hello i haven’t logged into this website in like 2 years, but i’m freaking out and i dont feel like i have anyone to discuss it with.
i’ve been feeling like no one actually considers me anymore. no one in my life really asks how i’m doing, even though i’m always considerate of them and listen to them.
when i try to talk to my mom, she tends to tell me how i should feel or talk about things, and is always correcting me, even when i’m just frustrated and need to vent.
my friends all use me as a therapist, which is usually fine because i love talking to them about the things theyre going through, but its starting to feel like the conversation only goes anywhere if its not about me. they come to me for advice and support, but when i try to talk about myself, somehow the conversation ends up being about them. even my mother does this.
i love my husband dearly. he’s my best friend, and i don’t know what i’d do without him. but i feel like i’m not allowed to express frustration around him without it immediately being about my “problems” (AKA mental health, which has been wonderful for the last year). i feel like anything i say that isn’t happy and sunny and positive, i’m treated like i’m being a bitch, and instantly get shitty comments and passive aggression in return. if i get frustrated and cut off the conversation so that i don’t implode, he never wants to talk about it later. i feel like i’m always apologizing to him because i feel like the constant problem.
i’m so overwhelmed with work and school and also trying to become a streamer, and i feel like i have no support. i have the most people in my life right now that are kind and care about me, but i feel so alone and abandoned. i can feel some of the depression and anxiety creeping in, and i’m not acting like myself, and no one notices or asks. i feel like i’m literally screaming for help, and not a single person looks or thinks twice about my behavior.
i had one of the hardest years of my life last year, but it lead to my life turning around completely after struggling so heavily for so many years. i’m so thankful to all of the people that helped me and supported me. there are so many incredible and amazing things going on in my life right now. i don’t want to go back to that dark place. but i’m feeling the urge to self destruct right now, if only so that someone can SEE me. i just want someone to see me.
