AUTHORS NOTE: Only a mere few days have passed since the tragic Edenbrook Attack. One perpetrator killed by his own ammunition, two civil servants killed on duty, two traumatised survivors, and a hospital now in the midst of its darkest hour. In todays chapter we see for the first time how the fallout directly impacted the Edenbrook doctors, and the beginning of the difficult road to recovery. This is 'Ghosts' and I hope you enjoy :)
WARNING: This story contains sensitive topics such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Addiction, Grief and Death. Read with Caution.
Ethan
Stable heart rate
Toxin levels nearing zero
Breathing, improving
Slowly decreasing fever
For the past few days I've walked through this hospital amongst a sea of faceless people while the halls have felt bare, lifeless, cold, and somehow dark even under fluorescent lighting.
Somehow, the world was moving fast around me while I have merely been drifting through it with no ability to catch up with it...
I've been stuck in my own world where the only thing of any importance are those next readings.
After treading wearily through those halls, muscle memory taking me to her room... The world that had been black and white...
The face blindness-
All of it lifted
Once I saw her.
With the sun not even fully up yet, I stood in the doorway as small shadows lay cast over an amber lit room, my arms folded as Valerie lay asleep; the beeps from her monitors filled the silence, the flowers dotted around filled the space...
but only in the room.
Pale, although not has pale has she had been- cheeks that are still hollow making her look drained... weak.
Of course she still was...
But seeing it on her face- the face of someone who's mere smile would light up a room, full of so much life and enthusiasm...
To see her like this? Hurts more than words could ever express.
Because while I often teased her about her good and happy nature... I wouldn't want her any other way.
Upon a murmur, I stood up straight just as her heart rate was starting to climb; and is if on cue the muscle memory sprang into action again.
"Valerie-" I stroked her hair back with both hands, her discomfort becoming more obvious as her breathing became laboured.
"Valerie, wake up, It's just a nightmare..."
She took a sharp breath as she bolted up right and I took her shoulders in preparation to slow her movements as tears streamed down her face - no voice of a cry but gulps and gasps of air,
"Look I'm here... You're here... Nothing is happening okay?" I searched her eyes as her hands weakly clutched to mine against her face.
"Okay... Deep breaths for me. Do it with me. Through your nose and out through your mouth."
I started the exercise and it didn't take her long to follow suit...and slowly as her breathing started to return, I held her cheek with one hand and reached out behind me for the chair with the other before slowly sitting down...
"That's it. Relax your shoulders... You're okay...."
She closed her eyes, taking a final deep breath as her shoulders slacked...
My brow creased a little as she opened her eye, speaking with a dry quivering voice "sorry..."
"What do you have to be sorry about?"
She glanced away with soft sniffles and i tried to catch her gaze "You don't need to apologize for being vulnerable..."
"I do... when it's putting your life on hold... I do..."
She looked towards the window, the light showing the streaks of tears on her face "the sun isn't even up, and you're here."
"Because I want to be here. Do you want me to be here?" I raised a brow
She nodded and I continued to say "So there's no problem. Come, I want you to sleep for a little while longer."
"...Will you stay?"
"Yes Rookie."
She nodded, and moved over slightly as I sat on the edge of the bed.... Slowly, she lay down, and just as she has been for the past couple of days when she can't sleep, she lay her head on my lap as I stroked her hair...
"Did you at least go home last night...?"
"Mm. Just for a couple of hours..." I replied
Her shivering body started to calm down, and in turn I was able to relax... slightly.
"And I'm... the stubborn one?"
I smiled softly "Yes... yes you are..."
After a moment, I continued to say "And for the record... nothing, is more important than being here with you- So for goodness sake V... Let me take care of you..."
There was a long pause. Long enough that I thought, perhaps she's already fallen asleep?
But quietly, muffled against me, I heard "Okay, Doctor Ramsey...."
----
Valentine
The next time my eyes blearily opened, out of the window patches of dusty blue sky peeked through grey clouds, the suns light making me wince as I adjusted to brightness....
And upon looking up, I saw where Ethan was still by my side- awake, and flipping between taking notes and updating my chart.
Seeing myself in the mirror has been a shock. In fact the first time I went to a mirror, I cried.
I almost didn't recognize myself - a face pale, drained and slim. Such a change to happen over such a short time... and yet I've been assured by all the doctors I've seen it won't take much longer to return to how I was before. Or at least close .
Ethan on the other hand... Sleep deprived, somehow looking older than he had before, his beard, fuller than before. His hair ruffled without a care- no tie, no white coat.
He's relinquished all other duties, with me being his only patient. I heard the discussion outside my room that first night after we discovered the cure was working...
Flashback
"Ethan, you are not well. You haven't slept for days, you haven't rested nor eaten. I have to send you home now."
"No. I don't need to go home, I need to stay here and monitor the situation. She is still in a risky stage now-"
"And you will be paged if there's an update."
"And what if I don't get here in time? I am the only person still in this hospital that knows the ins and outs of the treatment, I've memories her chart. There's no one here that can take care of her the way I know I can."
He sighed "Ethan, if you do insist on staying in this hospital, I am ordering you to go to the beds in on-call for at least an hour. And you will not be treating or meeting with any other patients until further notice, do you understand?"
"Yes chief."
"The energy you have goes into treating that young lady and if at anytime you are not physically capable of doing so I will take you out of Edenbrook myself."
"...Yes chief."
Now
I remember thinking, I had never heard Naveen be so strict, and Ethan being so willing to bend to demands. It was alien to hear, but yet in the state I was in I could say that for most things...
It's been three days since then, and yesterday was the first time he had returned to his apartment. Yet with in hours... He was right back here.
"You know..."
He looked to me now, realizing I was a wake as I smiled a little and continued to say "Doctor Terminator started off as a joke... But I'm starting to think you really are part machine. How are you still functioning?"
He took off his glasses and said "30, even ten minute sleeping intervals every now and then give me the energy I need. Besides I had a few hours at home. You on the other hand need all the sleep you can get."
"And how'd I do?"
"5 hours in total. Hopefully by the time you're discharged we can get that to 5 hours of consistent sleep at least."
My brow creased "Okay... And just how long until I'm discharged?"
"Not until all your bloods are clear and your vitals return to normal. We also need to get your weight back up too." He raised his brow in return.
I nodded with a sigh "Okay... I can do this."
"I know you can Rookie." He replied, stroking a curl from my face.
I revelled in the comfort as his hand lingered, closing my eyes as I spoke softly "Aren't you worried about someone coming in?"
"...No. That is the least of my concerns."
I opened my eyes before slowly moving myself to sit up, my weak arms supporting my frail state as Ethan stood to help the process- and once I was against the pillows I sighed "Everything is so tiring."
"It will feel that way. All your energy has been stripped- but we're still going to get you into rehabilitation. It's going to be difficult, but the more effort you put in, the sooner you'll start feeling better." He said as he sat back down in the chair.
"And looking better." I said as I felt the contours of my face.
".... you're still the most beautiful girl in the world to me." He leaned forward and took my hand as I looked at him, eyes full of sincerity.
"Nothing could change that. I know it's difficult... But trust me. You're still perfect."
I smiled a little, and he returned, placing a kiss to the back of my hand and I replied "what would I do with out you?"
"You don't have to worry about that. I'm here for everything and anything. Okay?"
I nodded and he stood up before checking the time "okay. Now do you feel like you can manage to eat? Start off with something small, simple?"
"I think so, yes."
He nodded "All you can do is try. I'll talk with physio too. Is there anything else I can do?"
"... Could you find out how Rafael is doing please?"
"Of course."
He stroked my hair and said "I'll be back soon, but you know how to contact me if soon isn't soon enough."
I nodded and just as he reached the door I said "Doctor Ramsey?"
"Valerie?"
".... Thank you. I-"
"I know."
I smiled softly "Good..."
----
Ethan
I closed the door to Valerie's room, releasing a soft sigh as my hand remained on the handle, my eyes shut.
No matter what I do, I want to do more.
I feel as if, if I can't make her better completely here and now... Then I've failed her.
I've failed her by not taking the pain away...
