wild geese.

tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine. as penned by celine.

[cursedshores]

" well, consider yourself one of the last beacons of sanity in the barnstable county area. we've only sold seven tickets to my 'it's not just how quebec sounds: connections between 2010s mumblecore and the french new wave' film series. and i'm not saying half of them are sold to friends & family, but i would be advised not to comment on that in a court of law. "

[whteorchids]

  “  well, i will say that mumblecore is kind of a niche area of interest, and a cape town with rich people's summer homes doesn't exactly scream anything other than mainstream. I however, plan to bring my cousin with me — she's french - canadian. ”  

[cotiere]

  〝 yeah, probably. but i'll tell you what … 99% of people thinking you're self - centred don't think that about themselves for doing the same shit. which makes you marginally less annoying than the average person. 〞

[whteorchids]

  “  i guess so ... but that's still annoying, so is it really a win ? i mean ... i'd rather just not be annoying at all.  ”  

[cursedshores]

kill him now.   "   hi. sorry. " a beat. " takis gi-give me heartburn.   "   he offers. so does this interaction.

[whteorchids]

  “  all good man,  ” he cracks a smile, but he's still facing the chips and he's not totally certain teddy sees it.  “  heartburn, huh ?  ” a pause, then he grabs the bag of Doritos.  “  cool ranch it is, then. takis haven't hurt me yet, but i'm not planning to give them the chance.  ” 

[cursedshores]

they're in motion the second his seatbelt is fastened, and not a beat before or after. she scoffs almost immediately.   "   well, steve, it kinda started when i had to abandon my evening plans to come and rescue my idiot baby brother.   "   she continues, because really, she isn't starting anything. even if her plans for the evening had just been her pajamas, a joint, and a nice, long marathon of ninety-day fiancee. the worry was more irritating on top of being more important. sienna lets the point linger rather than hammering in on a lecture he's way too old for and she's sure he won't listen to, though she's got plenty of snark and life lessons left in the bank if she has to. it's after a few moments of the radio humming along that she asks:   "   are you doing okay? like, what the fuck?   "

[whteorchids]

he can't help but snort at her words — he's sure evening plans constituted of tv and dinner on her couch.   “  sorry,  ” he begins, sarcasm dryly slipping into his voice as he does.  “  would you have rathered i steal a car and drive myself home ? called sawyer ? slept in the bar ?  ” he scoffs, shaking his head.  “  sorry i'm the jackass who ruined your night, but i figured it'd be better than a funeral.  ” okay, so maybe he's not as sober as he thought he was. but he falls silent, words hanging in air with the quiet hum of the radio. his face scrunches at her words, and he shoots her a dirty look.   “  i'm fine, sienna. i just let loose with the boys because it's friday and that's what we do. i just don't have a girlfriend to call, so unfortunately i'm stuck with the big sister coming to my rescue.  ” he rolls his eyes.

[cotiere]

talk about being stuck in the past. she doesn't even think soft indie boys are a subtype anymore. not unless you go far out west, like oregon. or maybe seattle. neither of which are here, where the issue is. with the issue being her stupid, closed-off big brother.   〝 then a newsletter, steven! 〞 exasperated, shoulders lifted. an open book, this reluctance to share goes beyond her ability to grasp. even if she's not so gung-ho on social media herself these days (still posting regularly, though), sawyer keeps her loved ones in the know. be it a quick text or chit-chat over coffee.   〝 you know i tell you everything. 〞

[whteorchids]

he scoffs and gives his sister an incredulous look.   “  a NEWSLETTER ? sawyer, seriously ? you and sienna are ridiculous.  ” rolling his eyes, he settles back in his chair, twisting his face into a dramatized version of thinking, then brings his gaze back to hers.   “  you don't know anything, because there's nothing going on, saw. it's me and oscar, every day. i go to work monday through friday, i come home, i play some video games and eat dinner, i go to bed. on the weekends i hang out with the boys, i come home, i go to bed. it's boring, sawyer. when something happens, i'll tell you. ”

[cotiere]

  〝 so why read it? 〞

[whteorchids]

  “  well, the FIRST time it's 'cause you think it might actually be helpful. SECOND time it's 'cause you're hopin' the first guy was just a fluke. after that, i couldn't really tell ya. i stopped after two.  ”

[preposseszing]

she wants to yell at him. tell him how stupid he is. "she's confused. because one minute the man she considered her father is there for her and the next...." she shrugged her shoulders. "he basically told her to fuck off." she said, raising an eyebrow. "so i don't know...you tell me how we're doing once you have to try and explain to a child that someone they loved very much just...basically...left."

