*Empathising* with Billy Hargrove from the jump (before Neil and the reveal of parental abuse makes him at the very least a *sympathetic* character) requires the viewer to recognise repression (of self) as the driver of his suffering--which is actually a minority lived experience and why the majority of Stranger Things viewers--who are cis / straight / neurotypical or otherwise have not experienced negative consequences as a result of expressing their authentic self--disregard him as a character and blorbo.
Dacre Montgomery makes intelligent acting choices that are consistent with someone who imposes heavy restrictions on their expression and is obviously deeply unhappy (and disconnected) as a result.
These choices look like e.g. flat affect/dead eyes towards his date / towards Tommy in the shower / in his car alone after his visit to Mrs Wheeler.
It also colours his body language in his physical comportment. Characters touch/reach for him but he doesn’t naturally receive or reciprocate the contact unless there’s an acceptable social script (like a high five).
You can almost see the bubble of space being preserved around him in relation to other characters, like a shark moving through a school of fish.
From memory, we only get to see a glimpse of his natural positive emotional spectrum when he’s excited to be stalking an unknown mischief maker (Max and The Gang) he thinks is pranking him during The Sauna Test in Season 3.
That smile and his ✨bouncing✨is Dacre playing him as being authentically engaged/curious/pleased/playful/confident. But prior to that, his smiles are cold and practiced to be charming. When he is not being watched, the smile drops because he has contempt for the other character for falling for the act and failing to interest him.
The only time we see breaches of Billy Hargrove’s real emotional personality (in his introductory season) are in his interactions with Steve Harrington—which is why, for the empathetic viewer, his self-repression is understood to stem from being queer and having internalised homophobia.
This queer reading of his character is something deduced before it is revealed that his father is a violent threat and is able to successfully frighten and control him with the threat of a label like “faggot”.
Steve Harrington is the only character Billy shows any authentic interest in and towards whom Dacre Montgomery drops his flattened affect for.
Despite being established as bored / dismissive / disinterested in communicating with other characters, he takes an immediate visual interest in Steve at the party and expresses that interest by breaking from his self-imposed isolation and making conscious attempts at physical and then verbal contact with Steve (on the basketball court and in the showers after).
His intersection with the main plot and the climactic function of his written character is his confrontation with Steve Harrington at the Byers.
The acting moment that signifies the emotional rock bottom of this intersection for the character as Dacre has constructed him is when he laughs (deranged).
Dacre's delivery of that laugh is a complex mix of resignation, self-loathing and relief. Resignation--to playing out the fight as the "character" he has cornered himself into. Disappointment--that his attempts to convey his real self were futile / laughable / ineffective to allow Steve to perceive him any differently. Disgust--for hoping that he would and at his motivation for that hope. And relief--that at least now the interaction will proceed in a way which is familiar and safe to navigate: with violence.
The storefront for the leftover sale is now active! Please share this link to everyone you know who wants a chance to get grab their own before stock runs out.
There is also a 10% off discount going until 11:59 pm PST on 25th. Use code ZINESALE10 for your discount at check out.
coffee shop or flower girl | au or fix-it | enemies to lovers or childhood friends | angst or fluff | love at first sight or pining | modern au or historical au | break up & make up or proposal & wedding | get together or established relationship | soulmates or unrequited | fake dating or secret dating | obvious pining or domestic fluff | hurt/comfort or crack | meet the parents or meet cute
Thanks so much for the tag, @embroiderling hehe
Gonna tag everyone who reads this but pls tag me so I can see yours!!
Thank you all for your patience! There will be a leftover sale for the rest of the zine books, leftover merch and more coming May 22nd through June 30th!
Please follow this tumblr for more updates on that as well as how much in stock is available.
Because of my death near experience back in February I ended up with bad health, expensive treatment, different type of tests and more.
My health is better now but I still have a huge medical debt to pay, so emergency commissions have been updated✨
Sketches are now included next to regular and ns*fw art. Also slots for both types are available again.
All updated info can be found at my carrd: https://lemonhitsu.carrd.co/
Any help would be highly appreciated. And if you can't commission me atm please help me spread the word and reblog!
Thank you all💖
lemon's emergency commissions
Prices and some personal info under the cut. Any questions feel free to send me a dm!
