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i had a friend once who was a shitty friend but i loved her anyways because when things were good, they were great. we were shitty people together, talking mad shit about anything and everything, we enjoyed the same games and video games and movies and anime, and we talked about everything and she lived in the same town and we saw each other and texted and snapchatted each other constantly and i was so happy to finally have a friend who was into the same stuff as me, who i could talk to about gay shit and ace shit and ships and anime and everything that i put up with shit i really shouldnt have and let it go way too long.

she constantly made me feel like i wasnt enough, that i was never doing enough, that even when i was at an emotional low and couldnt be there to help her through hers, i was a bad friend and wasnt doing enough to help her or make her feel better. she was constantly posting on tumblr or putting snaps on her story that she was alone and lonely and had no friends and i was always just there like?? well what am i then? am i just your convenient meal ticket when you cant afford food, when you need someone to drive you around for free? but then i watched her spend loads of money on tattoos and anime merch at cons and i was always wondering why i was supporting her financially the way i was even as i continually pulled out my debit card to cover both our meals or fill my car with gas after driving her around all week.

to top that off, she would often vent to me about her shitty friends and how much she hated them and thought they were stupid and immature and then turn around and tell me to my face how she would straight up drop me for them the minute they came into town. it was around this time, maybe half a year into our friendship, that i really began to hardcore resent her, despite the fact that i enabled her and said nothing about it ever. she used me as an emotional crutch and clung to me like a lifeline but also made sure i knew how much i wasnt enough of a friend to her and that there were others she would drop me for, that she valued them more than me, despite everything i did for her.

i wont lie and pretend im a victim in all of this. my resentment made me treat her pretty badly and i could, in the back of my mind, recognize that what i was doing or saying was wrong and that it was too far and that i may have sounded like i was joking but really i was pouring my resentment out in a way that was unhealthy and hurtful. i caught myself several times and asked her, hey, is that too far? and she would tell me no, it's fine. and we would get on with our lives.

a year after we became friends, she cut me off completely. she mentioned cutting someone off on her tumblr and i sensed she might mean me, so i asked her about it, and she straight up lied to me and said that wasnt about me, and then when i asked who it was about, she never responded. we were planning on seeing deadpool that weekend and i had requested off on the same day as her, and we were excited. a few days beforehand, however, my manager put me on the schedule for that day anyways since it was valentine's and we'd be busy and understaffed. i tried explaining this to my friend, but she was angry and not understanding at all, despite how much she constantly flaunted her work ethic and looked down on people who didnt take their jobs seriously. she then made vague posts about me on fb and snapchat and tumblr, saying how she didnt need other people to go with her to things :) sweaty :)

the last text i got from her was "my cab driver has the same name as u lol" despite her anger from a few days prior, and the day after that text, i was blocked from her fb, snapchat, and tumblr, with no explanation or warning.

i was upset. i was furious. i refused to be sad. i held it in pretty good until finally i caved and sent her an angry email, the only way i knew how to get a message to her. she made fun of it on her blog and for the next few weeks after that, she talked mad shit about me.

she eventually emailed me explaining her side of things, that i was mean and ?? i gave her anxiety whenever i was around (even though she was usually the one to ask me to come over). i felt shitty. i hadn't realized. well, i knew i had been mean, but i hadnt realize to what extent. she then asked me for a ticket id gotten on her behalf for a concert we were planning to go to together. id paid for it 4 months prior, expecting her to pay me back. i lied and told her id sold it to someone else since she hadnt paid me for it. in reality i held onto it and gave it to my cousin. but i wanted to be mean because she had hurt me so badly.

well, she had sounded contrite if firm in her decision in her email, but boy oh boy did the shit hit the fan after that. she said some extremely nasty things about me on her tumblr that i still have screenshots of, saying that id sold HER ticket and that this wasnt the last id seen of her. i also got a nasty text from her mother saying i was a piece of shit and my "friend" hadnt done anything to deserve that. i blocked her mom. i didnt have the energy to explain that the ticket was not hers because she had never paid for it, that she had spent hundreds of dollars, close to $1k, just the month prior, on a tattoo and on con merch. she'd had 4 months to pay me back but had decided not to, then cut me off with no warning or explanation. i figured i was justified in keeping the ticket.

i didnt hear from her after that. i didnt check her blog after that. i had kept checking for a while because i wanted to see her hurting without me, i wanted to see her regret ever doing such a horrible thing to me. i certainly did see her miss me, but she also said i was shitty and toxic in the same post, so it wasn't that gratifying.

fast forward a few months and i randomly decide to check her blog. weirdly enough, she'd made a post just a day or two before saying how she felt so bad and so sorry and never realized what an evil, horrible person she was until she did that to me, that she thought about me all the time and wanted to grovel at my feet to forgive her, but that she doubted it would ever happen.

