it isn't that i can't do it alone - but sometimes i feel it more, you know? i come back to an empty house. i have no one to text hey the flight got delayed, just letting you know i'll be a few hours late.
most of the time this is okay, and i bask in the quiet. i make myself a new and fancy recipe. i bake treats for my dog. i take environmentally-shameful-length showers. i often like being alone. i like to sit and have the world hold me in a palm like a mercury spill.
but then the small things. i kind of want to see one of the touring broadway shows. or a particular movie. i just want to tangle my legs into someone else's while we eat popcorn and talk about our favorite types of tea or something. it's not that i can't handle any of this by myself - i do, i am happy doing so - but i sometimes cut the orange in half and wish i could peel it for a second person.
i am cheerfully and chipperly informed that all things can be fun and exciting by yourself. i am reminded that loving myself should be the first and foremost goal. i am jokingly informed that if i just hold out, my wife will appear in the clouds as if i wished for her - but that i shouldn't drive myself crazy by looking. i ground myself in my incredible friends and support. i do it all the "right" way.
it's just - i had a long day today. and i wish i had someone's hand to hold about it.
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