Where Hope Shines

"We have been called to heal wounds, to unite what has fallen apart, and to bring home those who have lost their way." St Francis of Assisi

[wherehopeshines]

HE ROARS OVER THE DARKNESS

“David prayed to God the words of this song after God saved him from all his enemies and from Saul.

God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight. My God—the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout; My mountaintop refuge, he saves me from ruthless men.

I sing to God the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved.

The waves of death crashed over me, devil waters rushed over me. Hell’s ropes cinched me tight; death traps barred every exit. A hostile world! I called to God, to my God I cried out.

From his palace he heard me call; my cry brought me right into his presence— a private audience! Earth wobbled and lurched; the very heavens shook like leaves, Quaked like aspen leaves because of his rage. His nostrils flared, billowing smoke; his mouth spit fire. Tongues of fire darted in and out; he lowered the sky.

He stepped down; under his feet an abyss opened up. He rode a winged creature, swift on wind-wings. He wrapped himself in a trenchcoat of black rain-cloud darkness. But his cloud-brightness burst through, a grand comet of fireworks.

Then God thundered out of heaven; the High God gave a great shout. God shot his arrows—pandemonium! He hurled his lightnings—a rout! The secret sources of ocean were exposed, the hidden depths of earth lay uncovered the moment God roared in protest, let loose his hurricane anger.

But me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start. Indeed, I’ve kept alert to God’s ways; I haven’t taken God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works, I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step.

God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. You stick by people who stick with you, you’re straight with people who’re straight with you, you’re good to good people, you shrewdly work around the bad ones. You take the side of the down-and-out, but the stuck-up you take down a peg.

Suddenly, God, your light floods my path, God drives out the darkness. I smash the bands of marauders, I vault the high fences. What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him makes it.

Is there any god like God? Are we not at bedrock? Is not this the God who armed me well, then aimed me in the right direction? Now I run like a deer; I’m king of the mountain. He shows me how to fight; I can bend a bronze bow! You protect me with salvation-armor; you touch me and I feel ten feet tall.

You cleared the ground under me so my footing was firm. When I chased my enemies I caught them; I didn’t let go till they were dead men. I nailed them; they were down for good; then I walked all over them.

You armed me well for this fight; you smashed the upstarts. You made my enemies turn tail, and I wiped out the haters. They cried “uncle” but Uncle didn’t come; they yelled for God and got no for an answer. I ground them to dust; they gusted in the wind. I threw them out, like garbage in the gutter.

You rescued me from a squabbling people; you made me a leader of nations. People I’d never heard of served me; the moment they got wind of me they submitted. They gave up; they came trembling from their hideouts.

Live, God! Blessing to my Rock, my towering Salvation-God! This God set things right for me and shut up the people who talked back. He rescued me from enemy anger. You pulled me from the grip of upstarts, You saved me from the bullies. That’s why I’m thanking you, God, all over the world. That’s why I’m singing songs that rhyme your name. God’s king takes the trophy; God’s chosen is beloved. I mean David and all his children— always.”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭22‬:‭1‬-‭51‬ ‭MSG‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/97/2sa.22.1-51.MSG

Credit for artwork to

https://instagram.com/aeronbrownart?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

[wherehopeshines]

The Image of God and our Imagination

Just as imagination can fuel fear, so can imagination fuel faith. After all, God created us with imaginations to use for His purpose.

The Word of God, the Bible, says that without faith it is impossible to please God. As an extension to this, without imagination, it is virtually impossible to have faith. How else are we going to see what we are believing for, before we ever see it in actuality? Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

So how did God create the universe and all that is in it from nothing? Hebrews 11:3 says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” God exercised his imagination! He first saw the worlds, and then He spoke them into being!

God created man in his own image, endowing us with the same ability to create. Hebrews 11, the whole chapter, speaks of the faith of the patriarchs and the exploits that were done by faith, many never physically seeing all they believed God for this side of eternity.

The Latin term ‘Imago Dei’ refers to man being created in the Image of God, in all His creativity and attributes. I have attached a link to an article below expanding on the concept of Imago Dei.

God created the first man, Adam, in His own image. God later took the first woman, Eve, out of Adams side. Adam was like God in every way. He had full authority in the paradise that was the earth at that time, known as the Garden of Eden. Adam was also given the task of naming all the animals, an amazing feat of imagination! He walked and talked with God in the cool of the day.

The only thing Adam was not given authority over was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which God had instructed that he must not eat from, for the day that he did so, he would surely die.

When the fateful day came that Satan, embodied in the serpent, tempted Eve to eat from the forbidden tree, she shared the fruit with Adam. Death did indeed come, but not in the way you might expect.

Adam and Eve had been created to live forever in God’s presence, having constant fellowship with him in Eden. In fact, nothing ever died there until Adam disobeyed God’s express instructions to enjoy the garden, eating of any and all of the amazing produce of the land except the fruit of that one tree. Even the animals were all herbivores. Only after what became known as ‘The Fall’ did animals begin killing each other for food.

The first death after The Fall was not a physical death, but the spiritual death of Adam and Eve, a curse that would eventually lead to their physical deaths, and the deaths of all of their descendants.

The second death was when God killed an innocent lamb to provide clothing for Adam and Eve. Their sin of disobedience had opened their eyes to their nakedness, and they were ashamed. Prior to The Fall, they had been naked and unashamed.

God put Adam and Eve out of the garden because, had they eaten from The Tree of Life in their fallen state, they would have lived forever, never again having any hope of restoration of that pure relationship with God they had once enjoyed.

Fast-forward four thousand years. Jesus (the new Adam), conceived by a virgin through the Holy Spirit of God, came to the earth as a perfect man, just as the original Adam had been. His sole purpose was to point mankind back to God and dying as a perfect sacrifice for sin, the very thing that had broken the relationship between Adam and God in the garden.

For millennia between the Garden of Eden and the Cross of Calvary, mankind has, under special circumstances and in rare cases as detailed throughout the Old Testament of the Bible, been endowed with the ability to walk close to God, but there was always a separation.

But now Jesus has died and risen from the dead, conquering death forever. He has sent the promised Holy Spirit to those who will receive his gift of eternal life. As John 3:16-17 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

In John 14:16-18, Jesus himself promises the Holy Spirit to those who will follow Him. “If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”

Once we have received salvation from sin in Jesus and the promised Holy Spirit has been given to us, our spirit is restored to the Creators original design and we can begin the journey of relationship with Him, just as if we had never sinned. All the power, authority, wisdom and imagination that created the universe and raised Jesus from the dead has come to live in us. Just as Adam of old, we are restored to once again partake and partner in all the creativity and attributes of sons and daughters of the Creator God.

