poster boy for anxiety and unhealthy coping mechanisms
are his twin sister or his best friend (boyfriend?) within sight? no? p a n i c
most people see him as frail and insecure, but he has a hidden strength of character in situations most would find horrifying
as if being an asexual teen with trauma wasn't hard enough, now he's a newly formed forest cryptid as well
he's still trying to figure out how his powers and new body work
what if you loved your best friend so much that your love took root in you (literally) and grew (again, literally) until it couldn't fit inside your body anymore?
What if you metaphorically gave said best friend your heart and he literally cut open his chest and gave you his beating heart in return?
"So with Valentine's coming up does anybody have anything interesting they are going to give their significant other beyond the topic of explosives? Maybe even some kind of works they'd want commissioned?"
"Andrew?" He knew Andrew was here, he had to be. He could feel the tether on his heart tugging him back to where they were staying. He remembered going to bed, and then...
Waking up, alone, in a different bed. It was after the new year, apparently, and he knew that wasn't right. Peering into the dark room, he exhaled,
When Andrew woke up and Thomas wasn’t there sleeping beside him, Andrew knew immediately that the other boy was gone. Gone gone. Spirited back over to the other side of the veil they had both crossed to get here.
Thomas had promised that he would never leave him. That they’d always be together.
Andrew remembers when Dove had promised him the same thing.
It was supposed to be the three of them. Inseparable. Now, only Andrew was left.
The weakest out of all of them, Andrew must be the unluckiest, too, if he’s the last one here.
To have your heart torn away, not once, but twice in a lifetime? It was too much for any single person to be expected to bear. Especially for fragile Andrew, who was only held upright by the trellises that were Thomas and Dove.
He’d started at the empty spot in their bed and cried. Cried for... he doesn’t even know how long. Long enough for Miorine to come looking for him. To see his sorry state and drag him out of bed in an attempt to make him feel better. Feel anything at all except for empty.
He really appreciates her. Andrew even thinks that Miorine would have made a wonderful support system herself had he been given more time to grow and intertwine with her the way he had with Dove or Thomas... But his other two people had been ripped away too quickly, leaving Andrew’s stems broken and bleeding—cut down almost to the root, only half an organism left.
As soon as Miorine left, he crawled back into his bed, but he was too tired and empty to cry now...
The sound of Thomas’s voice has Andrew lurching upright in bed, tired eye blown wide, looking around wildly. His gaze immediately finds the boy he loves, and for a moment, he just stares, his borrowed heart beating painfully fast against the sharp cage of his ribs. He stares at the freckles across Thomas’s nose, at his auburn hair, at his green eyes.
Andrew’s heart twists.
His forest green eyes.
His hair the color of autumn leaves.
Andrew glares at the other boy, whom he’s now sure is no boy at all, but a manifestation of whatever ancient growing, lichen-covered spirit now resides within Andrew. He’s seen this trick before. Had his heart broken and his mind shattered because of it.
Steeling himself against his heart, Andrew flops back down into bed, turning away from the forest spirit who wears the face of the only person left that he loves, and pulls the blanket up over his head.
“Go away. I’m not in the mood for this game.”
Maybe if Andrew still cared for his life, he’d be more concerned. Would be worried that now that their beloved Thomas was no longer here, the forest no longer had any use for Andrew. But he just doesn’t care.
He would have let Thomas kill him if he’d wanted. It would have been less painful if the real Thomas had slit his throat on the way out, rather than leaving this imposter to finish him off. Andrew doesn’t want the last thing he sees to be a recreation, a perfect imitation of a boy whose flaws were what made him more beautiful than anyone in Andrew's eye.
Tears Andrew thought were all but dried up begin to wet the pillow he's buried his face into. His only consolation is that the forest must yearn for Thomas, too, to take his form like this. At least Andrew isn’t alone in his loneliness.
“I miss him too...” He admits, quietly, wrapping the blanket around himself tighter so that he doesn’t shake apart.
Andrew really tries to listen to the teacher’s lecture about how to identify different types of pine trees. About its medicinal uses. About how they should only harvest resin from trees that have already fallen, and about how the winter storms make this a perfect time of year for collecting the sap... But he’s too anxious, shifting from side to side nervously.
He thought there would be a spare handful of people in this class. As soon as more attendants than that arrive, Andrew starts to break down. Even now, he can see some of his classmates looking at him indiscreetly, wondering what his story is, no doubt. But Andrew doesn’t have a story to tell them, not one he’s willing to share at least.
When the teacher tells them to try to collect pine pitch by themselves, Andrew nearly panics until he sees a familiar mop of bright red hair. Breathing a small sigh of relief, he goes to the fallen tree Suletta is standing next to, scraping the dried resin off a broken branch with a knife.