I know the road for her recovery will be a long one- but for once in my life I think my feelings are over powering logic...
"Doctor Ramsey?"
I looked up to see Sienna Trinh stepping towards me, and I offered her a small smile "Hello Doctor Trinh."
She looked from me to the room "Is... Is everything okay?"
"Yes. More or less, that is. She had a nightmare early this morning but she's doing okay now. Awake, smiling a little."
"That's our V." She smiled in return
I nodded and glanced to the floor as she cleared her throat "I also meant... Are you okay too?"
I looked to her once more and said "I am... taking things slowly. I won't be okay. Not for a long time..."
I coughed before continuing to say "But this is all very fresh. All I want is for V to get better."
"She will. She's strong... You know that."
Don't I just...
"...Thank you for asking anyway, Doctor Trinh. I trust you're taking care of yourself?"
"Trying too sir. Luckily I have our friends else... I don't know where I'd be. We're working through it together." She nodded
"Good. If there's anything you need, you know to contact me or Doctor Banerji." I raised a brow
She nodded again "Thank you."
"... before you go in, have you seen Aveiro?"
"Just been actually, he's doing much better. Physio is doing him good."
"I'm very glad to hear it. Can you update Valerie for me? She was asking but I want to get her treatment started today as soon as possible."
"Of course Doctor Ramsey."
I smiled softly before walking around her, when she called out to me "Take care of yourself too."
"I'll certainly try, doctor Trinh."
My idea of helping myself has been getting lost at the bottom of a glass of whiskey, multiple times, every night thus far.
I'm not the kind of person to be vocal about going through hardship, or look for someone to confide in. I'm much rather the suffer alone type as to not burden the people around me who I know care far too much.
However, I'm not stupid. I know that alcohol is a dangerous mechanism...but, I have found that, like most people who turn to a bottle, that it's the only thing that takes the pain away.
The only way to numb it all.
Valerie is still here. For that I'll always be grateful. But I have... So many regrets that I can't begin to deal with.
She was so close to death. His cold hands were reaching out, and I can't help but think it was only mere luck and chance that kept her at arms length for long enough that we could save her.
She was so close... and I had spent the last two years pretending that...
Pretending that I wasn't in love with her.
Breaking her heart, leaving her after everything we had been through without word or acknowledgement...
I did all of that, for the thing that seem... so trivial now.
The job. Position. Status.
She always insisted, there were other options. Ridiculous ones maybe, risky ones too- but I didn't even attempt them.
And then... As if it was a warning from God himself that I had taken her for granted... She was nearly taken from me.
The guilt, the stress and the pain of seeing her in pain... Is all numbed for a little while when the glass is in my hand. The headache the morning after and brief disorientation is the price to pay for that moment of bliss...
But as I said
I'm not stupid.
I recognize it's a problem... And fixing that problem is going to be a part of my road to recovering.
In the physio department, I walked up to the front desk and asked "is doctor McIntyre available? It's important."
The receptionist, taking a double take in a way that suggested she was either shocked to see me or in the state I was (possibly both?) replied "oh yes of course doctor Ramsey! I'll get her."
I suppose I'm thankful for status at a time like this, ordinarily I know they're not so quick to help.
After a moment, doctor McIntyre came out from the back, pulling on her white coat "Doctor Ramsey, it's good to see you."
We shook hands and I nodded "Likewise."
With a raised brow she said "All things considered you look well. How's your mentee doing?"
"Better, thankfully. I was assigned her case and I'm hoping to get her started on rehabilitation." I said as we walked to her office
"What exactly are we dealing with here?"
"Toxic myopathy. Similar to Rafael Aveiros state, although her muscle weakness is concentrated to the lower limbs rather than upper. She's gained some strength back since regaining some appetite... And I think it would be good for her at this stage to focus on other parts of her recovery."
"Is she up for it?"
"Yes. She wants to be able to get out of that room sooner rather than later."
"Understandable. Then in that case I don't see why we can't evaluate her and get her set up with a plan. Mr Aveiro has responded well to the rehab so I can be confident doctor Valentine will respond the same way. We'll start slowly as not to overwhelm her... But once the ball starts rolling, progress will be fast."
I nodded "Good. I'll be available all day so if I'm not on the floor, page me for the evaluation."
She handed me the paperwork to sign from the drawer "of course. I know the Valentine - Aveiro case is sensitive, so is there anything that you'd like me and my team to be aware of before we start?"
As I took the clipboard I glanced to the papers as I answered "Just... Don't mention or reference the attack. Treat her as you would any other patient."
"Understood."
-----
Valentine
"I'm glad you're all okay... I miss you guys. I miss home." My brow sat creased as I spoke to sienna who sat at my bedside.
"And we miss you too, so much. You'll be home before you know it though - doctor Ramsey says you'll be starting rehabilitation soon, that's going to help a lot." She nodded
I sighed "Yeah... I just need to get out of this room. Doing something - anything but just sitting here."
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're sick, V, you need this time to recover..."
"...I know that. But I've never had my life paused like this. I've always been going somewhere, moving... And this is not that." I tried to explain what I was feeling, and yet I knew unless she was in deepest crevices of my mind she would never understand.
With a smile she squeezed my hand "But you are going somewhere. You're recovering. It might be much slower pace than you're used too... But you're definitely moving, V. And we're all here with you. And with Raf."
I squeezed her hand in return, and nodded with a smile that I tried to make less dejected.... And that's when there was a knock on the door followed by the creak of the handle, and Ethan walked in.
"Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting?" he raised a brow
"Not at all Doctor Ramsey." Si replied
He nodded as he came to my bedside and as I looked up to him he carefully placed the back of his hand to my forehead "How are you feeling?"
"Better... Now." I spoke softly as I remained fixated on his eyes
Sienna
Doctor Ramseys eyes met hers in an instance...
Eyes are the window to the soul may be a cliché, but in the case of doctor Ramsey and V, it couldn't be any more true.
The complete adoration between them could be felt like waves of electricity. His hand, tentatively moving to brush hair away from her face, his eyes soft in a face etched of pain...
Yet when looking at V, those soft eyes spoke volume that could not be denied.
She was a light he was drawn too like a moth to a flame. Had it extinguished he'd be cast in darkness...so just to be near her now was enough to set his hands trembling.
And V... V watched him as if he was her undoing . She watched him so intrinsically that if taking her eyes away from him would mean he'd cease to exist- so delicate, that the fear was if he did cease to exist, so would she.
If anyone was to ever demand evidence of true love... I would simply say "you haven't seen Ethan Ramsey at V Valentine. "
Stories could be written about their love, tragic and star crossed- yet it's some of the purest I have ever come across.
And that's why I know , without a single doubt in my mind that they are soulmates.
Deep down whether they want to recognize it yet... They can see their future in each other's eyes.
The comfort it brings is what makes their eyes shine so bright...
Yes... I have no doubt that they are soulmates.
Soulmates who were always going to find each other....and have even cheated death.
They are what I aspire to have one day... Once my heart repairs from the loss I am yet to comprehend...
I see them, and still hope that I will be safe with someone again...
Valentine
"Okay... Everything is looking good. I spoke to physio and were going to get your walking rehab started this afternoon, so I'm going to update that part of your chart now and again in a few days."
I nodded "Okay... I can do this."
Si smiled "of course you can. Let's get you up."
I nodded once more and pushed forward the blanket as Ethan moved the chair to one side. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, Sienna walking over to be at my side.
"Alright Rookie, I want you to support yourself with your hands, use all the strength you have. Nice and slowly." Ethan raised a brow
I took deep breath as my eyes fell shut, remembering this is a process I have done thousands of times in my life...
With one push, I got myself up from the bed, a slight wobble as sienna placed her hand by my back.
There wasn't a numbness, no pain at all actually. The sensation was akin to completing a 400 m sprint.
Pure weakness.
I was up and I smiled "that feels good."
Ethan smiled too "I bet. Take a step towards me now."
I went to, but immediately I loss balance and he was quick to reach forwards and hold me up "okay, it's okay, I've got you."
I sighed, holding onto his shoulders "I feel like a fish out of water. Literally."