What Does 'Imago Dei' Mean? The Image of God in the Bible

Imago Dei is the Latin translation of "Image of God" as found in Genesis in the creation story. Discover the meaning and significance that h

[wherehopeshines]

The Vision of the Armour

In the year 2001, I came to the clear understanding that I had absolutely no power to serve God in my own strength and ability. I made the decision that I wanted an all-in relationship with God, so I began to cry out to Him to give me His strength for my weakness as He has promised in His Word. I then got a major revelation about the Blood of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. As soon as I understood that the Holy Spirit fills the Blood of Jesus just as oxygen fills my blood and that the Blood of Jesus delivers impurities in the spiritual realm just as my blood delivers impurities from my body, I applied this truth to my life. I began speaking the Blood of Jesus and the Holy Spirit into every open door to the enemy, trusting the Blood to deliver me of everything that defiled my relationship with God and for the Holy Spirit to equip and enable me to do the will of the Father. God then began to deal with me in various other arenas, the most notable of which is the arena of selfishness.

Over the weeks and months leading up to God giving me this vision and associated prayer burden, He dealt with me on a number of important fronts. For many years, I have gone through the motions, getting my heart right, moving forward, holding ground for a short time and then sliding back. My prayer life and Bible study has been sporadic and unfocused, I have made decisions that were not followed through and I have leaned on my own strength and understanding.

On the evening of the 17th September 2001, I had just finished reading the Book of Revelation and I was praying about the tragedy of recent events in America with the suicide bombings of the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon when I was drawn into a deep trance. I heard in my mind the sound of a trumpet and felt myself drawn upward in the spirit, as if I was being raptured. I was conscious of where I was the whole time, sitting there on the couch with my Bible in my lap, but I felt as though, if I were to open my eyes, I would be in Heaven. I experienced an exhilarating sense of deep closeness with God that lasted maybe 10 minutes.

I spoke to my pastor’s wife about my experience the next day and she suggested that I keep praying; perhaps God was preparing me for something. I went back to prayer and God revealed the following vision to me over several weeks and gave me a deep prayer burden to pray through what He was showing me.

Prayer Burden

18th September 2001

I was praying and got a distinct impression about the church. I was looking at the people in their seats at church from above, like I was on the ceiling. Big black-winged forms hovered above the pastor who was standing on stage and the pastor’s wife who was seated in front row. Big white- winged creatures passed between the pastor & his wife and the black creatures. The white creatures covered the pastor & his wife in protection. I recall the application of Blood also at this time. My attention shifted to the other people in the church. Many black-winged beings were flying around inside the building. I saw various people and groups of people who were fully covered in protection, like armour. Others were partially covered but had holes where black creatures came and went. Then there were other people, particularly in back row, who were completely draped in the black creatures.

I then saw the church as a body. Some parts of the body were very strong and covered in armour, but on other parts, there were gaping wounds (particularly forearms) and no armour. The feet were unusually small and tender and completely uncovered. The head was strange. It had a helmet on but somehow seemed to lack strength. The head struck me as unusual in a way I couldn’t pinpoint.

Later the same night...

I had spoken to the pastor concerning a very unusual visitation I had experienced and about the above vision. He said that perhaps God had a strategy of prayer for the church through what I saw. He said I should pray and ask God. I went home and prayed and again saw the people of the church in the same form as before. I started by praying for God to strengthen those with the covering. My attention then moved to those with holes in their armour where the demons were able to come and go. As I prayed for God to expose sin and convict hearts and uncover areas of demonic access, I began to see something different. These people became as one. I began speaking the Blood of Jesus and the Holy Ghost into the gaping holes and asking for deep conviction and deliverance of sin and for eyes to be opened. I saw the Blood pouring into the hole and as it went in, thousands of little black-winged beings began to come out – like seeing bats take off from their nests at dusk to go hunting for food – almost a one. As I kept praying, the hole seemed to heal from the bottom and continued healing and filling to the top. A large scar was left but it was healed and healthy. These then joined with those under the covering and became part of them. The focus then shifted to the ones completely draped in the big black-winged beings. I prayed that God would open their eyes that they would see these beings and begin to rise up and fight. Some started to recognise they were there and began to fight but apathy seemed to grip them – it was too hard to fight. As I continued to pray, they seemed to be strengthened and began to have some victory. I was confused that this response was not universal. Some began to recognise that these beings were draped over them and began to pat and stroke them as though they were loved ones. As I began to recognise that these people took comfort in these beings, I began to have the urge to throw them out of the church. They seemed to love the demons on their backs and there appeared to be absolutely no conviction of sin. They left without a fight.

I went on to pray for the church as a body. As I prayed for God to heal the gaping wounds, I saw these wounds closing and armour being applied over the wounded areas. The armour seemed to spread to cover other exposed areas. I began praying for the feet, that God would enlarge and strengthen them. As I watched, the feet seemed to change from a child’s tender, small feet to the large and hardened feet of a man. I prayed that God would cover them and armour came upon them. They appeared strong and ready to go. My attention them moved to the head. I questioned God as to why the head seemed odd. He showed me that the helmet was not secured and was slipping, so it sat at a funny angle. The eyes were dark, the mouth was unclean and the ears were blocked. As I prayed about the head and spoke to the various parts, the helmet straightened and was fastened to the head, the eyes became clear and full of light, the mouth was cleansed and the ears were unblocked.

22nd September 2001

The burden of prayer is great. As I was praying for the people with the gaping holes, the holes healed almost to the top, leaving what looked like overhanging flat rocks under which were caverns. I spent a long time praying, pleading the Blood, loosing the Holy Spirit, casting out demons, but the demons kept coming and going from what remained of the hole. It occurred to me that there was still no armour on these people. I prayed that armour would come upon them. When the armour covered them, I continued to pray for deliverance of the caverns that remained. This time, the demons came out as freely as they had before but upon trying to re-enter, they hit the armour plate that sat on top and were unable to gain entry. The wound then quickly healed to the top. I moved to the people who were draped in the demons. As I prayed, these split into three groups.

Group one recognised that they had no protection and rose up to fight the demons, summoning the help of those who had the armour. Within a short time, the people seemed to grow much larger than the demons and quickly defeated them. These people were then absorbed into the covered group.

Group two turned and fought the demons on their own, seeming to not even summon God’s help, let alone anyone else’s. At this stage, I felt a strong burden to pray for God to expose the motives of their hearts. They continued to fight a losing battle as I moved to the third group.

The third group was the group who recognised that the demons were there but stroked and patted them instead of rising up and fighting them.

I then moved on to the body. I went through and prayed for all parts as before. When I had finished praying for the wounds to heal, for armour to be applied and for the head to be fixed up, I seemed to move back so I could see the full body. The body armour was now intact and perfect and there was a sword was in one hand, but the sword had a very, very small blade. I then looked for a shield. It was in the other hand and held in front for protection, but it was so tiny it wouldn’t have protected anything. I began to pray for the sword and shield to grow in the hearts of the people of the body and as I prayed, the sword and the shield grew until they were large enough to attack and defend.

