whatthefloof

Hands down memes are my religion

[whatthefloof]

So today my mom was looking out the window to the backyard, and she suddenly said “We have a snake in the back.” And I responded with “Oh shit, I didn’t know there were people from school in my backyard.”

HA I’M GR8 M8

[whatthefloof]

So today the family was sitting at the table enjoying a peaceful Christmas Eve dinner and my dad decided that it was the perfect time to bust out a pun so in the silence, he said “What is the best Christmas present?”

“A broken drum.”

“Cuz you can’t, BEAT IT.”

I kid you not almost everyone at the dinner table facepalmed and you could hear a bunch of deep sighs and me and my uncle got up and left the table.

What is wrong with my family.

[whatthefloof]

I met a decomposer today, he was a pretty fungi.

[whatthefloof]

Thanksgiving Disappointment

So my dad was getting ice out from the ice dispenser in our freezer for our Thanksgiving turkey, and I guess he cut himself on something (turns out it was the machine), so he quietly cursed under his breath saying, "Shit! What the fuck was that?” I happened to be nearby at the time, washing the dishes and I overheard him, so you know what the next thing I did? I said. “Bro, you need to CHILL out.” After that, he looked at me with narrowed eyes, probably thinking this in his head: "I raised this child, I have never felt so ashamed in my life. I regret absolutely everything.”

[just-shower-thoughts]

I press ‘later’ instead of 'never’ when applications ask for a rating because I don’t want to hurt it’s feelings

[whatthefloof]

WHY IS THIS ME

[whatthefloof]

For some apparent reason, I got a balloon stuck in the ice dispenser part of the machine…

[whatthefloof]

B-But…. Why not?! :(