I had blood clots on my right knee and lungs discovered at February 14th. I was lucky enough to get the proper treatment that saved me from something worse. My health has being slowly improving at home but healthcare isn't free where I live and I need to solve the costs of everything.
Prices and more info at: https://lemonhitsu.carrd.co/#samples
Can we please stop shading other folks in this fandom for no reason? It's obvious and weird and unnecessary lol you can make a post about something you like without putting something else down. You're just a bully when you do that.
We went through enough drama for the last nearly two years.
Also: Apple addressed what happened, said she didn't know who was right or wrong in the end, accused us of slander, apologized but not really, hoped her words granted us healing and sent her love. If it's not clear, she hasn't changed a single bit. She took no true accountability for her actions.
She gave a lot of us genuine trauma and ptsd. We also have screenshots of her abhorrent behavior. Do NOT go after her. We are better than that. Don't forget that! Stick together.
That's what we were supposed to do after that mess. It'd sure be nice to enjoy what you love and not care about others, especially if it's only to make them feel bad. 🙏
What is your favorite Billy fic at the moment (whatever ship!)
hi anon!
when it comes to Billy ships, i'm a harringrove shipper through and through.
At the moment, I'm really enjoying catching up on A Shot for Life by @camaro-and-smokes and I love Easy as 123 by @runraerun.
Absolutely loved Second Chances by @ihni and the road finally taken by @billysblueeyes in the harringrove holiday exchange.
And Mantras for Maladjusted Mammals that @spaceofentropy wrote for me for Christmas.
I started reading i'll be his and he'll be mine by @darlingyourehome and I can't wait to binge it now that it's finished.
I am on chapter 4 of this amazing fic: pledging my time by @whenyouwishuponastar7 (totally recc'ing anything Lisa writes, she's a fucking amazing writer, especially sedona red and the wicked messenger and these streets will make you feel brand new which live rent free in my head)
Another fic that lives in my head is Run for the Shadows by @shieldofiron (anything by Saf, really... like Please, Please, Please and You Never Can Tell) and Vegas, Baby by @discodeviant and @shieldofiron
This is the fic I wrote for the Harringrove Corner Winter Event
🔥 Fire & Ice ❄️
Fire: campfire, lights, candles, matches
Ice: snow, blizzard, skating, ice cream
Rating: M | 3644 words | second chance, steve chest hair agenda, matchmaking max
This fic is a gift for @callieb, who is a sweetie and did sprints with me when I was on the last stretch and struggling, for @whenyouwishuponastar7 who created HGC and @shieldofiron who secretly loves fluff so I keep writing it for her.
Summary:
Billy loved his sister, so when Max had begged him to sort out Susan’s old house in Hawkins to get it ready to sell, he’d found it hard to refuse.
Max was heavily pregnant with her third child and not allowed to fly, and Susan had finally made the move to California to be closer to her grandchildren.
What he hadn’t anticipated was the announcement of a once-in-a-hundred-year blizzard making a direct beeline for their corner of the state, then bumping into his high school crush in the lobby of the hotel where he was staying.
Read on Ao3
The universe had to be taking the piss. There was no way around it. For some reason, the fates had decided that nothing good would ever happen to Billy in Indiana.
The town of Hawkins had given him the heebie jeebies from the moment he’d been dragged here by his asshole of a father as a teenager. He’d put his head down and made it through high school, before working his ass off at the local pool the summer after graduation. He had escaped in a cloud of dust at the beginning of fall, a full ride scholarship at UC San Diego in his back pocket.
Now he was back, twenty years and change later, and the goosebumps weren’t only because of the sub-zero temperatures. There was something wrong with this town, Billy knew it in his gut, in no part because there was snow everywhere. Billy hated snow. He likes his water liquid, preferably salty and full of waves.
However, Billy loved his sister, so when Max had begged him to sort out Susan’s old house in Hawkins to get it ready to sell, he’d found it hard to refuse. Max was heavily pregnant with her third child and not allowed to fly, and Susan had finally made the move to California to be closer to her grandchildren.
Billy’s classes had been moved online for the next three weeks, his assistant covering his office hours while his TA would handle the grading until he was back. He’d discussed the upcoming workload with Elaine and was satisfied she was more than capable to fill in for the duration.