23rd September 2001

I was praying for the feet and really pressing in for them to grow and go but nothing was happening. I prayed harder but it made no difference. It then occurred to me that the head ultimately controls the parts of the body. If the signal isn’t coming through from the head then nothing is going to happen in the feet. I turned to pray for the head, praying as before concerning the helmet, eyes, mouth and ears, then returning to the feet. The change was dramatic. The feet immediately responded and became large and strong, were covered in armour and began to walk with purpose.

The Gaping Wounds we’re a real revelation. As I prayed for God to heal the gaping wounds, I saw these wounds closing and armour being applied over the wounded areas. The armour seemed to spread to cover other exposed areas.

It hadn’t occurred to me that the wounds might be anything other than simple wounds when my attention was focused upon them. They were on the forearms as I had noted before and they ran the length of the inner forearms. The thought occurred to me that it looked as though the Body had tried to commit suicide but that seemed ridiculous. I then thought about why people commit suicide. Hopelessness and despair grip them and they can see no future, so the easiest answer to their seemingly hopeless situation is to die. My attention was drawn to the fact that backsliding is spiritual suicide. As I contended concerning the backsliding spirit, the wound slowly healed.

The gaping wounds do not represent people who have left the church, but those who are in the church. These are people who choose to give up rather than fight and who continually think negatively about their situations rather than trusting and believing God. The battle for this area has been the strongest that I have fought in prayer. When I pray for this area, I pray that God would heal the wounds, not only superficially but also deeply. I pray that God would put armour upon the area and that He would fortify the armour. I am then released to pray for the next area.

The Body’s armour was now intact and perfect and there was a sword was in one hand, but the sword had a very small, blunt blade. I then looked for a shield. It was in the other hand and held in front for protection, but it was so tiny it wouldn’t have protected anything.

25th September 2001

This morning was a huge battle to pray. As I was praying for those with the covering in the church, incredible apathy came upon me. Half-heartedly, I pressed and pressed and pressed until I finally realised that I needed to fight. Fighting proved beneficial and I broke through quickly, praying for these and then moving on to those with the gaping holes and then to those with the demons draped over them. When I had prayed for this group yesterday, I had begun to pray against pride and rebellion. When I came to praying against rejection, which I had felt to do, I noticed that they all began to come free from these demons, even the people who had previously stroked and patted them. As I prayed in the revelation of the love and acceptance of the Father, showers of gold seemed to rain on them from above. As I began to pray these things today, these people came out of the grip of these demons quickly and were joined with those under the covering.

I then prayed for the body as before, starting with the head then the feet, the wounds and the armour, the shield and the sword. As I prayed for the shield to grow in the hearts of the people, my attention shifted back to the people, all of whom were now under the covering. There seemed to be activity there. As I prayed, the shield grew. The same thing happened when I prayed for the sword. The armour was complete.

Next, my attention moved back to the people with the covering. As I watched, they became the body in full armour, lying down the full length of the building. The body then got up and went outside and began fighting the black beings and was winning the battle. As the body fought, I noticed that multitudes of people began streaming into the building.

God, cause the vision to come to pass.

Image credit

[wherehopeshines]

FAR GREATER…

Recorded on my phone on 2nd Nov 2016.

I had such an incredible time with the Lord last night. I was considering the word that the Lord gave me so many years ago which was, “Submit to Stephen and pray without ceasing because what the Lord has planned is far greater than anything you could ever hope or dream of”, (dated in my Bible 6/9/08).

What I have got now is so much more than I ever thought possible, have ever dreamed of, and yet we haven’t even started, we’re not even scratching the surface yet.

I felt myself just drawn into God’s presence and there was such an overflow of joy! As I was drawn into His presence, it was like my face just cracked with the biggest, strongest smile, I don’t think I could have smiled any bigger! And I saw the witnesses (refer Hebrews 12:1) and they were smiling with me. Ohhh, there was such joy, and I felt the room fill with angels and then I just felt myself move into the presence of the Lord.

I didn’t see Jesus but I felt his presence, and I saw him open a sack and when I looked into it, there was gold in the sack.

Then I started being drawn further in and I saw myself sitting with my children of promise, Samuel and Aaron, up in that room the Lord had showed me a little while ago, just talking to them about the ‘Men of Fire’, my spiritual children represented by my children of promise, and about how all of that will happen. And I said to the Lord, “Look, I know that this is going to happen and I just don’t know how”.

I said that I’m really thankful for all that God is doing and showing me. And I know that He has His hands on these men in ways that I can’t even imagine, and I know that they’re called, and I know that what the Lord has shown me will come to pass. I know that they are called to be men of fire, and I look at them now and they’re not there.

Then I said to the Lord, “Well God, how does that even happen?” And I was in this moment with the Lord where it was just such connection between myself and Himself, and He said, “Just like this. This is how it happens for them; this connection is what I will have with them”.

And I understood, I guess for the first time, that I don’t have to understand it. I don’t have to understand how it all happens because that’s God’s thing. I don’t have to understand it! I know that it will be, and I know that it will be so much greater than I can ever imagine, but it’s God’s thing. It’s what He’s doing, what He will do. It’s not even about me!

And you know what? That just really blessed my heart. This is exciting times that I am living in and I haven’t even begun seeing it yet!

[wherehopeshines]

Our lives are like the back of a tapestry...

I am so encouraged by the analogy of a tapestry when thinking about the difficulties of life. The Bible says that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his will and purpose, but life is hard and often makes no sense.

The wonderful thing for me is that I only see my side of the tapestry, but God knows what he is creating from my life here on the earth, and the side of the tapestry He sees is the part that truly counts.

Tim Challies wrote a wonderful article in 2015 that I just found today which I have pasted below. I hope you are as encouraged as I am by what he has written.

God's Tapestry | Tim Challies

Have you ever compared the front and back of a tapestry? The front of a tapestry is art. In the hands of a skilled weaver it displays incred

[wherehopeshines]

Amongst all the divisions of the world and among friends and colleagues today, of utmost importance is the Communion of the Lord. And it is the Communion of the Lord, the breaking of bread with the remembrance of what Jesus has achieved on the cross, that is the most misunderstood and resisted today. As never before, Christ must be first in all things, He must be the pre-eminence in ever decision and the first priority in every relationship.

“Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.” Romans‬ ‭5:6-8‬ ‭MSG

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.” ‭‭John‬ ‭3:16-18‬ ‭MSG

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[wherehopeshines]

Ever wondered why the Church today is so powerless in comparison to what we see in the Book of Acts?

