less: saying yes to people, things and events that are not good for your mental health, more: saying no, setting clear boundaries, walking away from toxic people, doing things and being with people that make your heart happy
less: working up to the point of a mental breakdown, neglecting yourself, more: taking time to recharge your batteries, taking breaks, investing in me-time and self-care
less: negative self talk, more: positive thoughts to remind yourself how amazing, beautiful and capable you are - remember that the way you talk to yourself matters
less: comparing yourself to the path of others, more: realising that you walk your own path, being proud of everything you are and everything you have achieved
less: doing things just because others say so, being afraid to show your true self, more: fully expressing yourself, choosing things because you - and no one else - want them
less: bottleing up your feelings, saying you are okay when you are not, hiding behind a mask, more: being open and honest about the way you feel, being vulnerable, knowing that is is okay not to be okay
less: being too hard on yourself when you have a bad day, more: letting yourself feel without judging every emotion. knowing that bad days are part of the process, being kinder to yourself
“You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”
— Alison McGhee, All Rivers Flow To The Sea (via hplyrikz)
As I wrapped up my last semester in Oswego, I remembered being bombarded by notifications from HerCampus regarding new Oswego (and other chapters’) articles being published about graduation time. One after another was touching articles about how many amazing those graduates’ undergrad careers were.
If I’m not mistaken, I didn’t read a single one of those articles. Even if I clicked on one, I probably read the first line before x’ing out. Why? Because I was petty.
I had a rocky end to my undergraduate career. One that I would not be able to prideful write about. In fact, I did end up writing an article about my time in Oswego – only after enough digging to find what made me happy there.
It is easy to use the cliche “rollercoaster” metaphor. However, my undergrad career, especially that last semester, can only be fittingly compared to the “Fiery Fist o’ Pain.” Yes, sue me for a Spongebob reference, but I don’t go on rollercoasters otherwise to give a better comparison.
It’s normal to not always have the picture-perfect college career. In fact, I believe I am living my best college years in grad school. I feel like I am finally doing my passion, spending time with individuals who genuinely care about me, and simply living my best life.
(Am I stressed with a ton of schoolwork? We ignore these facts for now.)
For me, my undergrad was the epitome of self-growth and -discovery. I went through at least five different phases of figuring out “Evelyn” before I graduated, which would have been more had I not graduated a year early.
Let’s try listing each phase:
First-semester first-year – party-girl Evelyn & lone wolf Evelyn
Second-semester first-year – lone wolf Evelyn formed a pack with other lone wolves
Second-year – lovestruck Evelyn while trying to expand her pack
Summer between second- and third-year – the worst Evelyn & self-reflective Evelyn
It is quite beautiful the transformation I went through during my second and last semester in undergrad. I was in a rough patch where I was made to feel like shit for graduating a year early while my friends, one by one, turned their backs on me (for what reason? I genuinely don’t know). However, I didn’t let the rough patch stop me from growing and pushing forward.
I made so many new friends within that last semester than I had ever before. I created new memories on my own. I delved into projects that required me to not only initiate but work hard on like creating a study for my capstone and taking part in a manuscript, even becoming a copy editor for the school’s newspaper. I decided to reveal my vulnerable side through HerCampus articles and attempt my (lack of) athletic skills with volleyball, bowling, Zumba, and a Color Run.
I did all of that holding my head up high but also lowering it to cry from the pain of losing what I once thought were valuable, everlasting friendships. I would say I am ashamed of myself to admit I would bawl my eyes out once every few days which reduced to once a week to once every other week; however, there is pain in self-growth and -development.
Self-improvement is no easy matter. Stepping back is no easy matter. Pushing forward to a greater future is no easy matter.
I don’t view myself any weaker knowing how much I cried over the friendships I know undoubtedly did not deserve my tears. I view myself strong and brave for being able to motivate myself to find a new thing – whether an activity or a quote or a small act of kindness or a conversation or a simple shared smile or laugh – to smile about each and every day.