Sienna rubbed my back as Ethan helped me stand straight again "You need to think about the movement and not expect it to happen. Like... Imagine you're walking on stones in a river!"
Ethan nodded "Take each step tentatively, with thought."
"Okay..."
They stood back a little again, and this time I imagined the river, the stones spread out in front of me. My leg shook a little as I lifted it, but it moved- and while I nearly fell again while moving the other leg, I made it just about.
Ethan smiled "Good. Try twice more without pause for me."
Once again, shaky and uncertain, I took the step... Once more and -
I lost it again.
He caught me and I released a shallow breath as sienna clapped "you did it!'
"Just about..."
"You did great rookie, let's sit you back down though." He said
I nodded and he helped me the edge of the bed as I sighed "how did I manage to have the energy when I found out that the cure was working? I was practically running when I found out- maybe limping but still."
He rolled down his sleeves and said "adrenaline. It's an amazing thing. Because you also have toxic myopathy and the poison has been leaving your body since we have you the treatment your body is working around the clock to give you your strength back."
I looked down to my legs and said "Not fast enough though, they seriously need to hurry up..."
He chuckled "I'm confident you'll be walking just fine in about two weeks. By that time we should be able to discharge you. You certainly won't be running or walking for long periods of time but it's going to be a start."
"Think of it this way V, until then we are at your very back and call." Sienna said
I sighed as Ethan helped me back comfortably onto the bed "You're both very sweet for that but I like being independent. This is just another thing the attack has taken away from me..."
It took away my friends
My happiness
My health
My independence.
What do I have left now?
Ethan
Valerie looked to her hands, dejected and obviously worn out...
Sienna and I looked to each other before I raised a brow, and she nodded before taking leave from the room a moment.
I took V's hand and said "Listen. I know this is a lot to deal with all at once. I don't know how hard it is, or exactly what you're going through... But soon, all of this will be in the past. You will move on from this."
"How? Bobby and Danny are gone, I can't walk, Raf is-"
She took a deep shaking breath, eyes brimming with tears and my brow creased as I sat on the edge of the bed "Don't cry... Don't cry..."
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her forehead as I held her close "Take it each day at a time... It's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard, it's going to hurt and make you fall down sometimes. But none of that matters as long as you get up, each and every time."
I parted from her a little and wiped her cheeks "It can only take things away from you if you let it, Valerie. I know... Bobby and Danny are gone. But I don't think they can ever truly be gone when you and Aveiro are here to keep their memory alive. You're in control of that. Not the trauma."
She nodded and I stroked her cheek softly "...You're going to be just fine. Stand with me."
"Doctor Ramsey I C-"
"Can. You can." I raised a brow
I stood up first before taking her hands and pulling her up from the bed once more "Okay. I'm not going to let go of you this time. Hold my hands as tight as you need too..."
She squeezed my hands and as I took a step backwards, she took a step forwards. Some weakness but I maintained her balance as we repeated the steps.
"You're doing great Rookie, nearly at the window."
Once my heels hit the wall and the momentum stopped, she lost her balance again and I held her up "There you go, I've got you."
She sighed as I helped her stand straight again and she glanced behind her to see how far she'd come "A hospital room has never looked so big."
"It is big. And all I did was stop you from falling. You held your own..." I nodded
"Looks like I'll have to put my gymnast career on hold for a while but it's definitely a improvement." She said as she looked down at her socks
I smiled "There's always the next Olympics."
She laughed a little as she looked back up to me and I said "Come on, let's sit get you back down. Don't want to tire you out too much before the evaluation."
I picked her up bridal style, her arms falling over my shoulders... She was so light I feared I was going to lift her to the ceiling as I over estimated
Once I got her on the bed, Sienna knocked on the door and said "room service! We have toast with jam, if you like, juice and orange slices. Hungry?"
"I actually am... Especially if it's strawberry jam?" She raised a brow
"Yep! Not raspberry, don't worry." Sienna laughed as she placed on her lap
"There is a difference, and strawberry is superior." She smiled a little
"I'll finish up your chart and then look into getting you some decent coffee too- in fact I'll get some from Derry roasters and-"
"Nope."
I looked up and said "...nope?"
She uses the tiny knife to her spread jam and raised a brow "you, doctor Ramsey, are going to the on call room to sleep. You're old, old people need sleep. Especially old people who are running around looking after the emotional mess that is Valerie Valentine."
I rolled my eyes "First I'm not that old, Just reasonably older than yourself. Secondly there is nothing I'd rather be doing than taking care of you, that includes sleeping."
"Doctor Ramsey I have things under control here, you should sleep. You did tell me you'd you'd try to take care of yourself..." Sienna said
I sighed as V raised a brow "Can't take care of me if you're not functioning."
"....fine. Just an hour but Trinh you get me immediately if anything. And definitely for physio's eval-"
"Go. I'm okay now. Promise. Take some toast." She said as she handed me a piece
I sighed as I took it "Trinh, make sure she eats at least half of that."
"You got it sir, she's in capable hands."
I know that...
But as I stand here now, watching her peel her orange and arrange the segments next to her toast...
I don't want to leave her side.
I kissed her temple and said "I'll see you later Rookie."
She looked up and placed her finger tips to my jaw "See you later. I'll be just fine... Promise."
I nodded, squeezed her hand fondly and with that... And my toast, I reluctantly took my leave...
----
Sienna
After I made sure V had eaten, I left her to sleep before her physio evaluation this afternoon. The small steps she had done with doctor Ramsey were enough to tire her weak frame.
...I knew from the moment I met V that we were destined to be best friends.
She's so spirited, funny and she stands firmly for what she believes in. Genuine and righteous, V is one of the best people you could ever hope to know or have in your life.
But as seems to be the case, the worst things happen to the best people...
I entered the cafeteria where the rest of our friends were gathered, and all attention was suddenly turned on me- the silent group speaking volumes with pure expression.
Bryce sat up straight and asked "How's she doing Si?"
As I fiddled with my hands I stood at the head of the table and replied "I'm... I'm not sure. She's still very weak and of course emotionally distraught about the whole thing. She's trying her best to put a brave face on though."
Jackie's brow creased "Any word on when she can come home?"
"Doctor Ramsey thinks about two weeks. She needs to be able to walk and get her weight back up before they can even think to discharge her."
They looked down cast and I continued to say "Guys it's only been 4 days since the attack- it's early stages. We're all still reeling from it. She's already making some progress... We just have to be here supporting her, and Rafael."
"We know... We just miss her. A lot." Elijah said
"I know. She's V, she'll pull through this and be back with us before you know it." I tried to give them a confident smile
Of course she will be, but I know it can be hard to see that now
The thing is, Rafael was hit by a large amount of the toxin and was critically sick sooner than V was. Hers was gradual but intense.
But for some reason, more of V was compromised over all. Like all toxins, it affects people differently. Raf was left with little arm movement and coordination, while for V lost leg strength and thus her ability to walk.
Critically Rafs breathing became affected and suffered from the toxicity levels whereas for V her whole immune system crashed and caused the toxins in her bloods to become life threatening.
Bryce, as serious as any of us have ever seen him, gently tapping his fist to the table with stern concentration "it's not fair. It's not fair Raf and V have to go through this while Tra-"
Jackie held up her hand "Don't. Don't even say his name, it's blasphemy in this hospital."
He looked up "Alright, then what about the Senator? I don't see him being concerned about them, when if it wasn't for them he'd be dead right now."
My brow creased "Guys I know we're angry, I know we're upset but there is nothing we can do now. It's in the past, it can't be changed. The senator is a slimy good for nothing weasel, we know that. But for V and Raf, we need to focus on them and their recovery. Can we do that?"
There were some incoherent murmurs of what I presumed to be agreement as I sat down with a sigh "I'm angry too. I'm so angry that I can't stop baking cupcakes, the kids in paediatrics are fed up with all the frosting-"
I took a deep breath and said "I'm angry, but my friends are always my priority. Danny is gone. He's gone, and I can't even comprehend yet that I'll never see him again. Never tell him what... What I wanted to tell him."
