whyamihere1998

Just talking about thing that annoy me and cause me to over think

[whyamihere1998]

It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[whyamihere1998]

So, for the past year or so, I have been rereading the manga of Knights of Sidonia, one of my favorites in my opinion, however it's one of the only series that I own, and completed reading, I own the entire manga series of Neon Genesis Evangelion, finished that and give it a read every now and then, but, I learned about Evangelion Anima a few years ago, when it was first being released in Japan, got the first volume some time ago, finished reading it, found some bits funny, like Rei Six being dropped in a freezer when the birds disappeared, bought the second volume, got through the first part, haven't continued reading it for over a year now, but I carry it around with me in my laptop bag, everywhere I go, not giving a thought if I want to read it. I also own the first volumes of some manga, haven't read them, they just sit on a shelf in my living space, looking unorganized, when some guests ask about it, or try to organize them, I kick them out and tell them never return unless asked, I like my chaotic choices.

[whyamihere1998]

So, growing up, my mother told me one important thing, I can do whatever I want when it comes to drugs, as long as I didn't bring home the cops. I never did drugs, but I did and still do know where to find drugs, however the only reason I don't do any drugs, I don't feel like it, at one point I did go to anonymous meetings, I was asked why I never spoke, I was just there to listen and that I only smoked weed three times in my life, so yeah, I never really had a problem with drugs, yet in my day to day life, walking around, people ask me if I sell drugs, really annoying when that happens.

[whyamihere1998]

So I have a fascination with robotics and programming, I always think about how to build little machines and code for mundane things, but lately, I have been finding myself reading human anatomy books and trying to figure out how to recreate it with mechanical components, and then I have spent the past few months trying to figure it out, and I have a basic understanding of how it should work, then I thought about how to go about making an AI that would be able to act human to a point but constantly worry about it's own existence, leading to a humanoid machine with an AI that is constantly terrified of it getting killed, essentially creating life, why, well unlike scientists not questioning if they should, I am trying to achieve this improbable goal because I want to see something created by humans and watch it suffer the same way and knowing existence is pain.

[whyamihere1998]

I am confused about my own gender identity, I always heard people talk about it and even had someone talk to me directly about it, I'm probably confused because I have always been told I'm a man by my mother and family friends, so to keep myself in a decent mental spot, I follow what I was told constantly when I was younger, to be a man, and I took that to the extreme. I don't talk about my emotions, I don't ask for help even if I need it, not even accepting help in a respectable way, my main hobbies are what classifies as manly things, I even act like nothing hurts me and refusing to go to a doctor even if I am told to do so. Some of my friends say I show toxic masculinity, and I agree with them but only in the way that it affects me and no one else, if there's another guy I'm talking to, I don't tell them to be a man if they talk about emotions, I listen and provide positive feedback. If anyone asks me how I feel or if I'm okay, I tell them I'm fine and if they keep pushing for answers I will get annoyed with them. But in truth, I do talk about my feelings to a random plush toy I have in my collection every week or so, some times it's simple, other times I cry my eyes out, I have done this for so long that I don't want people to see my emotions, mainly because I don't trust people to the point of sharing my personal problems and I don't want people to worry about me.

[whyamihere1998]

So, I am the type of person who doesn't pick up on things unless it is told straight to my face in a blunt manner, with that being said, my good friend is trans and I never knew until six months after becoming friends with her, I only found out after this guy came up to me asking why I was friends with her, only he used very hurtful words, once I made the connection of why he said what he said, I really wanted to punch him in the face because no matter what, my friends are my friends, I care about my friends way more then I care about myself. To this day she is still my friend and I hope she stays my friend until I die.

[whyamihere1998]

I am a zoomer, born in 98, I do not fit in with the rest of my generation, nor do I fit in with millennials, I only have a smart phone for work and I'm only here because a acquaintance told me to try Tumblr, I have no idea what to do here, all I know is I can post things, and that is what I will do, post things for no reason. I apologize before hand for any annoyances I shall end up causing.