one day at a time @werebear-butch - Tumblr Blog

hey dude, idk how much you remember from the party last night but- yeah, everyone saw your want. yeah no it was pretty late and winding down so it was quiet enough that every single person there saw it throbbing and twitching in your chest and so wet with hunger it was glistening under the kitchen light. they said it looked like it was reaching for something

Dawg I am once again daydreaming about shit I cannot have

werebear-butch

I literally feel like the most wretched and pathetic whiny little bitch and I need to be put down

I am so TIRED of feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied and unhappy and STUCK

#I have good things #I have my friends and my cat #and a roof over my head and no financial struggles #but the latter feels more and more like a cage than a home #I’m not happy with my job or my living situation #I wake up and I’m sad #I go to work and I’m sad because I’m exhausted and unhappy #I come home and I’m sad because the few hours of the day that I have are demanded of me by my family #I go to sleep and I’m sad because I feel like I did fuck all with the day #and then I wake up and do it all ahain #it feels like a staircase spiraling endlessly downward #when all I want to do is go up #I don’t know if I’ve just set too many goals and don’t know how to live with what I have #if that’s a Me issue or if it’s something I’ve learned from family and the general state of the world #it feels like I’m always working towards the Next Big Thing #because I don’t know how to just Exist #I try to hope I’ll finally be happy once I get into grad school and get a home and maybe find a partner who loves me #but in truth I’ve always done this #I waited so long to be out of high school #and then I was satisfied #so I went to college and thought I would be happier #but it didn’t last and I couldn’t wait to graduate and move out on my own #and now I’ve graduated and got a job and a car and I’m still RESTLESS and unsatisfied #if I finally get that grad school degree and a home and a partner will I even be able to appreciate it?#I feel there is something fundamentally wrong with me

Brother I HATE being treated like a child but I also feel like the most immature 22 year old on the fucking planet

#hey bitch you’re an adult #stop crying over your mom not letting you keep a kitten #get it the fuck together

werebear-butch

Being back at my parents’ just gives me this profound sense of sadness. This isn’t home anymore. It isn’t ever going to be home again. I’m somehow getting treated like a little kid and an adult at the same time. I feel stuck and restless and overwhelmed and like I’m losing control of my life. I can’t go back to what things were like in high school, I need my independence.

I need to be put down like a dog

#something is wrong with me #psychologically #I need to get out of here before I get worse

I am trying so hard to be okay in my day to day but I feel constantly one small inconvenience away from a severe mental break. I need to get out.

You guys like me as like. A person right

#/silly but also #something is wrong with me psychologically #/ref

I want out so fucking bad

I need the fuck out of this fuck ass state

#feeling hateful and anxious #free me

I want to go Home but I don’t have a Home yet

So it turns out that actually remembering to take your antidepressants makes you less depressed

#who would have thought #feeling five million percent more balanced today

I fear I may be severely depressed