Sit down, gang, we’re gonna talk about the Wall Scene.
I know, I know, other people have screamed about it before, but when your friends ask you to do a thing, you should oblige.
But you know exactly what scene I’m talking about. They’re walking down halls, kicking in the doors of an ex-Satanic convent, Crowley admits to being Soft because even though he turned the paintball guns into real guns, he also made sure that no one would die.
“They’re all having miraculous escapes,” he says. Because he knew Aziraphale would be upset otherwise.
Aziraphale replies, “You know, I’ve alway said that you really are quite a nice–”
First of all, and this is fairly important: if you look closely, Crowley don’t even push him against the wall hard. He wants to intimidate Aziraphale so he’ll stop doing things like calling him NICE, but he doesn’t want to hurt him. Never wants to hurt him.
In fact, if you notice, he only pushes far enough for Aziraphale’s back to hit the wall. He doesn’t push hard enough or lean in hard enough for Aziraphale to hit his head on the wall. Look closely.
Aziraphale is the one to rest his head against the wall, that doesn’t happen because Crowley is too rough with him.
But the second thing, fam, the second thing I wanna say is this: when someone grabs you like that, usually you grab them back. You bring your hands up to defend yourself, you try to escape, you turn away, brace yourself for the attack, you do s o m e t h i n g.
Aziraphale does NOTHING. He holds his hand out behind him just to feel for the wall, but other than that, he lets Crowley manhandle him. He doesn’t even look away, he’s staring right at Crowley, meeting his gaze steadily.
And look at his hands in the gif above. They don’t clench into fists. Never, not once. There is no fear response.
Now look at Aziraphale’s face. He’s surprised, but he’s not afraid.
That’s not a look of fear, fam, that is a look of Gay Panic because oh no, our bodies are pressed together and our noses are touching. His eyes even flick down to where the tips of their noses brush.
He never once tries to push Crowley off of him, tries to escape, nothing. Never, not once, do we see fear on his face.
And, in fact, when Sister Mary Loqacious comes along, we see the opposite.
Excuse me, gentlemen, sorry to break up in intimate moment.
Crowley turns to inspect the newcomer, Aziraphale does not. Aziraphale is too focused on Crowley.
Look at his eyes. First focused on where their noses had been touching, just like in the last gif, and then when Crowley looks away, he only lifts his gaze to stare at Crowley’s profile.
Excuse me, sir, I’m going to have to cite you for excessive longing.
My favorite thing, though, my absolutely favorite thing, is Crowley immediately looks to Mary, whereas it takes a moment for Aziraphale to realize they’re being intruded upon.
What was that? Other people exist? Dear me.
Also, like, listen. This strange woman is walking up to them and speaking to them and NEITHER OF THESE NERDS move away from each other.
Usually, when two people are caught in what might be called a “compromising” position–especially when the person catching them calls it an ‘intimate moment’–the two people involved try to put as much distance between them as possible and laugh it off.
Not these nerds, oh no. They literally stay pressed together against a wall, just looking at her as she talks to them. Crowley doesn’t even move away when he realizes who she is.
Aziraphale, still content to be held against the wall, is like, “Oh, we know her?”
But look at them! They’re still just standing there! This woman is RIGHT NEXT TO THEM, is ACTIVELY STARTING A CONVERSATION WITH THEM, and they’re like “what is personal space.”
Crowley only moves away from Aziraphale when Mary starts backing up like she’s gonna run.
And then what happens? They bicker like an old married couple. Because of course they do.
Why would they do anything else????
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