I sniffed before rolling my shoulders back "But V and Raf are here. So we focus on what we have and not take that for granted. Not what could've or should've been. We can do that at the memorial. Right now, they need us."
Bryce sighed "I know you're right Sienna. We all do...."
There were nods amongst the solemn faces, and I ran my hand over my hair with a sigh
"Second years?"
We all looked up to see doctor Ramsey coming over, and that commanding presence of his made everyone sit up with alert
"Good Morning Doctor Ramsey." Jackie said
He stood at the head of the table and said "Good morning. I apologize for interrupting, I just wanted to... Check in, with all of you."
He cleared his throat and raised his brow slightly "V is my main priority - as my mentee that is, and as someone on my team. You're her friends, and... I can understand to some degree what it is your going through."
He glanced to the floor "But I can assure you that there's nothing in my power that I won't do to ensure she's happy, and she's healthy. Her labs are clear, her first Physio Therapy session starts within the hour. Mr Aveiro is also making a strong recovery. But I think there's something you all could do that would... be greatly beneficial to her. And yourselves."
Elijah's eyes widened "What is it doctor Ramsey?"
"May I take a seat?"
"Don't need to ask us twice, of course!" I replied
With a thanks he took a seat and with our eager attention at the ready he relayed a plan...
------
Valentine
"Doctor Valentine?"
With a small Jump I looked away from the window to see doctor McIntyre at the door frame.
My shoulders relaxed and I sighed "doctor McIntyre, hello."
"I apologize, I didn't mean to frighten you. Doctor Ramsey said you'd like to start physio therapy today to get you walking again?" She raised a brow as she closed the door
I smiled softly "That would be great, yes. The sooner I walk the sooner I can go somewhere that isn't here."
She laughed sympathetically "That's understandable. It's going to be difficult to start but once the balls rolling you'll be up on your feet in no time."
I fiddled with my hands before clearing my throat "Um, do you happen to know if Doctor Ra-"
There was a knock at the door, and swiftly doctor Ramsey came inside "My apologies for being late, I was... briefly caught up."
I smiled as doctor McIntyre said "you're actually just on time doctor Ramsey, we're about to get started."
He put his hands in his pockets as he came to my bedside "How are you doing Rookie? Are you still okay to do this?"
"I think so. Eating something has given me some energy so I should be alright." I nodded
He nodded slowly too for a moment before looking back to doctor McIntyre "Taking things slow?"
"Of course. And if it at any time you want to finish for the day let me know."
I nodded Sounds good. What do you need me to do first?"
From on top of her bag she picked up a rubber matt that she unfurled before laying it out in front of me "First, we need to see exactly what you can, and can't do, without any help or support from anyone else."
My eyes widened "Unfortunately I can't do a lot."
"That's okay, just try your hardest. The mat will cushion you if you fall."
When I fall.
She stood back against the window and Ethan watched on as I used my hands to swing my body to the edge of the bed, feet landing on the mat.
Just like earlier, I pushed against the mattress to stand- not stable, and with slight balance issue, I was up.
Walking however was the triumph I had yet to win over completely.
With the first step I took, it felt like my knee was ready to collapse on itself, but before I could fall my other leg moved to support myself.
Taking one step.
But taking another?
No.
That river with pebbles I had envisioned before became a dark ocean I crashed into, falling down onto the mat in front of me with a gasp of air
Ethan was at my side the moment I landed and pulled me up to the edge of the bed again "falling has become my specialty."
"If it makes you feel any better you're very graceful when doing it." he said
We shared a small smile and doctor McIntyre said "I think we're in a good place. Some patients can't even stand, never mind take a single step. What we're going to do is start with some basic exercises here in your room, then we'll move into doing some gym work once we get you moving."
"Sounds good."
Ethan smiled a little "You're on the way now Rookie. I should leave you to get a start-"
I looked to him "Do you have to go? I mean- if you're not busy I would like you to stay."
Aware we weren't alone, he cleared his throat "I have nowhere else to be, as long as I won't get in the way Susan?"
She shook her head "Not at all, another doctor in the room can only do us good. Besides I'm sure V you'd prefer to have someone you're close to in here?"
"Close?" We said in unison
She smiled and raised a brow "well you are teacher and student after all, you have a good relationship?"
Ethan and Valentine
I suppose you can call it that
Valentine
He cleared his throat and stood "yes, yes we do- professionally over time we've gotten to know each other so... Yes. We do."
We've never been smooth....
"Family friends and partners make the process easier, so you can relax. We're going to start with some wall squats..."
I looked up to Ethan as she started to arrange the room "is it silly I'm scared?"
"Not at all. But I'll be here every step of the way."
Once set up both he and doctor McIntyre helped me to the wall, heels against the trim.
"Okay V, slowly try to move to a squat, slide down the wall, pushing your feet to the ground as hard as you can. Hold on to me for support." She said
I nodded and she stood in front of me, hands out stretched which I held
And slowly, very slowly with plenty of relentlessly trembling I was getting to the position
I took a few deep breaths as Ethan's brow creased "Does it hurt?"
"A little, yeah." I felt my own brow crease as I held firmer to doctor McIntyre
"It will for the first couple of times you do it. When you absolutely cannot handle it tell me."
I grit my teeth through trembling legs, but I could no longer hold my own
With a gasp of pain again I slid straight onto the door , still holding on to doctor McIntire "Very good V, good start."
Ethan crouched down to me and said "Can you rate the pain from 1 to 10 for me?"
"... about a 7. I feel like I have been crushed." I winced
Doctor McIntyre edited her notes "okay, a six... And you were there for 9 seconds. That's good."
Ethan raised a brow "because she's stubborn. Determined. Regardless of anything else."
I smiled "learned from the best sir."
He smiled in return as they both helped me up again and doctor McIntire said "Let's go for it again. Have a goal of 15 seconds for todays exercise?"
I nodded "Okay. Let's do it."
Determined and stubborn?
I'd say so
----
An hour or so later
----
Ethan
"She's doing good, Ethan. Just under 15 seconds, pain down to 5. Baby steps." Susan said as she packed away while Valerie was in the bathroom.
I nodded "I know. I just can't help but worry."
As she placed her bag on her shoulder she raised a brow "With all due respect, are you sure working on her case is for the best? Like we said, you're close. Can blind your judgement."
If only she knew.
I shook my head "Not at all. I believe I'm...just bias enough to be someone she can confide in without it effecting my medical judgement.
"Then I trust that judgement. take care of yourself, and everything else will work out. alright?" she said as we walked to the door
i nodded "thank you. See you tomorrow."
she gave a soft smile, and once the door closed behind her, i released a soft sigh, hand lingering on the handle
"Hey."
I turned around to see V holding onto the bathroom doorway and I smiled softly "Hey."
I went over to her and she said "okay if I try to get there myself?"
I raised a brow as I stopped just short of her "Of course. Just...take your time."
she nodded and i took a few steps back, sitting on the edge of the bed
she pushed away from the wall slowly, attentively and in a slight shuffle with her arms out she started to make her way over, the occasional loss of balance that she regained
and a step away, she lost her footing- but i caught her by the waist in time
she laughed a little as she held my shoulders "Roller skating, without the skates."
I smiled "Well you're moving, that's the most important thing regardless of how you're doing it. and I think you'd suit some roller skates."
"Mm me too. How about pink sparkly ones?" she raised a brow
I chuckled "I'll pick some up for you tomorrow."
We held each others gaze a moment before she sighed and tilted her head, still holding my shoulders as she stood between my legs "So. This is the first time we've been alone together all day.... When i haven't been sleeping that is."
"Well... Maybe with good reason."
"Oh?"
"Hm. The last thing you need is to worry about the subject of... us. Which is still complicated regardless of how I feel about you."
"I'm not worried... Just thinking. Thinking about... How you haven't kissed me yet." She replied
I smiled as I stood up, holding her waist "And you can think about that all you want once you're lying down."
I pulled back the blanket before guiding her to the bed "Denying me while I'm sick? Cruel and not fair."
"On the contrary, very fair. " I raised a brow as she sat against the pillows
"And why's that? It could only make me feel better I'm sure." She protested
I chuckled and stroked her hair "As convincing as you are Rookie, I'm firm on the decision. However..."
