What I Would Name This Animal

Me renaming your cats and stuff because a name just popped into my head

[caats]

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

"BABUSHKITTEN"

[wholesome-animal-images]

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name these lizards 🦎 🦎

"JACK AND ROSE"

[kedreeva]

THE BOY!!

SO CLOSE!!

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

Previously I noted that I would name all the quail "Baggins" because they were stuffed in bags but I may have to make an exception for mister

"ODO PROUDFEET"

here. I mean look at them toes.

[kedreeva]

B A G G E D

(they are fine btw, these are safe hatching bags to keep them separated by lineage for tagging. They crack out and generally just take naps until I pull them a few hours later)

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

The angle on this made the bags appear huge to me. It took me a second to figure out what was going on. At first I thought "Who put chickens in with those eggs?" before realizing "Oh wait, eggs is already full of chickens, this is fine."

I would name every one of these chicks after hobbits, but their middle-last names would

"Baggins"

And of course they would be named things like "Frodo Baggins of Bag-End, Bilbo Baggins of Bag-End, Rosa Baggins, Sam Baggins, Pippin Baggins" etc etc until I ran out of names and had to consult Stephen Colbert for additional hobbit names.

[dduane]

Sleepy owl found resting among items on a New York antique store shelf

Shoppers in upstate New York month turned up a rare find while perusing a local antique store this month: a live owl resting peacefully amon

Hey, thanks to @heymerle for this, because it’s genuinely just too cute. 😄

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name this owl

"Sister Mary Clearance"

[catasters]

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name these cats

"Swiss Roll

&

Nutty Buddy"

[raccoonmilf]

Unfortunately I don’t think raccoons can be lesbians

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

This is either scientific fact or a future appolo's dodgeball moment. It's too early for me to tell.

[raccoonmilf]

I don’t have a raccoon daughter because I’m a raccoon biologist. I have a raccoon daughter because I moved to South Africa because I had what I thought was a “prophetic dream” (I had scurvy and also an evil psychiatrist prescribing me the wrong meds) where I was in South Africa and there was billboard with a woman on it in a lab coat holding a red fox and a raccoon that said “Dr Foxy: This Could Be You!” And then in the dream I looked across the street and saw a billboard the said “Come Visit Hooters in South Africa.” And I woke up and was like “I know what I need to do” which was not “go to school to study native wildlife” but instead was “visit Hooters in South Africa.” But I didn’t want to go for just a little while because it was expensive and I didn’t like the idea of the long flight, but I knew I HAD to go to the Hooters in South Africa. So I figured it would be more economical to just go and finish art school there. Except COVID happened and I literally got trapped there and the hooters in the city I moved to had apparently been closed for years and also I got a concussion and when I went to the doctor they said I had scurvy. So I had to do intensive eating treatment where I drank a lot of fruit juice and also learned to eat macaroni that was shapes other than SpongeBob. And after listening to my yapping about raccoons, my therapist, who had never met a raccoon, told me I should get a raccoon to help me keep fresh fruits in the house. And so when I got back to America I found someone trying to get rid of one Facebook because it was apparently evil and bit her toddler and then I did.

And now I’m a raccoon biologist.

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

Someone really needs to compile a book of short stories based on tumblr users' "how we got here in life" posts.

[rifa]

Realized I have a naked rat and a small piano

Here's Harry banging out the tunes, April 13th 2023

[this-cult-of-dionysus]

give it up for Harry and Neil, folks

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I heard there was a secret chord

That Neil once played and it pleased the horde

Enough to appeal fanartists who drew you

They drew you first then then drew your friends

They animated you in gifs

These baffled rats are banging out the tunes-ah

[skippyisntfunny]

[slicedcheesegremlin]

the man who sleeps with a machete under his pillow is a fool every night except one

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name this cat

"Machete"

[tinylilemrys]

I heard there was a secret chord

That Neil once played and it pleased the horde

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

Enough to appeal fanartists who drew you

[catasters]

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name this cat

"Cat"

Because it is 💯 the embodiment of cat.

[bob-artist]

My brain: You have so many tight deadlines. So many things on your weekly schedule. So many important jobs. You have to get important work done!!!

My hands:

[bob-artist]

It's a

Canada Griffin

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

More specifically I believe this is a

"Canadian Cobra Griffin"

[marzipanandminutiae]

that one story in Irish mythology where this woman goes to the king (just randomly in public) and is like “hey I’m pregnant but I haven’t slept with a man in years so ???”

and then the king’s like “well did you sleep with a woman?”

and the woman’s like “yeah but that can’t-”

and the king’s like “she’d slept with a man that same day and the semen got transferred from her vag to yours”

and the people are like “SO WISE”

and the woman’s like “SO WISE”

and this priest who’s possessed by a demon and just happens to be flying overhead hears the judgement and the king’s wisdom drives out the demon and he lands safely in the crowd

the point being that nobody was bothered by sweet sweet sapphic sex in early medieval Ireland so nobody should be now

(edit: here is one source for this story; it doesn’t mention the priest, but the full text does.)

[kyraneko]

the middle ages were WILD

this story’s got everything. soap opera pregnancy shenanigans. kings that just rock up to you in public. random flying demon-possessed priests. casual acceptance of homosexuality. logic so good it exorcises anyone in the local airspace. it’s spectacular and amazeballs I love it.

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

If this were made into a TV series I would name this TV series

"Heatede Rivalrie"

[importantcatpics]

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name this "plant"

"Napeta cataria, commonly known as Catnap"

[s-lycopersicum]

Oh, you think you're safe now?

Nothing can deliver you from these paws!

[skimmer-vode]

Reblog to animatedly boop your followers

[clayorey]

Wonder what happened to the dinosaurs? This is a baby Blue Heron.

[leviathan-supersystem]

this baby Blue Heron killed the dinosaurs.

[whatiwouldnamethisanimal]

I would name this baby Blue Heron

"Steve, who eradicated the dinosaurs"