If this question / statement makes you a little uncomfortable, then strap in; it’s time for the Church to get uncomfortable!

Christianity was birthed in conflict. Roman occupation was the reality of the newly birthed Church and there was danger on every side. Yet Jesus, before he was crucified, told his disciples that he had to go back to the Father, and when he did, he would send another helper. When He had risen from the dead, Jesus told them that they were not to leave Jerusalem but that they must wait for what the Father promised. He said that John had baptised in water, but they would soon be baptised in the Holy Spirit.

Christianity today is a far cry from what we see in the early church. Much of the Church is worried about getting slimed by the devil if they get too close to those wicked sinners, and equally, much of the Church is uncomfortable with the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, preferring to be relevant to the world and worried about seeming too weird. So they hide away in the safety of the four walls of the buildings that they mistakenly call ‘the church’ and the power and authority of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is denied.

Sadly, while many in the Church view the sins of the heathen as evil, they fail to judge in themselves the sins of self-righteousness and pride. Sexual sin within the Church is at epidemic levels, but it’s the dirty little secret that no-one talks about. Abortion within the Church is at staggering rates.

The Church is openly mocked by the world-at-large as insipid and powerless, and until it wakes up and decides that this cannot continue to be our default identity, that is exactly what we will continue to be.

But that’s not what we were created to be! We were created to be Light-Bearers, Vessels of Fire and Glory! Mario Murillo unpacks for us what we, as the Body of Christ, need to understand in order to again move in the Power and Authority of the Holy Spirit for which the Church was created.

Recorded just prior to the last American election, this is a timely word to the Church of Jesus Christ, not just in America, but all across the world today.

[wherehopeshines]

Letting Go

I met my husband, Steve, when I was 18 years old, back on the early ‘80’s and fell in love with him very early in the relationship. I was extremely insecure, having grown up in a family where love was never openly demonstrated, so I clung very tightly to my then boyfriend, wanting to control every aspect of the relationship.

I come from a long line of very controlling, insecure women, so I fell into the same behaviours naturally, thinking this was normal. Of course, this caused many difficulties in the relationship. 

I clearly remember an experience I had with God, many years before I became a follower of Jesus. Steve and I had been dating for a few months at this stage. I was sleeping in my childhood bedroom when I was awakened by the audible voice of God saying, “Let him go!”. I knew the voice was referring to letting Steve go. I sat bolt upright in the bed from a dead sleep, crying hard and saying, “No! I can’t let him go; I can’t, and I won’t let him go! I will never let him go!”. From this time onwards, I doubled down on my control of our relationship.

We were married a few years later and the rocky relationship continued. Steve was a soldier and we had been posted back to the town I had grown up in, having lived away for a few years. I was so broken when I finally came to Christ, and my life began to change for the better.

Over the years, I continued to be controlling, but Jesus was working in my heart. I understood that I needed to not be this way, but I didn’t know how to stop. 

Our marriage came to a place where, had it not been for the miracle of God’s grace, it would have ended up in the divorce courts. I had prayed for my husband for years by this time, always asking God to change him, when the day came when God spoke to me, saying that He was going to change me, instead.

I was taken through a long season of surrender to God’s will and God did such a miraculous work in my heart that Steve fell in love with me again. I had never stopped loving him, but I was learning to stop controlling him.

Some years later, I had several key experiences. As I entered into the Holy Spirit, I was drawn to surrender which took me into a vision. As I surrendered, I watched myself begin to unfold like a sheet. With each unfolding, there was more to unfold. When I felt that I was completely unfolded, there came another greater unfolding and then another and another. People began to be drawn into the sheet as it was gathered back towards me; many, many people.

Several weeks later, the following occurred. I had been feeling that there was a change coming with Stephen. It felt like somehow, I was losing him. It wasn’t that he was distant or that there was anything wrong in our relationship but that perhaps something would happen that would take him away from me. I was aware that perhaps there might be an accident or a sudden illness that would take him from me, so I prayed and surrendered, and prayed and surrendered some more.

As I came in for a shower the following night, I felt like I moved into the Spirit as I was about to step from the hallway into our bedroom. I took one long last look at Stephen who was sitting on the end of the couch and as I moved into our bedroom, I surrendered him fully. Whatever was to come was in God and He would look after me.

I went to the ensuite, and the Holy Spirit so filled me it was like there was a great expansion in my heart. I wept as I allowed Him to do whatever it was that He would do. I felt something jettisoned from me and then I invited the angels and the cloud of witnesses to witness together with me what was to come.

There was much joy as I mingled momentarily with the witnesses, then I was with Jesus, climbing many steps, ascending a very steep and high mountain. As we reached the top, Jesus spoke to me and said, "Look down there; here comes Steve. I have called you together and you will serve me together". As I looked down, I watched as Steve ascended the mountain towards us. Oh, what joy!

Steve has grown so much over the ensuing years. I still sometimes feel tempted to control him, but God is so faithful to help me to continue to let him go. Just as he spoke to me all those years ago when he woke me from a dead sleep, it has been my life’s work and my utmost joy to continue to let him go and watch God do an amazing work in him and through the both of us together. 

Glory be to God, the author and finisher of our faith.

[wherehopeshines]

Who am I Responsible for? (And who is Responsible for Me?)

For my sister, who has been on a long healing journey from trauma, and who is now learning to live in the light. I am so very proud of you. ❤️

Learning to Live In the Light. 

Wounds change us. They make us selfish. And when our wounds are being healed, we often seek to undo the damage these wounds have created and try to be a blessing to people who have been where we are coming out of. But when we lack the necessary perspective and wisdom, this ‘wanting to be a blessing’ can become a stumbling block to our own healing journey.

And when we have begun to make necessary stands, putting boundaries in place with the people who were allowed into our lives through the open doors created by our insecurities, the strongholds controlling those people can turn on us, creating havoc in our lives. This is simply because, in our immaturity, we lack experience to truly understand what it really costs to be free.

Freedom doesn’t come free. First and foremost, Jesus has paid the price for our freedom from sin and death on the cross of Calvary, but we are responsible for our decisions, including the single-most important decision of receiving his gift of salvation.  Once we receive his gift of salvation, a second gift is added as the Holy Spirit takes up residence in our life.

Additionally, we must be prepared to shoulder responsibility for the consequences our decisions have produced. Very often, we consider the condition we find ourselves in, and are tempted to shift blame to others for their role in our predicament, rather than owning our decisions. This is a major factor in our ability to grow and mature. A person who can’t or won’t take responsibility for their lives cannot be built upon. Taking ownership and responsibility for our decisions is the necessary building block to our success and freedom; without it, we would never grow nor mature. Babies are only bottle fed until they are able to eat solid food, and they are only carried until they can walk. So it is with people coming out of wounds. We must learn to live free, but within the boundaries of what is safe for us as we mature, and that is never automatic.