“...I didn’t think anyone I knew would be here.” Andrew starts the conversation hesitantly. He tells his rabbiting heart to ‘calm down, it’s just Suletta—we know Suletta’ but it refuses to cooperate. It feels like there’s more pine sap in his throat than the jar he’s been scraping it off into—and with Andrew’s new anatomy, maybe there is.
Forcing out more words past the lump in his throat, Andrew tries again. “...Have you two started planning the wedding yet?”
"You really don't have a winter wardrobe at all. Aside from the fact that you are pretty thin to begin with - and I imagine you get cold easily - your plants need to be kept warm, too." She pokes at his chest, shaking her head and moving back into the men's clothing section.
Sighing, she turns back to him, gesturing,
"What's your favorite color, what's Thomas'? I imagine you'll want something for a winter evening date?"
Andrew can't argue that with any of that. He doesn't have winter attire, he is pretty thin, and he does get cold easily. He can only stand still as his chest is prodded and hope that if he looks properly ashamed enough, Miorine will have mercy on him.
"…I thought my body heat would be enough to keep them warm… Is that why this keeps happening?" Andrew gently grabs a fistful of discolored leaves hanging off his upper arm, which come away easily, crumbling in his hand.
"I think I like… red? Blue is nice too." Andrew answers hesitantly, as if he isn't sure.
"Thomas likes green," he states with much more confidence. "Most greens are fine, but I think his favorites are dark like evergreens. I'd like some forest greens to match his eyes too…" There's a lovestruck look in Andrew's eye that he doesn't seem aware of.
"I should get him something. He doesn't get cold easily, but I bet that just means he'll forget until it snows properly. Do you think Suletta will need anything?"
Emerald eyes catch the vines. She stares at them for a moment, but not out of fear. She's intrigued. What kind of monster or creature was he, she wondered.
"Will it not hurt if you pluck one out?" Perhaps not, if he was offering her a rose. She liked roses. She remembers her father telling her that she was going to be named Jang-mi, which was a word for Rose, but he had decided against it.
His question pulls her away from the vines, and eyes meet the man's, "I'm sure humans don't grow flowers and have vines on their bodies, nor do they have the ability to turn into a monster or summon them. However, being human doesn't necessarily mean physical either. It's how you feel. Do you feel that you are human?"
"A little. But they'll hurt regardless; they hurt when they grow, too. They need to be pruned anyway, so…" Andrew raises his forearm to his mouth, cutting the stem of a rose with his teeth.
"…Is that what you do? Change into a monster? Summon them?"
He holds it out to Dam-bi with a shrug, averting his eyes.
"Even before this happened to me, I never felt very human." Maybe both Andrew and Thomas were always fae. Changlings. Maybe the forest had just decided to reclaim what was originally theirs. "So… It's difficult to tell…"
"Mmm! This story is really scary. You wouldn't believe it if I told you that I had to have all the lights on at home, because I was spooked!" Hansol laughs and hands the other the scary book in question, "And I'm a Gumiho! There are lots of spooky stories about my kind of creatures."
"Is that so?" Andrew takes the book with an almost-smile. He's always felt less anxious around women, generally speaking, and he's further comforted by the sight of fox tails swaying gently behind her.
"I might be jealous… There are plenty of scary stories about spooky forests, but much fewer about people who are made up of forest." He jokes lightly. And she has fluffy tails…
"Are any of those stories in here?" Andrew pats the cover of the book gently. "I'm afraid I'm not really familiar with Gumiho… It was hard for me to import books to Australia when I was growing up, but horror manga has gained popularity in America in recent years. Unfortunately, that's the majority of my experience with the genre."
"Thank you. They look good. Very… cute." Andrew's tone is unmistakably genuine in its gratefulness as he takes the plate, but he makes no move to eat the strawberries, too nervous to eat in front of someone he doesn't know. "I hope you won't mind if I save them for later?"
He fidgets anxiously. Usually, the things said behind Andrew's back were… not very nice, to put it lightly. But that was how humans had treated Andrew when he was more human himself. Maybe the kinship shared by flora would be more gentle than that of fauna.
"You haven't heard anything too bad, I hope? Who… who's been speaking about me?"
The Beotkkot keeper carries themself with an ancient dignity, a crown of blossoms on their head, and a sharp, fae-like smile in their teeth. Andrew can't help but wonder if Thomas might be like them one day in the distant future. The Keeper waves gracefully at Andrew, an impish sparkle in their eye, and Andrew waves back with a shy smile before turning back to Thomas.
"So, uh… I know we haven't been…" Can he even say 'dating'? That seems almost too casual a term for what Thomas is to him. "…you know, for a year technically, but it is Halloween again… I didn't want to do anything big just in case what happened… last Halloween is how it's going to be every year from now on, but… I wanted to bring you here. It seems like the kind of place you would like, and it's supposed to be protected."