I leaned down and kissed her forehead softly "I hope that that makes you feel... Even slightly better."
"I suppose it does a little..."
"A little is still good. Now, I have to go and see Naveen but I'll be back soon. And I have every intention to make this up to you. In a non sensual matter."
She laughed "Where's the fun in that?"
"Exactly."
She rolled her eyes and I stroked her hair ".... You must know it isn't because I don't want to. Of course I do. But you have always had this ability to impair me reasoning. My thoughts and actions."
I raised a brow "The closer I get to you, the stronger that influence is. And I can't look after you that way. not in the way I want to."
She nodded "More reason for me to get better, huh?"
I chuckled "Yes. Yes it is."
I stroked her cheek before standing up "Get some rest and I'll be back later."
"See you later..."
The best way I can think to describe Valerie is as a siren.
What makes that even more complex is that I don't think she knows she's a siren. she has the capability to be so alluring, intriguing and... always completely and utterly breath-taking. when reason, and everything that comes with it tells you to stay away for your sake and hers, just here mere presence beckons you closer to her...
So close, that you throw away everything rational. everything that makes sense.
So, while I would very much like to kiss her, to be nearer to her particularly when I know we could both use that comfort...
I cannot be anymore impaired than I already am. The pain I have felt, the worry and dread has made me determined to power through her healing process with her, but anything else? Well im afraid i might crumble.
So distance...at least for now, might be what's best.
for both of us.
"Ethan?"
I turned around in the atrium to see where Naveen was walking over, and he smiled softly "Looks like I'm the one running late for our meeting. Apologies old friend."
"I'm sure its me that's early. its no worry at all."
once he caught up we went to the elevator and he said "I wish I could tell you look well but then that wouldn't be the truth."
His honesty is always appreciated
I raised a brow "Well we cant all be as spirited and lively as we age like some, hm Naveen?"
He laughed as the doors closed "No, but that isn't entirely what I mean. A shave might do you some good don't you think?"
"Apart from for appearances sake, what else could that possibly achieve? Unless it will make V better, then nothing important." I raised a brow
"You're too young to be this cynical. V is doing just fine son, but taking care of yourself is important too."
I looked up to the numbers ticking by as we reached our floor "I always tell V that. I don't want her to be as cynical as I am. "
"Maybe showing her would be better than just saying, hm?"
I smiled as we went towards the office "Wasn't it you who once said that I was cynical in the womb? I wont change that easily."
He laughed "Yes I did say that but you were getting on my nerves that day, as you often did when you were V's age. and you still do occasionally like now, when you refuse to take care of yourself."
"I am taking care of myself. I've been home, showered, had coffee, had some of Valerie's toast this morning. I'm doing just fine. But you?How are you?" I raised a brow
he chuckled a little "Kind of you to ask even if its just to change the topic to someone else."
"Well yes, but I... also care. Considering the amount of press we've had, legal problems the board on your back? The stress upon you must be enormous."
As we went inside he said "...I suppose. If I wasn't so use to handling things myself I would hire someone to handle the PR, as for legal problems and the board they tend to be the same problem. But we will persevere."
He started to make some tea and released a sigh as I sat in front of his desk "It's been a long and busy time. But for everything we do I remember the hardships Mr Aveiro and Doctor Valentine have been through... The families of Mr Gunderson, Nurse cardinal."
He shook his head "It all seems so small."
I glanced to my lap "I know the feeling...and yes you're right. Hence why I don't care to shave."
He chuckled as he turned around "Hence why you should care to shave. Unless..."
"Unless what?" I raised a brow
He shrugged his shoulders "well you didn't shave when you returned from the Amazon... Perhaps, maybe you don't want to shave because a... certain young lady likes the beard?"
My eyes widened "what are you talking about?"
He smiled "who, my boy. Doctor Valentine of course! Yes, I'm sure of it. If you don't want a full shave maybe neaten it for the girl at least-"
I pinched the bridge of my nose "Naveen, this is ridiculous. It's like you don't know me at all."
"Did you ask Doctor Valentines opinion on the beard?"
I watched him for a moment before saying "No. Well, not exactly. She... mentioned the beard, how it was a change... and I simply asked if it was a good change."
"To which she responded yes so you kept the beard!"
He raised a brow with a knowing smile "Out of all the people in this hospital I'm the last person you need to hide your feelings from. Regardless of what you say... I know it to be true."
"... Whether It's true or not people are speculating. The kind of speculation from anyone else can be career ruining. So admitting such a thing or even entertaining it is not something I plan on doing."
As he placed a tea in front of me I said my thanks as he took a seat at his own desk "Well then you won't mind as a friend that has seen situations like this... Hypothetical one you're in that is, whether it's true or not-"
Mental eye roll
"You cannot help who you have feelings for. So eventually something will bring these feelings to the surface... Such as a tragic experience..."
I kept my face still as he continued to say "It will put things into perspective. And... Hypothetically of course you'd have to make some difficult decisions. But it would be important to remember something."
I glanced to my mug before I spoke "out of curiosity, what's that?"
"...Life can be very empty and meaningless without someone to enjoy it with. Someone who brings you joy. Jobs, reputation, all of it- none of it is worth it. And if what you fear is the consequence it might have for that other person?"
He raised a brow "Well. Think of the consequences to them... If they have to go through weeks... months... Even years, being denied what they truly want. How the course of their life changes by that decision... And yours."
"At the end of every love story Ethan, the girl is always worth the endeavours the hero had to survive to be with her. Nothing keeps that kind of affection apart."
I watched the steam rise out of the mug "Life isn't always a fairy-tale Naveen..."
"Maybe not. But the choices we make? Those can make the chances grow don't you think? If you choose to follow what you feel in here." He placed his hand to his chest.. the feeling I felt that night in Miami with hers against mine radiating throughout as if I was reliving it.
"Sometimes that all you need to do. Rationality be damned."
Maybe he's right...
I shook my head and cleared my throat before sitting up straight "I cannot believe I was listening to that"
He laughed and I said "Now we've gone on such a long tangent maybe we should start the meeting?"
"As you wish. But don't forget what I said." He raised a brow as he took his books from his desk drawer.
"Yes whatever you say."
He chuckled again and shook his head "Alright, now let's start with an update from the board..."
Naveen...
A man I've always seen to be reasonable.
Words like that from him...
They have enough power to turn the tide...
And that's what I fear....
------
Valentine
That evening.
In my room with the lamp casting it's warm glow over the room, sienna sat cross legged at the foot of my bed where I was curled up against the pillows- having a chat that would be nice with the other girls but...
It's a topic of the most discretion.
She smiled and said "so he hasn't kissed you yet?"
"No he hasn't. And I understand why, it's important we stay at least a little professional. He's my caregiver after all." I raised a brow
"Is that why he stays here all day and all night with you? Can't say many primary caregivers are doing that."
I blushed a little "Well no... But it's not easy to hide. Not when Something like this happens anyway."
"... Can I ask you something?" She leaned forward
I nodded and she continued to say "Could you... See yourself marrying him?"
I laughed softly "Marrying Doctor Ramsey?"
She smiled and nodded as I sighed and continued to say "I... I think I could see it. For me anyway...I don't think marriage is in the cards for him. He's... Well, Ethan Ramsey. Could you see him, wife and kids?"
"No... But he'd be good at it." She laughed
I laughed too "Agreed. But you see? I just can't imagine he would... Besides we're not even dating-"
"But he's totally in love with you."
I rolled my eyes "Be careful Si I'll get carried away. I've never understood why he would like me..."
She raised a brow "No, we can't understand why you'd like him. You're sweet, funny and incredibly smart! You're one of the kindest people I know. Ethan Ramsey is... Scary."
I laughed and hugged my knees "Maybe. But... I don't know, he's just... My idea of a man. Strong, independent, dedicated and assured. A dry sense of humour and a certain sternness about him. Behind all that though is a very sweet man...I feel comfortable around him. Safe... "
"It's because he's so tall." She smiled
I sighed contently and rested my chin to my knees "Yes that too. And he's incredibly handsome..."
"Well that's why most girls like him until they talk to him."
