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[whimsicalleylinepresence]

i swallowed a cactus

making its way down

scratching up my insides

lighting small fires in its wake

breath escapes me

i’d run

but where to?

every beginning must end

the cactus is here

grating its way

through my being

it left me in ribbons

try to untangle

but where do i begin

and the pain ends?

will the end finally get me?

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

‘i’m so awesome!’

i declare

cheesing so hard,

you glimpse my fears

in my throat

‘i’ve found life’s fucking meaning!’

my chest puffed out

hiding my younger selves,

desperately straightening my spine

looking like i could carry the

entire world

i..

i’m scrambling

damn.

humans are so skittish!

how is it my happiest i’ve ever been,

and most frightened,

are holding hands?

how can i be so right,

that i become wrong again?

i’ve found the light,

…right?

is it possible i’ve turned

it up so bright

i’m unable to see,

..again???

please,

no..

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

i wish i had a clone

that way, i’d always be

heard,

understood,

felt,

seen

speak to me,

get in the zone

solve my problems,

feel less alone

open my mind and heart,

have me weave all my thoughts

hand me all the answers

alas,

how must one know warmth

without the cold?

i am far from settling

cradled softly

heart to heart

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

i asked for a cap your claws already on my head

won’t let go

i asked you to sit

you pull the threads

my determination

into tatters

i welcomed you into my bubble

you’re kicking my walls down

i asked for a cap

let go of my wrist!

shield me from the world

shield me from you

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

what are people?

i feel i know who i am

giggles after every sentence

turning heads in alarm

it’s not always appropriate

(hehe)

quiet knitted eyebrows

highlighted by

dawn’s delicate rays

hands quivering in anticipation

a brewing cup of tea

musings and wonderings

every minute, every hour

yes, i’ve asked your clarification a hundred times

my mind asks of you! a hundred more

i yearn to know,

i yearn to be known,

but above all, i recognise

people are stories,

never ending, forever editing,

i can be whoever

i can make the rules

so can you

isn’t that lovely?

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

what is love?

you’ve taught me

it’s holding on

to scalding-hot metal

i have so much to give

my emotions, a part of me

i’ve accepted, on this

journey

but you..

insist

anchoring me

to the edge of that cliff

and as i stare down at the abyss

the darkness feels

familiar

how can i love you?

what are you asking of me?

frozen on that ledge

forevermore?

was it all a farce?

if only i could turn back time

i’d never allow

my sweet, naïve little self

to be fooled by the warmth

of the hand that led me here

[jurassicpeanut]

No bond stronger than a disabled girl and her disabled cat

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

it’s fun when i laugh,

when i look up

at you

through my lash

it’s fun when i greet you,

my excited hugs opening up

a path

it’s fun when you look me in the eye,

and somehow,

see me from ten years ago,

it’s fun,

until the snap

an overextended elastic

band

thwacking me between the eyes,

spinning me around,

i don’t know front from back

right from wrong

put me back the way i was!

ten minutes ago,

when my eyes glimmered at the sight of you

it’s hard being fun

[creekfiend]

thing I am proud of: when the doctor started going on a weird rant about long covid not being real I paused and listened to his nonsense for a bit and then very calmly said, in a polite and curious tone, "you don't believe in post-viral illness?" and he like. stammered a bunch and was like OH WELL I'M NOT SAYING -- I DON'T...I just think ..! and backpedaled awkwardly while I just sat there like :3c interesting :3c thank you so much for clarifying your stance on this :3c

[creekfiend]

an important skill for chronically ill people to develop is the ability to treat the doctor as though they are simply a person you are interviewing to find out how much they know about your condition.

[nightmare-from-heaven]

Holy shit op this is LITERALLY in the book 'Never Split The Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depends On It'. Written by a guy who did hostage negotiation and then tried doing business negotiation, and mopped the floor with industry experts.

I'm fortunate enough to have a primary care doctor who knows about hEDS, but it's occurring to me that the skills in this book could be medically life changing for chronically ill folks of all kinds. Like. Literally a matter of life and death, especially for BIPOC and/or fat and/or young people who are having their issues dismissed.

[creekfiend]

HMMM interesting!! will have to check this out

[redstonedust]

funny thing about anxiety is sometimes it kind of breaks your sense of danger. like i am known for repeatedly putting myself in situations that make my friends go "bro you couldve died. werent you scared?" and the answer is 👍 yjeah. i did it scared. i do everything scared. i didnt know that was the actual important kind of scary because i usually have to ignore my fears to function in society. it will happen again. watch out.

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

is saying believing?

my tongue moved for me

spelling out my sentence

i knew it was too soon,

deep down inside

the human in me,

still on the fence..

human

to dream

to feel

to hope

but i am human no longer

my soul is out there..

suspended in space

whose body is this?

it’s not mine

neither is this world

no. i have to.

believe that i chose this

i wanted this all along

to lay in this bed,

forevermore

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

my mind sloshes

all different flavours

i-will-make-it-this-time berries

this-is-taking-forever mango

too many subtleties

now none i can savour

how do you come back stronger?

feel rooted within yourself?

i want to be the author of my story

but you’re the banana in my smoothie

thrown in a blender with no further instruction

i must now throw myself in the right direction

or at least, in some direction..

from afar, all you can see, is a icy, frozen form

halfway to the bowl

take a closer look, and you’ll know

for better, or for worse, things aren’t frozen in time

the way they feel for me

[kosmogrl]

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

hello gays and theys!

happy pride month!!!

so there’s reason to live after all

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

how does it feel to be gutted?

do your insides quiver?

blood decorating the landscape?

how does it feel to have a cleaver

deep in your being?

does it hurt?

or is it a release, your innermost

now your outermost?

(ha)

maybe I’d finally be able to

PULL

the sadness and grief

from around my organs

drown them in the ocean

my god, maybe it’s freedom

if I were to bleed out, at least I wouldn’t have to hold on to anything anymore

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

thank you for being here

this is a difficult time for our family

just your presence is enough

to make us forget why we’re here

we smile, we laugh, we try to live

in harmony

try to do something

anything

who are we here to mourn?

you ask

i hope you brought a flask!

me

how do you describe

mourning for someone that’s still living?

someone still here?

the feeling that lingers in dark corners

when your world goes quiet

when the masses go to sleep..

mourning..

your..self..??

where’s my manual??

I don’t know how to do this

no one does

how is this reality?!

[whimsicalleylinepresence]

is it strange?

how heavy my heart feels

i can’t make sense of it

I’m constantly turning the pieces

to and fro

fro and to

but.. i can’t seem to make them fit

is it strange?

how surprised i am

why must i be gulping salty waters

clawing for air

to realise i’ve been treading

the waves

is it strange?

that it almost feels good

to finally spill over the edge

i didn’t know how..

desperately..

is it strange?

that i remain

a mystery to myself?

it’s almost funny

my emotions act just like me

hiding in plain sight

but.. shocked when they

are acknowledged

is it strange?