"I know we don't really like anyone, and I wanted today to be about the two of us, but the tree's Keeper needs help gathering the fragments of the tree's Ghost. They asked for our assistance specifically… I think they can tell that we might be… uniquely qualified to help them."
Andrew doesn't think he's empathized with any human -- except maybe Thomas -- the way he's empathizing with the Beotkkot Ghost; so startled that it broke apart, little pieces of it now thrown about by the wind around them like pink petals.
"No, well, it's not because we didn't, but we should probably go- Right? I mean, I was also kind of waiting for the right time and the right date. I was gonna ask you out and then that terrible dating show with your friend happened." He's usually not this awkward, but he can still remember pressing his freckled nose against the screen as he watched poor Andrew have to fumble through a reality dating show.
He squeezes Andrew's hands, Andrew starting to fidget with some level of anxiety calming him down - someone had to be, and this is usually how they balanced each other out.
"Honestly, I wanted the perfect place for our first 'official' date. I was thinking the Firewalks show - it's quiet, there's some noise sensitivity options. It's low-key compared to a lot of the other summer activities." Something he put a lot of thought into for Andrew. "And then we can get food and come home and watch a movie or just sit together. What do you think?"
"It was terrible," Andrew agrees dolefully. "Terrible to even think about having to date someone who's not you." Never mind the distress it was obviously causing Miorine. And her fiancé.
Usually, the idea of outings is accompanied by a level of anxiety for Andrew, but the date Thomas is laying out for them…
"That sounds nice. Really nice. Perfect, actually… And a movie sounds good too." It was better than perfect. Thomas was so sweet. So thoughtful. So romantic. Their shared heart drums against Andrew's chest, filled with the joy that comes from being seen and understood and loved so wholly. More than anything, Andrew wants to tell Thomas that, but despite being a writer, he's having trouble coming up with the words to adequately express his feelings, and Andrew wants his expression of devotion to be just as perfect as Thomas is.
Unfortunately (fortunately?), the forest growing in Andrew has no such qualms about expressing their shared love for Thomas. The vines wrapping around Andrew's wrists unteather themselves from his skin to wrap around his and Thomas's joined hands, gently but firmly binding them together. A rose bud blossoms between them, as if fueled by their blooming love.
Embarrassed, Andrew tried to pull his hands, and with them the vines, away. The rose vines react by tightening their hold, pressing their thorns warningly into Andrew's skin. Andrew gives up immediately.
"S-sorry… I can't seem to control them." Andrew squeezes Thomas's hands back. "I love you. So much. Could we… keep holding hands? I think they- I mean, we both would like that…" As if in response, the forest frees one of their hands each, keeping the other two wrapped tightly in their embrace.
"But, I mean… of course… if you're not okay with that… I'm sure they'd let go if you asked..."
☆ "Oh, hello Mister Andrew! Are you out shopping for Halloween decorations as well?" October was quickly approaching and Suletta had run out to a nearby department store when she'd had time to shop for decorations. She already had a cart of cobwebs, pumpkins, streamers, and lights.
Since it was a traditional Earth holiday, she wanted to make a big show of it for Miorine.
"Did you see that huge skeleton by the entrance? If I bought that, do you think Miss Miorine would like it!?"
"Yeah. Do you and Miorine do anything special for Halloween? My person and I really like this kind of stuff, but we didn't get a chance to celebrate last year..."
"You mean the skeleton that's as tall as a house? Uh… well…" Something about Suletta made it difficult to say 'no' to her, and not in the way Andrew was used to, where he'd let scary girls like Miorine drag him around wherever they wanted.
"I don't know Miorine as well as you, but I think…" Andrew begins slowly, picking his words carefully. "She might appreciate decorations that are a little more, uh… practical. Have you seen the ones that inflate and you can fold them up really small to store them? I saw a dragon and a black cat on my way in... And please, just 'Andrew' is fine. Really."
Today she wandered a small library in Archimedes ward, one she'd visited a handful of times while living in the condos. Having already returned her last borrows months ago, Hiyori was browsing for something specific: something that might appeal to Nagisa or Jun.
After settling on one specific book, he checked the database for it and found that one copy was currently on the shelf. However, as soon as he searched for it, he couldn't find it at all.
Perplexed, she glanced around to see if it was on any of the tables, and instead found it in front of a seated boy. What else was there to do now but have a bit of fun with it?
Taking a seat across from the boy, he comfortably crossed one leg over the other and smiled.
"How is that one?" she asked as she pointed at it, her volume lower than usual to respect the library's policies. "I've heard wonderful things about it."
Andrew practically jumps out of his seat when someone sits across from him, with how violently he flinches. He slams the book shut on instinct, hiding the cover beneath his hands out of habit and avoiding eye contact.
