Unmad - Thereās something that happens with age that makes it that much harder to get unmad. Theres a difference between being happy and just not mad, or unmad. Iām sure if youāre a normal person you know exactly what I mean. As children, you get disappointed frequently when parents fail to deliver on their promises to play with you after they finish work. They say we can eat dessert after meals but then you find out after you finish the nasty greens that ice cream wonāt be making an appearance. But when youāre young all the wrongs are forgiven easily. Children are so quick to forgive and forget if you apologize sincerely and sometimes, even for a $0.25 pack of gum they will get unmad at you. But you mess a grown up over by leaking a secret or pulling a no-show for a promised appointment, the unmadding process is a lot more costly. One bad encounter can undo multiple good deeds. The economies of scale changes drastically as you get old. And from what I have observed, others have noticed too. How do I know? We all try to keep our relationships in good, unmad states by doing what makes people happy. We ask things like, what is your favorite color? then get them a tie or a shirt in that hue. We ask them their favorite food and try to go to eat that when going out to a restaurant. It gets tiring and hard to maintain. After a while of getting what you want, what used to make me happy no longer provides the same kick. The level of adrenaline, hormones, or whatever else you physiologically or psychologically may have experienced no longer satisfies once youāve become a happy junkie. And Iāve found the cure. It came to me as I was coming up with ways to deal with difficult design clients. During the initial consulting, you figure out what theyāre looking for and try to give them that. If Iāve accurately understood their intent, the concept is usually accepted without revision, but there are times that people get greedy. āIf I am satisfied with this product the first time, I wonder how much more I would be satisfied if I ask them to make it just āPOPā a bit more?ā Thats how it starts then progressively you start losing sleep, hair, and then eventually sanity and sanctity. So the solution was simple. Instead of asking them to come up with the most beautiful thing they could think of, you ask them to also describe what they do not want. āWell, I donāt want square navimenusā¦ I donāt like gradientsā¦ā once you compile a list of complaints, itās much simpler? more simple? than trying to deliver a favorite item. Not creating what they donāt leaves you with more options. In they end, they may not be happy, but theyāre unmad. (disclaimer: this is not how I usually rollā¦ I only do that with difficult people/design concepts.) Think about it. A person likes pad se ew from Thai Basil. You have to go to one specific place to get that item. But the person says they donāt like Taco Bell, you are free to go anywhere and maybe you may even end up going to Thai Basil. If you operate this way, relationships become easier and smoother as well. Instead of trying to make people happy all the time, you can keep them unmad all the time. And as weāve established one bad experience CTRL+Zās (CMD+Z for you mac nuts) all the happytimeness youāve built up, its a better investment to go with option number 2. Of course Iām not against being or making people happy. Iām just saying there is no need to do it ALL THE TIME. Because when people are kept happy all the time, they spoil and you gotta give them a higher dose of happy and we donāt like happy junkies. Understand? So anyway. I come up with this brilliant concept of keeping people unmad instead of happy by not doing what they donāt like rather than doing the one thing they like ā¦to also realize its been around forever. What do I mean? The 10 Commandments aka the donāt dos. If it was anyone else, Iād accuse them of stealing my million dollar idea but since itās God, I guess itās ok. Weāre friends. Viewed in the right way, the list of donāt dos provides so much more freedom than we realize.
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