An eagle, brought up with chickens, has no idea it can fly, simply because it has never flown. Yet it is created for flight, and once it is taught to fly, the sky's the limit.

God never expects us to journey alone. Once we have received Jesus’ gift of salvation and the Holy Spirit, also called the Helper, has come to live in us, we are never alone. He doesn’t expect us to face difficult decisions alone, always guiding us in all wisdom. But sometimes, we are so set on living our way, that we either forget to seek him for wisdom and direction, or we expect him to follow along, and only seek him when we fall in a pit. The amazing thing about our God is that he already knows what we are like, always going astray, and yet he is ever faithful to bring us back and dust us off, encouraging us to try again.

Those that are further along their journey often get in a rut, forgetting the fundamentals of cause and effect. Sometimes, it's time to return to basics and make the necessary decisions to get the desired outcomes.

Let’s face it. Terrible things happen to good people who never did anything to deserve what befell them. But, on the other hand, too many of us careen through life, completely oblivious to the consequences that await the poor decisions we are making, simply because we assume that that our feelings are a good guide for our lives. If it feels good, engage your brain, ask the Helper for wisdom, and start considering consequences before you do it, and you will have a much better chance of succeeding in your life.

[wherehopeshines]

What is HOPE? And why do we need it?

The world often says, ‘Where there is life, there is hope’, but this is not true. It is the exact opposite! Where there is HOPE, there is LIFE.

I was praying with a group of friends a few years ago, and during the time of worship, our leader, under Holy Spirit guidance, instructed us to look and see in the Spirit what God was showing us right at that moment. He then asked us to use our God-given imagination to ball up whatever he had shown us into a seed, and to plant that seed deep in our hearts. And so, as we worshiped, we all did so.

We continued to worship, and the leader then asked us to go around the room and tell what the Lord had shown us, and to share that which we saw growing in our hearts from the seed that had been planted.

When it was my turn, I told of my amazement at what God was showing me. My seed wasn’t put in my heart that night, but had been planted many years before. God showed me an enormous tree that had grown in my heart, with a root system that was deep and wide, a trunk that was huge in diameter, and a large canopy. The giant tree was full of fruit and the canopy was flat and very broad.

I was so blessed to see that because I remember the day my seed was planted. I had met with my friend after God had given me a significant promise (my seed) that marked my life forever after. Together we had prayed that God would plant the seed deep in my heart, and that it would become all it was promised to be.

I remember the hardships and pain over the ensuing years. The ground where that seed would grow and put those tremendous roots down (my wounded heart) had to be cleared. I remember seeing the deep roots of bitterness that grew there in a vision one day; they were everywhere! And I remember seeing those deep roots being pulled out of my heart, and my life changing immediately as a result.

The roots of bitterness that grew in my heart, had they been allowed to continue to grow, would have choked out the promise planted there, not allowing it to develop. In prayer over a period, I would cover those roots in the Blood of Jesus, and I would ask the Holy Spirit to fill that Blood (just as oxygen fills my own blood), and I would call down fire from Heaven to burn out those roots. And then right at the end of that period, I saw those roots. The Lord showed me in a vision that I was pulling up those roots, hand over hand, and they were coming up out of all areas of my life; there was just so much to pull up. Eventually it was done, and my heart was, for the first time ever, free of bitterness.

Thinking about that tree, one of the things that I said when I talked about the tree that night, was that it is shelter for all those I have been called to love. Had those roots of bitterness stayed in my heart, the seed could not have grown as it has. I’m so amazed by what the Lord is showing me has grown in my life, has grown in my heart, and continues to grow to this day! I’m so grateful.

Earlier that evening, the leader had given me a key on a chain. The key was stamped on both sides with the word ‘HOPE’. He had said, “I’ve got a key, I think I am supposed to give it to you”.

WHERE THERE IS HOPE, THERE IS LIFE!

Thank you, Lord, for hope! Thank you for your promise that enabled me to be delivered, and to grow, that enabled the seed that was planted all those years ago to put down roots into fertile ground instead of ground that was root-bound with bitterness. Hope enabled me to face down a failing marriage, saying to my circumstances, “But God has promised!”. Hope enabled me, when it was time to do so, to let go of control and to allow You to be Lord, and to allow my husband to lead this family. Hope enabled me to let go of things into my husband’s hands when he was completely ill-equipped to handle those things, because it would grow him! And he did grow in ways that were difficult for him. Hope enabled me to let him fall when he needed to fall, to encourage him when he needed encouragement.

So, to answer the question, ‘What is HOPE? And why do we need it?’

I my case, hope was a seed in the form of a promise. It didn’t look or feel like hope at the start, but it was tended by God and did the job for which it was planted, enabling me to become the person I was created to be and to do the things I was created to do.

In the case of Ann Kim who was recently featured on Netflix’s “Chef’s Table: Pizza”, a James Beard Award-winning chef and restaurateur in Minneapolis, Minnesota, hope was the very thing she tried to hide from most of her life, hating being different due to her heritage and nationality. These eventually became the very things that brought her great success as Chef/Owner of Pizzeria Lola, Hello Pizza, and Young Joni. A Korean immigrant, she credits her culinary palate and love of cooking to helping her mother and grandmother make traditional staples such as fermented bean paste and kimchi.

God you are amazing! You are so incredibly wonderful. I am thankful beyond words for HOPE 😊

[wherehopeshines]

It’s Time to Change the Atmosphere

As women, we are created to be atmosphere changers; we set the tone of our homes and by extension, our society. When there is a twisting in the identity God intended for us, the results affect all of society, not just the women. We become objects and as a result, view ourselves as lesser human beings in need of validation. We then compete for this validation. When I was a new Christian, I had a thought that went on to plague me with shame, guilt and condemnation for many, many years. I never acted on the thought, even sought counselling from Lifeline at the time, such was the devastation that I could ever think such a thing. Looking back, I now understand that the thought that had created such shame in me, known only to God, the Lifeline counsellor and myself, had been viewed through a highly sexualised lens. Now able to view the same thought by means of a very different lens, the whole context has changed. I see how the enemy (the devil, Satan) had twisted my thought process through a manipulated worldview, thereby robbing me of peace for years! Competition for validation takes many forms. It can be the feminist worldview where we have to compete with men to be as good or better than them. It most certainly can be exhibitionist and/or body shaming in competing for attention in the eyes of men and each other. The one thing this competition for validation has in common is the theft of true value that God has placed on women as nurturers and agents of change. As an extension to the issue of the sexualisation of women, men are also robbed of their true identity, value and destiny, being created by God to be very visual in their sexuality. The enemy has contrived a situation where men are completely controlled by what they see. When they see only sexual imagery, men are constantly distracted and therefore diverted from discovering and entering into the true riches of what God has for their lives. The enemy sought to derail my destiny right at the start of my journey with the Lord with a single thought, but thankfully, all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. What the enemy planned for evil, God has turned around for an incredible revelation for his purpose in my life, and in the lives of women and men everywhere.

