a person sitting at a table is talking into the camera.
"i have nothing to hide... which is a shame, because i love hiding stuff! i love making or buying secret hiding spaces."
they pick up a leather wrapped book.
"so like, i love hollowing out books. and you now, people- you could say, well probably you would hide drugs in there. well, i don't do drugs"
they open the book to reveal a green pill bottle hidden in a cut out space in the pages
"but i do take flonase for my seasonal allergies, so i put those in this one, because it kinda feels like taking drugs. but my whole apartment is filled with stuff like this."
the camera cuts to the view of a permanent maker on a table.
"like this perfectly normal permanent marker."
they take off the cap of the marker, and put it back on.
"well, it's actually hollow and on the inside is..."
they take off the back of the marker to reveal a small pink marker inside.
"a smaller permanent marker!"
the camera cuts to a bookshelf. they remove a book from the shelf.
"now this obviously is a copy of inside baseball, which is a perfect place, i figured out to hide-"
they open the book to reveal a miniature baseball in a cut out space in the pages.
the camera cuts to a storage shelf. they retrieve a giant bolt from the shelf.
"this is a normal looking giant bolt that i just keep in my closet."
the camera cuts to a close-up of the bolt. they are screwing off a part of the bolt.
"you can screw off the bottom, and you can fit a tiny vial in there, which is perfect for..."
they tip the bolt over and a small vial containing white pills falls out.
"-that's my claritin. that's my other allergy medicine."
the camera cuts to a framed print of the great wave painting.
"there is nothing cooler than a wall save behind framed art. and i'm not allowed to poke holes into my wall, because it's a rental."
they move the painting to the side to reveal a wall safe behind it.
"but this is a picture of a wall safe! which is almost as good."
they fiddle with the wall safe, demonstrating that it is just a cut out picture pasted to the wall.
"since i wouldn't have anything to put in the wall safe anyway!"
the camera cuts to a fridge, just as the door is being opened.
"in the fridge i've got a totally normal looking doctor pepper."
they retrieve a can of doctor pepper from the fridge. the camera cuts to a close-up of the can.
"but of course the top screws off, and inside that is my benadryl! or bennies."
they screw open the top of the can and shake some pink pills from the can into the palm of their hand.
"these are for my night time allergies!"
the camera cuts to the boot of a car that is being opened.
the camera cuts to a bin in the boot of the car. they remove a can of tire foam from the bin.
they unscrew the bottom of the can and pull out a yellow pill bottle.
"this is where i store my dramamine! which is kinda like i'm allergic to motion too!"
the camera cuts to four copies of shakespeare plays next to each other on a bookshelf.
"and this looks like it's just four shakespeare b-sides together, but if you pull out the bottom-"
they remove all four books at once and turn them over to reveal a hole that is cut through all four books, containing a can, which they pull out.
"there is actually a can of peaches"
they flip over the can to reveal a handle at the bottom
"but the can of peaches is fake, and inside is a rock!"
they open the fake bottom and retrieve a rock from the can.
they turn the rock over and slide off a cover to reveal a key.
"it's a hide-a-key! and that key-"
they remove a dictionary from the bookshelf.
"is perfect for opening the dictionary!"
they open the dictionary to reveal a keyhole.
"which is secretly a metal safe. and inside that i put-"
they unlock and open the safe to reveal several filled ziplock bags, removing one after another.
"the doctor pepper! and the tire foam! and the pages from the shakespeare books! and the peaches!"
they hold up the ziplock bag of peach slices to the camera.
"which i am allergic to."
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