I laughed "Yeah. But he's a sweetheart...in his own way that is."
At that there was a knock at the door and I sat up straight before saying "Come in!"
The door opened and, speak of the devil, Ethan Ramsey walked in.
I smiled "Doctor Ramsey we were just talking about you."
His eyes widened as the door closed behind him "Good things I hope?"
"Very good things doctor Ramsey I promise." Sienna said as she stood up
He cleared his throat "Good then I suppose. How are you feeling V?"
"Okay. Been better of course but... Overall I'm okay. Just a little Shakey but it's quite easy to be cold when you've lost this much body weight." I raised a brow
Si placed another blanket around my shoulders "You'll be okay. I'll go and see you later, I know Doctor Ramsey has things covered."
I smiled and said "Thanks Si."
As Ethan came to my side he smiled too "Yes thank you Doctor Trinh."
She picked up her stuff and with that took her leave...
And once again
Just me and the good doctor
I looked up to him and said "Hi..."
As he sat down on the edge of the bed he replied "Hi... sure you're feeling alright?"
"Yes. You're here aren't you?" I smiled
He chuckled and glanced away "Yes but we won't be here for long."
I raised a brow "We're not?"
"No. Because Tonight I'm kidnapping you, doctor Valentine." He said as he stood up
My eyes widened "Ethan honey are you okay? Did you bump your head, have too much coffee?"
He chuckled "No, Nothing like that. First of all terms of endearment from you make it very difficult to keep my distance- I can't promise I'm that strong willed."
I laughed and he went over to his bag "Secondly, you should know by now regardless of any other actions that I care for you immensely. And I understand being here, in this room all day every day can't be making you too happy. So it's my professional opinion that you should... Have a break. Fresh air."
I smiled "So... Honey-"
He chuckled and shook his head as I continued to say "if it's your professional opinion why do I need to be kidnapped?"
"... because the rest of the staff don't know you like I do. And getting out of here is what you want, isn't it?" He said said as he walked back over to me
I nodded and he nodded too "Then that's what we're going to do. Not for long though, I'm still cautious..."
He stroked my cheek softly "But you know I wouldn't do anything I didn't think was safe for you... Not a single risk. "
I leaned into his touch "I know..."
"Good. But if it don't want to go we don't have to."
I nodded "I want to go."
"Then, you will be needing a change of clothes. I picked these up for you. Something warm, comfortable." He said as he took some clothes from his bag
One of my thick white jumpers and jeans, the perfect outfit for going out.
".... you're perfect doctor Ramsey. Thank you..." I said softly as I ran my hand over the jumper
"...I've seen perfection. I'm far from it."
I looked to do see him watching me, then he cleared his throat "Now, up you come. We have some time, no nurses will be coming by for a while."
"Because they trust doctor Ramsey wouldn't kidnap a patient?" I laughed as he helped me up
"Something like that." He raised a brow
I cupped his jaw and said "Thank you. Breaking the rules for me? You really do care..."
"You're the only person I care about...the only one I'd break the rules for." He watched my eyes with a small crease in his brow
"... I'm going to the bathroom now... Because if I stay here any longer I will kiss you. I won't be held responsible." I spoke quietly between us
"Good idea then..."
I did kiss his cheek, and he guided me to the bathroom, reaching the door frame just in time.
-----
Soon, I was in a wheelchair with Ethan at the handles, peering down the hall to see who was coming-
I looked up to him and said "is this going to work?"
"Of course it will. If anyone asks we're going to the gardens, okay?"
I nodded and he said "Okay. Then let's go."
He pushed me around the corner so we were in the hall, and I tilted my head back to him "You know I always imagined down the line it would be me pushing you in a wheelchair old man.'
He chuckled "Is that so? You thought that far ahead?"
I smiled "uh huh, you'd still be director of the diagnostics team because we'd never get you to retire so I'd push you around the halls. It would be fun. Me and you, still the best mentor mentee duo, like you and Naveen!"
"Glad you plan on sticking around here that long."
I gestured "I have some sort of trauma bond to the place now, couldn't leave if I wanted too."
He sighed "Your humour has always been baffling to me Valerie."
Keeps him on his toes.
Which is apparently what he's trying to do for me by designing this prison - I mean, hospital break.
The few people we did meet were with curt nods, and eventually we were outside into the evening...
And the crispness of the early days of winter felt so fresh against my cheeks... I wanted to reach out and hold it.
Every sensation made me realize with a new gratitude that I was alive...
And from here, things can only get better
Once we were by Ethan's car he opened the door and helped me inside before he folded the wheelchair and put it haphazardly in the back.
As he got in the driver's seat I raised a brow "Stealing wheelchairs now huh doctor Ramsey?"
"It's not stealing... Merely borrowing. Besides couldn't very well return you without it could I?" He said as he turned the ignition on
I laughed "Kidnapping me is without a doubt go down as the strangest thing you have ever done. Just where are you taking me?"
'You'll find out. Somewhere familiar don't worry. But that laugh and smile is the reason I'm doing it. Rules be damned." He nodded once before reversing out
"...you make the rules worth breaking."
I looked up to him as he focused on the road, as if such a sweet thing was natural for anyone to say... As if it wasn't what I had been longing to hear him say...
As if he couldn't believe he had spoken the words at all.
I smiled, simply smiled at him and he noticed in the rear-view mirror...
The smile speaking the volumes my words could not...
Ethan
After a long leisurely drive through the city with the windows wound down upon V's request, soon enough we were sitting in Donahue's car park where she watched the gleaming beer garden lights in front of her... Her expression almost unreadable as she spoke softly
"I almost thought I'd never be back here... It's weird."
I followed her gaze and said "Is it okay? To be here?"
"Oh it's more than okay..."
She looked to me, resting her head against the seat "My fondest memories have been at Donohue's. Having a scotch or two with you after hours, playing darts with my friends and celebrating birthdays..."
I smiled softly and she returned "With the darkness in my thoughts right now... These are the kind of memories I want to have."
I stroked a curl behind her ear and said "Hopefully we can give you some new ones too. Come, Reggie will be looking forward to seeing you."
"Oh likewise." She smiled
----
We walked inside of Donohue's, Valerie's arm looped through mine as she took small steps while I held her frail form
A night of normality means no wheelchair unless necessary
"There she is. How are you doing kid?" Reggie said from behind the bar with a grin, even taking off his sunglasses
"Reggie, oh I've never been so happy to see you!"
She sat down and he said "Me and you both. What will it be tonight?"
She looked to me "Can I drink?"
I nodded "One glass won't hurt."
I smiled "Then in that case whiskey on the rocks with a twist. Just a shot please."
"Coming up. Ramsey?"
I noticed the bottles in the back, but taking a deep breath of restraint I Said "I will take a water. Designated driver and would rather not have the distraction."
He nodded once and gave V a soft shoulder squeeze before walking over to make her drink
Valerie on the other hand looked around and said "I can't help but notice... We're the only ones here?"
"That would be correct. Reggie was open to having a quiet night... And I thought this could be -"
Reggie bought the drinks over and said "I'll be in the back doing the books. Call if you need anything."
She smiled "Thank you Reggie."
As he left I continued to say "I thought this could be a chance for a quiet moment away from the hospital. Your friends will be here in... 10 minutes."
She smiled as I stood up and said "But until then, it's me, you and an empty bar."
I leaned over it and turned the volume of the soft jazz up "So? Would you care to dance with me while no one else is around?"
"Just like we used too?" She spoke above a whisper
"Just like we used too." I held out my hand and she placed hers in mine before I helped her up
I held her close as we moved to the floor, light in my arms she intertwined her fingers with mine...
My gaze flicked back to her eyes "have I mentioned how beautiful you are?"
She blushed a little "You need some sleep, I'm aware I look dreadful."
"Not at all. No matter how sick you are it doesn't change your eyes... Your smile. You are beautiful."
With a smile she said "if you think flattery is going to make me feel better... You are so right."
We laughed as I brought her close to me, letting her lean entirely on me "Good..."
She took a deep breath, resting her cheek against me as she said "Ethan?"
"Valerie?"
