the love that remains @willneverreturn - Tumblr Blog

deadcades

…Jean-Pierre Ugarte…Visions from Another World…

stubblesmacbeth

#its like nature brutalism maybe??? #thoughts??

much better than regular brutalism

y2kaestheticinstitute

‘future kitsch’, by LOBO for the Spring 2003 Jum Nakao collection (2002)

guilty-as-battery-charged-deact

Do you think the monsters from Monsters Inc have had to start using internet memes to make kids laugh

nannycanes

Sully: Here comes dat boi! Mike: -comes in on a unicycle- oh shoot whaddup

guilty-as-battery-charged-deact

Mike: *from behind door* Some

Mike: *bursts through door* BODY ONCE TOLD ME

broodingsoul

This is my favorite type of postmodernism

twloha

“Instead of admitting I was in pain I let people in my life think I was a lazy fuck-up, when in reality I was just trying to keep my head above water. I didn’t think anyone would believe me if I told them how bad I felt, because on the outside I looked healthy. But we do not have to struggle in silence. We do not have to mask our pain with shields of sarcasm or plastered on fake smiles. My pain is real. Your pain is real. As author John Green wrote, ‘That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.' So feel it. Let it wash over you. But don’t let it stay. Don’t let it be all that you are. And know that you’re not alone. These words on this page, well, they’re for you.”

— Molly Sarah Weiss, “If You Needed Something Today”

willneverreturn

things that i want

to be a programmer. to live in LA. to make things, and often.

things that i am currently doing to get what i want

taking an online course in coding that will review my resume, github profile, etc. i kind of hate it because it’s so fundamental but i know it’ll help me actually start to get a sense of what a portfolio neds to look like.

meanwhile i’m slowly letting my friends+fam know that i’m trying to move. making stuff, alone and with friends. and i’m trying not to go bankrupt.

things that i need to be doing

working on my physical and emotional health. finding a job. actually deciding on what i want this career of mine to look like. defining, at least somewhat, on paper who i am as a professional and where i’d like to go.

and then i need to actually fucking do it. i need to make this portfolio, assert who i am to employers, and work towards a job that i want. and once i’m there i need to fucking work at it.

i spent two years with my fave hobbies being smoking weed and driving on cruise control. i’d like to be done with the coasting part of my life but i’m not. i’ve quit weed, i’ve tried to implement structure, i’ve tried to give myself what i want and room to work.

what i’m missing is the actual decisions. and the discipline to make those decisions stick. and the drive to love myself so that even when shit doesn’t work out i’m okay and can navigate myself through the hurt and confusion.

willneverreturn

ok its been two years since this post. I’ve grown a lot, hopefully for the better. i moved to the bay area, it’s nice here. have a nice software engineering job at a Company You’ve Heard Of, trying to avoid selling other people out, fighting for rights for others. i’m healthier out here in a lot of ways. more structure in my life.

never made a portfolio. but i’m exploring what it is about tech i like and where that intersects with the actions i need to put into the world. i can only make so many decisions and actions and keep everything balanced and sustainable. also it’s hard in a new city w/o a support system. and i’m not in LA yet but. we’ll see where things go.