What he hadn’t anticipated was the announcement of a once-in-a-hundred-year blizzard making a direct beeline for their corner of the state, then bumping into his high school crush in the lobby of the hotel where he was staying.
“Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Billy felt his cheeks heat up and he was glad to still be wearing the massive scarf knitted by Max, as it hid most of his face. He dropped his bag at his feet and allowed himself one sweeping glance at the man who had visited his dreams more often than not when they were teenagers, while he pulled off his woolly hat to give his hands something to do.
Steve freaking Harrington, former King of Hawkins High. His brown hair had lost none of its volume, but gained some silver strands on the side, which suited him. The guy had no right looking this good this close to forty, especially wearing Hawkins Inn’s maroon blazer.
“Hargrove? Billy Hargrove? What…?” Harrington recovered quickly, his eyes going from Billy to his computer screen then back to Billy. “Do you, um, do you have a reservation? I can’t see your name on the list and we’re fully booked, what with that blizzard grounding all the planes up in Indy.”
“Oh, um, maybe look under Sinclair? Max made the booking,” Billy answered with a sigh as he shoved his hat into the pocket of his parka.
“Right, okay, Sinclair. Yep. here you are.” Harrington put down the key card, smiling at Billy. “You’re in room 29, on the second floor. The lifts are over behind you. There’s a heated pool on the ground floor, next to the gym. They are open round the clock, should you need either at any point. Complimentary towels at reception. The restaurant is open for breakfast from seven in the morning until around ten thirty.”
“Thank you, Steve. Oh, what about dinner?”
“Di-dinner?”
Why did he have to make it sound like he was asking the guy out? Well done, Hargrove. Jesus.
“Yes, what time does the restaurant open? Or is there a bar I can get something to eat at? I’m famished.”
“Oh, right. Um, the main restaurant opens for dinner at five but the bar is open now. They will have a selection of snacks.”
“Okay, thanks, man. I’ll catch you later.”
Billy grabbed his bag and with one last glance at Harrington, he headed for the lift. He could have sworn that Harrington said ‘nice to see you’ but that had to be wishful thinking.
***
After a shower, a cold beer and decent meal at the quaint hotel restaurant, Billy was lounging on his bed when his phone pinged with a video call from Max.
“Hey.”
“Sooooo…”
“What?”
“You got anything to say for yourself?”
“About what?”
“Like that, is it? Okay. How’s Steve?”
“Fuck off.”
“Oh, come on. I wish I could have seen your face when you saw him.”
“You think you’re funny, Maxine, but you’re really not.”
“Don’t get stroppy with me, William. We stayed at the hotel with the kids when we were over last Christmas and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Steve at the desk.”
“Why? Cos you didn’t think he’d move on from working at that stupid ice cream shop or wherever he worked after the fire at the mall?”
“No, you big jerk, because last I’d heard, through Dustin—”
“Which one is that again? Curly hair, who works at NASA?”
“Yeah, him. Anyway, he said Steve had moved to Chicago with his best friend Robin.”
“Robin? Robin Buckley?”
“Um, yeah, I think so? Why? Do you know her?”
“Band geek. Told the sickest ghost story around the campfire when we went to the lake senior year. Had a massive crush on Hank that summer. Always wondered if anything happened between them.”
“Maybe that’s because you fucked off back to Cali without saying goodbye to anyone, not even your sister,” Max said, glaring at him. Her clipped tone made Billy groan.
“Oh my fucking God, shitbird, give it a rest. It was twenty years ago and I have apologized to you a million fucking times already.”
They heard a door slam and footsteps coming closer quickly.
“Mama, we’re home! You’ll never guess what happened, oh hi Uncle Billy!”
“Hey, Lennox.” Under Billy’s amused eye, Lennox snatched the phone from Max, who rolled her eyes. The nine year old then took Billy down the hallway to his room. Billy saw Max in the background, being handed her three-year-old daughter by her mother. He redirected his attention to Lennox.
“What have you been up to? How’s my favorite nephew?”
Lennox cackled as he flopped on his bed. “Pfft, you’re silly, I’m your only nephew.” He peered into the screen, then his gaze found Billy again. “Where are you? This is not your house.”
