When I Think of What If....

[whatifsandcouldhavebeens]

Waking up

I had a dream about you last night.  I can’t remember what it was about now, but it was a good dream.  I woke up with my facemask on, the puppy curled up by my legs, and I reached behind me to touch your arm.  The smile on my face fell and reality came back to me in a wave.  As I rolled over onto my back I removed my mask and realized the air mattress has deflated slightly in the night.

[whatifsandcouldhavebeens]

Home

Today I applied for an apartment. An apartment after having a home with you. 

[whatifsandcouldhavebeens]

False

I thought you were the one.

I just don't understand.

How was I not the one?

[whatifsandcouldhavebeens]

Hope

Hope started the relationship.

Hope led to a first kiss.

Hope helped pack the moving boxes.

Hope let us see a life.

Hope brought the possibility of love.

Hope broke my heart.

[whatifsandcouldhavebeens]

Heartbreak

Nothing is quite as painful as getting your heart broken. 

It's usually a surprise, rug pulling out from under your feet.  One that shocks and numbs you within seconds.  Depending on how it's done, you are usually left with questions, questions you try to get answers to, but any answers are muted by heart breaking sobs.  You try to keep these in, tell yourself this isn't real, to be strong.  But it is.  And you aren't.