Knife emoji is my constant mood

[prismaticpichu]

Multipurpose Masamune #1 - Swordfish! 🐟

[vulcandroid]

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

[roachpatrol]

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

[lilian-cho]

@sineala

[star-lord]

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

[moonsofavalon]

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

[evilminji]

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

[lierdumoa]

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

[adreadfulidea-deactivated202402]

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

[kaijuerotica]

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

[tanukiham]

actual footage of first contact makeouts

[saucefactory-deactivated2019103]

The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.

That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.

I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.

No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”

[explorerrowan]

And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.

[zinglebert-bembledack]

Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.

[gallifreyanwriter]

#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)

[hazeldomain]

Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture

Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job 

[xueyangapologist]

[altocat]

*raises hand*

Hi yes hello uh um pardon, Mr. Hamaguchi-san but

EXCUSE ME?????!?

[weiila]

Typical Disney-style story of a kingdom with an anxious new ruler whose inherited chief advisor has a goatee, dresses in black and red, smirks a lot and keeps a snake as a pet.

Every single villanous plot to overthrow the kind and ”weak” ruler fail because the advisor is 110% loyal but his vibes make all the baddies assume he’ll help out in the insidious coup plan so they recruit him, and he absolutely delights in puppeteering wannabe autocrats into digging their own graves. He doesn’t want to rule, he’s having way too much fun being a villain honey trap.

[elliespectacular]

yeah i'm sac-religious, any cabals of heretics wanna hop on my ca-balls and here-dick?

[elliespectacular]

Nobody wants to have sects?

[nights-at-crystarium]

there's always someone who finds out just now and it doesn't cease to make me happy

[nights-at-crystarium]

did you know that the guy that voices G'raha Tia just got awarded "the sexiest man alive". he's also known for a few other roles, but most importantly he voices G'raha Tia

[mmilhouse]

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

[balkansoul-deactivated20220924]

love how tumblr staff has time to censor words like “paint mixing” and “my face” and yet they can’t get rid of ssexsophie8127 thats been liking my posts from 2017

[ssexsophie8127]

fuck you

[ssexsophie8127]

i won

[cookieboojar]

[shlurmp]

[altocat]

Alto I think you deserve this ✨

WHAT THE FUCK LMAO

I spat out orange juice all over the screen 😂

This is hilarious. And so, so cursed. Thank you!

[keyblades-n-shit]

If yall can’t love xehanort at his oldest and baldest you can’t love him as a young, well dressed homosexual.

[chelsamander]

[altocat]

This glowgate thing doesn't sound very innocent, but here's something adjacently related because cats+Sephiroth+glow that IS innocent.

Scientists accidentally made glow in the dark cats while trying to cure FIV. This is a real thing. They spliced them with jelly fish genes and now their fur glows under UV light. Splicing cat and jellyfish to cure an illness but accidentally getting cool glowing cats is pretty Sephiroth

Oh my god it's real

[rosy-crow]

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore

[prismaticpichu]

I love that Sephiroth simultaneously has unmatched intelligence and also the iq of a bagel. It’s somehow one of the most human things about him, and I love him to death for it shshshh

[altocat]

Reminder that this man:

used to enjoy throwing swords at his friends' heads for fun

caused the plot of ff7 because he got a little too excited while playfighting with genesis

basically told zack to let hollander run because shrug whatever

wastes shampoo every single time he bathes

dragged angeal into a silent hill scooby doo fest because "muh sword"

secretly wants to skip around in flower fields with mommy

willingly yeeted himself off a fucking bridge into raging floodwater

threw a ball of materia at cloud's nuts before doing a sick triple flip and nyoooooming

sat on the fucking floor of the temple of the ancients because he was tired of standing around ig

floated around upside down explaining multiverse shit

canonically gets the zoomies whenever cloud is in the same room as him

He is an actual moron and I'm here for it.