“It isn’t?” Billy looked around, pretending to be surprised to see the bland walls and the non-descript painting in a gaudy frame.
“Extreme lack of books, my dear Watson.”
“You got me there, Mr. Holmes. I’m in Indiana. Your mom asked me to sort out your Gran’s house so she can sell it.”
“Oh, okay. Is it cold? It was freezing when we went last year.”
“Oh yeah. There’s snow everywhere, man. I hate it.”
“How long are you going to be there?”
“A couple of weeks.”
“Are you in a hotel? We stayed in a hotel. It had a pool.”
“You know, I am. Same one but I haven’t checked out the pool yet.”
Lennox grinned. “Oh, you have to go! There’s a water slide that’s a dragon and you come out of its mouth, and a pirate ship you can jump from, and Willa stayed in the baby pool but I went in the water slide.”
“Sounds fun.”
Max walked in the room and came to stand at the foot of the bed. Billy waved at her.
“Lennox, sweetie, I need my phone back and you need to go have your shower.”
“But, Mooooooom…”
“Lennox,” Billy said before Max could interrupt her son’s whining, “you be good for your Mom, and I’ll go see if that pool you were telling me about is really that awesome.”
Lennox let out the most put upon sigh. “Fine. Bye, Uncle Billy.”
“Bye, buddy. I’ll be home for Christmas, I promise.”
***
Billy stretched out in the water, staring at the foam sea creatures decorating the ceiling and absently noticing the lack of sharks. He needed to remember to text Max later, so she could tell Lennox he was right, and the pool really was that awesome.
Not that Billy had tried the waterslide or the pirate ship, instead, he’d made full use of the empty pool to swim lengths. He’d lost track of time, the familiar feeling of his body slicing the water as he went back and forth between the two ends of the pool helping him forget about the snow and the stress of being back in Indiana.
His arms and legs hurt in the good way that meant he’d pushed himself, more than he’d had the chance to recently. A noise by the pool chairs to his left caused him to straighten up. He put both feet on the bottom of the pool and turned to see who had interrupted his daydreaming.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize someone was still there this late… Billy?”
Steve’s surprise was evident in his tone and if Billy chose to take it in a positive way, that was between him and his dirty pornographic dreams featuring Steve Harrington that still plagued him to this day. More ‘the one you never had a chance with’ than ‘the one that got away’ but there wasn’t much Billy could do about the direction of his thoughts when he was asleep.
“Steve. Hi. Sorry, I’ll, um, I’ll get out of your way.” Billy didn’t let himself look for too long, didn’t want to be caught staring at how well Steve filled that white t-shirt or—nope, not looking at the swim shorts.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to leave. I just finished my shift and it’s been a long day. I was gonna soak in the hot tub for a bit before I head home.” Steve pointed towards an area next to the pirate ship that clearly signposted, an innocuous door hiding behind the fake palm trees.
“Huh. Lennox didn’t say anything about a hot tub.”
Steve smiled. “Your nephew, right?”
Billy nodded.
“He probably doesn’t know it’s there, to be fair. Access is forbidden to anyone under the age of eighteen,” Steve continued, walking slowly towards the greenery, and Billy automatically followed in the water.
“Do you, um, do you wanna join me?” Steve asked, his cheeks turning pinker under the harsh neon lighting.
Billy wondered if he had stepped through some portal to another dimension. One where Steve Harrington was not entirely straight and kinda totally into him. He didn’t remember hitting his head though.
“Sure.” The word was out of his mouth before he even realized he’d said it. It was his turn to blush and, to hide that fact, he hoisted himself out of the pool. He threw his goggles on the nearby chair with his clothes and did a couple of shoulder stretches. He could feel Steve’s eyes on him the entire time, almost like a caress, and forced himself not to react.
Once he was done, Billy picked up his towel and dried his face before smiling at Steve. “Sorry to keep you waiting. Old swimming injury. Need to stretch or I won’t be able to move tomorrow.”
“Oh, wow, um, yeah, no problem. Can’t have that.” Steve glanced down then back at Billy. “I can carry your stuff, if you want, since I’m dry. It’s late, and there’s not really anyone around, but I wouldn’t want another staff member taking your things to lost property, thinking they’ve been left behind.”