[wherehopeshines]

I Believe in Miracles

Recorded 16 July 2019

I had a dream the other night which played on my mind. I knew it was from God but I didn’t have a revelation of what it was. Another dream I had years and years ago has stayed with me, becoming really quite punctuated in the last week or so. I didn’t have a meaning for either of those dreams, but I knew that they were both from God. I had no idea of how entwined they were, that they were part of the same prophesy, until last night.

The first dream I had was about 23 years ago, the most hilarious dream that I have ever had. It made me laugh, makes me laugh still today when I think about it, and at a time when there wasn’t a lot to laugh about, which was pretty wonderful.

The Horse Dream We were standing around in the Church and I was holding the reins of my horse, a big brown, very high horse. We were worshiping as a group, standing in the back of the building and my horse just didn’t want to be there, mucking around and trying to get away. I said to the horse, “Right You, I’ve got to take you home!” I lead the horse out into the carpark at the back of the church, opening the back door of my Ford XD Falcon and telling him to get in. My great big horse got in the back seat of the car and I shut the door, which was a big press stud clip!

The whole thing was very strange, and I woke up to the Hot Chocolate song, ‘I Believe in Miracles’, playing on the radio.

I believe in miracles Where're you from? you sexy thing, sexy thing you I believe in miracles Since you came along sexy thing

I woke up laughing as the whole thing was ludicrous and hilarious all at once.

That dream stayed with me for twenty-three years, as clear as anything. I knew somehow it was from God but had no understanding of why he would give me such a crazy dream. Recently, I had been listening to some John-Paul Jackson teachings on interpreting dreams and had been trying to work out what a horse is, what a car is and up until yesterday, none of it made a lot of sense.

Anyway, on to the other dream I had just the other night.

The House Dream I was in a house but the house itself didn’t seem important as I didn’t remember any details of it. I was moving around in this house and there were obstacles in front of me, things that I constantly had to step around, obstacles. They were the main part of the dream and as I was getting past those obstacles, I passed a shelf where there stood a quarter-full bottle of rum which I remember distinctly, and then the dream finished. I knew this dream was from God also, but again no idea of the connection.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been feeling really agitated, almost exasperated over things that I can’t quite put my finger on. It felt like there were unseen obstacles and I knew that was part of the dream. And I had a sense that the rum seemed to represent almost an opposite spirit from the Spirit of God, but not an evil spirit.

There had been a few upsets over the weekend between Steve and I, and things had been a bit on edge for a while now. We were working through the issues, but it was tough going for a while. Steve had sent me a text that he was going to be home in about ten minutes, so I said, “God, I’ve just got to pray”. I sat down on the corner of the bed, and I said, “God, I’ve got these two dreams…”; And I talked to him about the horse dream that happened all those years ago and about the house dream that just happened the other day and I said, “I’ve been trying to work out what these mean and I just need a revelation. I just want you to interpret these dreams for me, I just want to know what’s going on, because it feels like these dreams are for now”.

I said, “I feel like there’s no joy, and the joy of the Lord is my strength so I just need that joy”. I ended my prayer, and I praised God and worshiped.

Anyway, Steve came home within ten minutes as he said he would. We were standing in the kitchen having a cup of tea and, I kid you not, the first words that came out of his mouth were, “The boys at work call me Horse”. And I went, “What??” So he said it again, “The boys at work call me Horse. It’s Irish slang for Mate”.

I said, “Are you serious? I just prayed about a dream where I was putting a horse in the car and you’re telling me now that the boys at work call you Horse? That cannot be a coincidence!!!” WOW!

I didn’t think too much more about it, watched a couple of things on TV and then I went in for a shower. All of this was going around in my mind in the shower and as I stood there, God just downloaded the full interpretation of the whole thing.

We were there at the Church, I was worshipping, and my horse (Steve) just wanted to run, he just wanted to run but it wasn’t time to run. And so I took my horse outside and I told him to get in the car. So he got in and the press stud door was shut.

That press stud has been a thumb on Steve all of those years. And the driving. Steve has been driven all of these years. There was a time, early on in our marriage, where he was out of the Army, we had bought a house and were in a serious financial situation; It looked like we possibly may lose the house because he couldn’t get a job. And so he was brought to a place of surrender to God. And then God spoke to me so clearly when he had gone for an interview, and God said, “I will give him this job, but in it I will build character in him”. And from that moment, Steve was driven in these jobs. Some of them were so hard, with bosses he just couldn’t stand, in workplaces that he couldn’t stand, but he was driven because he knew that he couldn’t step out of those jobs as he had been out of work and he knew that God had given him that job. For years he worked through, and great character was built.

We moved to Melbourne in the midst of that and Stephen moved out of a WorkCover job into a job at QBE under exactly the same scenario where he just chaffed at the bit the whole time all of those years.

And then, about four years ago, in June that year I sensed in God that the work of character building was done. I said to him, “You don’t have to be in that job anymore. You can leave this job any time and God will open a new door”. Steve couldn’t see as I saw and so continued on in that QBE job and finally the door closed at Christmas time where he was basically given an ultimatum, resign or you are going to be sacked, so he happily took the resignation, and it was fantastic.

It wasn’t so fantastic a month later when my job was made redundant. We were four months without work. God just looked after us. We didn’t miss a payment on our mortgage, we didn’t get the electricity turned off; we didn’t even get the Foxtel turned off! God just provided for us. And then in May of that next year, Steve and I both started new jobs the same week.

Four years later, Steve’s job ended in circumstances that were not ideal. He is now in a job which he loves, doing what he was doing in the Army. I enjoys the people and he’s at a place now where he’s enjoying serving God, he’s loving the work, he’s loving me. It’s an amazing place.

All those years, Steve was driven and God showed me that it’s now time for him to run but I haven’t recognised this and so I have been putting obstacles in his way and they have been in my way, too. The alcohol is the controlling spirit. God showed me that it’s time to let him go, let him run. And the exciting thing is that he’s running now, and he’s running in the right direction. And he’s running toward God.

I was praying through the night, saying “God, teach me to run with Steve, Lord, to not strive against him but to run with him. This is so exciting, Father. Thank you so much for prophecies, for dreams and dream interpretations of what was and what will be. I am so excited to see Steve run and I am so excited to learn to run with him”.

I believe in miracles and now I am living one!

