Beyond the Limit of Darkness and Light

This is my brain leaking out all over.

[whm3]

If anyone out there plays Animal Crossing Pocket Camp Complete, feel free to add me, if you want.

[whm3]

My mom’s been in the hospital for a little over a week now and she had an appointment with her oncologist today.  I don’t know any other way to say this, except to simply say that it’s really not good. Really not good.  That’s a fucking goddamn understatement.

The cancer has entered the fluids around her brain and her spine.  As far as treatments are concerned, there’s nothing more that they can do to help her.  He said that they would try some things in an effort to restore the feeling in her legs and get her walking again, but the fact of the matter is that she’s dying. He has given her three to six months left to live.

I found out all of this today, when I called her at around 11:00.  Her co-worker, David Cho, is taking me out for lunch before he heads back to Texas.  I called her to ask where we should eat, because I’ve never been good at deciding that kind of thing.  When I called, she had just finished her appointment with her doctor... She’s so scared.  Why wouldn’t she be, right?

From the way things were going we were sure that she was getting better, that the chemo was working!  I had thought that all of these CT scans and meetings with her oncologist were meant to catch this kind of thing before it happened!  Mom says that this sudden change was exactly that, sudden.  She makes it sound as though there was no way they could have prevented it.

It can be argued that had she started getting regular colonoscopies that they could have caught it and prevented this from happening and that would definitely be a valid point.  We know that colon cancer runs in the family, so she had more reason than most to get herself checked out, like my uncle does.  But you really don’t worry about that kind of thing until it’s pounding at your door.

Right now, I don’t feel much of anything.  I think that I’m actually in denial or something, because even after hearing her tell me all of this, I have this feeling of…hope? Or maybe…relief?  I know that I should be beside myself with grief, that I should be devastated, or overcome with anxiety.  But I’m not feeling any of those things.  I’m not sure at all what I’m feeling.

The entire time that she’s been sick, I’ve been worrying over what I was going to do if things took a turn for the worse.  I’ve lived my life far too irresponsibly.  Instead of taking my mom for granted, living off of her, I should have been learning from her.  I should have been using her for emotional support while I made a real life for myself.  But I didn’t.  And now look where I am.  My wastrel ways and her hospital bills have drained what savings we had.  I’ve never held a job and I know very little about taking care of myself.  I have no idea how to pay bills, how to do taxes, I’m not even sure I remember how to fucking drive.  When Mom dies, I’m going to be totally fucked.  What am I saying?  I’m already totally fucked.  I’ve never lived completely alone before.

I have a feeling that I can make it through this, that maybe I can save myself. I guess I have to have that kind of hope right now, though.  What else can I do, but hope that I’ll be alright, that I have it in me to persevere?  I’m 36 years old; responsibility is long overdue.

The next few months are going to be unlike anything I have ever had to face before. I need to come to terms with the fact that the most important person in my life is going to be gone forever and even though I have friends and family I can lean on, essentially, I’m on my own.

[scurviesdisneyblog]

Walt Disney’s team of core animators known as the Nine Old Men who changed animation forever. 

[whitepeopletwitter]

[homopower]

Like to charge, reblog to cast…

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Won’t God do it.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Trump getting coronavirus, losing the election, getting dragged out the WH in cuffs along with his sons, his daughter, and all his minions, especially Mitch McConnell, and the rest of the swamp he filled would be the beginning of the redemption arc 2020 needs.

Gotta learn to ask the universe for what we deserve and claim that shit.

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe!!!

[burymetothesoundofyourname-deac]

Well, looks like it’s working. Let’s reblog again!

[natsujutsu]

Toonami:

Black Lives Matter.

[mykey-20]

[takeyourmascoff]

Fucking TOONAMI. I’m about to cry. My childhood just spoke some deep as truth.

[momo-de-avis]

I fucking hate James Tissot’s paintings because in ALL OF THEM there is ALWAYS someone staring right at you, but it’s not always immediately visible. You just feel watched by this mf. Sometimes the little shit is right there at the centre, but others the bastard is just gazing from the distance, it is CREEPY, my guys

[momo-de-avis]

STOP STARING AT ME, THIS IS DISCONCERTING AS FUCK

[filthybonnet]

I think this is hilarious. We’ve been caught.