“Right. Yes, good point. Thank you.” Billy stood there, holding his towel in front of him while Steve gathered his shirt, goggles and room key. The evening had unexpectedly taken a turn for the better and he’d hate himself for not making the most of this opportunity.
“Do you swim?” he asked Steve when they started walking and a flash of something foul tasting appeared on Steve’s face, only for a second, before Steve gathered himself.
“No, not anymore.” Steve opened the door and Billy followed him inside, wondering what could possibly have made Steve stop swimming.
After closing the door, Steve placed Billy’s belongings on a bench that ran along two of the walls. He turned towards Billy. “I used to, I mean, I was swim captain back in high school, and a lifeguard over summer too. But I haven’t in years… not since that girl died in my parents’ pool in senior year.”
“Jesus.” Billy fought with the urge to wrap Steve in his arms and kiss the sadness away by putting his towel on the hook on the wall. Steve’s towel joined Billy’s a second later then Steve took off his t-shirt and Billy blue-screened.
“Holy fuck…”
“What?” Steve looked behind him then around the room before his eyes landed on Billy again.
“You might want to warn a guy next time, pretty boy, before you unleash… that.” Billy waved his hand in the general direction of Steve’s chest.
“Oh, that.” Steve blushed and Billy followed the pinkish hue on Steve's cheeks with his eyes, down Steve’s neck, until it got lost in the wiry dark hair covering Steve’s chest. “I, uh, I waxed my chest in high school because of the swimming. Didn’t see the point anymore after.”
“Thank fuck for that.” Billy cleared his throat, his face heating up from the embarrassment of having said something that should most definitely have remained unsaid. “Sorry, I should not have said that.” He winced and stepped to the side, facing away from Steve. “I’ll just…”
“If the end of that sentence is anything other than ‘lock the door and join you in the hot tub’, I’m afraid I don’t want to hear it.”
“What?” What the fuck was even happening right now? Billy didn’t have a clue.
“Billy, get the fuck in the water.”
Doing what Steve said—because who was he to question an order given to him in such a confident way by the prettiest boy he had ever seen in his life?—Billy stepped into the hot tub. He lowered himself on the lounge seat, leaned his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes.
He heard the click of the lock on the door then the water hit his chest in little waves when Steve got in, but Steve didn’t sit on the other side of the tub like Billy had expected him to. Instead, Steve waded across until his knees bumped into Billy’s.
“Can you please open your eyes?” Steve whispered over the whirr of the water pump and Billy complied, taking a moment to really look at Steve.
The thick head of hair he wanted to bury his hands in. The big brown eyes that seemed to see through him. The little moles on Steve’s cheek Billy wanted to trace with the tip of his finger. The plump lips Billy had dreamed about kissing so many times…
Billy’s visual exploration was cut short when Steve suddenly straddled him, one knee on either side of Billy’s thighs, arms wrapping around Billy’s neck. Billy’s hands found Steve’s hips on instinct, holding him in place before he got too close to Billy’s crotch.
His dick, however, decided that it was on board with this most recent development, and Billy mentally thanked his lucky stars for the extra buoyancy the bubbly water afforded him.
“Pretty boy…” He was dreaming. That had to be it. He was fast asleep in bed in his hotel room right now, imagining Steve Harrington was sitting on his lap.
“Stop overthinking and kiss me already,” Steve murmured, his mouth so close now that Billy felt Steve’s breath on his lips.
So Billy did.
He pressed his lips against Steve’s, enjoying the way Steve leaned into it. Kissing Steve was quickly rising to the top of Billy’s favorite things to do, especially when Steve reduced the distance between them to nothing.
Feeling Steve’s coarse chest hair brush against his nipples made Billy groan.
Steve licking into his mouth made Billy tighten his fingers on Steve’s waist.
Steve’s hard cock brushing against his made Billy see stars.
***
Deciding they were too old and too tired to deal with the mess and ensuing clean up that would be necessary if they stayed in the hot tub any longer, they relocated to Billy’s room. They made out in the shower, while they exchanged lazy handjobs because floor tiles were definitely too uncomfortable on the knees.
