disappear with me

i want to feel the wind and scream into it - #whims poems for poems and #whims photos for photos

[whimsandwillows]

i deleted all my angry poems about you but i still have dreams where i get to yell at you about what you did

[welshdirt]

in another universe your still my best friend. we still talk everyday and reminisce about primary school and everyone we used to know. we picked out our a levels together, applied for university together. did we cry when we moved away or did we head off together?

in this universe id get to tell you about my first kiss. you where off by a few months in this one. you'd cry to me about your first break up and i'd listen and silently be thankful because even when i hated you i knew you were too good for him. there's so many firsts we never told eachother about. i don't even know who your dating right now. in this new universe id be there to tease you about him and tell him embarrassing stories. i guess i can be thankful your not here to tell her mine.

i don't know if i'd be who i am currently in this new universe. i've experienced so much since we last called each other a friend. would you share my hobbies? would you listen as i talked about them? i know you only did so begrudgingly here. i'd listen to yours. i'd join you if you wanted me to. and maybe even if you didn't.

[matchagirl]

canfrgu

[whimsandwillows]

08.07.2021

i don’t want to explain my thoughts or feelings to anyone. i don’t want the challenge of understanding myself so well i can articulate that to someone else. there’s something inherently uncomfortable about explaining the things about yourself you don’t want explained.

i do however want the embrace of someone who knows my every flaw and still thinks i deserve that intimacy. i want someone who knows my inner workings: my anxieties, the struggles i keep to myself, all secrets. i want someone to lay bare all the things i want no one else to see and i want them to love me anyway.

i desperately, selfishly want that love.

[whimsandwillows]

27.07.2020

im the comedic relief with no comedy

im the quirky romantic interest with no interest in romance

im the main character with no plot relevance

im the side character with no defining characteristic 

[coloresthetics]

[whimsandwillows]

26.07.2020.

im a walking vessel for wasted teenage potential. no movie romance, no sneaking out, no desperate rebellion, no first kiss in the rain. i flick through my phone sick with envy. i lay in my bed sick with sadness. a scratch at my skin sick with pain. 

a foggy entity with no real identity, no sense of self, no direction in life. am i missing out or did the movies lie? are the thrills of after school hangouts, arguments with parents, finding yourself and having a school summer love only meant for fiction. 

is life really about feeling too old at sixteen. feeling too weird. too much yet also too little. my whole lifes ahead of me but this is the pinchile, the golden days, the ‘best years of your life’, where the sense of responsibility is unknown and the world is yours for the taking, where the stories you’ll tell your kids are born and lifelong friendships are formed. the ‘good old days’ you and those friends will reminisce about. 

how will i look back on his rotten sadness in my 40s? or will i not be there for that conversation. there is no teenage experience for the unpopular kids. no teenage romance for the ugly kids. no good old days for the sad kids.

[whimsandwillows]

is there a bird cooing outside like a crow or an owl or is it the wind

is it a restless spirt wailing, or distant cars, creatures of the night or swaying trees

will it finish it’s song and let me sleep

[evilvillain123456789]

bitches will see your chalice and be like lol he can’t even afford hatred emeralds to encrust it with. even though I literally own 40% of all hatred emerald mines I just think that cursed blood rubies look cooler personally.

[whimsandwillows]

i watched a candle burn from hours, watch the wax melt to the bottom. the fire hurt my eyes but it was so mesmerizing. the brightness burnt a hole into my vision. when i close my eyes i see the impression of the flame dancing. the soft smell of flowers still fills my room. i could open a window but i want the memory to linger. 

[whimsandwillows]

lit candles. old maps. aged paper. rusted metal. quills and feathers. desks covered in notes. piles of books. pressed flowers. old trinkets. warm lighting. mugs filled and steaming. learning for the joy of it. comfy jumpers. copper decorations. pillows and blankets. studying to the early hours. ink pots. parchment. bones. pebbles. the smell of coffee. leather-bound journals. 

[whimsandwillows]

12.05.2020

i find the idea of dying very uncomfortable. what happens? is it cut to black? do we start over? do we become new life?

human beings are so complicated, we’re bundles of emotions, complex thoughts, relationships. can something so complex really just end?

were humans ever meant to be this complicated?‌ we started as animals, simple and instinctive. are we destined to all end as simply as humanity started?

this is something every person has to come to terms with. one day you realise how fleeting life is and open yourself up to sleepless nights and a sinking feeling deep in your stomach. some take comfort in religion or the idea of an afterlife. i’d love to but i struggle to find something i feel is worth genuinely believing in. they’re fun idea’s, yes, but none of them are trustworthy enough to put real faith into.

you can waste your whole life wondering what happens once your dead but you’ll never really know until you waste it all. 

[whimsandwillows]

one of my favourite things about history is how people have always been jokers. We’ve always smiled and laughed. People probably made memes in the past like we do now, obviously not in the same way we do but simular. People probably made the same jokes leaving Shakespeare plays as you and your friends do leaving movies. Imagine them now, a group of friends all dressed in the appropriate clothing for the era, leaving the globe theatre, calling macbeth a little bitch or something. making jokes about the story, having favourite characters, obsessions with certain plays, strong opinions on certain topics.Just like people now, but back then. because people have always been people.

[flowers-ferns]

in these dark times, remember that you will feel sunlight on your skin once more. you will smell the heat and life of summer, you will feel grass underfoot. this will pass, you will love and live on.

[requiem-on-water]

Spring Grove Cemetery (Cincinnati) by David Ohmer

[opalsandcream]

[whimsandwillows]

15.04.2020

so I ran and I ran and I ran. It felt so good to be leaving familiarity behind and slipping into the dark unknown. fleeing from the light and hiding in the unjudging shadows. Forgetting the small hometown that was all I had known. Having a chance to be somewhere new. to become someone new. Leaving everyone I know and finally being free of their thoughts and feelings. Like a bird from a cage, I jump into the fire. My instincts pulling me further and further away.