his mind has been PLAGUED by everything he’s witnessed, and endured for so long. and he knows that shane is cracking, insanity leaking through his walls. if shane cracked entirely, they’d all be in danger of DEALING with a true monster. and rick knows that shane is no longer the same man, no longer the man he had called his best friend, and partner. no shane was something much darker, much crueler. yet after discovering that his wife was pregnant, he felt different. and so he hadn’t looked at her, focusing his attention on finding sophia instead.
“you can call me rick, i ain’t that old yet.” it’s a joke of course, but the words don’t feel like his own, but like a MASK he’s constructed to conceal his own MONSTER. “the walkers ain’t monsters, they’re just there, their just a product of this shitty world. i am beth, i find myself contemplatin’ if i should kill my best friend or not, if that ain’t monstrous, then tell me what is?”
why he’s asking her these questions, he’s not sure, she’s just a GIRL. but she also wasn’t a child, she clearly understood what was going on around them, and she seemed to understand the ways of the adult world. — that much he had noticed. and then he realizes that she’s touched him, and he gazes down at her with a furrowed brow, unsure of what to think. they don’t know each other very well, and yet here she is, listening to him grumble on about his issues.
she’s just a GIRL, and seeing this world and how the people in it continue to drown in themselves -- she knows she doesn’t know much, but she knows enough. enough to recognize that goodness can be out there. it’s in glenn’s hands and the way he looks at her sister. it’s in her daddy, and it’s in her, and it needed to be shared, to keep others from losing it in themselves. so she touches, sliding her hands to hold on gently to rick’s arm, looking up at him, as though hoping to pass some of that goodness like healing from her palms to his bones. rick grimes carries more weight than she could imagine.
there’s no monster she sees, but a man in AGONY.
“ i know a monster when i see one. i’ve been scared of ‘em since i was a little girl, ” she answers, voice softer and smile broadening in hopes of getting him to smile back. even if he doesn’t MEAN it, maybe it’ll help... whether she means help her from being afraid of that easy admission of murder, or help him--- she’s not wholly sure. “ the walkers are monsters, rick. they used to be human, but they’re monsters now. they don’t just kill us -- they ruin us. they take awake our sleep an’ our safety, take away our homes, an’ move on. move on like they just have a need to ruin somethin’ else. ”
she can almost feel eyes on her from the house, so beth doesn’t dare move in to hug rick like she wants to. patricia likes to tattle on her; patricia thinks it’s helpful. instead, beth meaningfully squeezes rick’s arm, just a bit, ever gentle. “ you ain’t like that. you came here and you helped us. nothin’s been ruined by you bein’ here. have a little faith in yourself, rick. ”