They dried themselves quickly with fluffy towels they left in a pile on the bathroom floor and got into bed, where Billy took Steve apart with his fingers and his mouth. They fell asleep wrapped around each other in the middle of the king size mattress.
Steve called in sick and Billy ordered them room service for breakfast. They spent the day in bed, talking and kissing and fucking. Billy told Steve about Neil and growing up feeling like he was made wrong, until he got back to Cali and found his people. Steve told Billy all about the Upside Down, and how keeping such things a secret meant he had closed himself off to everyone. Billy felt vindicated for thinking there was something wrong with Hawkins all along.
As they lay in bed spooning, watching the shadows grow longer as the sun disappeared behind the trees, one arm around Steve while he dozed, Billy came to a decision. He had to act on it, before he talked himself out of it. This thing with Steve felt too good, too real, to let go of once he was done with Susan’s house.
“Stevie?”
“Hmm?” came the sleepy reply.
“Come with me.”
“Where?” Steve turned around in Billy’s arms, eyes closed, and pressed a kiss on the side of his neck. “If I have to get dressed, I don’t wanna go.”
Billy let out a chuckle. “I don’t think they’ll let you on the plane if you’re naked, baby.”
“Plane? What plane?” Steve lifted his head and stared at Billy, eyes wide.
Billy rolled onto his back, pulling Steve on top of him. He cupped Steve’s face with one hand, and wrapped his other arm around Steve’s waist. “Pretty boy, I’ve wanted you for so long…” Billy stopped, unsure how to continue.
Steve pressed a hand over Billy’s heart. “Tell me.”
“I know I was a shit show in high school. I was so angry all the time, and I didn’t know how to deal with how I felt about anything, but especially about you. Not that I thought I’d ever have a chance to have you.”
“Hoo boy, you sure got that one wrong.” Steve grinned, giving Billy a quick kiss on the lips.
“Shut up. If I had put the moves on you twenty years ago, you would have shot me down so fast, and probably told the whole school I was a queer. Then my dad would have either killed me or sent me to military school, and neither of us would be in this bed right now.”
“Fair point.”
“Anyway, what I was trying to say was, I’ve wanted you for so long, and now I’ve had you, I don't think I can give you up.”
“Billy…” Steve looked away, moving his face out of Billy’s hand.
Billy felt his heart squeeze at the sad expression on Steve’s face. His resolve to get Steve out of Hawkins hardened. “No. Don’t give me that bullshit about the gate and the monsters. You said it yourself, that girl, Jane, Eleven, whatever, she closed the gate. She moved to California with the Chief and Mrs. Byers. All your kids are gone. Not that they’re kids anymore, Stevie. My sister is pregnant with her third child, for fuck’s sake. What’s keeping you here, really? Don’t you want to get away from the memories? Finally break the hold this shit town has on you?”
“I tried. I moved to Chicago with Robin. It… it didn’t work.”
“What happened in Chicago?”
Steve sighed and rolled off Billy. “Robin got a girlfriend, moved in with her. I couldn’t afford the rent by myself so I came home. Got this job. Stayed on.”
“Baby…” Billy picked up Steve’s hand but otherwise he stayed where he was, facing Steve. He kissed Steve’s knuckles, one after the other. “Going by the last twenty-something hours, I think we could have something great. But it’s not gonna happen here because this town sucks the hope and happiness out of everyone. I won’t tell you I love you because I don’t wanna scare you off but—”
“You… you love me?”
Hearing Steve repeat the words back to him made Billy realize what he had let slip. Might as well go for broke at this point.
“Yeah. I do. I love you. So if you don’t want this, don’t want me , you need to tell me now, before I make an even bigger ass out of myself than I already have, and we can forget this conversation ever happened.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” Had Billy really been reading the situation so completely wrong? Was Steve saying he wanted to forget the whole thing? Billy was so confused he didn’t react when Steve pulled him over so he was lying on top. Only when he felt Steve’s hands on his thighs did he shake off the daze. He looked down at Steve. “Pretty boy?”
“I love you. I’ve been dreaming about being with you for the past twenty years and I’m sick of dreaming. I want to live instead.”
Billy felt like his grin was going to split his face in two. Like he could explode from the pure joy coursing through his body.
turnnoffyourmind
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