"...do I have to go back to Edenbrook?"
I sighed and paused briefly "...Yes sweetheart. Not for much longer but a little while... I promise you won't be there a moment longer than you need to be."
She nodded against me and I kissed her crown "You're being so brave... I need you to be brave a little while longer for me."
"I can do that... On one condition."
"Name it."
She looked up to me "kiss me."
"That would be an easy condition... If I wasn't afraid of getting too-"
She reached up, dealing her arms over my shoulders before pressing her lips to mine...
And I forgot every single excuse I had been coming to with for the past few days... My arms wrapping around her... But acknowledging her fragility.
The occasional breath of air before resuming... Soft, deep... Not looking for desperation but rather to keep the moment lasting as long as possible...
And once we slowed, she pressed another kiss to my lips before opening her eyes "Enough excuses Ethan. If I've learnt anything... Life is too short, and there-"
"You're right. Life is too short and so are these ten minutes before your friends arrive. You have me at your will now so why are you talking?" I raised a brow
She smiled "Oh doctor Ramsey..."
We met again and I held her close once more... Completely lost, complete entranced with each other...
After that first kiss in Miami, I knew I'd never be the same man again... Because I knew that everything I am, belonged in part to her
But after the events of the last week, I've realized that everything I am is entirely hers
She brings me to my knees, begging for her affection, begging for her admiration...
Not one person on earth has that power to make me crumble...
But Valerie Valentine?
Oh Valerie Valentine is my undoing...
Her very kiss that I feared would only return to me in heart-breaking dreams breathes life into the cold vessel that I fear I am, until I look into her eyes and see that I am more than that...
More than that to her.
Her light gives me, purpose and a reason to be a better man.
From someone who’s definitely been in too many and would very much like a refund...ツ
⊹ Waiting rooms are emotional purgatory. They’re too bright, too quiet, and weirdly timeless. Fluorescent lights buzzing, TVs playing muted news no one watches, coffee that tastes like burnt stress. People aren’t relaxing in there, they’re just existing, awkwardly pretending their phones are interesting while dissociating at 40% battery.
⊹ Everyone talks in a whisper, but not because it’s respectful, no, it just feels wrong to speak normally. Like the walls might be listening, like if you talk too loud, something worse might happen, even the loud people get quiet in hospitals.
⊹ Overnight stays are hell. hospital chairs? medieval torture devices with upholstery. even if someone’s trying to nap next to a patient, they’re not sleeping. They’re half-listening to the symphony of beeping machines, nurse shoes squeaking, the occasional cough, and distant Code Something crackling over the intercom. it’s anxiety with a blanket.
⊹ The smell is unforgettable, like it’s not just antiseptic. it’s plastic and cafeteria meatloaf and sweat and fear and the smell of a place where people are very much not okay. the first time your character walks in, it’ll hit them like a wall. later, they might not even notice, or maybe it’s the only thing they can smell for days after.
⊹ Talking to doctors is a weird performance. You're trying to be calm, they’re trying to be calm. But no one is calm, your character wants to ask 47 questions and not sound desperate. The doctor explains things like they’re narrating a science video, and when they leave, someone will immediately go “wait... we forgot to ask” every. single. time.
⊹ Monitors beep constantly. half the time, it’s nothing. A wire got loose, someone rolled over. But the second it is something, the vibe shifts fast. Nurses appear like ghosts, machines start going off, and everyone starts moving. And your character? they might freeze, or panic, or forget they have lungs. Go with whatever makes sense for them, but make it visceral.
⊹ Time goes full funhouse mirror. Ten minutes waiting for test results feels like a year. A full hour stretches into eternity, meanwhile, three hours can pass without anyone realizing it. You can use this in your pacing, make it drag when the waiting is unbearable.
⊹ Hospital cafeteria food: Garbage. It’s either offensively bland or stupidly overpriced. The grilled cheese is six dollars and tastes like regret, and someone will 100% cry into a cold sandwich at 3am, because grief doesn’t care where you are.
⊹ People start fixating on tiny, random things. They can’t control the big stuff, so their brain zeroes in on a sock slipping off, a crooked IV pole, the repetitive drip-drip-drip of medication. Let them obsess over something small, it’s how the brain copes with being completely powerless...
I'm trying to prove a point to my brain: Reblog if you think fanfiction does not need sex to be good.
There is a trend I’ve noticed that smut fics tend to be much more popular than anything else and honestly I just want to have something to look at to remind myself and that writing doesn’t have to have sex to be worth putting out into the community.
Happiest of birthdays to our November Fandom Friends
✨ 04: @whenyourheartskipsabeat
✨ 06: @debramcg1106
✨ 11: @twinkle-320
✨ 16: @jamespotterthefirst
✨ 17: @peonyblossom
✨ 29: @iaminlovewithtrr
✨ 29: @katedrakeohd
✨ 30: @kingliam2019
See our full fandom birthday calendar here. If you’d like your birthday added (or removed) just message me here or @lovealexhunt and I will add it for you :)
sorry that I took a long hiatus. I'm halfway through a psychology degree, and I have my heart set on being an art therapist ( currently waiting for art therapy myself I realised how desperately needed they are) so art has become my focus, I'm constantly honing it, practicing it. My latest sketch 😁 anyway, I am getting building the background to write my own book, so I want to practice writing again (non psychological text!) What series should I continue?
Summary: Landry comes back into Alyssa's life but has he changed?
Words: 899.
Chapter One: Fresh Start.
A deep sigh escaped her mouth as she parked her luxury sedan into her space at the hospital, the parking lot was quiet, the first rays of sunshine just filtering through into the concrete block. The sound of her phone AND her pager chiming merrily to themselves on the dashboard caused another sigh to shudder through her, it was early, far too early for this, rolling her hazelnut brown eyes as she cut off the engine and reached for her phone.
E: hey, I woke up because the bed was cold and realised you had gone. Plus Jenner was whining by the door. everything okay? X.
She smiled softly at the text, Ethan Ramsey, if she could go back in time and tell her child self that she would be in love with, living with and married to her childhood hero, well, she would declare herself unwell.
A: Hey, yh. Sry.. Early start with prep work for interviews.. Xox
E: Want me to help? X
A: Do you have time? Xox
E: course. I am the chief. If I can't flex 💪 for you… I'll be in work in an hour just got to walk Jenner x
A: thx. I love you.
E: I love you too..
Edenbrook at 5am was an eerie affair, a handful of staff loitered around tending to inpatients' needs should they arise but the mob that Alyssa usually saw is MIA, something she was counting her blessings on, the only sounds that reached her ears were the low sound of patients' slumbering in their side rooms, the idle chatter of on shift staff and her heels clacking on the linoleum flooring as she made her way to her office, softly rubbing her brow, she felt twinges of a migraine on the way. She was looking forward to a cup of nirvana, in the hopes it would keep it at bay, at least for now, the automatic bright lights of her office certainly didn't help her, as she squeezed her eyes shut at the intrusion, "Alexa, dim the lights please", she couldn't help but be thankful for that little black box that sat on her desk at that moment, maybe not all Carrick's idea were a complete bust after all, she smirked to herself.
"There she is", a voice reached her ears, she recognised that voice, lifting her head and stretching her neck until she felt a deeply satisfying pop of her joints. She had no idea how much time had passed, since she sat at her desk with the diagnostic team's current patient's file and her coffee, however, the next thing she knew Ethan was standing behind her, his hands gently massaging her shoulders, "How long have you been bent over like that?" he scowled, as her face scrunched up while he worked at a knot, "Don't answer, I know you, too long, how's that?" he smiled as he stepped back, brushing a kiss to the soft spot just below her ear.
"Oh. Unbelievable. Thanks, I love you!" she smiled as she stood up, lacing her arms around his neck, breathing in his cologne, as she brushed her lips to his, once, twice, before her gaze reached the clock on her office wall, "Shoot. My first candidate will be here in a minute", shaking her head as she reached for the file on the desk.
"Landry Olsen, Liss, you gotta be joking, why are you considering him?, especially after what he put you through intern year".
"I have to consider him. He's an excellent candidate for the position. Besides that was years ago. I owe it to him and myself to get over the past".