[whteorchids]

brows knit together at her words, and he starts to defend himself.   “  i didn't — c'mon, carmen. i never said that, and i didn't say i didn't want to be around, i just —  ” he stops.   “  i'm not ready to be a dad, carmen, and i'm sorry. i care about you — both of you — but this is a lot and i have shit i have to figure out for myself.  ” a sigh follows his words, and he drops his gaze.   “  i get it, if you hate me and don't want me around. i just wanted to make sure you were okay.  ”

[cotiere]

it's instinct—to withhold every emotion not coloured by anger, to keep her internal life out of arm's reach. not exclusive to kai although she fears he's gotten the brunt of it. even if it's with him that she's the most herself. the good, the bad, and oftentimes the ugly. overcompensating with a never far wandering touch, hoping closeness mends the wounds left by biting words. odette is not kind but she never wishes to be mean. twenty - something years later, and she believes things to be different than they were. from before new haynes, from the last time they were together. words come a little easier, sure, but it's more than simply speaking her mind. it's a guard lowered with smiles inhibited and plentiful, odette no longer managing her expectations with the way she carries herself subdued. a secret, again and for now, she lets the idea of a future to take shape. what was once a mishap with an expiration date now the rest of her days. leaned into his touch, her own finds kai's forearm, manicured fingers lithe.   〝 always am. 〞  and she believes this to be true. despite her past actions being detrimental to their relationship as a whole. they found their way back eventually. she takes no credit for that. 〝 nothing i can't cancel for a better offer. 〞

[whteorchids]

they've always orbited each other, emotionally — an eternal push and pull, of him desiring to be let in, fully, and her desperate need for PROTECTION — of her heart, of her thoughts, of the things she held close. and it was his desire to PROTECT that had often left them at odds — an inability to accept a love she thought she didn't deserve. but he's learned, somewhat, in their twenty - odd years together, that trying to force odette to open up was like ramming your head into a BRICK WALL — ineffective, and very embarrassing. FOURTY in years now, he'd realized the best he could do for her to open up was to give her that space to do so on her own.   “  was thinkin' we could take a drive, find someplace new to explore for a bit. y'know how the cape's filled with hidden gems.  ” 

[cursedshores]

"    dude, relax. we're in our twenties. not our seventies. and think about what everyone else gets up to. skating is literal child's play. dude i work with does cocaine in his car after every shift so he can come back in as a customer and get the extra energy for 80s free skate power hour.   "

[whteorchids]

  “  that's — i wouldn't use coworker that does coke in his car as your baseline for safe decisions. and he probably has enough energy for twice that. and that's not saying anything about the fact that you could STILL break a hip.  ” 

[lcgcndary]

intrigue dances on features, bosses voice echos in mind: focus on the sale, not the story.   “   yeah, we got a lot of colours.   ”   head tilts slightly, a silent invite for tiffany to follow as lennox moves through the aisles of flowers.   “   most of the daises are over here, but there’s a couple bundles closer to the front that have daises, too, if you wanted more than one specific flower.   ”

[whteorchids]

  “ oh, perfect ! i think a bouquet of like, multi-color daises will be perfect. ” she's saying perfect too much, but she can fill awkwardness filling every bone in her body. she'd forgotten that rome's ex worked here — and while she'd always been fond of lennox, she made a point to not go digging in her brother's business — and she hoped the other woman wouldn't take it that he'd sent her to spy.

[cotiere]

  〝 doesn't everyone? comes with owning a home. definitely why mom made sure we were fully stocked year round. you never wanna run out of treat. 〞

[whteorchids]

  “ well, i think that was also in part for the good social standing. people from grade school that lived on our street still ask me how she's doing and if she's still handing out full - sized candy bars for halloween.  ” 

[cursedshores]

"   i've been to this place, like, easily a hundred times in the last year. sometimes i call and they see my number and they just say 'pickup in twenty minutes' and hang up. and i'm telling you this because it is a little embarrassing, which isn't really my m.o., so. i definitely know how to order here. it says pick-up. right there.   " 

[whteorchids]

  “  i mean — congratulations ? anyone who's lived here for more than five years and orders chinese takeout gets this treatment. it very clearly says pick up — right there.  ” she points, eyes following her own finger — to see two signs that say pick-up. and both women are pointing at each.