[wherehopeshines]

The Queen is dead; long live the King

Today marked the death of the longest serving monarch the world has known, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, a reign of 70 years.

I was praying into the transition from one monarch to the next and was taken by the fact that the Queen was a faithful servant of Jesus, the King of kings. I was also considering the significance of kings in the Bible, marvelling that we have entered a transition moment such as was so often documented therein.

I was directed to 1 Kings 7:21, describing Solomon’s building of the temple. The verse reads:

“He erected the pillars at the portico of the temple. The pillar to the south he named Jakin and the one to the north Boaz.”

Looking up the meanings of the names in the verse, Jakin and Boaz, was really interesting and very descriptive of the Queen and her reign.

According to YouBible notes, Jakin probably means ‘he establishes’ and Boaz probably means ‘in him is strength’.

Queen Elizabeth made a vow on her 21st birthday. Still a princess, she went on to make a profound royal pledge: “I declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.”

She fulfilled her vow, serving until her death at 96 years old, confirming the incoming Prime Minister just two days before she died.

Solomon was known for his wisdom, as was Queen Elizabeth.

Solomon's son and successor, Rehoboam, ill-advisedly adopted a harsh policy toward the northern tribes, which seceded and formed their own kingdom of Israel.

History will tell if King Charles the Third’s reign follows the biblical pattern. I pray that he chooses his advisers wisely and seeks the Lord for wisdom as his mother, the Queen did.

[wherehopeshines]

Where HOPE Shines, LIFE Flourishes

This photo is a testament to a very long, painful journey to healing of fragmented and dysfunctional family relationships. I’m so very thankful for Mum and my sister, Annette and for the journey that has brought us, not back together but truly together for the first time.

I would like to share just a portion of my journey here and am so very thankful for the family God chose to place me in. 

14 October 2017 - Shame is such a cruel prison that it causes you to hide in your pain, never trusting that there will ever be someone to truly love you if they really knew you. I am 51 years old and just tonight, I shared with Stephen my deepest wounds from when I was twelve years old and for the first time in my life, I feel truly free from the past. In my last year of primary school, I had no friends. I was ostracised by my entire class and I was also bullied. I didn't tell anyone. My home life was dysfunctional and I couldn't even tell my mum, so I just buried my pain. The following year was worse. My primary school photos tell the story of pain that low self esteem feeds. I was told I was ugly and I have believed that all my life. I don't believe that anymore! I am a pretty terrific person, a great friend, an amazing wife (just ask my amazing husband!) and I'm funny to boot!

2 April 2018 - What a difference a few months can make! It has been a brutal few months but the benefits of the process of healing are huge! Thank God for the revelation of this childhood wound as I now understand so much of my life that was hidden to me regarding this wound until the appropriate time to heal it completely. I understand now that this wound caused me to not value myself and therefore to believe that others didn’t value me. I spent our entire marriage trying to be valued but I now know that I was always completely valued and very highly so by Stephen and I even now understand that I was also highly valued by both my parents, although they didn’t have the skills or emotional health to demonstrate that love and value effectively to me. Yesterday was Easter, and the following song lyrics from our Easter service are particularly meaningful to me: By your spirit I will rise From the ashes of defeat The resurrected king Is resurrecting me In your name I come alive To declare your victory The resurrected king is resurrecting me

13 November 2018 - I have lived my whole life believing, to one degree or another, that I was not loved by my parents. Yet, as I read back on the sentence I have just written, that once-held belief is further from the truth than I have ever understood. I had a ground-breaking revelation in the last few weeks that has altered everything I have believed about my childhood. God spoke to me and said that how I see things is not how He sees them. This didn’t mean anything to me at the time, but that was about to change. When I was around fourteen years old, I decided to run away from home. I don’t remember the catalyst for this decision, probably another huge argument with my dad as there were lots of those. I took the screen out of my bedroom window but then I couldn’t will myself to leave. I sat on my bed for what seemed like an hour, feeling a complete failure for not being able to follow through with my decision. Finally, my dad came around the side of the house and put the screen back in my window, but not a word was ever spoken about this incident. This moment in time has been seared into my mind for my entire life and has been a major point of contact with rejection. All that changed a couple of weeks ago with a revelation that hit me completely out of the blue. Perspective is everything and my perspective was about to be shifted in the most stunning way. The same night that God had said that He sees differently to me, I saw myself as that fourteen year old girl in my bedroom and God was right there with me in my failure. Then I saw my dad out in the lounge room, on the other side of my bedroom wall, frozen with fear at the possibility of losing his little girl but not having any clue of what to do about it. And God was right there with my dad in the midst of his failure. Finally, my dad did the only thing he knew how to do and that was to put the screen back in the window. My dad is possibly still as broken as he ever was but I am now in a position to offer him my hand.

14 April 2019 - This revelation changed everything about the way I thought towards both Dad and Mum. For the first time in my life, I understood that they were broken and that their wounds, my wounds and the wounds of generations past had created the divisions in our family. My Dad died earlier this year and we became closer than we had ever been towards the end of his life, due in no small part to the above revelations. I have just returned from a week in Townsville and my relationship with Mum is wonderful. I never, ever thought I would be saying that! I see now that my wounds blinded me and caused me to put up walls and make accusations. Owning my story and facing my wounds makes such a difference.

18 April 2019 - Just this morning, I witnessed my sister Annette getting a full revelation of her value to herself and our family and of the incredible, liberating power of owning her own stories and taking responsibility for the parts she played in the difficulties of her own journey. I am so immensely proud of her and of our entire family. 

19th June 2022 - My name is Carole and I came into the world in June 1966, the second child and little sister to four-year-old Annette, of proud parents Tom and Clare. I was born with a bruise right down the middle of my face and a twisted-up foot and I had a shock of black hair about two inches long all over my head, and I was loved. I was a wanted child; Mum had had a miscarriage about two years before me and they were delighted with my birth. Then when I was three months old, Mum fell pregnant again, this time with my brother Jeff. Life in our household was normal as we knew it. Dad worked at the Copper Refinery Townsville and Mum was a housewife and mother. We had annual holidays where we usually visited Dad’s family in Childers. Life was good as far as we could perceive through the eyes of little kids. We played in the street with our neighbours, and we were happy.

