I am made of love

Portrait by the amazing Red! Wix. 25. they/them. twitter · insta · donate

[freshsounds]

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Metric ✖ Help I’m Alive 

If I stumble They’re gonna eat me alive

[tallymali]

need the animal crossing medicine that makes me spin around and suddenly feel better

[teenbeachmovie3]

mentions of YOU from my journal <3 (ig: jayetart)

[wickedwix]

Another update in my life: I fell in love, and by God am I glad I waited to do so. I've healed a little, I've recovered some, I found out how to live in my skin and then I found someone who loves all of it, and it's so comfortable. He asks nothing of me except that I'm myself and I don't hide from him, and he adores it all.

It took so long for me to understand casual intimacy, him just wanting to hold my hand or touch my leg, that was one of the biggest things I had to adjust to after not allowing myself physical comfort from another person in so long, and he knew and understood. He asked for enthusiastic verbal consent before every single touch, and that meant so much to me. He doesn't have to now, though he sometimes still does if he's not sure about my mood. He's been so kind and soft and patient. I'm looking forward to the future, for the first time in my life, and I hope he's in it.

[wickedwix]

Had to download the tumblr app to get some photos becauseeeeeee my nan died. And her funeral is next week. And I have just honestly been kind of lost. She was such a big part of my life and I literally have talked about her all the time on all my social media, like she's so present on every account, everywhere I write about myself and my life I write about her. And I think I'm just still processing the loss of this person who took up so much space in my mind and my heart.

I'd been struggling the last year anyway because, due to very literally one bad day (which I was unfortunately present for) my nan ended up having to go to a Assisted Living home, where she really started to deteriorate mentally very quickly. Within the space of two weeks she went from a capable woman within the early stages of dementia to not being able to recognise people, talking to people who aren't there to then not being able to form a coherent sentence or feed herself. And that was so hard, because literally up until her sudden deterioration, she was my rock, my main in-person support, my comfort person. I was seeing her at least once a week but on average about twice. I was staying with her for about 10 days of the month on average, we were going out to get lunch regularly, we were talking on the phone everyday. And I just suddenly lost all of that in the span of two weeks, and then she was just this shell of herself. And I think I kept waiting for her to come back but she didn't.

I'm thankful I didn't stop visiting her, although I'm also glad I limited my visits to her. They were very hard for me and I struggled a lot so I only visited her a handful of times but I'm glad I still went. The last time I saw her was her birthday in September, and there was a lovely moment where she almost seemed like herself, I'd brought her an egg custard tart and she looked at them and said "oh, I like those!" and honestly that was the most coherent I'd seen or heard her be in months, and I'm thankful I got that moment with her before she passed.

I don't know why I'm saying all this here. I'm not short on lovely people to talk to about her, everyone's been wonderful and I feel very supported. But it's still hard, and it's going to be hard, because I've lost my best friend and the person in my family I've always been closest to. And I have to adjust to life without her.

[wickedwix]

sup idk what I'm doing I had therapy earlier and we talked a lot about me using sex as a form of self harm and me feeling like I can't connect to people unless I have a very clear idea of what they want from me because my instinct is to just try to be what people want from me so they'll stick around and that has Not served me well and also how I've very literally never had a healthy sexual interaction once in my life. Anyway all that's on my mind and I'm supposed to be processing it but I just wanna listen to music loud enough that I don't have to think about things.

[wickedwix]

this blog feels like a haunted house and on the one hand that's very On Brand and on the other I'm stuck on what to do with it. If I delete it I lose many precious memories, if I let it sit then it's just here taking up space it shouldn't have any more.

[jmfenner91]

[kaijuno]

[ancientorigins]

Crinoid Fossils can be found in some UK rivers and were once thought to be fairy coins. Sometimes called ‘Star Stones’.

[thats-spoopy]

Vintage Halloween Cardigans

[cyberjock-deactivated20250329]

[cyberjock-deactivated20250329]

[goodnighthorses]

I'm so mad TikTok the app shares its name with Ke$ha's 2009 hit TiK ToK. Undeserving. Nauseating

[duckdotcom]

it's called your voice, and you can use it to say things like "uhuh" and "eeeuuuughgh"

[chaosnightmare]

baby tutorial

[jovialgnomejpeg]

Lost my fucking mind at a red light today

[1010ll]

by 00f100