[cotiere]

kai overcompensating isn't at all lost on her. she simply prefers he does it elsewhere, in other ways. admissions of past wrongs and promises of what to come doing little for a woman best living in the present. what was, stomach churning, and what's to come, anxiety inducing. she rounds the kitchen counter. a touch withdrawn but not withheld. odette always close, lingering in his orbit. and same goes for now. the space between them minuscule with a chin lifted and a head cocked, unbrushed locks framing kittenish features.   〝 i'm here, 〞  she reminds him, dark eyes searching for light. 〝 in this freezing apartment, sleeping in your bed and wearing your clothes. 〞 as were most of them, odette learning at an early age that was what kai's was also hers. much less optimistic when it's the other way around, she can be persuaded. it's an openness reserved for kai and kai alone. because at times, he's indistinguishable from her own self, as if two halves of a whole—separated only by the 13 years it took to find another.   〝 so i don't know who you think you need to convince but it's not me.  〞

[whteorchids]

inches away, he gets lost in her for a moment — mussed hair framing her face, eyes peering up at him with a hint of playfulness and an underlying earnestness. she's right, of course — she's here, in his apartment, wrapped in his sheets when he wakes. complaining about the heat while she prances around his apartment in just his t-shirts. using up all his hot water. he brings a hand to her face, brushing away some free-roaming strands before gently cupping her cheek.   “  you're right, ” he says softly with a smile before leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her lips.   “  think i'm reminding the gods of fate or something,  ” he laughs lightly as he drops his hand to her waist, keeping her close as he cocks his head in thought.   “  what're your plans for the day ?  ” 

[cursedshores]

"   you don't have to spend your paycheck back here. but you do. that's enough to make you a patron of the arts in an era where netflix is trying to beat the theatrical release to death with some kind of blunt weapon.   "

[whteorchids]

  “  it's so lame that no one goes to the movies anymore. they're missing out on such unique experiences ! — i guess that's true. plus, i can brag about how i saw it in theaters when everyone else is cheering about it coming to streaming.  ” 

[cotiere]

  〝 no, the opposite, i can't wait to hear it. you don't complain enough. i've always thought that. 〞

[whteorchids]

  “  i've always felt annoying when i complain. like i'm making stuff that isn't about me into a ' me me me ! ' situation, y'know ?  not that i think other people complaining is annoying — just, y'know. ” 

[cursedshores]

"    can't something be complicated?    "    she's quiet for a long time after that, trying to square her jaw to keep her lip from quivering and focusing on something far away so she wouldn't be humiliated by having to blink away anything that may physically betray her emotion.   "   so what, if i've like, slammed a door and told you you're not my real dad? are you just gonna pretend you didn't raise me because you're butthurt? do you know how much mean shit i've said to my mom before? that she's said to me. that i've heard you guys have said to one another? and, like, can't you be a dad to me, the only one i have, and not be my father? can't i not want to talk to you, but wish you wanted to talk to me? this is so stupid! this is why i didn't want it! because there's just...   not one straight answer to things, and you want me to just hate you or say everything is fine and always has been!   "

[whteorchids]

he's always been the most emotional in the ' family ' — the least likely of the three to shy away from letting emotions play their part. and so it's unsurprising, the way his face scrunches at her words, and genuine shock crosses it.   “  never have i ever CONSIDERED pretending you're not — that i didn't play a part in raising you. i want what's best for you, ava. i want better for you, than what your mom and i had at your age.  ”  there's more he wants to say — how he's always been proud of her, how he thinks she's the best parts of him and odette, how he wants so badly to give her the life they never got to have.   “  i'm not — ava, i'm not asking for an either or. just a chance, to try and make it right.  ” 

[cotiere]

it comes easy to him. sentimentality, loving words, and the baring of one's soul. odette doesn't think she'll ever get there. not that she's too convinced she'd want to, either. past hiccups squarely in the past, she's got no real use for it. kai knows where she stands now, even as she lacks the vocabulary for it. and as long as his efforts don't go thankless, odette doubts he minds. diverting, again, manicured nails trace the veins along his forearm. despite a history which should dictate otherwise, she never struggled with the physical. not with kai.   〝 right now? 〞 a nose wrinkled, odette's misunderstanding is delibarate, humour accentuating her tone.  〝 'least let me finish my coffee. 〞

[whteorchids]

they'll never have a when harry met sally love confession moment, or compete to see who can say i love you in the most unique or romantic way — and honestly? he's okay with that. he doesn't need odette shouting it from the rooftops — he can do that well enough for the both of them. no, because know he knows — in every part of him, all the way through his bones — he's certain now. and that's more than enough for him. he laughs at her words, a gentle shake of his head as he moves to refill his own cup.   “  not now — though i'm not opposed once you finish your coffee. i want this to work out, odette. i'm in this. one hundred percent.  ”