So, with that, I will admit I did not have that picture-perfect undergrad career that everyone loved making and sharing posts about. My undergrad career was a struggle. It had its ups, but it surely had its downs that forced the ugly human being who I was never proud of being into the beautiful, proud, independent lady that I am more than happy to brag about being.
Don’t be ashamed about being envious when you stumble upon those “Best Four Years of My Life.” In the moment, you might feel like you made one too many mistakes and are hopeless for the rest of your life because, trust me, like myself, you will have another time period in your life to brag about. Mine may or may not be grad school – or it could be grad school and some other periods of my life (there doesn’t need to be one).
What sucks and is amazing all in one is the fact that you won’t know what that period is until you’re in it. Until you reach that point, my only recommendation is to move past undergrad with your chin up high, tears trekking down your face, and the strong, positive belief that you will get the better you deserve (you will just have to hunt it down yourself).
Kindness is so important. A lot of people do not get to hear enough kind words on a daily basis - be the one who makes a difference, be the one to brighten someone’s day; it can save lives.
you’re allowed to feel stressed and you’re allowed to freak out and you’re allowed to cry. it’s not a hassle and you’re not a burden in any way for having emotions so if anyone makes you feel that way they’re the burden
I recently discovered a new passion – well, perhaps it is not a new passion. It is new in the sense that I have started within the past year. It is not new in the sense that I have been in a sort of battle with myself as to how I should label this passion.
It may sound cliche. It may sound insignificant. It may sound silly.
But it is a passion nevertheless. One that I am proud of and accepted. It brings me much joy and happiness whenever I take part in it. It also sounds very simple and easy to do, but boy – I beg to differ (and I’ll further explain why).
My passion is . . .
November 2018 – I cannot exactly tell you the specific date, although I believe it occurred near the end of November, whether right before or after Thanksgiving. Regardless, this is the time period where I not only began my journey into mindfulness and meditation but decided to embody positivity.
I originally called it a “positive lifestyle,” where I consumed myself in positivity (sending out good vibes into the universe, surrounding myself with positive quotes, and entering a healthier state of mind). However, there was a bitter taste in my mouth for calling this a “lifestyle.” I felt like I was delving into one of those extreme lifestyle fads that had a negative connotation for showing a particular purpose down people’s throats. Although I wanted to spread the positivity, I didn’t want to necessarily force people into the same state of positivity of me because that is simply unrealistic. I rather people pick and choose which positive quote would affect their day or week or simply recognize that there is some good to this often negative, chaotic world.
I also felt like a failure when I would fall out of my own positivity. Unsurprisingly, it is unrealistic to be positive 24/7, but by giving myself the notion that this is my new “lifestyle,” an invisible weight dropped onto my shoulders. I don’t know when this occurred, but eventually, I decided to drop the whole “lifestyle” spiel and on-and-off spread my positivity with occasional quotes and positive comments on other individuals’ posts.
Within the past few hours, as I make my way through this Mental Health Counseling Master’s program, I find myself spreading positivity significantly less because I lost my positivity altogether. I let myself be crushed by the pressure of the program and both work and social obligations. I can’t bring myself to meditate or look at positive quotes. Then, for whatever reason, in the past week, something has awoken within me.
I share a lot more mental health and positivity posts on Facebook. I decide to convert my Twitter account that only retweeted cute animals and hockey into one that retweeted, well, all of the above plus significantly more posts about mental health awareness and positivity. I even begin a podcast called “Not Crazy” (recommended) that is about mental health.
Now I discover a new direction, a new drive, a new push I want to take my personal blog in – all because I discovered my passion for spreading positivity and mental health awareness. All of which should have practically been a no-brainer passion for me this entire time because I am in the midst of pursuing a career in mental health counseling. I am supposed to advocate for positivity, a healthy well being, and awareness for mental health situations we all suffer through and deal with together.
So, yes, this realization may be an eye-roller to some who are like “Wow, what a dramatic post for such a lame, cliche, simple, easy, all-other-dismissive-adjectives passion.” However, it is something that makes me happy and proud of myself, whether I have zero or a billion followers interested in this passion of mine.
I hope this gives a better glimpse into what to expect from this blog – and I hope you are all more than happy to join me on this journey! :)