"You're a better person than I am, Alyssa Ramsey" He smiled softly as he kissed her on the very tip of her nose.
"Ahem..sorry. Dr. Ramsey and. Um.. Dr. Ramsey but Dr. Olsen is here to see you".
"Thank you, Lucy, send him please", Alyssa smiled, nodding affectionately to her assistant, taking a seat back behind her desk with Ethan by her side.
"Do you really believe he's changed, babe?" He whispered softly into the shell of her ear, smirking at the shudder that zipped up her spine, before turning his attention to the skulking creature walking past the frosted glazed windows of the diagnostic team office.
"I have to see, I have to do my due diligence" she smiled softly at him, brushing a kiss against his lips.
"Okay, I know you got this".
"Hello, Dr. Ramsey and uh, Dr. Ramsey?".
"Hello, Dr. Olsen. Please come in, you probably remember Dr. Ethan Ramsey".
"I do. I'm just at a loss where my interviewer is? I'm meant to be seeing the head of the diagnostic team A, Ramsey" Landry's facial expression gave nothing away as he sat down in front of his former friend, "and why are you here, Alyssa?".
"Oh! That's me! I'm the head of the diagnostic team!"
Silence….. his nostrils flared slightly as he glanced between his former colleagues,"But… your surname is Verano?!" he replied curtly, his tone bordering on trepidation, swiftly changing to annoyance as he watched a facade wash over her face, over their faces.. SHE married him.
The soft smile appeared on her face as she risked a glance at Ethan, "yeah, it was Verano. Now I'm a Ramsey. Me and Ethan married earlier in the year".
"Oh!" Landry replied "...... congratulations".
So I've been out of the non psychology writing game for a while now, I have no tag lists, if you would like to join a tag list then please comment!!
If you like my work please, like, leave some love or a reblog! ❤️
So, I may not be writing much lately, other than psychology reports but I am still escaping into the world of my imagination, through drawing, this is my current WIP.
Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖
If you already got this - feel free to ignore it! 😉
Oh gosh!! I had to go to my masterlist and remind myself of what I had written 🫣 lol. I need to get back into it.
Anyway, thanks for the ask, hun!
My favourite five fics that I've written are:
1.
2. Eviction Notice, Casey hilariously evicts Landry from their apartment.
3. In sickness, in health, my first attempt at writing more angsty fiction.
4. Coronation Day, it was just fun to write.
5. Daddy Ramsey, I still remember writing that one and how grumpier our favourite diagnostician became (and dependent on coffee) with the birth of his first child.
Characters: (M!) Gabriel Ricci and (F!) OC Ellie Borden.
Words: 1,098.
Summary: Gabe and Ellie discover how they are being stabbed in the back by their former colleague.
Rating: mild swear words.
A deep sigh escaped his lips as he stretched out in the luxurious queen size bed, the silk sheets sliding against his skin as he blinked his sleep heavy eyes open, the sunlight filtering through the satin drapes that framed the window, and the view of New York's famous skyline so perfectly. His hand grazed the sheets as he searched for his love, "Ellie?" he sighed as he opened his eyes a bit further, blinking the weariness away, "babe? Where are you?" his eyebrows furrowed as he sat up in bed, glancing around the bedroom he shared with Ellie, "hmm, her phone is gone but she didn't wake me?" Gabe was getting worried now, they had a rule since they moved in together six months ago, mornings was their time, so the fact that she wasn't in bed with him was highly concerning and Gabe didn't like concerning. Pushing the satin sheets off completely as he swung his legs out of bed with an intensity that made his heart and blood pressure go berserk, kinda like how he felt when he saw a certain lawyer for the first time, "Ellie? Where are you? Are you okay?" he sighed, his voice tinged with a mixture of agitation and… trepidation.
The sound of the TV on distantly, greeted his ears as he slipped out of their first floor bedroom, his footsteps slightly heavier than he intended as he descended the metal staircase down into the main apartment, "Gabe?" he heard the soft voice of his love calling out to him from the living room, "Did I wake you?" she spoke softly as she walked into the adjacent reception room, "Sorry…." mumbling as she stared at the floor, "I got a text from Ash and well, I think you're going to want to see this" she sighed as she shook her head and retreated back into their private living area.
His eyebrows furrowed at the distraught look on her face, her eyes that were, usually so beautiful and serene, stared back at him red and puffy, he lent forward and brushed the pad of his thumb against the tears that threatened to fall and followed its predecessors down her porcelain cheek, brushing a tender kiss to the tip of her nose, he whispered softly, "Whatever it is, we can face it, together. Just remember that", his tender soft words earning him a tentative smile, "Now, there is a hint of my soul mate peeking through, what's wrong?" he smiled as he laced his fingers with her's, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle, he slowly, reluctantly, dragged his eyes off his love and onto the TV, his blood ran cold.
Staring back at him was a projection of the sleezeball, Martin Vanderweil, he groaned inwardly, he didn't give a shit what was spilling out of his mouth but he was certain, it was nasty malicious venom aimed at him or Ellie or both of them. He scowled at the TV, grabbing the remote to raise the volume.
"We're here today with Martin Vanderweil, one of the remaining partners of the now defunct firm McGraw Byrne. Hi Martin, are you here today to tell the public what happened to the once premier company of McGraw Byrne?".
"No. I'm here today to expose a former partner and colleague of mine, his blatant favouritism and bias sabotaged the company, he then left taking the object of his favouritism and a valuable member of staff with him, as well stealing a number of contacts from us", taking in a sharp intake of breath, Gabe's features twisted with barely contained rage, he gripped Ellie's hand like a lifeline as they listened to their former colleague drone on, "Gabriel Ricci's favourite, Ellie Borden, seduced him and slept her way to the top of the junior senior partnership". It was Ellie's turn to rage as she heard those words leave his mouth for the second time, like the treacherous snake hadn't said it the first time in the interview with Opus magazine, like she hadn't been set up by him with that very same accusation.
The sound of light laughter echoed through the penthouse, the lady interviewer's glee visibly and audibly evident on her face, "well, well, Mr Vanderweil, you're accusing your former colleagues Gabriel Ricci and Ellie Borden of using their personal relationship to further her career, is that correct?", she smiled venomously as he nodded emphatically, "Also, they caused the collapse of McGraw Byrne?", once again her lips curled into a malicious smile at Martin's nodding, "then, I Alexandria Calshot, invite both of them to give their side on next week's show", her arms spreading wide as if to beckon them forward.
Their matching scowls turned into smirks, then a wide smile blossomed on their faces as the same thought occurred to them almost simultaneously, closing the gap as they brushed their lips together tenderly, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he whispered softly, closing the distance once more for another kiss that made his race, as it always did, "are you thinking we take that smug bastard to court?", a light laugh escaped his lips at the look on his love's face as she trailed her fingers along his chest down his torso to his pyjama pocket, pulling his phone out, "Hello, is this Alexandria and her chat show? Good, this is Gabriel Ricci and Ellie Borden. We got your message and Martin's. We'll see you on the show next week, Alexandria, also if you could pass a message on to your snake of a guest after the ad break, tell him…………", their eyes met, no longer mirror images of anger and disappointment, as they stared back at the TV.
"Welcome back to the show, well viewers during the ad break we received a call from your former colleagues, Martin, they are coming on the show next week, they also told me to pass a message onto you" she smiled at him, the venom missing from her earlier facial expressions.
"Like I'm interested in everything they have to say" he scoffed, waving his hand, dismissively, "go on, Alexandria, what did my second rate, no hope former colleagues say?".
"Objection: Hearsay!".
I hope you enjoyed my first fic back, this was a one shot, now turned in a series lol. If you like it? Give me some ❤️ please? A comment or reblog? 🥰🥰 Clare x
Oh dear @whenyourheartskipsabeat , I'm so glad you are back! I missed your stories so much! And what an intriguing start for a new series! I can't wait for more!!!
Awwww thank you so much @princess-geek for your kind words and that picture, I don't know about talent but I enjoy writing (as long as it's not complicated psychological text, that is).
Curiosity is infectious. @whenyourheartskipsabeat - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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