"D-don't know! I was just… just skimming! This… isn't even the book I was looking for!" He lies badly, flustered and anxious. The other's tone had sounded teasing to his ears, but when he finally looks up, the person sitting across from him looks nothing like the kids who used to pick on him. Andrew relaxes marginally, but visibly.
"…Sorry. Uh, what I meant to say was…" He lifts his hands from the book and slides the copy of 'Scream Queens: A History of Queer Horror Movies' across the table towards the newcomer.
"…It's pretty interesting. You can take it if you want. I was thinking of new hobbies, and this looked… like something I could get into?" Andrew hunches his shoulders up around his ears in embarrassment. "But, I'm not really sure it's for me…"
'Want' never played a role in anything, here. Maybe not until now.
But, Thomas never wanted to go home in the summer. Thomas never wanted his parents. But, Thomas never wanted them to die either. Thomas had wanted Andrew, but that hadn't been enough to overcome his own internal demons, to not make Andrew cry and Dove angry. And he hadn't wanted the forest to take Dove. And he hadn't wanted-
Ah, but did that matter now?
There was nowhere for them to go back to. One or both of them would be accused of killing any one of the bodies left in their wake. And once they realized Thomas had no heartbeat and Andrew was partially made of the forest itself - well, who knows?
They couldn't go back, even if they wanted to.
But...
"I don't want to go back either." They can't, but the want is more important. Maybe want can play a role now.
And just as he's saying that, Andrew is whispering a confession feverishly into his ear. Thomas has never been a person of faith but he feels as though he's awakening to a new religion. One of plants and vines and thorns and desperation. And that flavor of faith suits him just fine.
He holds onto Andrew like a prayer.
"Me too." He says, his own call and response. Amen.
"Me too, I didn't understand it. I didn't understand me, but it was always you. I.." He won't invoke her name, the dead Saint, because he had already explained that. It wouldn't do to baptize their new relationship further in her blood.
"But you know that, you know. But I want to say it again, I love you. Only you, Andrew Perrault." He shifts, pressing their foreheads together.
"Can I..." he falters slightly, "Can we...?" He wants to kiss him, to seal the sermon, but...
"I've never wanted to kiss anyone more." He laughed slightly, embarrassment coloring his features now. He could be a knight in battle, but outside of battle, his ear still tingling from Andrew's own confession, he's a mess of freckles and tears.
"You love me, Thomas Rye." Andrew laughs into the other boy's hair, his voice sparkling with awe and delight. He's more sure of Thomas's love and devotion than anything else, but Andrew doesn't think he'll ever get tired of hearing it straight from the source.
"I'm glad you found yourself. That we found each other." They had to cross the veil of two different worlds, but Andrew would have traveled through a thousand more. He hopes Thomas finds him in every universe.
Taking Thomas's face in his hands again, Andrew runs his thumbs worshipfully over the boy's freckles and kisses Thomas's forehead. Tilting his head lovingly, Andrew kisses Thomas's eye and then the bridge of his nose. One kiss for every one that Andrew had begged from Thomas in a desperate bid to try and wake him from the nightmare of his own creation.
"Of course… You only need to ask." Finally, Andrew presses their lips together. It's short and sweet, brimming with innocent affection. In another, kinder world, Andrew could see it being their first kiss. In a way, in this world, it is their first kiss.
Andrew pulls back only far enough to rest his forehead against Thomas's again, sighing with contentment even as the noise of the people around them begins to filter into the world again.
"So…" Andrew clears his throat, suddenly self-conscious again. He takes Thomas's hands in his. "…You mentioned wanting to get out of the street?"
"…They put us in different houses," Andrew says, distraught. They'd been sleeping in the same bed for so long that Andrew wasn't looking forward to being housed in a separate room from Thomas. His grip on Thomas's hand tightens as they look at the two neighboring condos. Andrew doesn't want to let go. To come so far together only to be separated at the last minute seems like a cruel joke.
He seems so timid. Reminds her a little bit of someone here and it bothers her just a little bit. She doesn't let it show, though. The rose growing in his eye isn't something that has her making a face or turning him away. She's intrigued. Wants to know more.
"No. I am not human. I was, but was reborn into something else." It isn't something she talks about. Not because she doesn't want to, but it just never comes up.
"I think your rose is pretty." They were one of her favorite flowers.
"...Thank you," Andrew says, taken aback slightly. He figured most people would be horrified by the flowers snaking their way through his skin.
"I always really liked roses too… Would you like one?" Andrew rolls up the cuff of his sleeve to show her more vines and roses blooming along his forearms. The thorned vines squirm along his skin, clearly unhappy with the prospect of being given to anyone but their beloved person. Still, Andrew knows that if the forest understands anything, it's offering a tithe, and the girl has been more than helpful. Besides… "More will just grow if they're pruned anyway."
Andrew considers the vines threading through his veins and the soft moss growing on his palm for a moment.
"…How do you know when you're not human anymore? When you're… 'something else'?"