[sheherzog]

[egypt-museum-deactivated2021071]

“Sekhmet is the Lady of Heaven, Mistress of the Two Lands, Mistress of the Gods and the Great One, as well as being the Eye of Ra and the beloved of Ptah. In the famous story of the Destruction of Mankind, Sekhmet is tricked into drinking a vast quantity of beer to distract her from killing all of humanity, which she was doing to avenge the Sun God Ra. 

Bastet was also initially a Lion Goddess who with time evolved into a Cat Goddess associated with the smaller, more docile, domestic cat. Her name translates as She of the ointment jar, represented with a hieroglyph of a sealed perfume jar. These goddesses were invoked in numerous aspects of ancient life, including for their fiercely protective and healing abilities, and their aid in divination, oracles, malicious magic and love spells.”

― Sekhmet & Bastet: The Feline Powers of Egypt, by Lesley Jackson

[silverjow]

As a Sailormoon fan I feel obligated to participate in this challenge.

[cherylblossom]

#just 2020 and quarantine things

[scurviesdisneyblog]

Costumes designs for Frozen II by Brittney Lee and Griselda Lemay 

[theartofanimation]

Alexandria Huntington  -  https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/900943650/the-children-of-litha-tarot-deck?lang=es  -  https://www.artstation.com/xiahunt  -  https://www.instagram.com/xiahunt  -  https://www.patreon.com/Xiahunt  -  https://www.xiahunt.com

[radicalgraff]

“We can’t return to normal, because the normal that we had was precisely the problem.”

See in Hong Kong

[21gramsofgrace]

❗️❗️❗️

[whm3]

Dead men, dead men swinging in a tree

How many dead men do you see?

Tongue turned blue and face gone grey

Watch them as they twist and sway

The first one killed the butcher man

Then cooked him in the frying pan

Served him to his hungry guests

And gave them seconds on request

The next one with his smile and sweets

Stole poor children off the streets

To men who dressed unsavory

He sold them into slavery

Breaking into a home at night

The thief he had a nasty fright

Filled his foolish head with ale

Woke in the morn in the county jail

The artist with his daunting skill

Tried his hand at painting bills

But caught in rain he was undone

When the ink he’d use did start to run

With promises of great return

Taking gold he did not earn

Bundled it up out of sight

Quietly slipped off into night

Three houses into ashes burned

The sheriff with no place to turn

Did spy a stranger to his town

Locked him up and beat him down

Dead men, dead men swinging in a tree

How many dead men do you see?

Six feet long and six men wide

Round their necks the noose be tied

[wonderdave]

The whole Pepsi commercial thing reminded me that people always mis-remember the famous flower in the gun barrel photo as being a young woman. It wasn’t. The photo, taken by Bernie Boston, is of George Edgerly Harris III better known by his stage name Hibiscus. He was a member of the San Francisco based radical gay liberation theater troupe the Cockettes. He died of AIDS in 1982 at the time AIDS was still referred to by the name GRID which stood for Gay Related Immuno-Deficiency. The photo was taken at a protest at the Pentagon. 

[thecringeandwincefactory-deacti]

I had no idea who he was, thank you.

[jimmythejiver]

This is one example of the Mandela Effect phenomena, where an iconic moment is reenacted with a hippy woman so many times that people think that’s the story and thus another gay man is written out of history. Thanks for the photo.

[kristina-meister-deactivated202]

I had no idea. Wow.

[catsandwitchcraft]

This photo was taken by Bernie Boston, a black/native man who willingly stood up to a chapter of the KKK and earned their respect among other things

I get the subject is important, but please dont erase Bernie. I knew him personally and he deserves to be remembered and by only remembering the subject, a white man, you erase a black man.

[catsandwitchcraft]

[peachyvinyl-old]

[castlewyvern]

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

[thankyousirmayihaveanother]

just to be clear, I’m staying here as long as this site functions. I have 0 intentions of deleting this blog, I will go down with this ship if only to see exactly how bad it gets