… and i am back! so, i just finished reading the recent chapter and can’t we just focus on junyoung and beomjin’s relationship? because i am getting fed up with seungwoon’s tantrums already.
on this chapter, a continuation from the last, beomjin was asking junyoung to live in with him and they talked about having family someday. my heart shattered when he said that he'd like to have a family photo one day knowing what they have gone through with their families. i never really thought beomjin would like kids, or like having one in the future but he said he doesn't mind if it's with junyoung OH I LOVE IT WHEN LOVE IS LOVING!!!!! i get a lot of them and i need more of them period.
okay as much as i don't want to talk about *him* yk who i'm referring to... i still have to. so, junyoung was offered a promotion in europe because she was recommended by that son of a b and we know what it is never good when we those two in one frame. and so, junyoung declined that offered because he knows seungwoon. by the end of the chapter, we saw him glaring to junyoung saying, "my feelings have nothing to do with this appointment." like tf??? GIRL THE AUDIENCE KNOW and stop lying to yourself :D
After days of deliberating, I finally gave in and watched the second season of The Apothecary Diaries (my friend also pushed me to watch it!). If you know me, I usually tend to stay away from on-going series even though I liked it. As I'm writing this, I think there's already 10 episodes so I'm really not that far behind. Everything I say here is solely based on speculations, as I haven't had the chance to read the manga yet (might read it after season 2 idk).
Anyways... we start the episode with the "novels" becoming popular in the palace. I believe from the past episodes, Maomao gave it first to the consorts (forgive me for I have a memory of a goldfish). Maomao, the brainly that she is, realized that a small amount of people can actually read (and write). That is why she decided to hand out those novels with the help of the emperor and Jinshi in hopes of motivating them to learn–just like what happened to Xiaolan.
THIS IS LINGLI's FAN ACCOUNT !!! <33333
Maomao's side quest part 2176173: take Lingli to a walk. No kidding, I literally spent 5 minutes just looking at her. SHE'S SO CUTEEEEE! I felt like I was the one who gave birth to her. No offense to Lady Gyokuyou but like... THAT'S MY DAUGHTER! I also noticed that the genes of the men here is diabolical. The genes of the Emperor did not even try– even Lakan's.
As they were going for a walk, we encountered this young lady which I assumed to be Loulan. Again, everything I put here are all my speculations. I can't remember exactly but I think they said that she is very good at disguising herself that's why I immediately thought of her when I saw the girl (on the right side). Aside from that, we can see her plum hair and golden eyes which is exactly like Loulan's. Let me know if this is correct or not...?
Lastly, finishing off this post with Maomao 'the cat'. This scene cracked me up because when Jinshi and Maomao talked about their indifference with the cat, Jinshi thought that everything Maomao does reminds him of the cat. I CAN'T WITH HIM LIKEEEEE
sometimes i be on youtube then get a random ass thought that makes me stop youtubing & go to confirm or deny. but then i get side tracked n start app flipping. then a song pops up in my head, i go back to youtube but get hit w the realization that i was soobing while listening to sad music 30 min- 1 hr ago. n then i think abt how unstable my moods are bc they really do just flip w a random ass thought. anywho yeah that happened & i came on here to tell u guys abt it
this year, i want to be more intentional about what i'm consuming online. i want to dig into why i'm drawn to certain creators, why i disagree with certain video essay, why i go back to certain videos even though i've rewatched them a million times. why, why, why. the why is the intentionality behind it, to stop being so passive in my consumption.
i've been inspired by this video by anna howard (below) where she explains why she's created a "digital garden" to keep track of the thoughts she has while consuming media and then expanding on them with her own decontextualised thoughts afterwards (i've explained that poorly but watch the video if you're interested).
i feel like when i was younger, i consumed less, but thought about it more. i rewatched star wars until i could recite every line of dialogue. i read jacqueline wilson books until i could write an essay on each theme and how it is connected to her wider work. i used to have comfort shows that i could put on and be completely zoned in, not once glancing away to look at a phone or any other device (and that's another conversation about our declining attention spans). whatever i consumed burrowed its way into my brain, where it still resides to this day.
but now, i feel like i consume so much mindless shit on a daily basis yet never take anything of substance in. i couldn't tell you what i was watching 5 minutes ago, nevermind what i've learnt from these videos i spend entire days doomscrolling through. i have no original thoughts on anything i consume, i just zone out. and then i wonder where time has slipped away to.
i've decided that i'm done with mindless consumption so i've come up with some goals for how i'm going to encourage myself to actively consume:
always have a notebook open when i'm watching/reading/consuming something
feel free to pause/take breaks to write down my thoughts (eg. "I don't like this character because...", "this song speaks to me because...", "this thing reminded me of this") - this is a real challenge for me because, objectively, i can analyse a piece of work (ex-english lit student here) but when it comes to putting my own opinions/deep thoughts into something...no thoughts, head empty
link it to other media - basically turning into my own reference list of thoughts and analyses, like how certain media could be connected even though there are no reasons to actually think that (eg. how the popularity of gravity falls in the early 2010s made way for stranger things to be the huge hit that it was/still is) (this is a thought that has been swirling round my brain for years now. is it true? i'll never know. do i want it to be true? um, YEAH absolutely)
anyway, tl;dr i dont want to be a mindless zombie doomscrolling youtube anymore. i want to actively consume/engage with the media i'm watching/reading and take notes of the thoughts i'm having when consuming it. this post might not make much sense rn, but i hope to look back on it and think "she hit the nail on the head with that one".