But what we didn’t notice was the tension in the household. We didn’t see Mum’s depression. We didn’t see the arguments over money. We didn’t see Mums’ hatred toward her own mother. We didn’t see that mum was different. As kids, we were seldom hugged or even touched and never drawn up on our parents’ knees for a cuddle. It wasn’t until I was in high school and was bringing my friends home for lunch most days that they started pointing out to me that Mum was weird. I didn’t have anything to compare her to because this was normal for us. I began to rebel against my parents around this time. Life hadn’t been easy with Mum. I had watched her deal with bullying issues with my sister and my brother; when she intervened, everything got worse for them. So, when I began to be bullied, being fully ostracised by my entire class in year seven, I didn’t tell Mum. I just handled it because it was already bad enough. A middle child, I was like my maternal grandmother in many ways, not least of which was my looks and temperament. I could go from zero to one hundred in my temper in a heartbeat, and I would stand up to Mum and Dad, slamming doors and yelling. I didn’t know it then, but my likeness to my Mum’s mother was a trigger for her. I sure knew how to push their buttons! When I was about sixteen, my Dad was so angry with me that he clenched his fist. Dad had never smacked any of us, a result of having been beaten as a child for any minor disobedience, real or perceived. But this day, he was triggered. I stood up in his face and dared him to hit me! Thank God he backed down at a million miles an hour, but I know now how foolish I was. I have been dealing with issues around my childhood for a few years now, making peace with my Dad just prior to his death in February 2019, and having developed a much closer relationship with Mum in the last couple of years as her health declines. This last weekend, I attended a Women’s Encounter Retreat with the ladies from INChurch Melbourne. I have received a great deliverance from the wounds of my childhood. It’s like the last roots of my wounds have been pulled out of my heart and I finally am at peace with my childhood. And I now have a sisterhood, that I have long craved, to do life with.

[wherehopeshines]

A Vicious Cycle of Events Exposed

Recorded November 2013

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

I was in the midst of probably the most excruciating relationship conflict in all of our married life when God folded out before me the following cycle of events that had constantly occurred in our marriage.

False securities are exactly that – FALSE

I had sought constant approval and love from my husband our entire married life, and even when we were dating. I now understand that this is the manifestations of false securities. I am learning to run to God instead of my husband for my approval, love and security.

Since the exposure of this vicious cycle, I am learning to not react but to check my heart as to what buttons have been pressed (rejection, fear, etc.) and to analyse whether or not my husband even realises he has said or done anything that might be hurtful. This is making all the difference in our relationship. To God be the glory.  

The Cycle

I would begin to pray in earnest for my husband.

God would begin to move upon his heart and he would begin to make some decisions inspired by the Holy Spirit.

Because my husband had some open doors due to the wounds from his own past, demonic forces had legal access to use him (unbeknown to himself) to do or say things that would trigger rejection and fear to rise up in my life. When rejection had done its nasty work in me, the demonic forces that had controlled my husband would retreat, leaving him looking like the bad guy.

Because I would feel rejected and hurt, I would then respond by lashing out at my husband. He was always taken completely by surprise at the attack because he had no idea there might have been any problem at all.

Hurt and rejected by how I had treated him, my husband would crawl back into his shell and close his heart to me, and also to God. The ground that had been gained by the Holy Spirit was again lost.

I would get my heart right with God and apologise to my husband for lashing out. I would deal with the root of bitterness that grew in my heart toward my husband and then begin to pray in earnest for him. Then the vicious cycle would begin all over again.

Keys for Success

Pray for yourself that God would expose handles of rejection in your life and bring deliverance.

Put a guard upon your mouth, heart and mind by the Holy Spirit.

Pray for discernment to know when buttons are being pushed, that you are able to react in an opposite spirit, thereby confounding and nullifying the work of the enemy.

Books to Read

Babylon Will Fall - The queen of heaven exposed – Joan Haase Why Must I Be the First to Change? – Nancy Missler

[wherehopeshines]

Shattered Lives, Memories & Trauma...

Life is full of devastating darkness which Christ longs to redeem in our lives.

We watched two movies recently, both of which have brought me to deep thought, those movies being 'Galveston' and 'Destroyer'.

Shattered lives, memories and traumas too deep to bear, the devastating darkness of decisions made, both by us and for us, the splintered shards of exploding lives and circumstances and the blackness of our hearts; consequences we never give a moments thought to as we go through this death called life.

As I awoke that following morning with the memory of both these movies swirling in my mind, the revelation came that nothing of our shattered lives is ever wasted in Jesus.

We live our lives trying to hide our pain from others, but even more from our own minds and hearts. To consider such torturous pain is to have to bring it out of the darkness and into the light of truth and the reality that this is who we really are, not the facade we hide behind. Yet, this is where freedom and healing and the beauty that can come of all this darkness can begin.

Where Jesus is invited into the mess and brokenness of our lives, where He is allowed to take up residence in the midst of the decay and destruction, a miracle can begin. Yet, the religious tell us that we must get our lives and decisions right before the God who created us will even consider coming to live in us. Why is this?

It's because the religious are still hiding from their pain and their past. They dare not open the doors to Jesus because He might see what's really in there and He might reject them as so many others already have. And so they sit in their pious religion and the power of Jesus to set us free is denied.

The Japanese have an ancient art form called Kintsugi, where broken pieces of pottery are put back together with gold, creating most beautiful pieces of art. It is the very brokenness that allows the gold to shine through as it bonds the parts together. So it is when we allow Jesus to take the broken pieces of our lives and pour Himself into them.

Pain is never so painful as when it must be relived in the constant torture of regret. Yet, when we invite Jesus into those places, He is able to give us perspective that we otherwise can never have through our own lens. So what do we do?

Processing our pain takes time, but we want to be better now! Do we allow the pain of process or do we medicate to dull the pain? It's always our decision because we have been created with free will.

[wherehopeshines]

A Tremendous Gift

I was reading through a journal I kept during the time of Dad's death, marvelling at the details I had forgotten and feeling truly blessed that my friend had suggested I 'write everything down in a journal' following her own dad's recent death.

As I read, tears streaming at times, I felt so blessed having this journal to return to after these years.

I came across an entry I made three weeks after dad died where I recorded an amazing revelation.

Dated 25th February 2019, I wrote... I never understood before tonight that my parents gave us the world! They gave us their world! I was sad and crying because it's Annette's birthday tomorrow, the first of the birthdays without Dad. Next it will be Mum's birthday, then mine, then Stephen's. Next it will be Dad's birthday then Jeff's. Then it will be Christmas, then Dad's first anniversary. Just like that. I wanted to write but I didn't know what, so I got the photo album that Annette and I had put together to share with Dad, and as I was looking at Mum & Dad on their wedding day, it occurred to me for the very first time EVER, that I love them both, almost more than life itself. I looked at my mum more intently than I ever have before and realised what a remarkable woman she truly is. And what a remarkable man my dad was. As I flicked slowly through all the pages of the album, there was such an appreciation and fondness & love for my family and for the life that my parents sacrificed for that we were able to benefit from.

I then recorded the words that have just floored me...

Our wounds make us selfish. When those wounds are healed, we are able to walk free of so much of the selfishness we always believed we were entitled to live in and we are able to love freely. What a tremendous gift, to live free; to love free!