a small part of me relented. i had missed having a friend like her. i missed bits and pieces of her, but hated her as a whole. but that post melted the ice around my heart a little, and i posted on my own blog that while i appreciated the sentiment, i didnt think we could be friends just then because i believed i wouldnt be a good friend, that i was still angry. she responded in kind on her own blog that she understood, that she would always be sorry, but she could finally let go of the possibility of being my friend again. i felt some sense of loss as though i had considered an inkling of forgiveness and had never been aware of it until then. but ultimately i knew i had done the right thing. i was still bitter and resentful, and that had caused this whole mess in the first place.

fast forward a few months to the present, i check her blog for shits and giggles and she is back to vaguing about me and reblogging posts about dropping toxic people and there she was again, shitting on me even though i havent interacted with her or made even one single shitty post about her on my blog ever (i admit i made one post about having lost a toxic friendship and being grateful for it, but that was the extent of what i said and i never stooped so low as the name calling and outright nasty curses she had resorted to on her own blog where people (mutuals) who know me could see it). she brought up an instance where i said once, over a year ago, that i liked a ship that i knew nothing about in an anime/manga that i had gotten MAYBE 10 eps/50 chapters into, and thus had no solid knowledge of the characters in the ship and therefore didnt know at the time that it was no bueno, and she said how hypocritical it was that i was speaking out against a similar ship in a different fandom.

since then, i have entertained zero possibility or even desire to befriend her ever again. i deleted the fb friend request she had sent me back in february?? i think? and blocked her on tumblr.

ive been brooding on this topic for far too long. i want this person cleansed from my soul and from my life and from my thoughts. a few of you know who i'm talking about. i dont mean to speak ill of your friend, but at one point in time she had been my friend too and she has wronged me just as ive wronged her. im tired of thinking about this, im tired of thinking about her, im tired of seeing her being friends with my friends, im tired of seeing people reblog her selfies and talk about how much they love her, im tired im tired im tired!! she was a horrible person to me and i want her out of my life. i know she thinks im a horrible person and that's fair but she needs to cleanse me from her thoughts and blog and shit talking because it infuriates me that she makes herself out to be a victim and im the only toxic one here. im gonna try really hard to not give into the temptation of creeping on her blog to see what new fuckery she's involving me in by keeping me alive in her tags and angry posts.

so im leaving this blog and im leaving that person behind and im not gonna let this hold me down or back any longer. im going to do my best to live a life free of her, free of the bitterness and resentment, and free of the longing that she suffers without me.

so goodbye to you. you were once my best friend and we had a lot of really good times. i’m sorry for how badly i treated you. that was wrong and i regret it very much. but mostly i regret our friendship ever happened at all.

#poe.txt #this is the last post ill ever make on this blog #and im leaving it here forever #in case she ever decides to check my blog to see what else she can shit talk me for #im sorry for those of you on mobile. i know the read more probably wont help and this is a long ass post #but please forgive me #if you want my new url you can message me on this blog #i'll check back every once in a while just in case

i am no longer at this blog

like this post for my new url. i will check back every so often.

#poe.nya #adios

can y’all like.....put ur ages on ur blogs so i dont have to sacrifice my unborn child and perform 28 age summoning rituals and use a scrying mirror to divine ur age..............................

#poe.nya #like i just wanna not follow children is that so much to ask!!!

I'm the one who wrote "I'll go see a professional if you do it" I followed your new blog - turn on anons? I'll tell you my progress that way ❄️️

ahh!! it’s on, i did it last night and redid it just now so if it’s still not working then i’m not sure why ;;

#ilysm !!#poe.anon #poe answers

if i havent followed u on my new blog yet it’s bc there’s a follow limit rip

#poe.nya #but i'll get to y'all i promise

like this post for my new url

#poe.nya #if u liked that last post im probs following u on my new blog already

Absolutely love your posts. So deep and real. The depression is real. I've been through and still have relapses where a dark cloud takes over. But i promise you. If you believe in anything, just Know that you can and will get through it. It's a journey, there is no quick fix.

Youu'll still have some bad days. That's where you use good coping mechanisms, dogs, walk, a little good food, good people, a book. Then let yourself know it's temporary. For all the pain you've been feeling and going through, the law of nature says there is an equal reaction opposite to that. You'll have better days after this. Just have FAITH Don't get diagnosed. It'll make you believe you're 100% depressed and they'll medicate you. Don't do it.

idk man i’ve been living like this for a really long time now and it doesn’t seem to be getting better? every time i think “wow i havent had a bad time in a while” it comes back ten-fold and im not prepared bc i thought i was getting better ?? i just wanna take the first steps and get professionally diagnosed so i have at least some validation. i dont know that i’ll start medication, i really just wanna take the first step to recovery, and take it from there

#thank you so much for your concern and for your kind words #idk that faith will help me not when ive been suffering like this for so long #i'll try to take it slow though thank you so much #sabr90 #poe answers

I'll go see a professional if you do it

it’s a deal my guy

#i'll keep y'all updated #poe.anon #poe answers

when someone says there’s too much favoritism for lance and not enough for keith