivated2]

cute cat and need money, good post, 10/10

[allthenamesilikearetaken]

in case anyones interested in the other versions

http://www.namaii.com/manekineko/maneki-neko-types.html

[mmusclechan]

Y’know I reblogged this a bit ago and was saved from financial probation and getting kicked out of school because of it, just mere months from graduation. Got a call from the financial aid advisor telling me that they made a mistake with filing my account (or some other sort of clerical error) and said that, basically, they owe me money. Welp.

[winjennster]

Last time I reblogged the money cat, I won two $100 gift cards at work.